Rewind

by Mariam Alaa

  Wasn’t it enough stabbing me in the back once that they decided to backstab me twice?

  A knock on my bedroom door snaps me out of my thoughts. My eyes divert from the ceiling of my room to the room itself, examining it in panic to make sure nothing that may cause me mortification is visible. Letting out a breath I didn’t realise I was holding, I loudly call out to the person on the other side of the door. “Come in.”

  The door knob turns, and the door lets out a small creak as it’s slowly pushed open. In a pair of black boots, white skinny jeans, a plain neon red hoodie, a white scarf wrapped around her neck, a black beanie on her head and a dry dark grey umbrella in her right hand, Lexi walks in.

  “Hey.” She offers me a full smile, showing off her spotless set of teeth.

  “Hi.” I smile back at her, pleased that she is here.

  She leaves her umbrella next to the door, resting it on the wall before she makes her way to my bed as she gently lies down next to me. Taking off her boots followed by her beanie and scarf, she pushes her way next to me and points to the stack of messily crumpled white papers with messy hand writings that were lying right on top of the blankets.

  “How’s your plan going?”

  My shoulders weakly sag down as I frown at the papers. “It sucks.”

  “Does that mean we still have to wait a while before setting mission ‘Confrontation’ in motion?” Lexi’s expression reflects mine when I nod.

  “Oh come on! When are we going to confront the parents? It’s been a week, if not more, ever since you found out the truth. What is there to plan? You just go there, tell them their dirty little secret is not a secret anymore, yell at them for a little bit, get it all out of your chest, order me to punch Trevor because Oh God I want to and marry Adam. It’s a win-win situation. What is there to not know?” She pouts, crossing her arms over her chest in frustration.

  A deep blush finds its way to my cheeks at how blatantly she just told me to marry Adam before I nudge her right shoulder playfully, in an attempt to avert her attention from my teenage-like emotional reactions, as I ask, “So are you so excited for this plan to turn into reality just because you want to watch some dramatic reality show right in front of you, or is it just to cross out one of your wishes from your bucket list?”

  “Oh come on!” The blood rushes to her cheeks as she defends herself by blurting, “You know how much I want to try it in real life. I’m so sick of just watching all those Prison Break episodes without trying it out for myself. It’s the best method to release all of your stress, and an experience, I believe, all people should experience.”

  “What an amazingly violent experience really! Why don’t you just get a punching bag?”

  “I have your brother for that.” She gives me an innocent smile.

  I give her an amused look as I continue with a smirk, “Just make sure you watch some beginner videos on how to really throw a punch otherwise my brother’s face is going to end up breaking your thumb.”

  “Okay, stop it with making fun of me already.” She eyes me with her confident hazel irises as she says adamantly, “I know how to throw a perfect punch.”

  “Oh really, and how is that?”

  Trying to contain my laughter as I watch her struggling to shape her right hand, I fail. I burst out into a fit of giggles at the sight of all her four fingers wrapped around her thumb. Her cheeks redden even more, but she slowly starts laughing once she sees tears rolling down my cheeks.

  “What? What did I do wrong?” She asks.

  “That, my dear, is a one free ticket to a hospital.”

  “Ha-ha very funny.” Her smile diminishes a little as she reverts the topic back to my parents. “Seriously, though, when are you going to end this conflict, Evangeline? You cannot hide from them forever.”

  “I’m not hiding. I’m just trying to think thoroughly about what exactly I want to tell them. I want to know if I have it in me to forgive them if they truly make things right this time.” I pass an irritated hand through my soft hair.

  “Will you…” She eyes me worriedly before she continues, “Ever forgive them?”

  “I don’t know, Lex. It depends on them, and it depends on Evelyn,” I explain.

  “Evelyn?” She furrows her eyebrows, not fully understanding what I mean.

