Rewind

by Mariam Alaa

  I called her six times, and, in those six times, she didn’t answer me once.

  That was her decision.

  I look up at her room once more to check that I was looking at the right bedroom, to check that my brain isn’t playing tricks on me and to check that just because my parents are hiding something from me, that doesn’t mean Lexi is, but she is. My heart clenches in pain.

  Whatever games my parents are playing, I hope that Lexi’s not in on it; I really hope, as awful as it sounds, that she doesn’t know what they’re hiding, and that she’s just a pawn in their game. With the jolt of emotions that suddenly hit me, I walk away without passing Lexi’s house a second glance. The house, that I always felt, was my second home.

  ‘In through the nose, out through the mouth,’ I remind myself to take long, deep breaths rather than short, rough ones as my feet continuously pound the ground one at a time.

  As I jog on the sidewalks of the streets, my ponytail swings from left to right and back from right to left several times. The light from the sun begins to fade as the clouds become more and more dense; a sign from God that the sky is about to rain.

  Since the weeping of the sky is usually heavy in London, people started switching the ‘Open’ signs, signaling customers to enter their shops, with ‘Closed’ ones. Next, they started heading to their cars to drive their way back to their families at home who are probably wrapped up in blankets on their couches while drinking hot chocolate in front of their television.

  I, however, place my hands on my knees as I stop jogging to take in deep breaths in order to ease the loud drumming of my heart. Opening the water bottle in my hand, I take in large gulps of cold water then start walking, praying to reach the front door of our house before I drown.

  On my way home, an old lady wearing a kind smile on her face stops me. Her grey hair is just above her shoulders with an inch or so; her nose was crooked and her eyes were the kind that made you wonder if that’s the ocean you’re looking at.

  “Is there something I can help you with, Ma’am?” I ask her with a genuine smile.

  “What are you doing here dear?” She asks me in a voice that made it sound as if speaking is as hard as working out with dumbbells.

  “What do you mean?” I furrow my eyebrows at her question.

  “You should hurry up; otherwise, it’ll be too late to save her. Go!” I almost lost my balance, surprised by how an old lady like her can put as much strength as she did in a push.

  “Excuse me? Ma’am are you sure you’re talking to the right person? I don’t understand. Save who?” I look around, checking if someone is in some kind of trouble, and if there wasn’t any, I think I should call a mental hospital for this old lady.

  Throughout this short period she’s been talking to me, I haven’t realized how the sky suddenly turned fiery red. The sky was a merge of fire and blood which made it seem quite scary.

  Suddenly, a loud crash grabs my attention from the old lady. I turn my head left and right trying to understand the source of the sound until I managed to spot it: a black SUV car crashed right into the driver’s side of a black Porsche. I run as fast as I can to check if there are any injured people, and see if I can help.

  Throughout my running, red and white ambulances painted with the same bold words ‘ROYAL LIVERPOOL UNIVERSITY HOSPITAL’ enter my line of sight. My shaken form calms a little once it was double checked by us- the crowd surrounding the cars and I- that the owner of the SUV is okay. I pushed my way through the crowd towards the black Porsche to make sure the passengers are okay as well, but they weren’t.

  Inside the car ,at the driver’s seat, was an unconscious man and right beside him, in the passenger’s seat, was a blond girl with blood seeping through her shirt near the stomach area which was struck with a piece of glass from the broken window next to her.

  “Evelyn?” My breathing started becoming more rapid once I recognized her face.

  I pass my hand through the shattered window and press my fingers to check her pulse under her jaw. She’s still breathing. With my other hand I wipe the tears I didn’t realize were streaming down my face.

  “Evangeline?” She slowly manages to get the words out as she offers me one last weak smile. “Don’t worry. You’ll f-find m-me.”

  With that said, droplets of blood started dripping from the sky, and Evelyn shuts both her eyes just as a single tear rolls down her cheeks, and her pulse slows down until there’s none.

