Mummy Told Me Not to Tell

by Cathy Glass

  ‘Not by her father, surely?’

  Jamey shrugged. ‘I don’t know. But the odds are stacked for it, and Scott says she is.’

  Chapter Nineteen:

  Normal Family

  I drove home slowly ‘on autopilot’, my thoughts a long way from the car in front, whose break lights periodically flashed red, when I changed gear, stopping and then starting in the traffic. There are sound physiological reasons why incest is taboo: it breeds in, rather than breeds out, any genetic weakness. Lisa had escaped the learning difficulties and developmental delay of (and physical similarities to) Tracey’s family simply because the gene(s) responsible had been overridden, or diluted in the gene pool, by those from outside. But what plagued my thoughts more than the physical aspects of what I had learned was the destruction of what should have been a nurturing family structure. The very fabric of family life on which society is based had been corrupted and debased in a travesty of normality. If Scott’s (and Tracey’s) claims were correct, Tracey’s father had been abusing her since childhood, almost as the norm; probably Tracey had grown up believing it was the norm. It appeared she had even lied to the men whom she had claimed were Susie’s and Reece’s fathers to cover up the awful incestuous truth.

  Whereas before I’d had little time for Tracey, seeing her aggressive and self-centred behaviour as responsible for everything that had happened to Reece (and the other children), she now had some of my sympathy. She was a victim as much as her own children. With her limited intelligence and ever-present predator father, what chance had she ever stood of breaking out of, and trying to stop, the cycle of abuse? Thinking over what I had just read, and what I already knew, I could see that Tracey had given feeble clues, and little cries of help, for years — the accusations she had made about her father and then withdrawn, the suicide bid — which no one had ever suspected masked the darkest of secrets.

  I now remembered the inappropriate comment she’d made in the car park after contact, about cleaning Reece’s ‘dick’. It has been said without any embarrassment, as though it was acceptable, which of course for her incest was. I shied away from where my thoughts were now leading me: Jamey had said that Tracey might have been complicit in her father’s sexual abuse of Susie; was it also possible she had been complicit in sexual abuse of Reece? Father to daughter, grandfather to grandchildren, mother to son? Anything was possible when the normal building bricks of morality were demolished.

  No wonder Reece had behaved as he had done; no wonder he lived in fear of returning home, and of his mother appearing at his school. For while I felt some sympathy for Tracey the fact remained that she was a formidable woman. If I had felt intimidated by her, how much worse was it for Reece, aged seven, with learning difficulties, lost in a cruel world of sexual abuse of the worst kind — from inside the family? There was no knowing what he had seen, or had been subjected to, and possibly no one would ever know. I had thought for some time that Reece harboured secrets with all his ‘Don’t knows’, but I could never have guessed in a million years how dark and deep those secrets were.

  I drew up outside the house and switched off the engine; then I sat for a while, staring out through the windscreen, almost steeling myself for going in. I had already made the decision not to tell Adrian, Lucy and Paula what I had learned from Jamey’s report: there was no need. We were already practising safe caring to keep everyone feeling safe, and I really didn’t want them to have to carry this extra burden. Doubtless at some point (if they hadn’t already) they would read about incest in a newspaper, but I didn’t want to sully them with it now. If Reece ever said anything to them about his life at home that needed further explanation I would deal with it as it arose. But I doubted he would. Reece presumably didn’t know how he or his siblings had been conceived, so the worst-case scenario (and that was bad enough) was that he would start to talk about things he had witnessed and/or been subjected to himself.

  I got out of the car and let myself into the house. From the hall I could see Lucy and Paula playing with Reece in the garden. The three of them were playing catch with a large yellow plastic football. Adrian’s car wasn’t on the drive, so I assumed he had gone out. I went down the hall and into the living room, where I stood for some moments looking out of the French windows and watching them. Reece’s skill at catching a ball was improving, as were his other skills. I knew he would continue to make improvement, little by little, and that unlike Tracey, he (and Susie) would at least have a chance of the normal life that had been denied their mother. One could only guess at what would happen to Tracey now. Possibly more of the same; or perhaps now it was out in the open she might go into therapy and begin to make something of her future. But I thought it was doubtful that she would, as the damage was so ingrained, and Jamey had said she was pregnant, carrying what was thought to be her father’s incestuous sixth child.

  ‘I’m home,’ I called, going down the steps and on to the patio. ‘Everything all right?’

  ‘Yes,’ they chorused as they concentrated on throwing and catching the ball.

  I sat on the bench in the shade of the tree and watched their game continue. It was a beautiful day; the temperature was just right, with the heat of the August sun soothed by a light cooling breeze. I looked at Reece playing happily and naturally with his foster sisters in a normal family setting. It crossed my mind that if for any reason his aunt couldn’t look after him permanently, then perhaps we could.

  I would obviously have to discuss it with Adrian, Paula and Lucy, even before I approached Jamey, for it would be a huge commitment and there were many issues to consider. Reece was only seven, nearly eight, and he would need looking after for the next ten years, and with his level of learning difficulties possibly longer. It was doubtful he could ever live completely independently and I wasn’t getting any younger. Also it had been mentioned that Reece would benefit from having a father figure, which I had agreed with, but couldn’t offer, although Adrian was a good male role model. Then there was the locality: the constant risk of bumping into Tracey and all that might entail, or her going to Reece’s school and undoing all his present progress there. I couldn’t justify moving the whole family out of the area just to get away from Tracey. I finally had to admit that Reece’s aunt, on all counts, sounded like the better option — younger, part of his natural family, eighty miles away and with a husband. For Reece’s sake I hoped the aunt was found to be suitable, but for my sake I selfishly hoped that she wasn’t. Then I caught myself, and snapped out of it.

