The Intrigues of Haruhi Suzumiya

by Nagaru Tanigawa

  “Shamisen’s been doing better since yesterday. He’s probably rolling around in my room right now.”

  Asahina smiled beautifully, which made me feel even guiltier. (Michiru) Asahina already knew that Shamisen’s supposed illness was a total lie, which was why she hadn’t said anything about it, but this Asahina was worried about him and was trying to comfort me—all because of that big fat lie. It made me want to bow my head in apology.

  “Please do let me play with him again sometime. He’s such a cute kitty.”

  There was nothing cuter than Asahina, though, not within five hundred light-years of this planet, but if she thought a cat was a good excuse to come visit my house, I’d prepare cats aplenty, I told her—although Shamisen was always bringing a black alley cat over; probably his girlfriend.

  “Hee hee. That’d be nice. Oh—!” Asahina started. “The tea’s spilled.”

  Hot water had boiled out of the teapot. She’d been distracted by her conversation with me about the cat. This seemed to fit Haruhi’s idea of Asahina as the “clumsy maid.” Her arms folded in satisfaction, Haruhi watched Asahina wipe the table.

  I pulled out a folding chair and sat down next to Koizumi, while Haruhi took out the current object of her obsession and waited to make her announcement.

  “Sorry to keep you waiting.” Asahina brought a tray with two teacups on it, serving Haruhi and me. I figured Haruhi would only be able to wait until we’d had a single sip of tea, but contrary to my expectations, she didn’t seem to have any intention of standing. She sipped her tea, then leaned back in her chair at the brigade chief’s desk, a cocky grin on her face as she turned on the computer and idly flipped through a magazine. Our eyes would meet occasionally, whereupon she’d look serious for a moment, then go back to grinning—the woman of a hundred faces, indeed. What did this portend?

  Koizumi continued to work on his puzzle, pretending not to notice, while Nagato hadn’t reacted at all. Asahina busied herself with the second round of tea, and while things seemed pretty much totally normal, “normal” was totally weird today. What was Haruhi wasting all this time for?

  The answer was soon entirely clear.

  The room’s peace was broken not by a cry from Haruhi or a PA announcement telling students to go home, but rather a rhythmic knock on the door.

  “Heya! Here I am! Can I come in?”

  I heard a high, familiar voice as Haruhi bolted to her feet.

  “We’ve been waiting! C’mon in, c’mon in!”

  In a rare display, the brigade chief opened the door herself to welcome in the guest.

  “Hey there, long time no see, everybody-but-Mikuru! Oh, I guess I saw you yesterday, huh, Kyon? Shami’s great, you should bring him by again!”

  Tsuruya’s loud voice rang out. She and Haruhi had their arms around each other’s shoulders, and she grinned as though they were about to bust out in a line dance. Here we go again, I thought.

  “Yup, that’s right! A treasure map! Treasure’s about three hundred years old. It’d be great if it’s Genroku-era gold coins or something!” Tsuruya sat cross-legged on a folding chair as she munched down on the rice crackers that were served with her tea. “Hadn’t been in the storeroom for like five years—we just keep stuff we don’t need anymore there, see. Found that scrap of paper in the family storeroom, y’know, in a basket buried under a bunch of junk!”

  Tsuruya gulped down tea from the nice guest-use-only teacup, then stood up and pointed at the whiteboard.

  The map had been stuck to the whiteboard with magnets at its corners, while Haruhi stood beside it and patted Tsuruya’s back with the pointer she held. Haruhi sure seemed happy.

  “They’ve tried to get us to turn that mountain over to the state, but my ancestor said in his will that we can’t ever do that. It must be because of the treasure! Is that what you were getting at, Ancestor Guy?” Tsuruya clapped her hands together and made a quick bow toward the sun, as Haruhi smacked the whiteboard with her pointer. “So that’s that.”

  So what was what? All we’d heard was Tsuruya talking about her ancestor’s will, I pointed out.

  “Obviously we’re going to go search for the treasure her ancestor buried. What would be the point of this story, otherwise?” Haruhi’s mouth was open wide, her white teeth showing. “That settles it—we’re going tomorrow. If we don’t hurry, someone might beat us to it. Assemble at the usual station, nine AM. We’re heading to the mountains! And don’t worry; I’ll bring everything we need.”

