I Know Better (By Your Side Series Book 1)

by A. P. Watson

  “See, that wasn’t so hard.” I huffed loudly as he set me back on the bed, but he remained undeterred by my exasperation. Instead, he caught my wrist, his head dipping as he bent his face toward my skin. My tachycardia was back in full swing because his lips were mere breaths from my flesh. “Your skin smells like chocolate.”

  It took a moment for my brain to register what he said. “Oh, I use cocoa butter lotion.”

  “It’s nice.” He smelled my arm again. “This must be what heaven smells like.”

  I playfully pushed him away, my eyes rolling so hard I got a panoramic view of the ceiling. “Whatever.”

  “You don’t believe me?”

  “Not even remotely.” There was no shortage of sass in my voice, and when I opened my mouth to sass him some more, a squeal escaped instead.

  Jacks sprung on top of me, pinning me to the mattress. I didn’t understand what was happening, but then his face pressed into the curve of my neck, and he began making dramatic sniffing noises. Quickly, he moved to the other side of my neck before moving on to my cheeks and hair. “Now do you believe me?” he asked.

  “That tickles!” I cried. I tried to push him off, but all my efforts were in vain because he grabbed my arms, trapping them above my head.

  “I’m sorry,” he stated, grinning from ear to ear.

  “No, you’re not.”

  “You’re right . . . I’m not.” Amusement faded from his voice as his eyes scanned my features. Slowly, the space between our faces lessened. I watched with bated breath as his lips parted, his mouth nearing mine. We agreed to be friends, but the way he was looking at me made me feel like I was being consumed by an open flame. And there was nothing friendly about it. Instead of meeting my lips, his face shifted sideways, moving to my neck. Instinctively, I arched my back, thrusting my chest against his. A moan escaped my lips as he kissed his way along my neck. His hands released mine and found my waist, pulling me forward as he sat up. My body followed his lead as if we were tethered to one another. He adjusted my legs, twisting them to wrap around his waist and causing me to settle further in his lap.

  “Jackson.” His name sounded like a plea as it left my lips.

  It was only one word, but as soon as I uttered it, the spell we’d surrendered to was broken. Recognition dawned in the depths of his brown irises. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.” He ended our embrace and slid off the bed, creating as much distance as he could. “I need to take a shower.”

  My heart plummeted off the peak of the high-rise building we were in. “Go ahead. You’ve got to go to work today.”

  He nodded, his mouth nothing more than a grim line, and disappeared into the bathroom. I changed out of his clothes and into mine as fast as I could. Then I made his bed and folded the clothes he let me wear, leaving them on top of the comforter. The sound of water emanated from the bathroom as I headed in the direction of the kitchen. What the hell just happened? One second, everything was normal, and the next, Jacks was lying on top of me and kissing my neck. He was the one who proposed our strict friendship, and now he was clearly avoiding me because he broke that agreement. Well, he could figure it out on his own. I ordered an Uber and made my way to the elevator.

  Twenty minutes later, I was back inside the townhouse. I crept down the hall to my room and shut the door behind me. I was scheduled to work tonight, so I took a melatonin pill and changed into a pair of pajamas. My bed called out to me, and I buried myself underneath the covers, ready to pass out. Sleep almost conquered my mind when my phone began to buzz. Sighing, I patted the bed next to me to find it. When I finally managed to locate my phone, I answered the call without even checking to see who it was.

  “Yeah?”

  “Where are you?” After the way Jacks acted at his apartment, I expected him to ignore me, but the concern lacing his voice told a different story.

  “At my apartment. Why?”

  “I got out of the shower and you were gone. I was worried about you.”

  “Well, you seemed to need space.”

  “I never said that.”

  “You didn’t have to, because it was pretty damn obvious.”

  “Look, I shouldn’t have come on to you. It was a momentary lapse in judgment.”

