Broken Notes

by Ann Marie Frohoff

  “Aly I’m excited and terrified for you. You’re brave, braver that I’d be,” she whispered. “I coulda gone anywhere for school, and I chickened out and stayed here.”

  I leaned my head back against my bag and glanced in the direction of the voices, listening, making sure they weren’t paying attention to us. I hung my head. “I’m so in love with him, Nadine. I never ever in my wildest dreams thought that we’d work out, but here we are. Here I am about to move to New York, maybe permanently. I’m afraid to disappoint him.”

  “Wait, what?” she leaned in closer to me. “What do you mean maybe permanently? I thought it was a done deal. NYU, baby.”

  I gulped. “I pushed off making a choice until spring. I mean, I have to choose soon. But I won’t begin until the spring; I have the whole summer and fall off.” Finally admitting that to someone other than my family felt good – the bag of bricks lifted from my chest. “I haven’t had the heart to mention it to Jake. I’m totally committed to him, just not sure about college. I guess I’m chicken too.” I tapped at her feet with mine, pressing into hers, rocking her gently.

  Nadine wore a serious expression. “He has no clue?” Skepticism laid across her forehead.

  “I don’t know.” I shrugged. “I get the vibe he knows I’m nervous about this move, but I don’t think he thinks anything else of it.” Kyle’s laugh carried through the house and I could hear my mom and Allison giggling right after. I was happy they were preoccupied. I continued quietly, “You know how you dream and dream about what you want? Or you get excited about something that’s coming up but don’t believe it when it’s time? That’s me right now. I’m in shock. Ever since Jake arrived. I’m in a cloud.”

  ***

  I stared at our boarding passes. I’d never sat in first class before – 5A was my seat. Jake’s was 5B. I was dreaming. I had to be. As we strolled through the airport, I was very aware of the subtle stares and nudges people gave to each other when they recognized Jake. He acted as if he didn’t even notice. Maybe he was used to it by now because of all the rag write-ups. I’d stayed clear of that sort of celebrity tabloid news during Jake’s rise, only hearing of his appearances on one of those Teen Nick TV shows, David Letterman, and Ellen. I never watched them, though. It was too painful. I kept all of that far away, concentrating on my real life. I couldn’t stand seeing pictures of him with other girls. He’d kept seeing that pop princess, Eva, for a long, long time and I couldn’t take it. Jake and his band were always being written up everywhere – “They’re Just Like Us!” – yeah, whatever. Perez Hilton’s blog loved Bobby, who had officially come out last year and was a fave of Perez’s since they’d met at the MTV Video Music Awards. “Rita’s Revolt” had won for Best Alternative Video.

  We made our way to the American Airlines Admirals Club, hand in hand. I’d never been in there either and always wondered what it would be like. Jake kept kissing the inside of my wrist, his silky lips teasing at my skin. Each time he did, it sent a warm, fuzzy vibe through me.

  “I think you need to stop that,” I whispered into his ear before I sat down. “I’m gonna have to take you into the bathroom when we get on the plane.”

  He smiled broadly at me and placed my carry-on bag he’d carried for me onto a chair. He looked around and bent down, nuzzling my ear. “Don’t say things you don’t mean, Alycat. I’m not a member of the mile-high club yet, but I’d def join it with you,” he provoked, his blue eyes sparkling. “I’ll be right back.”

  I watched him as he walked towards the bar, wearing his staple black slim-fit denim jeans – his ass filled them out perfectly. There weren’t very many people around. I was a ball of nerves. I could see Jake ordering me a glass of champagne. The bearded bartender glanced over at me when Jake pointed in my direction. Would he ID me? Shit. Add that to my nerve rating.

  I looked away, trying to be inconspicuous, casually glancing around like I didn’t have a care – but every fiber in my body was having a raging party. There weren’t any other types like us in the lounge, only business people with their heads down, staring at their computer screens or having serious conversations on their cellphones.

  Jake strolled up nonchalantly, smiling at me like he’d gotten away with something, handing me the slender flute filled with golden bubbling liquid. I stared at him, wide-eyed, with a tight grin, and glanced at the bartender, who paid us no attention. Phew.