  It went without saying that I was completely unsurprised. I was the one who’d gotten the map from Tsuruya yesterday, and I’d heard we were going on a treasure hunt three days earlier from Asahina, and again this morning from Haruhi. I had no confidence in my ability to fake being surprised now. I brought my mostly empty teacup to my lips and pretended to take a drink, but it turned out there was no need.

  Only one person in this room was surprised.

  “Eh? Wha—? Treasure hunting? Mountain climbing? Ah—I’d better make some lunches!”

  Only Asahina.

  Nagato, her book still open, followed the tip of Haruhi’s pointer in silence.

  “Well, now. This could indeed be fascinating, from an anthropological and archaeological perspective. I look forward to it.” Koizumi smiled, ready as ever to support Haruhi’s plans.

  If Haruhi’d been hoping for everyone to be stunned by her plan, she’d been sorely mistaken. But she seemed not to take notice of the lack of surprise. “That’s about the size of it. If we find anything, we’ll split it equally—Tsuruya gets a share too, for her support.”

  “Sounds good!” said Tsuruya, a little too loudly. “If you find anything worth money, I’ll totally give you guys ninety percent. And if it’s something that great-great-great… actually I forgot how many greats, but anyway, something that Grandpa Fusauemon left to get a laugh out of his grandchildren, I guess my family’ll hang on to it. Either way, I can’t help you out with the digging! I’m busy tomorrow, see.”

  Tsuruya gave me a significant look, after which she turned to Asahina and smiled. Tsuruya’s body language made it clear that she was going to keep her promise not to say anything to this Asahina.

  I didn’t doubt her. And yet.

  For someone who’d claimed she didn’t want to be involved more than necessary, she had given me as much explanation as anyone short of Koizumi. In spite of that—no, given that—her actions were hard to understand. At least when she helped out with the baseball tournament, or when we’d borrowed her family’s villa, those were requests we made of her. But this time she’d gone out of her way to throw Haruhi a bone; it was like she was trying to be more involved with us, rather than less. Maybe she just liked giving Haruhi things she thought Haruhi would enjoy.

  Whatever my suspicions, Tsuruya continued to munch away on the rice crackers, happy as a clam.

  Still stranger was the fact that Koizumi seemed similarly troubled. And when I thought back, I realized that in all the times Tsuruya had popped into the clubroom, she’d never given him a significant look. If Koizumi’s bosses had told him not to interfere with Tsuruya, then her showing up all the time might put him in a bad position.

  Or maybe…

  I looked at Koizumi’s excessively mild smile, my mind racing. I didn’t know how much of the conversation we’d had that night was true. Maybe there really was some kind of unwritten agreement between Koizumi’s Agency and the Tsuruya clan. But even so, that was between the Agency and the family, not Koizumi and Tsuruya specifically. Either one or both of them might not give a crap what their organizations said, and it wasn’t as though they had conspired with each other ahead of time.

  Tsuruya didn’t seem to know anything about Koizumi’s, Nagato’s, or Asahina’s true natures—she only seemed to sense that something about those three (and Haruhi) was different. It wasn’t her style to pry further. I generally believed what Tsuruya had told me the night before last, and I even believed most of what Koizumi had said
—that if the situation involved weighing the Agency against Nagato, I could choose us instead, for once.

  “… Kyon! Hey! Are you even listening?”

  A sharp voice reached my ears, and I found myself staring at the business end of a pointer. At the other end stood a very severe-looking Haruhi.

  “You got that? Like I said, wear comfortable clothes tomorrow! Stuff you don’t mind getting dirty. You and Koizumi don’t have to worry about tools. So as for what we’re gonna need…”

  Haruhi gestured to Asahina to fetch a pen.

  Asahina, finding herself in the strange situation of being both maid and secretary, took dictation from Haruhi in her charmingly childish handwriting.