  Sharing an intimate moment with me was a momentary lapse in judgment? Ouch. Honestly, why did I ever even try to look attractive? Clearly, I was destined to make all my future dinner reservations under the name depressed and alone, party of one. “Yeah, just keep digging that hole even deeper.”

  “Fuck, that’s not what I meant to say.”

  “Look, Jackson, I’m tired, and I have to work tonight. I’m going to bed.”

  “Wren . . . ”

  “Goodbye.”

  I hung up and plugged my phone into the charger. At the moment, I didn’t have the time or heart to try and figure out what his problem was. Did we cross a line? Yes. But did that mean he had the right to act weird? No. He should have apologized and explained his behavior and reaction as soon as it happened. I’d been wronged by men too many times to put up with bullshit of any kind. After Liam, I adopted a zero-tolerance policy, and it was one I adhered to religiously.

  When I woke up for work, it was like I hadn’t slept at all. I groaned inwardly, my muscles flooded with the sensation that my brain had been ordering them to sleep only a second ago. This was going to be one hell of a night. I needed a shower, but my feet bypassed the bathroom on the hunt for a steaming mug of caffeine instead. I filled the coffee pot, anxiously waiting for it to spit out precious anti-bitch serum. Behind me, Terayn entered the townhouse.

  “Hey!” I said. She locked the door behind her and dropped her purse and keys on the couch as she hurried over to me.

  “So, how was your dinner with Jackson last night?” Optimism shined through every facet of her eyes. Instantly, my heart seized at the thought of crushing her hopefulness into a pulp.

  “Honestly, it was great. We ate at Monteverde and then went back to his place to watch a movie. I passed out after the movie and didn’t get back until this morning.”

  “That’s it?”

  “Yeah, sorry, I don’t have any juicy details to share.” I poured myself some coffee and took a long gulp.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked, her eyes narrowing.

  “Nothing, I’m just tired.”

  “Yeah, there ain’t a chance in hell I’m buying that excuse. Your aura is all off. What happened?”

  I knew Terayn, and there was no way she was letting me off the hook. Sighing, I took another sip of coffee. “We watched It, which scared the shit out of me.”

  She nodded. “Naturally.”

  “And because I was so scared, he sat up with me till I fell asleep. Then, when I woke up this morning, we were both in his bed. He said he was going to put me in the guest bedroom last night, but he was afraid I’d wake up frightened, so he put me on his bed instead.”

  “That was sweet.”

  “Yeah, it was, but when we woke up this morning, something changed. We were talking and teasing each other like we always do until he basically started tickling me all over my body. One thing led to another, and the next thing I know, I’m lying on my back, pinned beneath him as he’s kissing my neck. Then, almost as soon as it started, he jumped off me and apologized.”

  “What did he say?”

  “He said he was sorry for coming onto me and that he didn’t know what he was thinking.”

  Ter grimaced at my reply. “Ouch.”

  “That’s exactly what I thought.”

  “Then what happened?”

  “He said he needed to take a shower and get ready for work because, by that time, it was after six in the morning. So, while he was in the shower, I ordered an Uber and got the hell out of there.”

  “Have you talked to him since?”

  “He called almost as soon as I got back to the townhouse because he was worried about me. He apologized again, but I didn’t care what he had to say.
I said goodbye and hung up.”

  “You want my opinion?” I nodded, desperate for any insight she may have. “I think Jackson is taken with you, and he has absolutely no idea what to do with himself.”

  I chuckled at her theory, shaking my head. “No, there’s no way.”

  “Y’all have hung out every second you could since the moment you met, and that definitely isn’t normal behavior for Jackson.”

  “How do you know that isn’t normal behavior for him?” I asked.

  “Because Ryan, Jackson, and I go out to dinner together at least once or twice a month. And every time we do, he always has another girl with him. It’s never the same girl twice, and yet he can’t seem to stay away from you.”

  “It doesn’t matter because he clearly only wants to be friends. You should’ve seen the way he jumped off me when he realized what we were doing. I felt like a leper!”