  “Yes. I finished reading her diary today. After she figured out about the contract, she wrote about her feelings and her thoughts, including what she thought about her parents and how ‘she thinks she’ll never have it in her to forgive them’. As much as I despise my parents for what they did and as much as I wish I can disown them for taking advantage of my accident like that, I can never truly feel what Evelyn felt. I may feel worse, knowing how they brainwashed me into thinking I’m ‘Evangeline’ after I regained my conscious from the incident and knowing that they kept a lot of secrets from me- secrets that weren’t theirs’ to keep, but one thing I know for sure is that even though I like Adam a lot, I’m positive my feelings don’t even match an ounce of what Evelyn felt for him. I don’t think it’s fair for me to take my own opinion into this and disregard Evelyn’s wish.”

  Lexi looks at me like I’ve grown a second head as she says, “Evie, are you kidding me? Evelyn’s not here now. You don’t owe her anything. She became you, and that means that you’re the only person who can take matters into your own hands. You guys are alike, but there are also some differences. Listen, believe me when I say that I hate your parents for what they did. I hate them for threatening me to throw me out of college if I ever told you the truth, and I absolutely hate how they arranged your marriage with that jerk Adrien since before you were even born, but I also watched you as Evangeline with your parents, Evie. I know that you love them, and I’ve seen how much they love you. I’m not saying you should forgive them- not at all- but what I’m saying is that if you, Evangeline, believe that you should give them a second chance, do it. If you don’t believe they deserve it then don’t.”

  She places her hand on my shoulder, squeezing it gently as she continues, “But don’t let Evelyn’s thoughts overtake your own because, yes, you may think that by not offering your parents a second chance you’ll be avenging Evelyn, but Evelyn’s not here now. You are. Your thoughts are not like Evelyn’s and they will never be, so just don’t lose your parents for Evelyn’s sake because she won’t be the one regretting it. You will.”

  Her words sink in slowly, and I nod my head, agreeing with what she said. She’s right. If I don’t want to forgive my parents, it has to be one hundred percent my decision.

  “Yeah, you’re rig—”

  My sentence is interrupted by a sudden knock, so I state out loud, “Come on in.”

  Adam enters my room wearing his pyjamas and gives us a small smile as he greets us. “Hey.”

  After greeting him back, Lexi’s expression suddenly turns into a nervous one. She eyes Adam weirdly as if contemplating whether or not to bring a certain topic up. In the end, she seems to have made up her mind when she asks casually, “So, did you tell her what we spoke about the last time I came?”

  Puzzlement swirls in my eyes as I look at Lexi. “Tell me what?”

  “No.” Adam’s jaw clenches tightly as if mad at Lexi for bringing up this anonymous subject before his eyes avert to the parquet of the floor as if it’s the most interesting view in the room.

  “Adam.” Lexi’s anxious eyes morph into an angrily accusing one as she states for a fact, “We’ve spoken about this ever since she learnt about her memory loss. You’ve constantly asked me to wait a little bit more before you tell her, claiming that we should give her more time to learn everything first. Well, here she is. She knows everything now; when are you going to tell her? This is the only secret she’ll never know unless you tell her, and if you won’t do it, I will.”

  “Lexi, what the hell are you talking about?” I ask.

  “Fine, I’ll tell her.” She snaps her fingers angrily at him.

  Once Lexi looks anxiously at m
e, once she slowly forms the words, once the words get out and once they vibrate in my eardrums, my eyes widen in horror at what she said and angry tears, that were full of hurt, stream down my cheeks while my hands cover my mouth in disbelief because even though I’ve learned some horrible twisted actions people are capable of, this has to be the worst I’ve heard of so far.

  I have to say that this one hit the hardest.

  Chapter 20

  Friday morning came by real quick. It’s been two days since Lexi came over, meaning two complete days full of disturbing thoughts. Ever since Lexi announced the- hopefully- final and last secret, which only Adam and her knew about, let’s just say my thoughts started turning a little bit violent, and I’m not usually a violent person. If anything at all, I hate it, but I couldn’t stop them.