  “We’ll need two shovels. I’ll take care of those. Also—lunches. Mikuru, that’s your job. Also blankets to sit on, and in case of emergency, a compass, a lantern, and a map. And not this treasure map either, but the real thing. And we’d probably better have lots of snacks for emergency rations. I wonder what we should do for signal flares…”

  Just which mountain did she think we were going to climb? The only ones around here weren’t even as tall as the hill the school was on. So long as we didn’t encounter any unexpected phenomenon, there weren’t going to be any emergencies, and if we did encounter something truly dangerous, a compass and a signal flare weren’t going to be of any use—the incident at the end of last year came to mind.

  I let a soft sigh slip as I watched Nagato’s dark eyes, which were fixated on Asahina’s clumsy writing.

  According to what the Asahina from next week told me, we went safely treasure hunting and came back without incident—completely empty-handed, to boot. If there had been some kind of serious incident on the way, she would’ve given me some kind of warning.

  We climbed up, we ate lunch, and we came back. That was nothing more than a picnic, really—at least it was for everybody besides Koizumi and me, who would be doing all the manual labor.

  I finally felt like I understood why Nagato had sealed away her own ability to synchronize with her other selves. It really wasn’t any fun at all knowing in advance not just what I was going to do, but what Haruhi was going to say and do as well. I wished I hadn’t asked Asahina what would happen.

  I supposed it might all balance out in the end. I knew what weekend activity the SOS Brigade had to execute. However, I didn’t have the slightest idea what the purpose of the instructions Asahina the Elder was handing down to Michiru Asahina and me was—so perhaps the former canceled out the latter.

  Although I couldn’t help muttering to myself that it was all a loss.

  Space on the whiteboard was rapidly disappearing as Haruhi—now entirely given over to the idea of mountain climbing—rattled off item after item to add to the list, with Asahina being forced to kneel down in order to squeeze “tents” and “Sherpa” onto the bottom of the board in tiny letters.

  “C’mon, Haru-nyan, it’s not like we’re crossing the Tian Shan on foot. It’s a pretty tiny mountain, really. It’s got cell phone coverage, so if anything happens we can just call for help. They’ll send a rescue squad,” Tsuruya said, grinning. “I played around on the place all the time as a kid. It’s totally bear-free!”

  Haruhi smiled back. “Thanks. We’ll be counting on you if anything bad happens.”

  So she hadn’t been serious about the preparations? I wondered. Haruhi waved her pointer around.

  “All right, everybody! Tsuruya’s giving us so much support; we’ve got to bring that treasure out! Let’s give it our best shot!”

  I realized I was feeling strangely calm, which in turn worried me. Haruhi seemed to have returned to her old self, her eyes shining as she looked at me. That alone was enough to push aside all misgivings, and I suppose I felt reassured, or something like that.

  In any case, it was always better when people cheered up. Whatever the reason.

  After her unilateral decision to go treasure hunting, Haruhi went to the library and got out every Edo-era reference book, map, and historical novel she could find, in an effort to deduce more about Tsuruya’s ancestor (who’d apparently been a headman or merchant), but such deductions were really no more than guesses, and after about an hour of this, our “emergency meeting” was concluded.

  Incidentally, Haruhi unreasonably hoped for “something more interesting than boring old coins,” but when Nagato closed the paperback she was reading, Haruhi followed suit and shut the encyclopedia of matchlock firearms into which she’d been gazing.

  At that point, everybody headed home. I was hoping I’d have the chance to talk with Tsuruya on the way down the hill, but the opportunity never arose. She and Haruhi briskly took up the front; behind them followed Asahina and a silent Nagato, while Koizumi and I brought up the rear. I’d wanted to make sure that (Michiru) Asahina was doing okay over at Tsuruya’s place, but I couldn’t risk asking while Haruhi might be able to hear.

  Oh well. I could call later. I’d have to, in order to discuss upcoming plans with that Asahina. One of the three letters that had come this morning contained instructions that required a bit of preparation. I’d have to set something up beforehand. I was doing more and more unpaid errand-running.

  Still, I had to admit I was impressed with Tsuruya. As I watched her rapid exchanges with Haruhi and Asahina, she wasn’t letting slip for a moment that she was hosting Asahina’s doppelganger at her house—she just seemed like regular old Tsuruya. She was a classmate I could really count on.