  Jake chuckled and sat down next to me, throwing his arm around my shoulders. “What’s that look?”

  “I don’t know,” I laughed quietly. “I thought maybe he’d ID me.”

  “Nahhh. Not today, Alycat.” He leaned in, kissing me on the cheek. “Cheers, baby; here’s to our new adventure.”

  I was bursting inside. “Cheers.” Our glasses clinked together, and we sipped in unison. I sighed happily, leaning back into the crook of Jake’s arm, and he squeezed me.

  “I love you,” I whispered into Jake’s neck.

  “I love you more.” He smiled down on me, kissing the tip of my nose. I couldn’t get enough of his lips touching me – anywhere.

  I sipped on my champagne while Jake’s attention was on his phone. I watched as people entered and exited the lounge. I spotted an attendant, tucked neatly into her blue American Airlines blazer. She looked like she was walking toward us. I glanced at Jake; he was still engrossed in his phone, tapping away at an email. She smiled at me as she approached, and I nudged Jake’s knee with mine.

  “Hello, Mr. Masters?” she questioned, making sure, smiling as she greeted us. She was older, like my mom’s age, with shoulder length hair and perfect makeup. The kind of makeup you’d see on a beauty queen.

  “Yep, that’d be me,” Jake confirmed and moved to get up. He knocked back the rest of his champagne, and I did the same. Jake held out his hand to help me rise. “This is Alyssa.”

  “Hello, Alyssa, nice to meet you. I’m Margaret.”

  I smiled at her. “Nice to meet you, Margaret.”

  “Thanks for helping us out.” Jake smiled at Margaret and rubbed my back, taking my hand into his.

  She nodded happily at us. “I made sure your bags made it onto the plane, and boarding is nearly complete.” I was a little confused as to what was going on, and looked at Jake. He just winked at me.

  “Alright, let’s do this.” He rubbed his hands happily and grabbed my carry-on bag from the chair next to him. I hooked my arm through my purse handle, and we followed Margaret out into the very busy terminal. We arrived at a nearly empty gate. The line was almost gone. Everyone was already on the plane. We followed Margaret to the front of the line, and I could hear whispers of wonder – “Do you know who they are?” and “Who is that?” – I guess not everyone knew who Jake was. After all, maybe people just stared because of our special escort.

  I pressed my fingers to my mouth, smiling. “What?” Jake said softly, nudging my shoulder.”

  “Nothing, shhh.” I didn’t look at him. I felt like the entire world was staring at us.

  “Better get used to this, Alycat,” he warned quietly, tugging at my fingers.

  7

  Alyssa

  I never wanted to fly coach ever again. The champagne flowed, the food was hot, the utensils weren’t flimsy plastic and the best part was that Jake and I were practically alone. There were only two other people in First, and they were on the other side of the plane. It made for easier fondling without feeling like people could see us – our faces were stuck together practically the entire time.

  The flight went by in a blink of an eye. I could barely believe we’d arrived in New York. Even walking through the terminal to the exit and seeing the Welcome to New York sign didn’t seem real.

  The whole experience was unlike my last trip, where I was packed in coach and schlepping my bags all by myself. Nope; everywhere we went, someone was tending to us, taking my bag and leading us to where we needed to go. Jake tempered his annoyance with me as he stood there next to our driver and a luggage cart, practica
lly tapping his foot. I ended up taking two large pieces of luggage that needed to be checked. He’d asked me to ship my things, but I just couldn’t get my shit together, and still didn’t know what I wanted to bring until I just threw whatever into them.

  I watched the baggage belt go round and round eagerly, looking for my bags. I glanced back at Jake, and he threw me a tight smile. I gave him a – What? kind of look, and he stepped over to me.

  “I fucking told you,” he growled playfully in my ear. Jake wrapped his arms around me, pressing his body against my backside. “We need to be home, in bed.”

  His words made me ache. All that fondling on the plan left me damp between the legs. “Mmm. I can’t wait!” I spun around and kissed him hard, sighing happily.