  I couldn’t stop these bloody murderous images from sliding into my mind.

  Starting from the moment she blurted out this horrid truth up till this exact minute, I’ve done something I never thought I would actually do: I’ve been avoiding Adam. It’s not like he actually did something to hurt me nor did he turn his back on me like how my parents so easily did, but he did something that caused me to be not quite sure about how I feel about it. Knowing that he knew this from the very start, knowing that he knew this since the day of our accident, knowing that he made this decision, knowing that he decided to keep it his little secret and knowing that he had a chance to retrieve us some justice, yet he didn’t, I can’t help but hold a small grudge against him because if he didn’t choose to ignore this fact, all of our problems could’ve been non-existent.

  Our lives could’ve been normal.

  If Adam hadn’t chosen to seal his lips and if he hadn’t decided to cage this dark truth, the darkest one of all, there might’ve been a great chance for me to never cross path with Adrien. There might’ve been a very high chance that Adrien wouldn’t have been able to step foot in my college just to make me fall right into his trap. There might’ve been an extremely grand chance that my parents would’ve been forced to come clean to me about my memory loss and their shameful abuse of my birth. Most importantly, there might’ve been an extravagant chance they would’ve left me marry Adam.

  This is why I kind of hold a grudge against Adam, even though I know that what he chose is probably the most selfless choice he’s ever chosen which makes it impossible to even get close to disliking him.

  The man is the definition of humanity.

  He may as well put people’s lives before his own, and I wouldn’t be surprised.

  Two days ago, when Lexi came over, we took the first step of my plan. When Lexi confirmed to me that the brothers’ parents are in the city, because believe me when I say that you’ll find them in a new country every week, I came up with an idea. Being around my parents for so long, they always made sure that each of us knew the others’ passwords so that we’d never face a problem if we ever forget them. My parents are always at home for both lunch and dinner which is why I hacked into my father’s email address and sent Gabriel an email asking him to bring along his wife and meet my parents.

  After opening a few sent emails from my father to Gabriel in order to inspect the formalities and language he normally used with him, I sent him this:

  Dear Gabriel,

  I hope all is good. I apologize for not calling you directly, but there’s been a signal issue at our home. Since the matter cannot be left disregarded for any further time, I’ve decided to email you instead. We need to talk about how we are going to handle Evangeline and Adrien’s marriage, especially now that Evangeline knows about her memory loss and is unwilling to marry Adrien any time soon. Bring your lovely wife and Adrien along with you and meet us at our house tomorrow at eight pm. We’ll talk about this over dinner.

  Best Regards,

  George Williams

  Short and to the point- just like how my father always sends them.

  Although I can never truly guarantee that this will actually work, I can never truly guarantee that my parents will be there in the house at that time, and I can never truly guarantee that the remaining Sandersons will show up, I just keep praying that everything will go as planned. I thank God my father never checks his list of sent emails because why would he? What I’m actually mainly counting on is Adrien’s words from back when we were dating about how his father never checks his emails.

  Yeah, apparently there’s a secretary hired just for that.

  Gabriel might’ve gotten close to being my actual father-in-law not once but twice in my life by now, but that doesn’t mean that my heart has warmed up to him, and I think it never will. Don’t get me wrong, but if I were born back then when my father got the urge to start dealing business with him in the first place, even if it were for the sole reason of avoiding complications, I would’ve helped turn those gears inside his head much better. Gabriel may be one hell of a businessman, and I’ve never despised him for being so successful. If anything at all, he is actually one of my idols for this fact. Without an inch of doubt, the man earns what he deserves. What I truly despise him for, however, is that even though it’s not a crime to be extraordinary rich, it’s a crime, in my eyes, to throw away your money on anything that you can afford, knowing they’re of no avail to you simply because you can ‘afford’ it.

  If he donated the billions he uselessly spends daily, ‘poverty’ would’ve become an ancient term by now.

