The Intrigues of Haruhi Suzumiya

by Nagaru Tanigawa

Of course, the can did not go sailing between a pair of notional goal posts; in fact, it didn’t move from its position at all—

  “Gah—?! Aaaaugh!”

  The man clutched his foot and fell to the ground.

  “What the hell?! Ugh, it hurts!”

  He was literally rolling around on the ground, apparently in intense agony.

  “Crap, who—who did this? Owwww…”

  Asahina and I looked at each other.

  Had this been the objective?

  Who knew?

  We had a silent exchange of glances, then nodded in unison and emerged from the darkness, walking along the path as though just happening to pass by.

  “Are you all right?” Asahina asked of the man, who lay face up, holding his foot in his hands. I casually stood next to Asahina, looking down at the man, who continued to groan.

  “Huh?”

  The face was distorted with pain, and I didn’t recognize it; he was a slender man in his twenties. Underneath his long coat, he wore a suit and tie, and he looked like a regular working stiff.

  “Do you need a hand?” I said, my conscience torturing itself.

  “Uh… yeah, thanks.” The man took my hand and stood, wincing as he stood on his other foot. “Crap, who would pull a childish prank like this?”

  “Yeah, terrible, huh?” I squatted down and picked up the can. It had a huge dent in it. The nails had been knocked diagonal too. The guy had really taken a serious shot. “Geez, that’s dangerous.”

  I tried to sound plausible as I pulled the nails out of the ground. Thanks to the man’s kick, they came out pretty easily. I slipped the nails in my pocket to conceal the evidence.

  The man raised a lowered leg several times, each time wincing and clucking his tongue. “What a pain. Doesn’t seem like it’s broken, though… maybe I twisted my ankle?”

  “Um,” said Asahina. “Maybe you should go to the hospital?”

  “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

  The man hopped toward the edge of the automotive-traffic-bearing road, teetering dangerously as he approached.

  “Here, lean on my shoulder,” I said, coming alongside him so he wouldn’t fall over. “Shall we call an ambulance?”

  “Oh, no, that’s okay. I’ll call a cab. Don’t want to make too big a deal out of this. I hate to ask, but could you help me over to the main road?”

  “Sure, of course.” No matter the reason, this was my fault, after all. I really wanted to apologize.

  The man held on to my shoulder as he hopped along. From what I could tell by the light of the streetlights, he seemed pretty good-looking.

  “I’m kind of at a dead end at my job,” he said apologetically, as we were midway through crossing the street. “It’s my own fault for thinking that kicking a can would help me clear my head. I got what I deserve.”

  “No, I really think it’s the fault of whatever jerk set the prank up.”

  “Yeah, I guess. What kind of nasty little kid still does that kind of thing?”

  He looked back and forth between Asahina and me, who was tottering along behind us, and smiled slightly. “Is she your girlfriend?”

  After being at a loss for how to answer for a couple of seconds, I replied, “Uh… kinda…” I lied—hey, why not.

  “Ah,” said the man simply, before his face returned to its pained expression.

  We reached the intersection and had the good luck to be able to quickly wave down a passing taxicab, helping the man (who’d broken into a cold sweat, despite the temperature) into the backseat.

  “Thanks, you two. And sorry again.”

  It really was us who should’ve been apologizing—but this Asahina was completely innocent, so if he ever found out the truth and came to settle the score, I hoped he’d take it up with Asahina the Elder.

  As we bowed and backed away from the car, Asahina asked me a question.

  “Is that all we have to do?”

  “Mmm…”

  Asahina hugged herself and sighed, discomfited.

  It was half past six.

  There was an important restriction on us.

  It was this: I could not allow Haruhi and this time’s Asahina to see future Asahina and me together. If it were just Haruhi, I could probably figure out some kind of excuse, but it was hard to imagine that present-Asahina would write off seeing an identical copy of herself as a mere look-alike. And if we happened to bump into the entire SOS Brigade on its way home from school, that would be a total disaster.

