I Know Better (By Your Side Series Book 1)

by A. P. Watson

  “I have an eye for details.” I shrugged my shoulders. “I wonder if Terayn and Ryan have been out here.”

  “I believe they have.” Jackson stretched his arms along the back of the bench. “He’s going to propose to her.”

  “I know. It’s wonderful!”

  “Most of us wish we had what they have.”

  My head snapped in his direction. When he shifted to face me, his dark eyes were riddled with turmoil. “I thought you weren’t one for relationships,” I said, confusion lacing my voice.

  “I’m not. Open arrangements are much easier to navigate, but I suppose that’s the trade-off for not having someone you can always rely on.”

  “Sounds lonely.”

  “It can be.”

  “I get it though.” I tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. “It’s about control. You dictate what roles people assume in your life and how long they stay in those roles.”

  “Exactly.”

  “Usually, people only want that kind of control if they’ve been hurt before,” I softly noted. I felt him tense at my words as his arm moved away from behind my shoulders. I tried to catch his eye, but he glanced to the left, unable to meet my gaze. Though I didn’t need to look in his eyes to know, I’d hit the nail on the head. I could see the line of his jaw tensing, rows of teeth grinding together beneath his flesh. “I’m not prying, and you certainly don’t have to tell me about it either. You have your secrets you don’t want to share, and I have mine.”

  I stood and walked beyond the bridge to a small waterfall. Water cascaded from the formation of rocks and pooled together into a single stream. Sunlight danced across my skin as I passed a pavilion positioned behind the waterfall. I sucked in a deep breath, the serenity from my surroundings transfusing into every drop of my blood.

  “What made you want to move to Chicago?” Jackson’s voice sounded from behind me, jerking me back into reality.

  “I needed a fresh start.”

  “And you were afraid of stagnation?”

  “Something like that.”

  He nodded, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “You have your secrets, and I have mine.”

  “Yup.”

  “What days are you working this upcoming week?” he asked.

  “Well, I’ll be switching back to a night shift schedule. So, I’ll work Monday night, Tuesday night, and Thursday night.”

  “But you’re off on the weekend?”

  “Yeah. Why?”

  “Do you want to check out a museum or something together?”

  “Oh, that sounds like fun, but Terayn, Ryan, and I have the Crayola War this Saturday,” I replied.

  His head cocked to the side, confusion etched into every line of his face. “Crayola War?”

  I laughed at how absurd it sounded, but a tradition was a tradition, after all. “Terayn started the Crayola War back when we were in school. She had a project where she had to splash colors on a variety of canvases. So, she decided to dress the three of us in white. Then, we were each armed with a water gun filled with water and food coloring. We had a water gun fight of epic proportions.”

  “And it’s a tradition you’ve carried on since?”

  “Yeah. It’s the best, though we’ve learned not to use yellow food coloring.” I laughed, recalling the time Ryan was drenched with yellow water. “It looks like piss.”

  Jacks joined in my laughter. “I can only imagine.”

  “Do you want to join us this year?”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah, it’ll be a lot of fun! Just don’t wear any of your fancy-ass clothing. I won’t be able to spray you with green food coloring if you’re wearing a designer shirt. Call it a moral obligation.”

  “I think I can manage.”

  “Awesome. Be at the townhouse at noon this Saturday.”

  “How long does the Crayola War usually last?”

  “Not long. We usually go out for a beer afterward.”

  “I’ll have to skip on the beer.”

  “Why? You have an important date this weekend?” I asked, teasingly.

  “Not an important date, just dinner with Kate.”

  We left the waterfall behind, strolling along the path connecting each area of the park together. People milled all around us while children laughed and skipped as they waited for their parents to catch up.

  “Is Kate one of your regulars?” I pulled my sunglasses out of my purse, sliding the dark lenses over my eyes. Any kind of distraction was a welcome relief. Regulars? What the hell was I even talking about? I needed to shut my mouth before it decided to spew out more word vomit.

  “She and I see each other, but we’re not in any kind of relationship if that’s what you’re asking.”

