by A. P. Watson
“Two years?”
“Yeah.” Jacks cleared his throat. “I’d never been in love until I met her. We were great together. We even had the same ambitions for our careers, but when I asked her to move in with me, she refused.”
“I’m sorry.”
“We broke up the following week.”
“How long ago was that?”
He paused for a moment, allowing stillness to envelop the world around us. “A year.”
“And since then you’ve only sought open relationships?”
“Yeah. It’s just easier for me when there are no attachments.”
“I know what you mean.” My heart ached for him because his own had been broken in two. We certainly made a pair. Jacks avoided making lasting commitments at any cost, while I built a barrier around myself that was so tall, even I couldn’t scale it.
“I know you do.”
“You said Elise keeps in touch. Maybe she wants the two of you to get back together.”
“If she does, she’s never said anything to me about it.”
“What would you do if she did?”
“Honestly . . . I don’t know.”
His tone conveyed a flurry of emotions. Why was it men were incapable of forgetting women who broke their hearts? Jacks sought to protect himself after his relationship with Elise ended. He even went so far as to compartmentalize all his relationships. Jacks had Kate to keep his bed warm and me to help him with everything else. But if Elise ever expressed her desires, he’d drop both of us like a bad habit and run off to be with her. When I stepped into the shower, I thought I’d hit bottom, but this new revelation drug me down a few more notches. “Jacks?”
“Yeah?”
“I’d like to be alone for a while.”
“Okay. I’ll be just outside if you need me.” Disappointment was evident as he spoke. He wanted to help me, to protect me, but how could I ever explain the one person I was beginning to need protection from was him?
I wasn’t sure if I stayed in the shower for hours or mere minutes. Either way, it really didn’t matter. I finished washing my hair and body, finally ready to leave the solitude of the shower behind. When I emerged from the bathroom, a clean set of clothes was lying on the bed. I checked to make sure the door was closed before dropping my towel and sliding on the clean boxers and T-shirt. I’d barely managed to nestle myself beneath the plum duvet when a soft tap sounded on the other side of the bedroom door.
“Come on in, Jacks,” I said. He entered the room, closing the door behind him. “Sorry.”
“For what?”
“Losing it on you.”
“Never apologize for being yourself.”
I laughed slightly. “I’m such a mess.”
“You know my theory on that,” he whispered.
“Can someone even be beautiful and a mess at the same time?”
He sat on the bed beside my feet. “You seem to manage really well.”
“Hardly.” I combed my fingers through my damp hair, desperate for a distraction of any kind.
“Whenever you’re ready to talk about it, I’ll be here.”
“Okay.”
Jacks stood and rounded the bed, moving toward an armchair sitting in the corner. He dragged the chair forward, moving it as close to the head of the bed as possible. “You should try to get some sleep.”
“What about you?” I questioned hesitantly.
“You helped me rest this morning, so I’m going to help you rest tonight.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” he breathed tenderly. I watched as he sat in the chair and switched off the lamp beside the bed.
“You’re sleeping in the chair?”
He bent toward me, taking my hand in his. “I’m going to sleep wherever you need me to.”
The warmth from his touch permeated through my flesh to the bone. All the sadness, all the self-doubt, that had been simmering inside my body dissipated. A simple touch allayed some of my worst fears. I racked my brain, trying to recall when another soul ever held so much power in my life. But the answer I sought was already sitting right in front of me. At that moment, I knew I was playing with fire. Why was it we always wanted what we couldn’t have? Jacks was kind and generous, and he treated me with the utmost respect. He made me feel like a lady, something I seriously doubted I’d ever be again. I only had myself to blame for my current predicament. Jacks came with his own warning label, and my heart had been foolish enough not to heed it. As if able to sense my inner turmoil, Jacks bent close, planting a soft kiss on my knuckles. I smiled ever so slightly as my gaze locked onto his. When everything was said and done, the walls I built would crumble, dragging me with them, but at least it’d be one hell of a ride down.
chapter eleven
close enough
MY FINGERS GRASPED THE air, searching for the hand that held mine while I slept. Jacks was nowhere in sight, and the chair he’d sat in was nestled safely back in the corner.
