Vari's Choices

by Laura Jo Phillips

  “Why were you on the Leaper to begin with?” Declan asked.

  The gold flecks in Vari’s eyes flashed at him before she replied tonelessly. “I was traveling.”

  “I meant no offense,” Declan said, her response making him realize that his question had sounded like a demand. He hadn’t meant it that way, and deliberately gentled his tone. “It seems to me that with your level of telepathy it would be safer to travel on a smaller, less populated ship.”

  Reminding herself that she was a guest aboard the Bihotza, and that they’d done her several enormous favors already, she bit her tongue and forced herself to breathe. When she was sure she had her temper under control, she responded. “I like being around people.” Declan’s brows shot up. “I’m not saying I enjoy interacting with people I don’t know. I just like being among them.”

  “Enough to risk a repeat of what happened today if your jammers malfunction again?”

  Her emotions flared again. “Yes,” she said flatly.

  “I apologize, Vari. I realize that I’ve offended you again. I know I can sound abrupt and demanding, but I don’t mean to. It’s an unfortunate consequence of spending a decade on this ship, immersed in work.”

  “No, Declan,” she said contritely, “it’s me who should apologize, and I do. I spent much of my life in isolation, so I take my freedom to come and go as I please very seriously. Too seriously, I’m afraid.”

  “How long were you in isolation?” Kai asked.

  “Twelve years.”

  “Why?” Declan asked, stunned.

  Vari wondered why she’d allowed herself to enter such dangerous territory, but she knew the answer before she’d finished formulating the question. Declan looked and sounded stern and cool, but she felt the sincerity of his apology, and his guilt over upsetting her. She just wanted to make him feel better. She hated talking about this, but it was her own damn fault since she was the one who brought it up.

  “When I was very young my telepathy became too strong for me to be around people who couldn’t shield themselves since I had no shield of my own. My parents built a little house on the hill above our home for me to live in that was just outside the range of my telepathy.”

  “Why didn’t you have jammers all of that time?” Jay asked angrily.

  Vari bristled at the insult to her parents but answered calmly. “They weren’t invented until I was sixteen.”

  “You lived in isolation for the majority of your childhood,” Declan said, suddenly understanding the odd note in her voice when she mentioned the need to get out of her room. “You can’t have been totally alone all that time.”

  “I was only four when it began, so no, I wasn’t completely alone until I got older. My parents took turns so that at least one of them was always with me.”

  “You were alone save for one of your parents for all those years?” Kai asked. Vari glanced at him briefly, then looked away. Unlike Jay, Kai wasn’t angry so much as he was surprised and confused.

  “I remember how painful it was to have other people’s voices in my head all the time, and how terrifying it was, too. I didn’t understand what was happening to me, and I had no idea how to stop them, or block them, or even turn the volume down.

  “My parents could shield themselves of course, but my sisters couldn’t, and neither could my baby brothers, or any of my friends. Doc told my parents that if they didn’t get me away from everyone who couldn’t shield themselves, the constant pressure in my head would soon cause irreparable brain damage and, eventually, death.

  “They could’ve moved me out to the middle of nowhere and hired someone who could block themselves to take care of me which, I’ve since discovered, is what usually happens to children like me. But they didn’t do that. They kept me as close to the family as they could and took care of me themselves. It wasn’t easy, but they never complained once.”

  “No, I don’t imagine it was easy,” Kai said. “But as hard as it was for them, I’ll bet it was much more difficult for you.”

  “It was a relief to have no one’s thoughts in my head but my own, and I fully understood the reason for the isolation despite my age. But yes, it was difficult. Eventually I managed to build a shield of my own that was strong enough to block one of my sisters, or a friend for a short time.”

  “Didn’t your shield get stronger as you got older?”

  “Yes, but the telepathy grew stronger right along with my ability to shield myself. I was always trying to catch up, but I never did.”