  “Oh, and how does that work exactly?” Thank goodness we were outside, and I had an excuse to be flushed. Otherwise, Jacks would be able to recognize my embarrassment.

  “She and I spend time together every week. Usually, we go to dinner or out dancing.”

  “That’s all?”

  “We also have sex, although she is free to sleep with other people and so am I,” he answered in a matter of fact tone.

  “And you both find such an arrangement to be mutually beneficial?”

  “Yeah.” He smiled, trying to catch my eye. “She gets what she needs, and so do I. I was seeing another girl as well, Norah, but when she wanted to become exclusive, I told her no. Now, she’s dating someone else and is very happy.”

  “So, you don’t get jealous knowing Kate hangs out with other guys or is sleeping with them?”

  “Nope. She and I have fun when we’re together. What she does outside of that time is her own business.”

  “Interesting.”

  Jacks suddenly grabbed my arm, tugging me out of the way of an oncoming bicycle. A teenager zipped past us, barreling through the spot where I’d just been standing. “Sorry!” The boy shouted an apology, his feet pedaling furiously as he continued on the trail ahead of us.

  “Watch it!” Jackson tried to rush after the kid, but I held him back. “That little prick almost ran over you,” he hissed.

  “He’s just a kid. He didn’t mean anything by it.”

  “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine, not even scratched.” I spun in a circle, my hands held out to the side. “Getting back to what we were talking about, if that kind of arrangement works for you, I think it’s awesome. But I personally have too many raging insecurities to agree to an open arrangement.”

  “It’s not for everyone.”

  “Yeah.” I considered the gravity of our situation. Jackson probably had an endless supply of women eager to enter such an arrangement with him. He had the companionship of some sort and sex partners, so what on earth did he need me for? He confessed he enjoyed spending time with me. But at the same time, he had no interest in sleeping with me. Honestly, I didn’t know which was worse. Did I want to be one of the select few to share his bed but not a place of value, or did I want to be the one woman he enjoyed being around but had no desire to see naked?

  chapter six

  stay

  WE ROAMED JACKSON PARK for hours, only deciding to leave at the promise of nightfall. Most of our afternoon was filled with laughter and conversation, but the moments teeming with silence were just as welcome. Some people found silence impossible to endure, but it seemed Jackson and I were the exact opposite. It’s a blessing to exist with someone simply—no thinking or effort required. So, when the time came for him to drop me off at the townhouse, I wasn’t quite ready to say good night.

  My feet plodded over the steps leading to my apartment. “Do you want to eat dinner with us?” I pulled out my key, unlocking the deadbolt on the front door.

  “Are you sure? I don’t want you to feel like I’m stalking you.”

  “I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t sure. Besides, it’s my turn to cook tonight, and I’m a really good cook.”

  “You guys take turns cooking?”
he asked.

  “Just Ryan and me. We don’t let Terayn in the kitchen if we can help it.”

  “I heard that!” Ter shouted.

  I shook my head and motioned for Jackson to follow me inside. “I meant every word.”

  In the living room, Terayn and Ryan sat on the couch and watched a movie.

  “Hey, man.” Ryan held out his hand for Jackson to shake.

  “Hey.”

  “Did y’all have a good breakfast?” Ter questioned in a singsong voice, purposely glancing at the clock that obviously indicated it was well past breakfast.

  “We did. After breakfast, we went over to Jackson Park for a while,” Jacks answered.

  “Oh, I love it there! What did you think about it, Wren?” she asked, shifting her attention to me.

  “I loved it. It’s so beautiful out there.” I rounded the couch, heading toward the kitchen. Ditching my purse and sunglasses on the bar, I filled two glasses with ice and water. “Feel free to sit anywhere.” I handed Jacks a glass, taking a long drink from my own. “I invited Jacks to stay for dinner.”

  Terayn’s eyebrows almost disappeared into her hair as she smiled at me. “Oh, that’s awesome.”

  “And to the Crayola War this Saturday,” I added.

  “Yes!” Ryan clapped his hands together, jumping off the couch. “I’ll finally have someone on my team!”