  But according to future-Asahina, she’d never seen her doppelganger during her last eight days, so it stood to reason that we’d be able to walk around without worrying about it—but there was no way to know whether something might go wrong, and if my hard work in the present was being reflected in the future, then I’d still have to make a special effort now to ensure that future, so I couldn’t afford not to take the situation seriously… could I?

  I had no idea. Why did things always have to be so complicated? If the Asahina that had traveled back from the future had only been Asahina the Elder, instead of the one from eight days in the future, things probably would’ve gone more smoothly.

  I regarded the small upperclassman at my side.

  Her North High uniform–clad body looked stiffened by the cold. It probably wasn’t much fun braving a windy February night without so much as a jacket. Like her, all I was wearing was my school uniform, and I was freezing.

  “Shall we go?” I said, gesturing toward my parked bicycle.

  Asahina nodded, replying, “But where? To your house?”

  I desperately wanted to do exactly that, but somewhere with fewer tattletales would be better. As her older brother, I knew better than anybody that my sister’s mouth could open faster than a grandma’s wallet when said grandma was trying to spoil her grandson.

  “We’ll go to someone else who’ll let you stay with her, someone besides Nagato. I doubt she’ll ask any questions, if I know her.”

  I got on the bike and gestured to a confused Asahina to do likewise, whereupon she sat sidesaddle on the luggage rack and off I went, carrying my light schoolmate behind me.

  The spot where I stopped my bike would have been familiar to any SOS Brigade member.

  Including Asahina.

  “This… this isn’t—”

  She hopped off the bike and looked up at the gate in front of the residence.

  I flipped down the bike’s kickstand and locked it up. “This person will absolutely help you out. She’d never fail to come to your rescue.”

  “B-but, we can’t let her know—”

  “You just leave that to me.”

  Beside the gigantic traditional-style gate there was a single modern touch—an intercom. But before I pushed the button on it, I had to work something out.

  “Asahina, your ear.”

  “O-okay…”

  She obediently tilted her head, brushing her hair back to reveal her perfect ear. I couldn’t help but remember when Haruhi bit down on this same ear. I wanted to do the same thing, but I knew full well that this was neither the time nor the place.

  “Right, so, this is what I’m thinking of doing…”

  Asahina’s eyes went wide at my whispered explanation. “Eh, b-but, I don’t think I can do that kind of acting!” she protested with a quivering voice. “That’s too hard…”

  Indeed it would be. If she really had to act, that is.

  But I knew there’d be no need for that. All Asahina had to do was be herself. Nobody would ever notice.

  “Anyway, just do that. It’ll work out fine; trust me.”

  I smiled optimistically, then hit the intercom button.

  “…”

  “…”

  Asahina and I silently waited for a reply. There was only a slim chance that the person I was trying to reach would reply personally, so I rehearsed the exchange over in my head. I was on my third run-through, and had waited close to a minute, when I started to darkly suspect that—sur
ely not!—nobody was home. Just then—

  “Hey now, wait there!”

  An energetic voice echoed from beyond the gate, followed quickly by a clunk. The great wooden door creaked open.

  “Hey! Kyon, Mikuru! What’re you doing out here at this hour? Is it just the two of you? My, don’t you make a couple! I’m practically jealous!” said Tsuruya with a broad smile.

  Tsuruya’s clothing was rather different from her usual school outfit.

  She wore a casual kimono with a traditional short jacket, her long hair tied artlessly back in a bun. It matched the old-fashioned Japanese garden perfectly.

  Letting us onto the Tsuruya estate grounds, she then replaced the square timber that kept the great gate locked.

  “Still, this is really rare! Kyon and Mikuru out for a hike in the freezing cold? Without Haru-nyan, even?”

  “There are some extenuating circumstances… actually, Tsuruya—how did you know it was us at the gate?”

  I’d heard only silence from the intercom, after all.

  “Oh, yeah, there’s a security camera above the gate. It’s super easy to tell who’s there! When I looked I saw you two, so I figured I’d better come out to see ya. Was that okay?” Tsuruya’s wooden sandals clacked against the ground as we walked along the shrine-like path that led to the main wing of the house. She smiled. “Hm? Mikuru? You don’t look well—are you all right?”