  “We Klanaren are not meant to be alone as you were, or to be separated from our siblings,” Kai said. “I can’t begin to imagine the depth of your loneliness.”

  Kai’s sympathy touched her in a way she didn’t know how to deal with, so she did the only thing she could. She tried to deflect it. “It wasn’t so bad. My parents spent a lot of time with me, and they kept me busy by teaching me a wide variety of things. For subjects they couldn’t teach me, they found instructors and teachers who could either block themselves, or teach me via the vid terminal. I always had something to do.

  “My godmother, Aunt Lari, spent at least one whole day a week with me even though she had six children of her own, plus her duties as Princess. She taught me how to ride, and how to care for the plants in her garden, which I loved. She even helped me plan and plant a garden next to my little house. Spending time with her was one of the highlights of my life. I love my parents with all my heart, but Aunt Lari always seemed to understand me better than anyone else.”

  The moment Vari ceased speaking she realized how much she’d just said and was instantly embarrassed. And shocked. She never revealed so much of herself to other people. She’d never even told Shanti as much, and they’d been friends for years. She was thankful when the waiter arrived to take their orders, giving her a few moments to collect herself.

  “Are you on your way home from school?” Declan asked, surprising her. She’d been sure he was going to ask more questions about her childhood.

  “No. I finished my schooling several years ago. I was vacationing with a friend.”

  “I thought you were about twenty years old,” Jay said, frowning. “Is that not correct?”

  “Twenty one.”

  “You chose not to attend college?” Kai asked curiously.

  “I completed my college education when I was sixteen. I’m a bit ahead of my peers.”

  “So it would seem,” Declan said.

  Vari shrugged. “I had a great deal of time with nothing to do but study.”

  “Since you’re the eldest daughter of the Prime Guardians, would I be correct in guessing that not all of your studying was academic in nature?” Kai asked. For the first time they saw a genuine smile curve Vari’s mouth. It lit up her entire face, transforming her from beautiful to stunning.

  “Yes, Kai, you would be correct.” Conversation ceased when the waiter arrived with their drinks. As soon as he was gone Vari picked up her glass and started to take a drink when suddenly, and for no reason the Dracon-Bats could detect, her smile vanished, her eyes widened, and her entire body tensed. A moment later an expression of disgust crossed her face, there and gone in an instant.

  “What is it?” Declan asked in a low voice, his eyes searching the room as he spoke. Vari held up one finger in a silent bid for patience. After a moment the expression on her face flashed briefly with anger, then settled into a mask of calm.

  “Do you have enough Air magic to place a shield around us to block sound?”

  “Yes,” Declan said. After a moment of concentration he nodded. “No one beyond this table can hear anything we say.”

  Vari leaned forward in her chair and met his gaze directly. “You have a spy.”

  “What?” Declan demanded, his voice so low and deep she swore she could feel the vibration of it through her skin.

  “A spy,” she repeated.

  “Who is it?”

  Vari focused on the man’s companion for a moment. “His name is Marcel. T
he man sitting at the table with him doesn’t like him. He’s wishing he’d chosen to sit elsewhere.”

  “Can you tell who he’s working for?” Declan asked.

  Vari shook her head. “Not yet.”

  “Why do you think he’s a spy?” Jay asked.

  “He’s collected data in a memory crystal he wears around his neck. He’s anxious about having it in his possession for so long, and he’s hoping his transport orders arrive soon so he can get rid of it.”

  “What does that mean, transport orders?” Jay asked.

  “I don’t know,” she replied. When Jay’s brows rose doubtfully she barely managed to refrain from scowling at him, which surprised her. She wondered briefly where this increased tendency to anger was coming from.

  “For lack of a better word, I hear people’s thoughts. Most of the time it’s a lot like hearing people talk, though there are often images too. It depends on the person and the species. Most people have no idea that their thoughts can be overheard, so they place no inhibitions or restraints on them. It’s rarely pleasant, usually boring, and sometimes it’s disgusting beyond all imagining. But their thoughts are all I get. I can’t rummage around in people’s heads looking for information. If they don’t specifically think it, I can’t hear it.”