  Right now, we are on our way to my parents’ house. My heart is beating anxiously, knowing that nothing good may come out of this family reunion, but I can only hope for the best. I pray God that some sense is knocked into my parents’ minds so that they can truly understand that what they did, signing this contract, might as well have been like signing my death warrant because it is. Living the rest of your life with someone you don’t tolerate is like being handcuffed to your enemy. Even though they’re the last person on Earth you’ll most probably want to see, they’ll be the only person you’ll actually do.

  “We’re almost there,” Adam says, nudging his head to the street we’re currently in.

  Yes, Adam is the one driving my red Ferrari, and, yes, this is the first time he’s spoken to me ever since I found out. Adam and Lexi are both accompanying me because I don’t want this to be solely a confrontation between my parents and I. I want everyone to get everything out of their chests once and for all. I want all the drama to end. I want us to live normal lives. Lexi knows this and so does Adam. Lexi’s conflicts with my parents need to be buried six feet underground, and Adam’s relationship with his family needs major mending just as mine does, but let’s just pray that after this disastrous night is over, everything will return back to normal.

  Except one thing.

  There’s one tiny plan I’ve scribbled into this agenda of mine that I haven’t shared with anyone. Whether I forgive my parents or not, I know that my personal agenda may bother them, but I also know that they’ll understand as well as Lexi. While my head was resting against the left window of the back seat, my dark brown eyes slowly drift from the tall buildings passing by to the tiny mirror in front of Adam, which is reflecting his dark grey ones that are focused on the road, and I let out a sad yet worried sigh. A flicker of pain travels through my chest like an earthquake, and I fight the urge to cry.

  I only have one wish after all of this is over.

  Please don’t hate me Adam.

  A few minutes later, at seven forty five pm, we arrive at my parents’ house. Their house wasn’t too far from Adam’s, hence the drive wasn’t that long, or maybe it was just me. Maybe I didn’t notice how long we were in my car since I was too occupied with my own thoughts. Worry kept itching at the back of my head, as well as nervousness. Even after we reached our destination, they both haven’t eased yet ignited even more, and I have no idea if they are highly present, for my shakiness to my upcoming presence in the same room with my parents or for my new profound fear of watching Adam’s eyes reflect the surprise or maybe even hurt
as a reaction to my future selfish action. All I know is that I want these disturbing emotions to abandon me.

  “Are you sure you want to do this?” Adam’s voice breaks me out of my trance.

  My eyes avert from the house, which my dark irises have lately become unaccustomed to seeing, to Adam before I give him a small nod. “I can’t avoid them forever.”

  “Okay, let’s go,” Lexi says.

  After Adam turns off the ignition, the three of us exit my car, which Adam parked a little bit further from the house so as not to draw immediate attention to ourselves, and we shut the car doors behind us. Taking the lead, with Adam and Lexi trailing behind, I take my time as I walk to the front door of the two-story high house with a golden rough-textured ‘welcome home’ mat placed right in front of it. Even though it should’ve made me feel at least welcomed, it didn’t.

  It’s strange to stand in front of the house you’ve grown accustomed to living in and feel like it’s no longer welcoming you. I feel like I suddenly don’t belong here; I feel like I’m a new neighbour who’s about to intrude on a bunch of strangers, and I feel like I’m a guest about to sabotage the comfort of the owners’ privacy by just knocking, but I do so anyways. ‘You cannot back out now,’ I remind myself. With the reminder registering inside, I take a long deep breath, clench my right hand into a fist and knock.

  Holding in my breath, I lightly close my eyes as I try to imagine some sorts of perfect scenarios of what might happen once we’re inside, even though I know they’re not possible. I force all of these ridiculous imaginations inside my head because at this instant, I’m willing to think of anything. Anything that will distract me from my rapidly increasing heart beats, which I’m hearing clearly louder than the silence, translating to me what I really want right now- to run away.