I Know Better (By Your Side Series Book 1)

by A. P. Watson

  “Right,” he responded, shaking his head.

  I tossed the shirt to him and began searching for his pants. “Will you be stopping by for dinner afterward? It’s my turn to cook tonight.”

  “Yeah. I may be late though.”

  “I’ll keep something warm for you,” I assured him.

  “Sounds good.” He was dressed in less than a minute. I helped him fasten the leather strap of his watch. “Fuck. It’s already four.”

  “Is it really?” I glanced at the numbers on his watch in utter disbelief.

  “Fuck.”

  I scurried after him as he walked through the townhouse, heading for the front door. “Don’t worry about making it tonight if you’re too busy.”

  “I’ll just call you when I’m done.” I helped him with his jacket, hurrying as fast as I could so he could get out the door. “Bye, chipmunk.”

  “Bye, babe.” I moved to kiss Jacks’s cheek, only to discover he had the same idea. We stared at one another in shock the second our lips parted. “I’m sorry.”

  “You keep doing that,” he hissed.

  “I know. Yesterday, I was drunk. And just now, I was aiming for your cheek,” I explained nervously.

  “Fuck.” He checked his watch again. “I’ve really got to go, but we’ll talk about this when I get done.”

  “Okay.” I closed the door before my mouth could get me into any more trouble. What the hell was I even saying? Bye, babe? I’d never called him that before. Ter? Yeah, I called her babe on the regular, but Jacks? Nope.

  Apparently, thinking of my bestie was the trick to summoning her. She walked into the kitchen sporting a pair of satin pajamas. “Hey! You’re up early.”

  “Jacks just left.”

  “Uh huh.”

  “I called him babe right before he left, and we accidentally kissed when I was helping him with his suit jacket.”

  She gagged, nearly spitting out her coffee. “What?”

  “Yeah, and he said that I apparently kissed him yesterday when I was drunk.”

  “You seductive little minx!”

  “Honestly, when it comes to that man, why do I ever think drinking alcohol is a good idea?”

  “Because you want to get naked with him!” Ter cried, bouncing up and down.

  “Does half naked count?” I walked over to the kitchen, grabbing the mug out of her hand to take a sip. “Because I woke up in my bra and panties with nothing else on but his button-up.”

  “What is he waiting for? I mean y’all are perfect for each other.”

  “He’s probably not attracted to me physically. Physical chemistry is really important.”

  Terayn scoffed at me, snatching her coffee from my hands. “Girl, that is so not it. He’s in love with you, and it scares the hell out of him.”

  “I don’t know, but he was acting kind of weird today. I tried to show him a picture of a guy Misty wants to set me up with, and he practically had a conniption over it.”

  She shook her head, sighing loudly. Then she moved to the refrigerator, softly banging her head against the metal surface. “The two of you need to get your fucking acts together. He flipped out because he wants you! Seriously, you have to tell him how you feel.”

  “Or I could avoid talking about it.”

  “Oh, right, because that’s gotten you so far in the last month!”

  “Avoiding my feelings is the only way I can ensure my heart stays safe. You know how things ended the last time I didn’t protect my heart.”

  “I know, babe.”

  chapter fourteen

  shapes

  I TRIED EVERY TRICK in the book to keep myself distracted. I picked up the apartment, did a load of laundry, and even made a pot of homemade chicken tortellini. My hands needed to stay busy to keep me from texting Jacks. Any time I tried to stop or slow down, half a message would be typed out before the realization of my actions dawned on me.

  After three hours of running around like a chicken with its head cut off, I couldn’t take it anymore. Jacks said he wanted to talk about what happened earlier, but there was no way I’d be able to sit around and wait for that to happen.

  I stalked back to my room, changing into a pair of pole shorts and top faster than I thought possible. Today’s color was emerald green, and I had a pair of glitter heels to match. I threw the heels into my bag along with my wallet and phone. I slid on some sweats and headed to the kitchen.

  “Where are you off to?” Ryan sat at the counter, eating a bowl of tortellini.

