The Intrigues of Haruhi Suzumiya

by Nagaru Tanigawa

  “She just glared out the window with a scary look on her face and drank three cups of tea in a—oh!”

  Asahina’s eyes went wide, as though she’d caught a glimpse of a ghost in the corner of the room.

  “Suzumiya realized you weren’t there and…”

  Realized?

  “… And she called you—”

  The instant Asahina said those words, my phone rang.

  Crap.

  When I really thought about it, what Asahina was talking about was prerecorded, but for me it was a live broadcast. I didn’t have time to listen to her dithering recollections. I still hadn’t come up with a good excuse for skipping out on the brigade meeting. I should’ve left my phone on vibrate. If I didn’t answer, it would only seem more suspicious to Haruhi. But before I answered, I had to ask something.

  “Asahina, do you remember if I answered?”

  “Um, yes, it seemed like you did.”

  I guessed I’d better answer.

  “Hello?”

  “Where are you?” Haruhi’s voice already sounded highly irritated. I answered truthfully.

  “I’m at home in my room.”

  “What, you’re ditching?”

  “Something came up.” Here’s where I would have to start lying.

  “What do you mean, ‘something came up’?”

  “Uh…” Just then, my eyes lit upon Shamisen crawling out from under my bed. “Y’know, Shamisen got sick, so I took him to the vet.”

  “You did?”

  “Yeah, my sister’s the only other one at home right now. She called me.”

  “Huh. What’s he sick with?”

  “Uh… alopecia areata. Y’know, fur loss.”

  Hearing my half-assed answer, for some reason Asahina clamped her hand over her mouth.

  “Shamisen’s losing his fur?”

  “Yeah. The vet said it was stress-related, so he’s resting at home now.”

  “Do cats even have stress problems? And doesn’t Shamisen always ‘rest at home’?”

  “Well, yeah, but my sister messes around with him too much, apparently. So my room’s been turned into a Shamisen preserve, and my sister’s not allowed to come in.”

  “Huh.” Whether or not she bought it, Haruhi sniffed and fell silent before continuing. “Are you with anybody else now?”

  “…”

  I took the phone away from my ear and stared at the call-time display on the screen.

  How did she know? Asahina hadn’t said a word and had even covered her mouth so as to avoid carelessly letting anything slip.

  “No, nobody’s here.”

  “Oh yeah? Something was weird about your voice, so I was sure somebody was there.”

  Her intuition was as sharp as ever.

  “It’s just Shamisen. You want to talk to him?”

  “Not really. Just tell him I hope he gets better soon. Bye.”

  She hung up surprisingly briskly.

  I tossed my cell phone onto the bed and looked at the calico cat as it rubbed up against Asahina’s leg. I wondered where I should shave a circular patch of hair off the feline—if Haruhi decided to come visit him, God forbid, I’d be in trouble otherwise.

  “So what did Haruhi do after that?”

  Asahina made a face as she tried to remember, absentmindedly scratching Shamisen behind the ears. “Umm, we were in the room until after five o’clock, and then we all went home. Suzumiya… seemed kind of quiet. All she’d done in the clubroom was read some magazines…”

  It seemed that even Asahina was starting to pick up on Ha-ruhi’s strangely subdued behavior lately.

  I wondered about the others. Nagato had surely sensed it.

  Drawn in by her scratching, Shamisen put his front paws on Asahina’s skirted lap and purred. Asahina stroked his back as he occupied her lap.

  “There wasn’t anything really out of the ordinary… I’m sorry. I don’t remember very well.”

  It couldn’t be helped, I guessed. I wouldn’t have been able to tell you about Koizumi’s facial expressions a week ago, myself. If I’d been asked, all I could’ve said was that he seemed normal.

  “Was there anything else? Tomorrow or the day after?”

  Her eyes downcast, Asahina held the purring Shamisen’s tail lightly. “How far ahead should I go?”

  I told her to just give me my future schedule, and I’d do my best to make it happen just like she remembered.