  “He probably did that because he’s scared to death! He doesn’t know if he should give you a high-five and watch the Bulls game with you or rip off every single article of your clothing.”

  “Either way, it doesn’t matter. You know my policy.” I learned the hard way about self-preservation when it came to matters of the heart. “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice . . . well, we know how that ended the first time.”

  Terayn’s face fell at my words, but she had helped me pick up the pieces after Liam. She understood my trust had limits. “Has he tried to call you again?”

  I chewed on my lip for a minute. “I haven’t checked my phone yet.”

  “You’re killing me, Wren!” She jumped off the stool she was sitting on and raced toward my room. “Go get in the shower, and I’ll check your phone!”

  There was no point in arguing, so I did as I was ordered.

  A few minutes later, I was standing beneath a steady stream of water when Terayn burst inside the bathroom.

  “You have a single missed text message from him.”

  I paused for a moment, contemplating whether or not I wanted to hear him out. In the end, curiosity won out. Deep down, I wanted him to be a good guy, but more than that, I needed him to be good to me. “What does it say?”

  “Wren, it’s hard for me to put into words how sorry I am for the way I reacted this morning. I asked for your friendship, and the first chance I got, I betrayed our agreement. Even though I haven’t known you long, your trust and happiness mean more to me than almost everything else in my life. I know you need space, so whenever you feel like talking, I’ll be waiting to hear from you.”

  Terayn read the apology, but Jackson’s voice sounded inside my mind as I absorbed every word he wrote. “Damn.”

  “You were hoping his apology wouldn’t be so sweet and heartfelt, weren’t you?”

  “Yes.”

  “He’s a good guy. I think you should talk to him,” Terayn suggested.

  “But you know my history with guys.”

  “And don’t you think it’s high time you change that?”

  “And what makes you think Jacks is the solution to my problem? I asked.

  “Jackson is a gentleman, and he has always treated me with tons of respect whenever Ryan and I hang out with him. For the most part, guys are dicks, but you should give Jackson the benefit of the doubt.”

  “I don’t know if that is a smart idea.”

  “Why, because you’re attracted to him?”

  “Because I want him to be attracted to me.” I slapped my hand over my mouth to prevent any more secrets from spilling out. “Ugh,” I groaned. “Ter, this whole friendship thing is going to be a lot more complicated than I originally thought.”

  “Yeah, no kidding, babe.”

  “What should I do?”

  “Hear him out, and then you can decide whether or not he is worth your time.”

  “Yeah, that sounds good.” I tried to sound nonchalant, but my internal struggle was eating away at me. Just how long could I continue being friends without needing something more?

  chapter nine

  trying

  WHEN I STEPPED INTO the break room at work that night, Nate was already waiting for me.

  “There you are!” he cried.

  I glanced at a clock hanging on the beige wall above the bathroom door. “I’m not late, am I?”

  “No, but you know Marion, right?”

  “The surly nurse who didn’t even look at me when I gave her report on our patients Tuesday morning?”

  “Yeah, her vagina hasn’t seen a dick since 1997, so her surliness is understandable. But she’s been raving about you since I got here thirty minutes ago.”

  “What? Why?” I shoved my purse in the locker with my name on it and turned toward the refrigerator to store my lunchbox. However, when I opened the door, the fridge was filled to the brim with takeout boxes. “Did they have a party today or something?”

  “No! That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you about. Marion said a very, very handsome man in a suit stopped by and dropped off all that food. When she asked him why he said he appreciated the job we do as nurses, and he wanted to make sure Wren and all her coworkers had a nice meal to enjoy.”

  I’d be lying if I said my heart didn’t somersault inside my ribcage. “That was nice.”

  “So, what is his name?” Nate asked with a grin.

  “Jackson.”

  “Sounds sexy.”

  “He’s just my friend,” I stated, clearly enunciating each word.

  “Yeah, sure.”

  “I’m telling you the truth!”

  “Hey, as your work husband, I’m happy there is another thoughtful man in your life, but a guy only makes a gesture like that if he’s into you.”