  “Dance class. My instructor is doing a few classes on Sundays to help everyone prepare for our performances. It’s kind of like a dress rehearsal.”

  “Cool,” Ryan replied with a full mouth.

  “When is that again?” Ter’s head turned from the movie she was watching.

  “Three weekends from now. Tickets will go on sale next week, but I’ve already got a ticket reserved for both of you.”

  “What about Jackson?” she asked.

  I grabbed my new set of keys off the counter. “I’m not sure if he’s going yet.”

  Terayn stood from the couch, her hands resting on either hip. “You mean you haven’t told him.”

  “Maybe.”

  “Wren Elizabeth Williams! Invite him to your show!” she yelled.

  “Well…”

  “He has no idea you do pole fitness, does he?” Her eyes narrowed as she glared at me.

  “No?”

  “Of course, because why on earth would you want the guy you’re falling for to find out you’re a super sexy, badass pole dancer? I mean, geez, after watching you dance, he’d probably find you super repulsive.”

  “I just didn’t want him to know yet, okay? Some people can be judgmental,” I replied in exasperation. I combed my fingers through my hair nervously. Technically, I wasn’t lying. Jacks knew I used to dance, but he just didn’t know I never stopped.

  Ryan picked this moment to insert himself into our conversation. “Wren, I totally get where you’re coming from, but Jackson won’t care if you’re a pole dancer. If anything, he’ll think it’s hot.”

  “See! All the more reason to tell him!”

  “Okay, I’ll consider telling him!” I shouted back at Terayn.

  “Do it!”

  “Bye!” I called out, heading toward the door.

  Ryan waved from his perch. “Have fun!”

  “I’ll see y’all later,” I added.

  My feet took the steps two at a time. I was anxious to slide behind the wheel of my baby. She looked even more glorious at night, her shiny exterior reflecting the street lights. I unlocked the door, tossing my bag on the passenger seat. I sat behind the wheel and turned the ignition. Harlow’s hum was even better than I remembered. After fastening my seatbelt, I adjusted the shifter and tore off down the street.

  Harlow glided through town, taking turns with an easy grace. It only took me fifteen minutes to reach the pole studio and find a parking spot nearby. When I passed through the glass doors, relief poured over my muscles, eliminating any lingering traces of tension.

  “Hey, lady!” Sasha stepped toward me from behind the desk to hug me. Her tall, slender frame was toned from years of dancing. Today, her pink locks were styled into a faux hawk.

  “Hey! I thought I’d drop in on class tonight. I hope that’s okay!”

  “Yes, of course! I’m so glad you’re here actually. Some of the other ladies performing at the fundraiser wanted to meet after class to have a dress rehearsal. Can you stay for that too?”

  “Yeah, that’s why I’m here! I’ve been meaning to make a dress rehearsal, but work has been so hectic lately.”

  “Hospitals are crazy. I can’t even imagine,” she replied.

  “I know. I can’t wait to throw some heels on and dance it out.”

  “I hear ya on that one.”

  “I’m going to go stretch and grab a pole.”

  “Sounds good! Also, do you have a copy of your music to play during dress r
ehearsal?”

  “I’ve got it on my phone.”

  “Awesome! I’ll be out there to teach in a few!”

  I found an empty spot on the back wall and ditched my bag. My sweats almost immediately joined my bag in a heap on the floor. I quickly stretched my splits and made sure the rest of my body was warmed up before sliding on my seven-inch heels. Heels created instant sex appeal. When I first started stripping, my confidence was broken. The moment I slipped on my first pair of heels, it reemerged with a vengeance. I transformed into someone else entirely. Someone who wasn’t sad and lonely, but a woman who held no illusions about her fate and set out to meet it head-on.

  Sasha turned on the radio and sidled up to her pole. For the next hour, I dipped and rolled my body into every position imaginable amongst the company of ten other women. Some of us were former strippers like Sasha and me. Others were gymnasts or classically trained ballerinas at one point in time. It didn’t matter where we came from because our destination was always the same. We were all journeying the harrowing road of self-love.