  “Actually, about that,” I said, clearing my throat and preparing the lines I’d rehearsed. “We’ve got a favor to ask you. Could you let Asahina stay at your place for a few days?”

  “Wha? I mean, sure, but—” Tsuruya chuckled as though something had occurred to her. She peered at Asahina’s face. “You are Mikuru… right?”

  Asahina looked surprised, at which Tsuruya narrowed her bright eyes. Had we been found out?

  “Anyway, it’s fine. Is there some kinda problem? Like one that’s stopping Mikuru from going to her own house, I mean?”

  The conversation was moving right along, thankfully.

  “How long does she need to stay, d’you think?”

  “Eight days at the most,” I said. Eight days from now, Asahina would revert to being the only Asahina in the timeline. “Will that be okay?”

  “Sure, I don’t mind. Oh, right—she can just use the apartment. It’s a separate building, kinda like what we have at the mountain villa. No one’s living there right now. It’s just a little studio—sometimes I go there to think about stuff, ’cause it’s so nice and quiet.”

  I looked around the grounds that surrounded us, which you could pretty much just call a forest. Who knew what was hidden in the expanse? I’d heard there was even an old-fashioned storehouse somewhere in the area.

  As I felt a strange combination of admiration and envy, Tsuruya’s mouth curved into a perfect half circle. “So anyway, Mikuru—what’s up? You don’t have to be so scaredy-like.” Tsuruya poked at Mikuru’s chin with her finger. “It’s not like you.”

  Before the silent Asahina could say anything, I quickly cut in.

  “She’s Asahina’s younger twin sister, Michiru.”

  “Twin? Michiru?”

  “That’s… that’s right! They were separated at birth, you see…”

  “Wow!”

  “And there were some difficult circumstances, and… Asahina… what I mean is, Mikuru doesn’t know she has a younger twin.”

  “Ooh! So why is Michiru here wearing a North High uniform, then?”

  Crap. I hadn’t thought of that.

  “How should I put this… Michiru, here, wanted to sneak into North High to catch a glimpse of her sister. So she got a uniform, but then she wound up not being able to pull off her plan. Then she happened to bump into me, and I got her to tell me the story, and after that…”

  Tsuruya patted my shoulder. “Don’t worry about it!” she said with a pleased grin. “No need to explain any more. If she’s Mikuru’s sister, she’s practically Mikuru. She only needs a place to stay?”

  “Also, you’ve got to keep her a secret from Asahina.”

  “But of course!”

  “Um…” said Asahina, as though afraid of being left out of the conversation. “Is it really okay?”

  “Sure, it’s mega-okay! Right, Michiru, come this way! I’ll show you the apartment.”

  Tsuruya took Asahina’s hand and dragged her off through the garden. As she went, Tsuruya looked over her shoulder and shot me a broad wink that just about killed me dead.

  The apartment was very similar to the mountain villa we’d been invited to earlier. According to Tsuruya’s explanation, the villa had been built using this apartment as a model; this was the original. It was a pleasant Japanese-style one-floor building.

  Asahina sat politely on the tatami-mat floor, like a pretty French doll placed in a simple house.

  The room was warming up, thanks to Tsuruya having turned the heater on, and strangely I didn’t really want to leave.

  After explaining the hanging scroll that hung in the alcove and telling us where the closet with the futon and sheets was, Tsuruya made herself scarce, saying “I’ll bring some nice hot tea.”

  “Looks like this will work out,” I said to Asahina.

  “Yes, thank goodness. We’ll need to properly thank Tsuruya,” agreed Asahina Michiru. “Michiru, was it? That’s a nice name.” She finally smiled.

  I stretched my legs out on the tatami mat and looked at the heater, thinking about Asahina’s name.

  Until Tsuruya returned, carrying a basket filled with a kettle, some teacups, and some clothes.

  Tsuruya invited me to stay for dinner, but if I were away from home for two nights running, my mom would probably get irritated, so I instead expressed my sadness at having to go home. Thanks to finally having found a place for Asahina to stay, I was suddenly tired. If I dithered around anymore, I’d wind up deciding to spend the night.