  Chapter 5

  Stating that breakfast was awkward in itself was an understatement. Ten minutes have passed since we’ve all joined the table in our dining room like we usually do ,and no one has uttered a word- not even a simple ‘good morning’. No. The simple action we’ve all been doing for the past ten minutes is avoiding each other’s eye contact, and if not all of us, then at least me.

  Even though I was fighting myself not to look up from the pancakes covered in maple syrup on the plate right in front of me, I failed. I took a few glances every now and then, and when I did, both my parents would quickly avert their gazes away from my face as if they were some dears caught in headlights. Whenever my eyes met my brother’s golden-specked cerulean ones, however, they would stare back anxiously like I’m some ticking bomb he knows is about to explode anytime soon.

  Trying to distract myself from the overwhelming silence, I hold up the metal fork and knife as I slowly start cutting small pieces of the delectable creatures that lies in my line of vision. That mere action in itself caused me to be the spotlight in our dining room because my brother’s eyes widened and my mom started chewing on her nails. Even my father had one of his hands on his jaw.

  Placing the cut pieces in my mouth, I chew them slowly trying to savor their sweet taste since I know for a fact that this moment- my moment with the pancakes- will be the only sweet moment in the day.

  Last night’s dream is still bothering me. Do I take it as a sign that I’ll soon figure out who Evelyn really is, or is God sending me signals that I’m digging too deep into this? Even though I know it’s probably just some stupid dream because of my recent thoughts, Evelyn’s final words are still caging my mind in curiosity. Adam mentioned that she passed away recently, but here she was- in my dream- telling me that I shouldn’t worry because I’ll find her soon.

  Is she really dead?

  God! I sound crazy for overthinking about words spoken in a dream.

  It’s just a dream, isn’t it?

  Well, if I’m really curious to find out, I certainly can. My mind broods over how I can figure out whether or not she really is gone, and suddenly the sign of the hospital’s name on the ambulance lights up in my brain. Even if it’s just a stupid dream, I’m willing to take my chances. ‘Tomorrow then’, I make up my mind, is when I should go, but then I remember that tomorrow is the only day I get to meet up with Adrien before our wedding, so I can just go there after our date.

  Hopefully our date ends early.

  The sound of the knife scratching the plate pulls me back to reality. No one has touched their plate except for me and that’s when I realized that I’m beyond angry at their reactions and silence. I’m angry at them. It took me a few seconds before I decided that I’ve had enough. Harshly, I set the knife and fork down on the table and push my plate further away from me that they all jump in their seats.

  I eye my mom with my calculating eyes before I force a cheek-aching wide smile. “Hi, mom.”

  My mom, who was clearly not expecting the silence to be broken so easily, had her jaw drop slightly before recomposing a surprised smile on her face. “Hi, Evie.”

  “So how’s your company doing, guys? Is it doing well profit-wise, dad?” I spot the few anxious glances shared between them before they look back at me.

  “It’s amazing, sweetie. Actually beyond amazing; ‘Williams Incorporation’ has just been declared yesterday as second highest profit-making company in Europe.” My father’s eyes glint with pride at the mention of his company’s succes
s and, don’t get me wrong; if this were any other normal day, I would’ve totally shared his pride, but it’s not.

  “Really? Wow! Congratulations dad.” Trevor high fives my dad.

  “Yeah, congratulations dad!” Everyone looks at me surprised at my obvious cheerful mood. “I’m really happy for the company. Finally all this effort is being paid off well.”

  “Yeah it does feel good. Thank you, darling.”

  “Good to know the company’s doing great- kind of a relief to hear this actually. Since we all already know that your work is rocking off so well, how about you tell us how your daughter’s doing? Is she rocking off so well too?”

  All the smiles disappear upon hearing my question.

  All except mine.

  “Come on dad!” I encourage him to go on with my hands.

  “Right, mom? You do want to know how your daughter’s feeling, don’t you?” I avert my fuming gaze to my brother and grit my teeth as his name comes out of my mouth. “Don’t you, Trevor?”