  “See you tomorrow! Tardiness equals punishment!”

  We split into smaller groups within sight of Nagato’s apartment, and after I waved in response to Haruhi’s voice, all I had to do was pretend to head home.

  I ambled along toward my house, pretending to be a high school student returning home. Once I was out of sight of all the other members, I ducked down an alleyway just to be safe, then called Tsuruya’s house.

  After giving my name to a maid, I was transferred immediately to Asahina.

  “Hello? Kyon? It’s me.”

  I thought of Asahina sitting politely in her small room. “I got more letters today.”

  “Ooh, what are they saying this time?” Her last word trailed off into a sigh.

  “That’s what I want to talk to you about. We’ve got free time today and tomorrow, but it looks like things are gonna get busy the day after that.”

  “Ah, okay. I think I see what you mean…”

  Now how would she see that? I asked.

  “I told you we did another city patrol on Saturday, didn’t I? I did my best to remember how it went, and… well, you were acting a little weird, Kyon.”

  It was probably better if I didn’t ask for details. Tomorrow was going to be tiring enough without having to act purposefully weird the next day.

  “We’ll talk about that later. Tsuruya’s not back yet, is she? I’m heading over, so I’ll probably arrive a bit after she does.”

  The weather made me hurry. I hung up and started off at a brisk walk.

  It was again Tsuruya who emerged upon my ringing the doorbell. She must have gotten there just a moment before I did, because she was still wearing her school uniform.

  “Hey, I thought you’d show up,” said Tsuruya with a smile as she opened the gate and beckoned me inside. “So, what’s up? How long’s that poor Michiru gonna be cooped up here, anyway?”

  I wasn’t totally sure, I told her. But it would probably just be for a few more days.

  “I like having her over; she can stay as long as she wants. She’s so cute, seriously! It’s like, just seeing her at school I never knew Mikuru—er, I mean, I never knew she was so cute! I just wanna hug her and go to sleep!”

  I sincerely hoped she wasn’t actually doing anything so desperately enviable, I told her.

  “Oh, no. Only thing we do together is bath time. But Michiru—when she wants to say something, she sorta stops like she’s wondering if she should. I mean, that’s super cute too, but I feel bad for her. She really doesn�
��t have to worry about it.”

  Tsuruya led me to the apartment. Asahina was there on the tatami-mat floor, sitting just as politely as I’d imagined. The short rough-spun jacket she wore over her traditional kimono gave her a fresh quality.

  “Oh, Kyon—”

  The relief she seemed to feel at my arrival made me feel pretty good. It made me want to get down and give her a traditional bow of greeting.

  As I ventured to close the door behind me, I ran right into Tsuruya’s satisfied smile. She seemed to want to ask me something, and there was indeed something I needed to say.

  “Tsuruya, if you’ll excuse Michiru and me—we need to speak in private. It will only take a moment.”

  “Oh reeeally?” Tsuruya peered over my shoulder at Asahina. “Just the two of you? In this little room? I guess…” She watched Asahina’s reddening face with amusement. “I guess I’ll just go get changed. Hee hee—you two enjoy yourselves!”

  Tsuruya strode gracefully back to the main house. I watched her go, then ducked back into the small apartment. Asahina looked tense, and she was staring down as though counting the stitches in the tatami mats. I wanted to tell her not to be so nervous—it made me feel bad.

  I swept various carnal desires out of my mind, forcing myself to concentrate on the contents of my school bag.

  “I mentioned them on the phone, but here are the letters—the ones that came today.”

  I presented the envelopes to Asahina—well, #3 and #4, anyway. I’d keep #6 to myself—it was apparently meant for my eyes only. And it was probably the last one too. I assumed there wouldn’t be any more. If #5 arrived, that was a separate matter, so I figured we’d just deal with pressing matters within #3 and #4.

  First, #3:

  “Saturday, the day after tomorrow: go south to the pedestrian bridge in [XXXX] county, [XXXX] ward, by dusk. There in front of the bridge, you will see some pansies. Pick up the object that’s been dropped there and send it anonymously to the address below. The object is a portable storage device.”