  “Hmm, she’s like Mikuru and yet not Mikuru. Or, like, she’s not Mikuru but she seems Mikuru-ish.”

  I told Tsuruya I thought I’d already explained she was a twin.

  “Ha ha ha! That’s true. We’ll just leave it at that.”

  Walking about a step and a half ahead of me, Tsuruya headed for the huge gate.

  As I watched her loose bun of hair gently sway, a question occurred to me.

  “Tsuruya.”

  “Yeah?”

  “How much do you know? You said before that Asahina and Nagato—that the members of the SOS Brigade weren’t normal.”

  “Yeah, I guess.” My long-haired schoolmate bounced slightly as she turned around. Her smiling face was as bright as a star. “I really don’t know that much, Kyon. Just that they seem kinda different. At the very least, they’re not normal normal like you and me.”

  Even if that was all she knew, that was more than enough. Yet she still hadn’t asked any inconvenient questions, and she hadn’t tried to figure out what Asahina really was.

  “How do you know?”

  Tsuruya tucked her hands into her kimono sleeves and laughed broadly. “I just really like watching people have fun. Like when someone gobbles down a delicious meal I made for them, or when I just get to watch someone I’ve never met having a great time—I really love that. Yeah, so when I watch Haru-nyan, it makes me really happy. It’s like, I don’t know, she’s just having so much fun, y’know?”

  Didn’t she want to join in herself? I asked. Wasn’t it lonely just watching?

  “Mm, yeah, y’know—I think movies are super cool, but I don’t really want to make movies myself. Just watching is enough. Or like when I watch the World Series or the Super Bowl, it’s really fun to cheer and stuff, but I don’t start thinking, ‘Gosh, I should totally get out there myself and play!’ Watching the players out there, giving it their best shot, is the best part. I mean, I wouldn’t be any good at it. So I do other stuff, stuff I can do.”

  In a way, she was the exact opposite of Haruhi. When Haruhi saw something she thought was interesting
, she just had to butt in and give it a try.

  Tsuruya’s big eyes cast about. “The SOS Brigade is just like the baseball game! I get a kick out of watching you, Haruhi, Nagato, and Koizumi, whatever it is you’re doing!”

  Her smile and voice were completely genuine. She was speaking words of truth. I started to feel cheered up just by standing next to her.

  “So I really like the position I’m in. I think Haru-nyan understands too. After all, she doesn’t try to drag me into things, y’know? Five people is just the right number.”

  She turned back around with another bounce, facing the gate once again.

  “It’s totally impossible to figure out everything, y’know? My hands are already full!” She looked over her shoulder at me. “Hang in there, Kyon! The future of humanity’s riding on your shoulders!”

  The corner of her mouth twitched a couple of times, and she regarded me for a moment, but soon she was unable to keep herself from breaking into giggles. The guileless, childlike laughter made me feel like my merry upperclassman’s words were a simple joke.

  Tsuruya gasped for air, holding her stomach. “Anyway, make sure you always watch Mikuru’s back! But no funny business, you got that? That’s the one thing that’s not allowed. If you’re gonna play tricks, play ’em on Haru-nyan. I’m sure she’ll forgive you, totally.”

  These words, I was sure, were meant sincerely. I don’t know why I thought as much—I just did. Not that I’d had any intention of doing anything.

  I said goodnight to Tsuruya and pedaled off on my bike, but it wasn’t long before I found myself applying the brakes.

  “Good evening.”

  My path was blocked by someone standing alone in the gloom of the street.

  “You’re certainly working hard. For my part, I can’t say I agree with involving Tsuruya, although that’s surely the safest place she could possibly be.”

  I hadn’t seen Koizumi’s handsome, pleasant smile in two days.

  “Hey. What a coincidence, meeting you here.”

  “You could say that, yes. You could also say that the coincidences started when you and I first met. No, even earlier than that—when you met Haruhi.”

  Koizumi raised his hand in greeting and began to approach me. How long had he been skulking around in the night streets waiting for me? I asked. He wouldn’t have any cause to complain if someone mistook him for a pervert and called the cops on him.