  My dad looks like he doesn’t know how to respond because how would he really? His only response is opening and closing his mouth several times; nonetheless, my brother breaks eye contact and looks down at his lap in shame.

  “Evangeline, honey, I know how you’re feeling right now, okay? We know how confusing yesterday’s situation felt like. We know that millions of questions are probably running through your mind or already ran through your mind, but I assure you that what you saw is nothing worth your ti—“

  “Nothing worth my time?” I interrupt my mother with a furious chuckle. “Nothing worth my time? Are you kidding? Mom, it isn’t just worth some time; it’s worth my damn life! Do you even understand what you’re telling me? What would you do if you saw a photo of someone who looks freakishly like you, but isn’t you? I say question your whole damn life and those who’re in it!”

  “Okay, you’re right. It is worth all your time but, believe me, once you hear me out, you’ll forget you even saw this picture. Just hear us out, and I promise you’ll understand everything once and for all and afterwards let’s go out and search for your wedding dress. Your wedding is within less than a week darling.” Mom manages out the words in a soft voice that calms down the beatings of my heart a little.

  I nod slowly before crossing my arms over my chest and demand, “Explain.”

  “Honey, this is so beautiful,” My mom gasps, placing her hands on her cheeks as she wipes a few involuntary tears that managed to escape her eyes.

  “Mom, don’t cry! You’ll make me cry, and I haven’t even seen myself yet.” I chuckle lightly.

  “Well, turn around then.” She gestures with her arm as she asks, “What are you waiting for?”

  Getting up from the baby blue, leather couch she was sitting on, mom heads towards where I’m standing with my back facing the mirror planted on the wall. She holds out one of her hands for me to take, and I do. I place my hand into her smooth one and follow her lead as she turns me around in order to face myself.

  “Oh my God! Mom, I love it!” I wipe under my eyes quickly, not giving a chance for the workers of the wedding dress shop to spot my happy tears before I observe my reflection in the mirror. How can I describe this dress?

  It’s more than perfect.

  If you’ve ever dreamed of having your own fairytale moment, like me, then this- the silhouette I’m wearing- is the silhouette. I’ve heard that ball gowns are one of the most classic wedding dress silhouettes, and apparently they are.

  Right now, this gown is giving me the Cinderella effect and even though it sounds childish, I’m totally delighted with the fact. The one I’m currently in features a fitted bodice with a corset and a wide, full skirt made of layers of tulle. The full skirt glides over my hips and lower torso, making the silhouette perfect to cinch in my waist.

  The woman who helped me pick out my wedding gown did say that this is one of the most regal silhouettes — the Duchess of Cambridge, Grace Kelly, Jackie O, and Princess Diana all wore ones similar to the one I’m wearing, and her mere facts caused nothing but fuel my excitement even more.

  “I know!” My mom pulls me into a tight hug before unwraps her arms from my shoulders as she lets out a squeal. “I think this is the one.”

  I smile as a rush of excitement pumps through my veins. Twirling in my place, I can’t fight back the lone happy tear that leaks down my cheek. “I think so too.”

  After I changed back to my normal clothes I came in wearing, we paid for the wedding dress and started heading back home.

  “Your father and your brother are going to be super-excited when they hear that you found your wedding dress.” My mom smiles as she drives us both back home.

  My eyes look out the window, observing everything we pass by, and I find myself silently thanking God, feeling grateful for everything that’s happened. Suddenly, it feels like all the heavy weight of stress, which was resting on my heart, flew off. Not only did I find the perfect wedding dress, but my parents also explained to me everything regarding my miscomprehension, causing them to disappear for good.

  Not too many seconds after I waited for them to explain, my mom started blurting out everything, and I mean everything. A few years ago, my parents ran into ‘Evelyn’ and ‘Adam’ on Valentine’s Day. Apparently, both my parents and the couple went out to the same exact restaurant by coincidence as a date and that’s where my parents felt like they were slapped in the face when they saw Evelyn.