  “That makes sense,” Jay said.

  “It does,” Declan agreed. “Thank you, Vari, for explaining.”

  She nodded almost absently as she listened to Marcel for another moment. “I think calling him a spy is a little too generous,” she said with a grimace. “The word thief is more accurate.”

  “What is it he stole?” Jay asked.

  “Data,” Vari said. “That’s all I know because that’s all he knows.” She frowned. “Something about the Bihotza, I think, which seems odd.”

  She watched Declan, Jay, and Kai exchange looks, then arched a brow. “I should rephrase that. It seems odd to me. Clearly it’s not so odd to you.”

  Declan started to speak but she held up one hand to stop him. “That was not a request for explanations, Declan.” She smiled so he’d know she wasn’t offended. “The good news is that the data is in a crystal that you can easily confiscate, and from what I can tell, he has no idea what the data is. He doesn’t seem to be all that bright, to be honest.”

  “If he doesn’t know what it is, how did he get it?” Jay asked.

  “I don’t know, but you can probably ask him when you take the memory crystal from him.” She shrugged. “I’m a little curious as to why anyone would hire someone like that to steal data, though.”

  “There are a few things about the Bihotza that aren’t commonly known and are, in fact, highly classified. We’re as careful as we can be to keep those secrets limited to as few of our crew as possible, but we can’t monitor those who leave our employ, and people sometimes talk.”

  “Yes, they do,” she agreed. “A secret told is a secret no more.”

  “True,” Kai said. “But to live without trust is to live a lonely life.”

  “Also true,” she said with another curve of her lips that instantly drew the focused attention of all three of them. Only when she raised her glass to sip her tea did they manage to tear their eyes away.

  “Should we detain him now?” Jay asked, glancing at the man who was sitting at a table near the center of the cafeteria.

  Vari focused on Marcel’s thoughts once again, still surprised by how easy it was to manipulate her new and improved shield. “He plans to go straight to his bunk from here. He’s just gotten off shift and he’s tired.”

  “Good,” Declan said. “I’d rather not make a scene.”

  Vari nodded her agreement just as their waiter arrived with their meals. They ate in silence for a time, each of them checking occasionally on Marcel.

  “Vari,” Declan said, then fell silent.

  “Yes?”

  “What caused you to focus on Marcel’s thoughts to begin with?”

  She set her fork down and reached for her iced tea, stalling for time. This was exactly what she’d hoped they wouldn’t ask. She couldn’t tell them that she’d caught the tail end of an overtly sexual and thoroughly repulsive fantasy involving her as the main attraction just before the man began worrying about his data crystal and what would happen if he happened to be caught with it. That would be more than enough to send any Clan Jasani male into a blood rage whether they knew her or not. But she couldn’t lie, either.

  “I don’t think it would be wise to tell you that,” she said finally. “I ask that you please trust me on this.”

  Declan met her gaze for a long moment. “Of course,” he agreed, much to her surprise.

  Vari smiled, allowing her relief to show. A few seconds later she stiffened and turned her attention to Jay who was sitting to her left. His dark chocolate eyes were glowing, a sure and certain sign of an impending blood rage. She immediately began to reach for his hand, stopping herself before she’d moved it more than a couple of inches. She lowered both hands beneath the table and gripped her legs tightly in an effort to keep them there.

  Vari hadn’t deliberately touched another sentient being of any species since shortly before her eighth birthday. That’s when the pain had begun. When hugging her mother, getting a kiss on the cheek from one of her fathers, or holding hands with her sisters had brought on pain so severe it was beyond her ability to describe it.

  Unfortunately, others had touched her a number of times over the years, though she was as careful as she could be to prevent it. As careful as she could be without isolating herself, which she would never do.