  Jackson glanced at me, his head tilting slightly. “Ter and I gang up on Ryan every year,” I replied with a grin.

  “It’s part of the tradition!” Terayn wrapped her arms around Ryan’s waist.

  “Yeah, and five minutes in, I’m soaked from head to toe,” Ryan countered.

  I pulled some chicken, avocado, lettuce, tomato, and onion from the fridge. “Ter and I don’t make the rules, we just follow them.”

  “Yes, you do make them!” Ryan snagged Terayn around her waist, throwing her over his shoulder.

  I dodged Ryan’s outstretched hand. He could and would throw me over his other shoulder, and I didn’t intend to have my feet off the ground anytime soon. Jackson was just within my grasp, so I slid behind him, using his body to shield my own. “Sanctuary!” I shouted. “I claim sanctuary.”

  Terayn kicked her legs gently in an attempt to free herself. “Wren, you have to save yourself!”

  Ryan’s left arm tightened around her thighs. “You like it up there.”

  I threaded my arms around Jackson’s torso, my body flush against his. “You have to protect me.”

  “Do I?”

  “Yes! It’s part of the job requirements for being my new best friend,” I replied, increasing my hold on him.

  “Oh, so we’re best friends now?”

  “Yep, congratulations!”

  He chuckled, his body shaking each time he laughed. “How do you handle both of them all the time?” Jackson’s question caused Ryan to stop dead in his tracks.

  “I don’t.” Ryan shrugged his shoulders, smiling from ear to ear. “Most of the time they’re handling me.”

  Jacks shook his head as he continued laughing. “I can see that.”

  I peeled my arms from Jacks’ body. If I held on any longer, I’d be glued to him permanently, and that stipulation wasn’t included in our friendship agreement. “Well, this dinner isn’t going to make itself. I guess I better get to work.”

  “Here, I’ll help you.” Jackson grabbed the onion I set out and retrieved a cutting board and knife from beside the stove. While he busied himself with chopping vegetables, I diced the chicken, doused it in hot sauce, and threw it in a pan to sauté.

  As the meat cooked, I arranged all the vegetables on a single plate. Diced tomato, onion, avocado, and shredded lettuce combined to form a colorful wheel. Did I normally arrange food in perfect cookbook fashion? Hell no. But I needed to do something to distract myself because Jackson had been intently watching me from the moment we set foot inside the apartment. His gaze made me hyper aware of every single part of my body, and if I had to endure it for much longer, my mind would plummet over the edge of sensory overload.

  Terayn must’ve been able to read my thoughts because she shoved a glass filled with white wine in my hand. “Thank you,” I whispered.

  “You looked like you could use a drink.” She nodded in Jackson’s direction and grinned, her amusement quickly concealed by the tip of her wine glass.

  “Why do you hate me?”

  “Hate has nothing to do with it, honey.” She tipped the bottom of my wine glass to encourage me to take a drink.

  I shot her a glare that could cut through lead and moved through the crowded kitchen to the fridge. I grabbed the shredded cheese and placed it on the counter, ensuring every ingredient needed to make chicken tacos was included in the feast spread before me. I turned to grab a stack of plates when Jackson stopped me. “I already got plates, and I set yours next to mine.”

  His breath slid over my skin like a warm caress. Never before had I wanted to live in a moment, but if given a choice, I could’ve stayed here for eternity. Hello, sinus tachycardia. If my heart kept at it, I was going to have to medicate the sucker. Though, with my heart beating faster, at least I was getting a good cardiovascular workout.

  “Sounds like a plan.” I barely cracked a smile when I replied. He was the one who put me in the friend zone, and it was where I’d fucking stay. Terayn and Ryan may have intended for my interactions with Jackson to be sexual, but that ship had long since sailed. Let’s face it, I was a magnet for losers and idiots. Jackson was way too kind and successful to fall prey to any of my feminine wiles.