  “Um, well, the next day is a holiday, so we all go on a treasure hunt.”

  A treasure hunt? I asked.

  “Yes. Suzumiya brings a treasure map, and we all go digging.”

  Digging? Seriously? I asked.

  “Yes. Suzumiya got the map from Tsuruya. She said that when they were organizing things in the family storehouse, this weird map that one of her ancestors had drawn just popped up. Like”—Asahina fluttered her fingers like tiny fish swimming through the air—“A weird old map drawn in ink.”

  Tsuruya. She’d gone and given Haruhi another thing we’d all pay for. And really, digging for treasure? It wasn’t like we were in a Heian-era archaeological dig. Where did we go digging, I wanted to know.

  “The mountains.” Asahina’s answer was straightforward. “There’s a mountain on Tsuruya’s estate. The round one you can see from the road that goes down the hill on the way home from school.”

  Just thinking about it was exhausting. This wasn’t Onshu no Kanata, and doing a bunch of exhausting excavation after climbing a mountain made about as much sense as going on a long hike to stave off the cold in this freezing February weather. I should say that it came as no surprise that Tsuruya’s family owned their own mountain. Their villa had its own ski slope, so surely they had resources enough to furnish their home with a mountain or two.

  I didn’t even try to hide my sigh. “So did you even find a treasure?”

  “Um… no.”

  She seemed to hesitate before answering but eventually shook her head. “There weren’t any old treasure chests buried any-where.”

  I shouldn’t have asked. Despite it being a rare day off, I was going to have to waste the day playing treasure hunter while looking for a treasure we’d never find. There’s nothing worse than knowing in advance your efforts are going to end in vain.

  “Also, the day after that…”

  More digging? I asked. We’d be better off just boring a hole in the Tsuruya family garden. Who knows what we’d find. A hot spring, maybe.

  “No, on Saturday we—we did a city patrol.”

  Ah, that. The main activity of the SOS Brigade—wandering around town looking for mysterious phenomena. Now that she mentioned it, we hadn’t done that in a while.

  “Pff, not like there’s two straight days’ worth of stuff to do,” I said.

  “No… wait—yes, that’s right.” Asahina looked askance for some reason. “Since Monday was also a vacation day…”

  I remembered as soon as she said it. Next Monday they were holding the special class entrance examinations, so students were excused from school.

  “And did we find anything mysterious?” I asked, thinking that perhaps that was the reason Asahina had been sent back.

  “No.” She shook her head without hesitation. “It was the same as always. We drank some tea and ate some lunch…”

  It was getting more and more puzzling. As far as I could tell, there was no reason for my future self to send Asahina into the past. I could maybe understand if she’d come from a year hence, or even a few months. But what difference could traveling into this week from next week make?

  I watch Asahina vaguely as she fluffed Shamisen’s belly fur, the cat having rolled over on its back.

  Since we were only dealing with a week this time, there’d be no need to borrow Nagato’s power, and we could still use her method. At last year’s Tanabata, when Asahina and I had traveled to the Tanabata four years earlier, we’d been frozen in time for three years while we waited to return to our original time. I’d
just apply that lesson here. I’d be able to return Asahina to her proper time frame just by keeping her out of sight for a week. There wouldn’t be any need for cold sleep, and while she’d age a week in the meantime, I didn’t think that would make much of a difference.

  But in that case, what was the point? There had to be a reason for this—a reason for my eight-days-older self to send Asahina into the past, and a reason for Asahina the Elder to leave another handwritten message for me.

  “How did I seem? Did I do or say anything strange?”

  “Mmm…” Asahina only continued to pet the squishy furball that was Shamisen, his eyes by now having closed dazedly.

  It was time for a different approach.

  “Tell me, just what was the situation when my future self told you to travel back in time?”

  “That much I remember perfectly, since from my perspective it happened today.” Removing her hand from the cat, Asahina drew several horizontal lines in the air with her finger. “We were doing a fund-raiser in the courtyard. A lottery to sponsor the SOS Brigade.”