  Shape and size weren’t factors in pole dancing. The only thing that truly mattered was how much you were willing to free yourself. Each step I danced or trick I performed negated any misgivings that arose between Jacks and me earlier today. Dance was my solace, my reprieve, and I needed it today—badly.

  When Sasha finished teaching, I was sad the class was over, but I was also excited for the dress rehearsal to begin. Sasha described some of the other performances, and I couldn’t wait to watch them in person. The fundraiser Sasha organized was called Poling for People. She charged admission to the show and then donated the raised money to charity. Each year, she picked a different organization, and the chosen charity this year helped pay for basic medical screenings and vaccinations for children in underdeveloped countries. Audience members also had the option to donate more money toward the cause as well. I was excited to be a part of something so inspiring. The pole community had always been such an accepting, beautiful group of people. Some of them had the same background in dance as I did, and it was a comfort to be able to connect with other people who had experienced similar struggles.

  Five of the girls from class stayed over, and a few others joined afterward. I watched the other ladies perform in awe. They were amazing, each possessing their own unique style. After every trick and turn, I cheered loudly, admiring their beauty and grace. I was so enraptured, I nearly forgot I was performing as well. Mine was the last run through of the night, and I was excited for the opportunity to dance one more time tonight. Years of performing in front of an audience hardened my nerves. The club was no place for hesitation, and I’d learned to make every movement count. Enticement was the name of the game. If you wanted to make any money, you needed to convince customers a private dance was worth their hard-earned cash.

  “Alright, Wren, you ready?”

  “Yeah.” I walked over to where Sasha sat by the stereo. The long, rectangular room was split by poles into two lines. The rest of the girls performing sat at the front of the studio, where there was a long wall comprised of nothing but mirrors. “Here is my phone. I’ve pulled my song up already.”

  “I love this song so much!” Sasha exclaimed.

  “What song is it?” A woman with a blonde bob sitting next to Sasha shifted to look at me as she asked her question. I’d seen her in a group class before, and if I remembered correctly, her name was Erin.

  “‘Talk Show Host’ by Radiohead.”

  Erin smiled at me and nodded. “Nice.”

  I stretched out my arms and stepped up to one of the poles in the center of the room. “I just wanted to let y’all know that I was working on this dance at the studio I went to before I moved up here, but Sasha has really helped me nail down the choreography.”

  “It’s freaking awesome. I’m so excited you guys get to see it today!” Sasha winked at me and plugged my phone into the stereo. “You ready?”

  No sooner than I opened my mouth to speak, the bell on the glass door chimed. In unison, all our heads turned toward the sound. My eyes widened in shock as I watched Jacks step inside the studio. He had changed out of his suit, now wearing a pair of dark jeans and a black T-shirt. His presence was noteworthy because half the girls were craning their necks for a better view.

  “I’m sorry, I just stopped by for a moment to see Wren,” Jacks stated.

  His explanation spurred Sasha into action. “Oh, that’s so nice! We’re having a dress rehearsal for the show we are putting on in a few weeks. She was just about to dance. Do you want to stay and watch?”

  “Yeah, if that’s okay with everyone.”

  “Of course! Come down here and take a seat in the front.” Sasha stood and walked over to him, her hand outstretched. “I’m Sasha, and this is my studio.”

  Jacks accepted her handshake. “Nice to meet you. My name is Jackson Carmichael.”

  “Have you ever seen Wren dance before?”

  “Nope.”

  “Well, you’re in for a treat. Wren, are you ready?” Sasha asked, grinning wildly.

  “Yeah.” Stripping for strangers hadn’t prepared me for something like this. Having someone you care about watch you bare your soul wasn’t my area of expertise. I quickly waved at Jacks before my music had time to start. “Hey.”

  He returned my wave with one of his own, breaking into a grin. “Hey.”