  They thought Evelyn was actually me and went yelling at the poor girl, pulling her away from ‘Adam’ who he had his arms wrapped around her shoulders. They thought I was dating a boy behind their backs, thus they were livid. Only when Evelyn started yelling back did they notice how different our voices sounded, and that’s when they knew for a fact that she wasn’t me.

  “We were so confused,” my mom tells me, “She looked like she was you! You both shared the same face, body and age; we didn’t find an explanation. When we showed her your picture, she understood the puzzlement we felt because it started showing on her face as well. Curiosity held us three captives- your dad, Evelyn and I- so we thought we’d take Evelyn to a doctor, have him take some of our blood and check our DNAs so that we’d see if she matches with mine or your father’s, but it didn’t.”

  My mom’s eyebrows furrow in amazement and fear before she continues, “We’ve never seen anything like this before throughout our entire lives. We thought maybe I for some weird reason had messed up the number of babies I was having when I had you, and your twin got taken by the wrong parents at birth, but it wasn’t. The thought that a stranger looked exactly like you but wasn’t related to us in anyway, drove your father and I both scared and mad at the same time.”

  “We didn’t get in touch after this one time when we saw her at the restaurant,” my mother continues in a shaky voice, “But the news travelled around quickly: a few years ago, the newspaper featured how a teenage girl- Evelyn- had a car accident, and she passed away after being admitted to a hospital in Liverpool for a few months.”

  “Then why were you guys so afraid to tell me?” I ask them confused.

  “Because we couldn’t find an explanation to what we saw. It drove our minds crazy, and we didn’t want the same thing to happen to you. We just prayed you two would never cross path, and that was it. This was the reason why we told Lexi to avoid you. We –ourselves- didn’t want to break it down on you until after the wedding when we knew you know something so as not to get your thoughts all worked up, but when we saw how much it was affecting you, we decided it’d be better if we just tell you now.”

  “Okay, I’m glad we’re over with this. Now...” I look them all in the eyes pleadingly. “Promise me there’ll be no more secrets.”

  They all pulled me into an everlasting hug whilst chuckling as they spoke out the words that brought me so much relief. “We promise.”

  Chapter 6

  Out of all those stressful past few days, last night was probably the mos
t peaceful night I slept. No headaches. No overthinking. No Adam. No Evelyn. No weird dreams. No wedding stress. Just a pure, stress empty and beauty recovering sleep.

  I woke up with a smooth, sparkling clean face. No dark circles under my eyes, no wrinkles, no acne, and it felt amazing for a change: to feel like you’re burden-free. To top it all, Lexi is the one who woke me up as a surprise. At 9 am, I was shook awake when someone jumped in excitement on my sleeping figure. To say that I was awake in alert thinking that the house was on fire was an understatement.

  When I reached the point where I became aware of Lexi’s presence, I re-arranged my sit-up position into a sleeping position by pulling the blankets over my face to hide the hurt I felt from her ignoring methods the last few days. Nonetheless, I think she noticed my attempts to avoid her because she threw off the blanket which made my face feel exposed all of a sudden, and turned on the lights.

  It was at this moment, my friends, when I noticed how full my once upon a time empty room was.

  My eyes did a double take at the countless ‘I’m sorry’-labelled helium balloons scattered all over my room. Not only did Lexi get me helium balloons as an apology attempt since she’s very much aware of my obsession with them, but she bought me my favorite chocolate molten cake, which I have to say was the reason why I so easily accepted her apology in the first place.

  Food is my weakness.

  Especially chocolate.

  Her apology warmed my heart, and it was then when I realized that even if she hurt me, she’s still my best friend, and we all do silly mistakes.

  After we were good, we sat down in my room discussing what we both missed the past few days. Even though her eyes shone brightly with genuine happiness when I told her that my mom and I finally found the dress, I could still catch the tiny fraction of sadness swirling in them which she was trying so hard to hide.