  Jake pointed. “Watch for your bags.”

  I finally spotted them and pointed them out to James. Yes, James (I had to laugh at how ironic it was), our driver, wrestled my two forty-five pounds bags onto the luggage cart, and we were finally on our way.

  “What the fuck do you have in those things?” Jake shook his head in puzzled amazement. “I mean, really, Aly?” He laughed in spite of himself.

  “What? I needed my shoes. I didn’t know what to bring, so I brought all of them.”

  “Oh geez. That’s the type of shit you shoulda shipped here.”

  I pursed my lips. He was right. “I’m sorry.” Jake just shook his head and smiled at me.

  As soon as we walked outside, the humidity poured itself all over me. Holy shit is it hot! – I thought. I pulled my hair up into a bun, watching James and Jake lift my luggage into the back of the black SUV. I moved to open the backseat door and slid inside. The cool air swirled around me. I fanned at my face as if it would help. Jake crawled in next to me, and I reached up, gently wiping the perspiration from his forehead. He took my wrist, kissing it, and his warm tongue swirled against my skin. I felt like a kid going to Disneyland for the first time. I had no idea what to expect. I’d seen a million movies with New York as the backdrop, but I knew nothing would compare to actually living in it.

  The traffic was insane, but it wasn’t anything I wasn’t used to with our 405 Freeway gridlock. I was in awe of all the buildings towering over us. There were people filling the streets, everywhere and from all walks of life. The higher the street numbers went, the more it was clear we were headed to a nicer part of town.

  It took us over an hour to get to West 71st and Central Park West. We’d chosen a two-bedroom apartment across from Central Park, near the famous John Lennon Memorial – Strawberry Fields. He’d only sent me options in that area of town to choose from. Jake was a fan of John Lennon’s drawings, and had sent me pictures of Lennon Lithograph artwork he’d wanted for our apartment – limited edition prints of John Lennon’s black and white family sketchings. They’d fit well with Jake’s black and white photographs.

  We pulled up in front of a green canopied-thirteen story building, not the tallest on the block. We were on the 8th floor. My heart was racing with excitement. Jake said he wanted to surprise me. He’d become of fan of decorating, always texting me pictures of home furnishings – go figure. I supposed it was because he was a creative type and it was just another creative outlet. I had no idea what to expect when I walked in, but as soon as we walked through the door, the only thing I saw were the pictures of me hanging on the far wall.

  I looked up at Jake, dumbfounded. “Where’s the furniture?”

  “I bought a bed.” He nodded, smiling.

  “A bed? That’s it? You don’t have anything from your other place that you wanna bring?” I said as I walked into the expansive empty space. I didn’t expect the unit to be as big as it was, a blank slate with white walls and dark hardwood floors.

  “All we need is a bed, Alycat.” He gestured at me, holding his hands up and trying to sound convincing.

  “Indeed.” I hummed as I walked past what would be the dining area – there was a double beveled glass door that lead into a full kitchen. Jake followed me quietly. I looped around back into the foyer and headed toward a short hallway that had a half bathroom at the end. Perpendicular to the bathroom were the two sets of bedroom doors. I stuck my head into what was to be the guest bedroom, and that’s where the boxes I did ship sat waiting for me. I turned and entered the large master suite. This was the only room that was furnished. It looked like a hotel room, with plush white bedding and fluffy pillows. The furniture was an eclectic mix of mid-century modern with a bohemian flare. Jake had been trolling through antique and thrift shops for furniture.

  I took in a breath when I saw the picture I took of him while we were in London, sitting atop a bedside table – my side of the bed. “Oh Jake!” I twirled around and hugged him. “That’s why you asked for that picture… you…” I sung out as I poked at his chest, smiling up at him. He picked me up, cradling me in his arms and kissed me.

  “Welcome to your new home,” he said as he let go of me onto the bed. Our clothes came off in a fury. Feeling his hot body on top of me gave me the chills. I ran my hands through his hair, clutching it in my fists. He dipped into me, sending pleasure pumping through every inch of me.