  The moment the first few notes of “Talk Show Host” played, all my reservations dissipated. I stepped forward, my left hand grasping the pole. My right hand snaked its way down my chest and abdomen as my body undulated to the music. Each move was meditated, deliberately flowing together with no distinct beginning or end. Jacks’s attention was solely focused on me. I was strong and graceful, and the time had come for me to display both attributes. My feet stepped around the pole as I spun into a perfectly poised pirouette. The spin gave me enough momentum to begin climbing the pole. I made my way to the ceiling slowly, flipping my hair dramatically. His eyes were glued to my every movement, and it was as if the entire world around us faded away into nothingness. I’d never needed to be touched by someone so badly in my entire life, and the thought left me breathless.

  I performed some of my more difficult tricks as my body fully extended in a flag position as I hung from the pole. I held the move for a little bit, excited to hear some cheers from the girls watching. Then, I dismounted by flipping my body over and landing in the splits. As I slid into a slinky roll across the floor, I met Jacks’s gaze once more. I knew the look he was giving me. I’d seen it more times, than I cared to admit. It was the stare of looking at the one thing you wanted but could never have. And in the mirror behind Jacks, it was the same stare my reflection was giving him.

  The song could’ve played one hundred times, and it still would’ve felt too short. I wanted to live in this second for an eternity. It was a place where I wasn’t afraid to embrace my vulnerability and succumbed to it willingly instead. I always yearned to be this version of Wren, the one where I was completely free to indulge in every desire and vice I had.

  When the music finally stopped, I stood and bent into a low bow. The girls erupted in cheers, clapping as they stood to crowd around me.

  “That was so amazing!” Erin pulled me into a quick hug. “You are so damn silky.”

  “Thanks. I loved your routine so much! It gave me chills,” I said. She beamed at me, dispersing with the rest of the performers. I headed over to Sasha, lifting my phone off her palm.

  “I swear it was even better than last week,” Sasha complimented.

  “Really?”

  “Hell yes! This is going to be the best show yet!”

  “I’m so excited!” I waved goodbye to the other girls, making my way to my bag. I removed my heels and changed into my sweats slowly, waiting for everyone else to leave. When I emerged from the studio, Jacks was standing just outside. As I began to walk, he was quick to follow. “How did you find me?” I asked.

 
; “Terayn told me where you were.” He ran a hand through his hair, combing the brown locks away from his face. “What show was Sasha talking about?”

  “It’s just a fundraiser she puts on every year.”

  “That’s all you’re going to tell me?”

  “People buy tickets to watch us dance, and then Sasha takes the money made from ticket sales and donates all of it to charity.”

  “That’s amazing.”

  “Yeah.”

  “When is the show?”

  I chewed on my lip, wondering if I could ignore his question altogether. “Three weekends from now.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me you still danced?”

  I shrugged. “Because it’s not a big deal.”

  “Clearly it is. I saw you dance. It’s still really important to you,” he countered.

  “So, what if it is?”

  “If it’s important to you, then it’s important to me. We don’t have any more secrets to keep from one another, so there’s no need for you to shut me out.”

  The residual adrenaline from my performance surged through my muscles. “No secrets? Really?” I laughed, shaking my head. “Don’t we both have one left we’re too afraid to share?”

  He crossed his arms over his chest, turning to face me. “You tell me.”

  We stood on opposite sides of the sidewalk, glaring at one another. Jacks and I were cowards. We’d been tiptoeing around this issue for a while now and we were both too stubborn to concede the battle first. We hadn’t even slept together, and yet the intimacy we shared was more profound than anything else I’d ever experienced. He’d seen me at my most vulnerable and didn’t turn away. But I wasn’t going to be the one to put myself out there first. I learned not to do things like that a long time ago.

  “Right. Well, I’m tired and we are both working tomorrow.” I opened the door to my car and hopped in. “I’ll see you later.”

  “Wren.” He took a step toward my car, but he was too late. I slammed the door shut and threw Harlow in drive, speeding off down the street.

  chapter fifteen

  trust