  Each time it happened was more painful than the last, sometimes leaving her so weak she could barely walk, other times leaving her unconscious for hours. And yet, she’d automatically reached for Jay without a single thought for the consequences.

  Even though she couldn’t touch him, she couldn’t ignore his distress, either. He mattered to much to her, whether she wanted to admit it to herself or not.

  Fully understanding the enormity of the risk she was taking, and the mistake she was making, she met Jay’s gaze calmly, not flinching away from the fury she saw there. “It’s all right, Jay,” she said softly, digging her fingers into her thighs beneath the table, fighting the nearly overwhelming desire to touch him. “They’re just nasty little thoughts from a nasty little mind that were never intended to be heard. No harm was done. Stop thinking about it.” She continued to murmur to him in a low voice until the glow faded from his eyes and he began to relax. “Better?”

  “Yes, much better,” he said, then took a long deep breath, turning his head to look at Marcel again.

  “Don’t worry, he’s gone now,” Vari said as though she’d read his mind. He checked his shield, just in case he’d let it slip, but it was in place. He reached up to wipe the sweat from his forehead.

  The truth was that, while Vari’s attempts to soothe him had definitely calmed his temper, they’d also caused another reaction that was both astonishing and exciting. His cock was so hard it ached, and the effort required not to flood Vari with his pheromones had left him sweating. If not for his dracon, he wouldn’t have succeeded in holding himself back, which surprised him as much as his throbbing erection.

  “Jay?” Declan asked, feeling the strange tension coming from his brother that had nothing to do with a blood rage.

  Vari reached for her glass and took a long sip of her drink, then picked up her fork and returned to her lunch, pretending not to hear Declan’s inquiry. She kept her gaze on her plate, but she felt Jay’s eyes on her as clearly as she felt his excitement and confusion. She understood the confusion. It was the excitement that troubled her.

  “Nola da ahalik?” Jay asked Declan. Vari stiffened as she automatically translated Jay’s words from the old tongue. How is this possible?

  “Honi buruz hitz egingo geroago,” Declan replied. We will discuss this later.

  Vari set her fork down and reached for her glass, stirring the straw around absently while sh
e tried to decide what to do. After a few moments she took a sip and put the glass down.

  “Through no fault of my own I find myself in a difficult position right now and I’m not sure how to resolve it.”

  Declan, Jay, and Kai all went still for a moment, and she felt the full force of their undivided attention. She covered her sudden nervousness by picking up her fork and poking at the food on her plate.

  “I assume we’re the ones that put you in that position,” Declan said. “If you tell us what the problem is, we’ll do what we can to resolve it.”

  “That’s fair,” she said. “I was taught that eavesdropping is not polite. While I certainly didn’t intend to eavesdrop, you obviously didn’t expect me to know what you were saying. That makes me feel like I should confess to hearing that which you didn’t want heard, even though it’s really not my fault that you spoke right in front of me.”

  Declan grimaced. “You know the old tongue.”

  “I’m as much Clan Jasani as you are,” she said. “I don’t know why you’d automatically assume I wouldn’t know it.” She put the fork down again and sighed. “I’m not angry, and I don’t want to know what you were talking about. I just want you to know that speaking a different language in my presence in an effort to keep secrets from me is probably not a good idea.”

  “How many languages do you speak?” Declan asked, posing the question once again. This time Vari smiled.

  “I think I’ll keep that to myself for the time being.”

  “I guess we have that coming,” Declan said, returning her smile.

  Vari relaxed and returned to her meal as did the men, each of them lost in their own thoughts for a while. The next time she put her fork down it was because she couldn’t eat another bite. She pushed her plate back and sipped her tea while the men finished their meals.

  “Did you hear Marcel because your shield is weakening?” Kai asked some minutes later.

  “Not at all,” she said. “I’ve never been able to make my shield even half as strong as it is now, thanks to you guys.”

  “How did you hear him?” Declan asked.