  “We’re best friends. That’s all.” My reply slipped out before I could stop it. Jacks and I were friends, sure, but didn’t our friendship run a bit deeper than that? I wasn’t insane, we’d only known each other a week, but we did have a good connection. We had so much in common, and we both had secrets. Ones we respected each other enough not to pry into. When it came down to an examination of the facts, Jacks was my friend. He was one of the best ones I had, just like Ter and Ryan.

  Nate sighed dramatically. “Okay, I’ll let you off the hook for now.”

  “What kind of food did he bring?”

  “He brought us takeout from Monteverde!”

  “I ate there last night. It’s really good.”

  “I’ve been dying to try it! Whoever this guy is to you, he’s got deep pockets. That place is not cheap, and he bought twenty different dishes for us.”

  “Damn, now I have to text him.”

  “Girl, if you don’t want him, send the man my way.”

  I laughed and hooked my arm through Nate’s as we headed out to the nurse’s station. “I’ll see what I can do.”

  The moment we finished getting our reports, Nate and I hit the ground with our feet running. By midnight, two patients in the unit had passed away. It split my heart in two to see one of the patients Nate and I had been caring for die. We tried so hard to get her back, but after fifty minutes of CPR and medications, we had to stop. She never once regained a pulse. The other patient who passed had end-stage cancer. Death was fast approaching for this individual, and though we knew this fact, it didn’t make the loss any easier to bear.

  ICU nurses hated to admit defeat. If there was a patient we thought we could save, we’d fight like hell to make it happen. But sometimes, death called people home, no matter how many medicines we administered or how many procedures we tried.

  Despite the patients we lost, the night stayed busy. We consoled families, bathed patients, hung IV antibiotics, and completed a hundred other tasks. At two o’ clock, everyone working in the unit was caught up enough to help Nate, and I admit an alcoholic patient.

  When we received the man from the emergency department, he was as wild as a buck. Drunk patients were usually chill, but this man wasn’t drunk. He was a hardcore alcoholic who hadn’t seen a drink in four days, and now
his body was violently withdrawing from the alcohol.

  “I’ve got his arms.” Nate held down his wrists while one of the other nurses we worked with, Kara, tied his arms down.

  I pressed the buttons on the man’s IV pump, quickly programming it to give him an extra dose of medication to calm him down. “I’m going to give him another bolus of Precedex.” Normally, Precedex was a gift from the gods, but this patient was going through the stuff like it was water.

  “Give me my fucking vodka!” The patient reared against Nate and Kara, desperately trying to free himself from the wrist restraints they were placing on his arms.

  “Mr. Dale, you’re in the hospital because you’re very sick. Try and calm down for us.” I talked to the patient in the most soothing voice I could muster, but he continued to buck like a raging bronco. “We are your nurses, and we’re here to take care of you.”

  “Wren, his heart rate is in the 80s. Hit him with another bolus of Precedex,” Nate ordered.

  “Okay.” I programmed for another dose of medication to enter Mr. Dale’s veins.

  Nate tied down one of the patient’s arms and rounded the bed to help Kara tie the arm she was holding.

  “What else do you guys need in here?” Misty asked.

  At the sound of her voice, I turned toward the door. We needed another nurse to help calm this man, but Misty was five months pregnant. I definitely didn’t want her anywhere near this patient. “Throw us some more restraints for his legs. The Precedex hasn’t started working yet.”

  “Calm down, buddy. Everything is going to be okay.” Nate tried his hand at calming the patient, but the man was too wild to listen.

  “Here you go,” Misty ran into the room, tossing a restraint at me.

  I caught it, quickly walking toward her, and grabbing the second restraint out of her hand. “Thanks, but there is no way you and your precious baby bump can be in here. Stand outside, and we will holler if we need anything.”

  “I’m only 18 weeks. I can help.”

  “Absolutely not!” Nate glared at Misty as he finished tying the restraint to the bed.