  What the hell was that? I thought.

  “It was a lottery where whoever pulled a winner would get… um, a grand prize of five hundred yen. Suzumiya was drawing people in with a megaphone, and…”

  No doubt she was trying to raise money for the club.

  Asahina continued her explanation, but with difficulty.

  “I was in charge of handing out goods. There were a lot of people, so it was kinda scary…”

  I wondered if Haruhi was trying to get revenge for the Se-tsubun event.

  “Asahina, what were you wearing? Was it by any chance a shrine maiden’s outfit?”

  “Wha—? How did you know?”

  Because it sounded like the kind of thing Haruhi would do. It was Haruhi’s policy, when trying to command attention, to start with costume design. Whatever stood out the most was the best, in her view. Asahina’s features by themselves were enough to draw the eye, but when decorated, their power inexplicably grew far greater. In terms of character statistics, I guess you’d call it her charm.

  “I handed out prizes to the winners, shook their hands, and took photos with them,” Asahina said, embarrassed, her hand grabbing onto the fur of Shamisen’s cheek. “Then you suddenly took me by the hand and led me to the clubroom. You said we were in a big hurry, and that I should change into my uniform, and I didn’t really understand, but I did what you said. Then you told me to get in the broom closet and jump eight days back in time, to three forty-five PM. You said you’d be waiting for me there, and that I should do whatever your past self told me to do.”

  Asahina looked down, her index finger tracing the calico patterns on Shamisen’s back.

  “Permission to use the TPDD was granted immediately—so fast I couldn’t believe it. It was like they were just waiting for my request.”

  They must have been. Asahina the Elder would have known all of this ahead of time. What I didn’t understand was why had my future self played a role in the time traveler’s plan? I knew that the other, curvier Asahina was the same individual as the one that was here with me, separated only by time. But reason and emotion are different things. How many times was she going to make the younger Asahina travel through time before she was satisfied? C’mon, Asahina the Elder—give me something to work with, here!

  If she didn’t, I was gonna happily puke my guts out pretty soon.

  The Asahina in front of me was looking depressed again. A pained expression played over her features, not unlike the time a month ago when she was feeling shame over her own powerlessness. If that was it, she shouldn’t have worried—I was plenty powerless myself. Even now, all I could do was try to figure out who I was going to beg for help.

  The two of us sighed simultaneously, as Shamisen yawned, bored. Just then—

  “Kyon, open up!”

  My little sister’s voice sounded from the other side of the door. When I did as the voice instructed, she came wobbling into the room, precariously holding a tray with juice and sponge cake. I guess my mom was being pretty considerate, but when I saw that there were three servings, I could tell my sister was planning to stay. I realized it too late. This was a prime chance to be alone with Asahina in my room, but it sure didn’t seem like that was going to happen. I stared daggers at my sister, willing her to get out of my room, but she ignored me completely and plopped herself down next to Asahina.

  “Shami, want some cake?”

  As she watched my sister hold a little piece of cake in front of the cat’s nose, Asahina finally faintly smiled.

  I guess little sisters can be good for something. As her brother, I hoped she wouldn’t lose that innocence as she got older.

  After my sister played with Asahina for a little while, the cat sandwiched between them, Asahina and I finally left my house.

  My watch indicated six fifteen, and the sky was already dark. The first day of spring wouldn’t be until next month.

  “Kyon, what shall we do?” Asahina murmured, breathing clouds of white vapor as she walked beside me. She was walking a bit uncertainly, having borrowed a pair of my shoes. I’d figured they’d be better than her school slippers, but now I wondered if they were a bit too big for this particular Cinderella.

  “Yeah, hmm,” I said, exhaling.

  I was starting to want to have her just stay at my house—that would’ve made my sister happy, but somehow it just didn’t seem like it would work. For one thing, my parents would want to know exactly why she couldn’t just go home. And if some rumor happened to reach Haruhi’s ears, I could wind up in serious danger. Shamisen’s fur would grow back if I wound up having to shave a patch, but I couldn’t very well erase Asahina’s existence. It looked like I’d have to leave the idea of Asahina staying at my house in the realm of fantasy.