The soles of my feet padded across the wooden floor. Light shone through the large window, bathing Jackson’s apartment in sunshine. I stepped quietly, figuring he was most likely asleep in his room. However, I was surprised to find him standing in front of the stove, making omelets.
“Hey.”
“Morning.” He flipped the omelet and glanced at me over his shoulder. “How are you feeling?”
“Better,” I uttered honestly.
“That’s good.” He turned from the stove and retrieved a mug, filling it with coffee and cream. I could feel the warmth of the mug in my palms as he placed it in my hands. “If you want to sit at the table, I’ll bring you a plate of food.”
“Okay, thanks.” I’d only downed half my mug of coffee when Jacks joined me. He set two plates on the table, each teeming with fresh fruit and an omelet. I was about to take a bite when I remembered I hadn’t talked to Terayn in hours. “Fuck. I forgot to text Ter last night.”
“Don’t worry about it. I sent her a text last night saying you had a migraine and passed out here.”
“You did?”
“Yeah, told her we wouldn’t be missing the Crayola War today either.”
“Good. After everything last night, it kind of slipped my mind this morning,” I muttered.
“That’s understandable.”
We ate the remainder of our meal with barely any conversation. I changed back into my gym clothes and waited as Jacks picked out something white to wear.
It was just after eleven when we returned to the townhouse. Terayn and Ryan were seated at the bar, drinking coffee. I waved to Ryan and quickly focused on Ter. I inclined my head, motioning for her to follow me. The moment we closed the door of my room behind us, I opened my mouth to speak.
“Hey, what’s up?” Terayn sat on my bed, neatly dressed in a pair of white cotton shorts and a long sleeve shirt. She twisted her long hair over her shoulder into a single plait.
“I’m in trouble,” I answered, chewing on my lip.
“Oh my God . . . are you pregnant?”
“What? No!” My head snapped in her direction. “You have to have sex to get pregnant.”
“Oh, sorry. I forgot you haven’t done it in a while.”
I shook my head at her, moving to stand in front of my closet. I retrieved a white button-up and tossed it on the bed. “I wish I could forget.”
“So, how are you in trouble then?”
Stripping out of my gym clothes, I threw on fresh underwear and a pair of white, high-waisted shorts. “I’m falling for Jacks.”
“Yeah, I could’ve told you that, honey.”
I slid my arms through the white button-up, turning toward her as I fastened it. “Not helping,” I spat.
“Sorry!” She stood from the bed and moved to stand behind me. Her fingers worked magic on my hair, wrapping my strands into a cascading waterfall braid. “But you and Jackson would be perfect together. Ry and I have never seen him so happy.”
“Fuck.” My han
ds tied the ends of my shirt together to shorten it to hang just above my shorts. “I’m so stupid.”
“No, you’re not!”
“What should I do?”
“Tell him what you told me,” she coaxed.
“Not simply no, but hell no.”
“Wren . . . ”
“He doesn’t want me like that, Ter.”
“He asked to be friends, and yet he spends every waking moment with you. Jackson doesn’t know what he wants.”
“You may be right, but he definitely isn’t over his ex, Elise. He practically confessed last night that he’d get back together with her if she asked him to.”
“Fuck Elise. She’s a pretentious bitch.”
“You know her?” I stepped into a pair of sneakers, quickly tying the laces.
“She’s a lawyer. Sometimes she works on accounts with Ryan and Jackson. I’ve seen her at a few dinner parties.”
I groaned inwardly. “Shoot it to me straight.”
“She’s really pretty, a hardcore snob, likes designer shoes, and has the personality of a wet mop. Besides, from what I’ve seen, she and Jackson have zero chemistry together.”