  The four of us ate slowly. Over the course of a few hours, a bottle and a half of wine was devoured. Jackson, Terayn, and Ryan all had to be at work in the morning. I, on the other hand, didn’t have to be awake until five the next evening. Jackson and Ryan offered to clean all the dishes from dinner while Terayn and I sat on the couch.

  “So, he said he wanted to be friends?” she asked.

  I shushed her, placing my finger over my lips. “Keep your voice down!”

  “Did he mention anything about being friends with benefits?”

  “No. He said just friends. What part of that is so hard to understand?”

  “The part where he can’t stop staring at you. Jesus, Wren, see for yourself.”

  Reluctantly, I stole a glance over my left shoulder. Sure enough, Jackson stared at me as he wiped a plate down with a towel. “He wants to be friends. Nothing more, nothing less.”

  It was almost ten when the boys finished cleaning up. Terayn announced with a yawn she and Ryan would be retiring for the evening. I quickly pulled up Netflix, filling the once-welcomed silence with noise.

  “Aren’t you going to sleep too?” Jackson sat beside me, the worn leather cushions rolling him closer.

  “I don’t work until tomorrow night. I need to stay up until morning, and then I’ll be able to sleep all day.”

  “Oh.”

  “If you want to hang out for a bit and watch something, you can. I’m starting the first season of The X-Files.”

  He stood from the couch, stretching his arms. “I better call it a night. I’ve got an early morning tomorrow.”

  I followed him to the door. “Well, thanks for inviting me out today. I had fun.”

  “Me too.” He waved and slid outside, disappearing behind the thick wood of our front door.

  I turned the deadbolt and every other lock I could get my hands on. If I wasn’t careful, I’d probably run right out of this apartment and chase Jackson down. It wasn’t an easy feat, but I managed to sit my ass on the couch and turn on the first episode. Two hours later, a text lit up the screen of my phone.

  Jacks: Have Mulder and Scully had sex yet?

  Me: Dude, I’m only on the second episode. Down boy.

  Jacks: I just watched the first episode, and it’s completely obvious that they’re going to bone.

  Me: Did you really just say going to bone?

  Jacks: I’m sleep-deprived. I came home a
nd took a shower, but when I laid down, I couldn’t fall asleep. After lying around for an hour, I decided to watch the first episode of The X-Files.

  Me: Seriously?

  Jacks: I’ve been meaning to watch it for a few months now.

  Me: It’s kind of a creepy show, but I like it so far.

  Jacks: You would.

  Me: What is that supposed to mean?

  Jacks: You don’t strike me as a person who is easily scared.

  Me: That’s an astute observation.

  Jacks: Maybe I have an eye for detail as well.

  I’d been burned in the past, and the experience taught me to analyze every person I let in. If Jackson were just as analytical, then he’d probably been burned too. We seemed to have more in common than I ever would’ve thought.

  Me: I’m sure Kate appreciates it. Women go crazy for shit like that.

  Jacks: Not including yourself in that category?

  Me: Nope.

  Jacks: Why not?

  Me: Because the things I want are much simpler.

  Jackson: How so?

  Me: What did we say about secrets?

  Jacks: True, but you can always talk to me if you need to.

  Me: Ditto.

  Jackson: Any recommendations on something to help me fall asleep?

  Me: Drink a glass of milk and then turn all the lights off in your apartment and go to sleep.

  Jackson: And they say bedside manner is dead.

  Me: Go to sleep, Jackson.

  Jackson: It’s too late for that. I’m going for a run instead.

  Me: Okay, be safe.

  Forty-five minutes and a pee break later, I’d been sucked into the show. I was already on the third episode and had no intention of stopping. That was one luxury of existing at night, free reign over the television. Two months ago, I binge-watched every season of Game of Thrones in the span of a week . . . and I don’t have any regrets about it either.

  Jackson had been right about the chemistry between Scully and Mulder. It was palpable. A tension so finite, you could slice it with a knife. I loved every single second. The slow burn of embers smoldered in the beginning, but then transformed into an all-consuming flame. Those were the best relationships—the kind everyone wanted. Well, almost everyone. As soon as I even thought his name, my phone lit up again.