  I watched Jake sleep for I don’t know how long, listening to his soft and easy breathing. He was so perfect in so many ways…and maybe even more flawed as I thought of what he’d yet to take care of – Sophia. I turned lying flat on my back, staring up at the ceiling and watching the light from the TV bounce around. I tried to believe that I was there and a resident, at least for the foreseeable future. I looked out the window; it was dark, and I realized I was hungry.

  I slid out of bed and padded to the window. The park was across the street, and it was black with the night, but the perimeter of the park was alive with street lights. Pedestrians walked their dogs, carried shopping bags and just moved about their business – at 10:30 at night.

  I walked into the hallway and flipped the light switch, peeking around the corner and looking for another light switch in the other room. It felt strange walking through the unfamiliar, empty dark space. I flipped on more light switches and dimmed them down, then stood there, glancing around at the nothingness of the rooms. Me and the Lennon sketches stared back at each other.

  My stomach grumbled, and I hoped there was some sort of food in the kitchen. Maybe Jake had an Emily here, too, to prepare our meals and clean up after us. Nope, no such luck. Good, I thought. I wanted to be Emily. I’d planned on investing in some cookbooks and giving my skills a run. I’d already looked into taking cooking classes. I was happy the fridge was bare. I sighed and got a bit nervous when I thought to go to the market alone. Certainly, there had to be one around the corner, and the doorman could point me in the right direction.

  ***

  Miguel, our broad-shouldered, goatee sportin’ Argentinian doorman, chatted me up for a bit, welcoming me to the city. He walked me outside into the warm night air. It felt lovely; the humid stickiness was gone. Wearing only my black strappy knee-length sundress and flip-flops, I strolled toward what would be Columbus Avenue. Turn right, Miguel had said, and sure enough, there was the market; D’Agostino’s.

  I pushed through the door. The cool air wrapped itself around me, giving me the chills, I rubbed at my arms and looked around for a basket. This store reminded me of the local market in London, small and stuffed from floor to ceiling. The carts were tiny. I quickly wheeled around, tossing things into my cart; chips for snaking, strawberries, grapes, cheese, and crackers. I was craving a tuna melt (of all things) and threw those ingredients in the basket. Breakfast – I’d make French toast in the morning. I searched for what I needed. I went to reach for a bottle of wine near the checkout stand as I waited, only to realize that I couldn’t buy it. I wasn’t old enough here. I missed London and their reasonable drinking age. The US really needed to get with it. I mean, we allow citizens to risk their lives by being in the military and going to war at eighteen, but we weren’t allowed to drink – legally. What a crock of shit, I thought, shak
ing my head the ridiculousness of it.

  I struggled with the two stuffed bags I held in each hand. I’d forgotten I had to walk home. No wonder all the people carried shopping bags around. I was too embarrassed to put anything back. People here probably had to stop at the market everyday. Miguel was standing outside, talking with neighboring building’s doorman, and rushed up to me, helping me with my bags.

  “Miss Aly,” he chuckled. “Next time you need more than a few things, I have a cart for you.”

  I laughed, embarrassed. “Thanks, Miguel. Where I come from, we have cars and large carts. I wasn’t thinking when I got to the checkout, and didn’t want to put anything back.”

  He helped me to my door, and I thanked him. Jake was still sleeping when I peeked in on him. Now my stomach was growling louder than ever – tuna melt! it roared. Thankfully, the kitchen had all the pots, pans and dishes that anyone would ever need. I thought about how we would have been fine in a studio apartment, simple and cozy. It was nice, though, not to worry about waking Jake as I banged around the kitchen.

  As I waited for my sandwich to brown in the pan, gooey, yummy cheese melting out of it, I began to open the drawers. Most of them were empty. Then I came to one filled with some papers. My curiosity got the best of me – there was an envelope with Jake’s name written on it in neat girlish script. It was torn open – and I assumed he’d already read it. I picked it up and inched it open, getting a look at what was a letter. My heart raced. I left it there, flipped my sandwich, and went back to stare at it.