“I think he still loves her.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure.”
“I’m not listening to you because you want this to happen.”
“I’m being serious. He’s in just as much trouble as you are,” she stated.
I’d experienced so much heartache, disappointment, and loneliness, I was hesitant to let someone get close to me ever again. You couldn’t survive everything. Each hardship I’d faced chipped away a small piece of my soul. If I wasn’t careful, the day would come when there was nothing left. “I can’t do it.”
Terayn flung her arms around my shoulders, hugging me tightly. “I know, babe.”
A knock at the door separated us. “Yeah?”
Jacks opened the door, peeking his head inside. “You ready, chipmunk?”
“I don’t know, are you going to keep calling me that?”
He winked at me, flashing his pearly whites. “Bet your ass I am.”
“Hope you like getting beat, Jacks because your pretty face is going down.”
“Chipmunk, if you wanted me to go down, all you had to do was ask.” I rolled my eyes and exited my room with Ter in tow. When we passed Jacks, I punched him in the shoulder. “Hey!” he grunted. Ter was my girl through and through, and she immediately followed suit, knocking him in the arm again. “What did I ever do to you?”
Terayn shrugged. “Sorry, dude, but it’s always chicks before dicks.”
Ryan was waiting for the three of us in the kitchen. Four Nerf Super Soaker guns filled with water and food coloring were spread across the counter.
I stepped forward, ready to claim my weapon. “Ryan, arm me.”
“With pleasure.” At my request, Ryan placed a water gun in my outstretched hands. “Green, your favorite.”
I smiled at him. “You’re the best.”
Terayn was next in line. “And for me?”
“The princess always gets pink.”
“Damn straight.”
Jackson stared at us like we were on the verge of insanity. “You guys are really hardcore about this, aren’t you?”
Ryan laughed, clapping Jacks on the shoulder. “A tradition is a tradition. Not to mention, it’s a fucking blast.”
“Tradition?” Jacks questioned. “I don’t remember you guys mentioning this last year.”
Ter stepped over to me, flinging her arm around my neck. “That’s because we made a special trip to Tennessee to hold the Crayola War. We had it at my dad’s place,” she replied. “Nearly scared the hell out of some kids living in his neighborhood too.”
“I can only imagine,” Jacks teased. “Alright. What color am I getting?”
“Blue.”
“Nice.”
Ryan picked up the final water gun. “And it’s orange for me.”
The four of us exited the townhouse and practically raced down the steps to the sidewalk lining the street we lived on. Sunlight washed over me, warming my muscles. Terayn motioned for all of us to gather around.
“Because this is Jackson’s first Crayola War, I’m going to cover the ground rules.”
“You have rules?” Jacks asked incredulously.
Ryan shook his head, laughing slightly. “Just go with the flow, man.”
“No face shots. The last thing we all need is a stream of water straight to the eyeball,” Ter announced.
Jackson nodded after hearing the first rule. “Okay, that makes sense.”
“Also, you have to stay on the sidewalk. No running in the street like an idiot.” She pumped the handle on her gun a few times. “And the most important rule of all . . . take no prisoners!”
The second the words rolled off her tongue, Terayn and I attacked. She hit Ryan square in the chest with a stream of pink, while I soaked Jackson’s pants with green water. Our strike took them by surprise, and we used that fact to our advantage. Ter and I tore off in the other direction, sprinting as fast as our feet could carry us. We passed three townhouses, seeking shelter behind a small pear tree. Just as I joined Ter behind the tree trunk, a stream of blue water pelted my ankle. I dared a glance and saw Jackson and Ryan barreling down the sidewalk toward us.
“Okay, they’re headed straight for us.”
“Of course, they are.” Terayn pumped her gun a few times. “Meet them head on?”
“Absolutely.”
We jumped out from behind the tree at the same time, soaking Jacks and Ryan with the last of our water reserve. Green, blue, pink, and orange zipped through the air in every direction.