  The petite junior’s footsteps listed diagonally. Her path finally intersected mine, and our arms touched, causing her to twitch back in surprise, even more adorable than usual. It didn’t seem like it was just the fault of the ill-fitting shoes. I found myself pleased that she was unconsciously leaning on me, but I couldn’t simply enjoy the sensation. I wasn’t confident that I’d be able to support her completely. A falling domino causes another to fall, until they’ve reached the last piece.

  So when I started to think about who could be trusted not to fall, there weren’t many candidates.

  Haruhi was totally out of the question. If anybody were to ask why, I’d feel no shame in going completely Eraserhead on them.

  The other Asahina currently existing in this time period was also out of consideration. Having a matched set of twins walking around would only complicate things—and I had no intention of having to think about time paradoxes any more than I already was.

  Koizumi seemed a bit more trustworthy, but I didn’t know how his Agency treated time travelers, and who knew what would happen to Asahina if I handed her over to that mysterious syndicate. Mori, Arakawa, and the Tamaru brothers were all good people, but Koizumi himself had admitted that they were no better than underlings, and I didn’t have enough faith in them to also trust whoever was controlling things over their heads.

  Thus, a simple process of elimination led me to a single name. The shadowy power behind the scenes of the SOS Brigade, the one who already knew what was going on. Though she was still backed by an unknown, unknowable boss, it had a less corporeal existence than Koizumi’s superiors.

  Yes, the only one remaining was her.

  Thus it came to pass that when I started to think about where to go, there was only one option.

  It was time to see Yuki Nagato. Having another problem like this was enough to make you want to say “What, this again?” Maybe it was time to start thinking of the alien and the time traveler as a matched set. It seemed like the route from the future to the past always involved a trip to Nagato’s room.

  And also— I thought.

  Nagato was the one who had pulled Asahina (current) out of the room su
ch that Asahina the Current’s gaze wouldn’t fall upon Asahina (future). Nagato might even be able to tell me just what was going on here.

  “Are we going to Nagato’s place?” asked Asahina, her steps slowing.

  “You’ll be fine with her,” I said, trying to cheer her up. “She’s got an extra room, and I’m sure she’ll let you stay for a week.”

  Heck, I should’ve brought my own pajamas. I even had a good excuse.

  “But…” Asahina replied, her eyes a bit downcast. “Being alone with Nagato is a little… um… for a whole week?”

  There wasn’t anything to be afraid of. Nagato would never do anything to hurt Asahina. We’d relied on Nagato plenty of times in the past, and she’d even been our companion in our most recent time-travel episode.

  “I-I know, but…” Strangely, Asahina looked at me with accusation in her eyes. “I don’t think Nagato will enjoy it very much if I stay with her…”

  “Huh? Why’s that?”

  How would Asahina know what Nagato did enjoy? I doubted Nagato would so much as flinch even if someone stripped all their clothes off and started dancing around six inches away from her.

  I looked at her, waiting for an answer, but Asahina just puffed her cheeks in irritation and faced ahead.

  “… Fine then,” she said.

  Nagato’s specialty was saying things using the fewest words possible, and this time was no different. In the foyer of her apartment building, I punched her apartment number into the now-familiar keypad and hit the buzzer, to be greeted with—

  “…”

  The same wordless reaction as always.

  “It’s me. Asahina’s with me. There’s a problem.”

  “Come in.”

  How many times had we had this conversation? I’d brought both the large and small versions of Asahina here, let’s see… four times. The first time was during Tanabata four years ago, the second was also that day. The third time was January second, just last month.

  Asahina had the same anxious look on her face, and I’d gotten used to it remaining all the way down the seventh floor hallway on the way to Nagato’s apartment. She clung to my sleeve looking for all the world like some small, frightened animal, and if that sight wasn’t enough to make me want to protect her, then surely nothing else in the world ever could.