“Not so untouchable away from your hideout, are you?” Ryan chased after Ter, causing her to squeal.
She stuck her tongue out at him. “You’re still not good enough to get first hit!”
A stream of blue pelted me in the chest, soaking through my shirt.
“Really?” I fired back a shot, covering Jacks’s thigh in green. “A boob shot?”
“Says the girl who went for my pants first.”
“I never promised to fight fair,” I countered with a smirk.
Jacks and I circled one another, our water guns still poised to strike. “Neither did I.” We took turns firing at each other until our clothes were soaked and our guns empty.
“Okay, okay.” I pulled a wet strand of hair from my face and took a step toward Jacks. “Truce?”
The thin fabric of his shirt was drenched, and it clung to the hard muscles of his abdomen. “It’ll cost you.”
“What do you want?”
Jacks’s mouth curved into a devious grin. “Oh, I think you know.” He ditched his gun on the ground, lunging for me instead. I tried to escape, but when his arms curled around my waist, I knew there was nothing I could do.
“Put me down!”
“Not happening, chipmunk.” Jacks lifted me into the air, flinging my body over his shoulder.
“Jacks!”
He laughed, spinning in a circle. “Nope!”
Across from us, I could see the standoff between Terayn and Ryan had come to an end as well. Ryan kneeled on the ground, completely at her mercy. “Alright, I surrender.”
Somehow, Terayn must have managed to deprive Ryan of his gun, because she had two super soakers pointed at him. Ryan was drenched from head to toe, his clothes dripping with pink. Terayn, on the other hand, only had one mark on her top. A single orange circle marred her otherwise pristine ensemble. “I love you, baby, but you are terrible at this game.”
“Who cares when I have you?”
“That’s an excellent point.” Terayn dropped her water guns and practically leapt into Ryan’s arms.
Watching the two of them together made me stop fighting against Jacks. There was no love like the one my best friends shared. As scared as I was to let anyone get close, the promise of one day finding what they have kept me going, even when all hope seemed lost. Jacks lifted
me off his shoulder, his hands clutching my waist as he set my feet back on the ground.
“I want that too,” he whispered in my ear, his lips barely grazing the side of my neck.
“What they have?”
“Yes.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Because you’re my best friend.” His brown gaze glued me to the spot. The world surrounding us seemed to fade into obscurity for just a moment.
Sensibility snapped me out of the daze I’d been swept up in. “Shut up.”
“I’m being serious.”
“I’m your best friend?”
“The fact you think so little of yourself puzzles me because I think the world of you.”
My pulse shot above 140 in less than half a second. “Because I’m your friend?” I asked nervously.
“Because you’re my girl.”
Deep down, I wanted to pretend his words didn’t affect me, but it would’ve been a lie. I tried to convince myself otherwise, ignoring the proof standing right in front of me. In his eyes, I was precious, something to hold on to and never let go. If ever there was a moment to speak my mind, this was it. My hands found his chest, gripping the shirt he wore as if I was afraid he’d disappear at any moment. “Does that mean you’re my guy?”
“Wren . . . ” The way my name sounded spilling from his lips elicited a flurry of excitement inside my chest.
“Jackson, what did you think?” Ryan flung his arm around Jacks’s shoulder, prompting us to separate.
“You were right. It’s a blast.”
“You did really good for your first Crayola War!” Terayn was picking up the super soakers we’d discarded on the ground. I grabbed my water gun from her, turning to follow as she and Ryan headed back toward the townhouse.
“Thanks. Now I know why Ryan was excited to have me on his team,” Jacks noted.
“It was nice to have some help this year, but my stance is always the same. If kicking my ass in a water gun fight makes my girls happy, then who am I to stand in the way of their happiness?”
I moved to stand on the other side of Ryan, hooking my arm through his. “What would we do without you?”
“Probably live with a lot more spiders since neither of you can bring yourself to kill any.”