  ‘Does anyone fancy going for a picnic?’ I called. Does a duck like water!

  It was a light relief for me, after my morning’s reading, that the four of us put together an impromptu picnic from what we had in the fridge, and I drove a couple of miles to a small park, which had a goldfish pond and a few swings. It was two o’clock by the time we arrived, and we sat on the grass under the shade of a huge oak tree, and ate. Then Lucy and Paula sprawled out on the grass while I played with Reece, kicking the football he had carried from home.

  ‘It’s your birthday next week,’ I said to him as the ball rolled back and forth between us. ‘What would you like to do?’ I had already decided on a present, which I knew he would be pleased with, but I also wanted to give him a little outing to mark the day. He didn’t have any close friends otherwise I would have given him a party.

  ‘McDonald’s,’ he said. ‘I want to go to McDonald’s and ‘ave burger and chips.’

  I smiled. ‘It’s your choice, but I was thinking of going on a special outing like to the zoo. They have a restaurant there and I’m sure that you would be able to have burger and chips.’

  ‘Zoo? With animals?’ He looked at me, amazed.

  ‘Yes. There is a zoo about an hour away in the car. You can see a tiger, snakes, ostriches, giraffes and a lot of the animals we have read about in books.’

  He grinned and gave the ball a big kick. ‘Yes, we go to the zoo and I ‘ave burger and chips.’

  Drivi
ng home, my mobile started to ring. Paula, who was in the front passenger seat, delved into my handbag and answered it.

  ‘It’s Jill,’ Paula said.

  ‘Can you tell her I’m driving, please, and ask her if it’s urgent?’

  ‘Mum’s driving,’ Paula repeated. ‘She said to ask you if it’s urgent.’

  Paula listened and then said to me. ‘Not urgent urgent, but she would like to talk to you.’ ‘OK, tell her to hang on and I’ll pull over.’ I couldn’t put the mobile on handsfree because Reece would have been able to hear the conversation. I checked behind, indicated and pulled into the kerb. ‘Thanks,’ I said to Paula as she passed me the mobile, then, ‘Hi Jill.’ I put the car into neutral but left the engine running.

  ‘Cathy, I wanted to let you know that Tracey has just been evicted from the council offices. She is threatening everyone and claiming she knows where you live. Jamey thinks it’s a bluff, because she’s very wound up, but you need to be extra vigilant. Fortunately it’s the school holidays, so I won’t need to alert the school.’

  ‘All right. Thanks for telling me.’ I couldn’t say anything else with Reece in the car, and there wasn’t much else to say really. I said goodbye and hung up, then returned the phone to my handbag and pulled out from the kerb. ‘Heightened state of alert,’ I said to the girls and nodded towards Reece in the rear. They knew what I meant.

  ‘Not again!’ Lucy said.

  ‘Yes, although it’s thought to be a bluff’. To anyone not familiar with this situation — having an irate and aggressive woman threatening to come to the house — it would probably have seemed pretty scary, as it had been to me when I’d first started fostering. Now it was par for the course. ‘Heightened state of alert’ was a term I had adopted with my family and it meant checking the security spy hole on the front door before opening it to anyone, and just being aware of who was in the street. The girls knew that if anyone did approach them outside, or they saw anyone hanging around the house, they were to tell me immediately. These were precautionary measures, and the only nasty incident I’d had was when a very drunk father with a large pit bull terrier had turned up on the doorstep late one night, and I’d had to call the police.

  Reece’s birthday on 16 August was a runaway success. He loved the bike I had bought him, although he took a number of tumbles while practising in the garden, despite the bike having stabilizing wheels. Adrian came with us to the zoo, and Reece was incredibly excited by seeing the animals that he had only ever seen before as pictures in books or on the television. And of course the climax of the outing for Reece was the burger and chips in the zoo’s restaurant, followed by a huge ice-cream sundae, which not even he could finish. When we arrived home I lit the candles on his ‘Postman Pat’ themed birthday cake and we sang happy birthday, and managed to eat a small portion each. Reece went to bed saying he had had the best birthday ever and could he have another one tomorrow.

  ‘I’m afraid not, sweet,’ I said as I tucked him in. ‘It’s a year to your next birthday. Christmas and Easter come before that.’

  ‘OK, Cathy,’ he said, his eyes heavy with sleep. ‘I’ll ‘ave Christmas and Easter tomorrow, then my birthday. Love you.’

  I smiled. ‘Love you too, sweet.’

  Jill visited us the last week in August and she came with news that I received with mixed feelings. She said that Reece’s aunt, May, had been approved to look after Reece permanently if it was the court’s decision that Reece would not return to live with his parents, which was almost certain. Apparently there had been concerns that May might have some contact with her father, but she had been adamant she never saw him because of the way he had treated her and Tracey as children.

  Aunt May hadn’t been sexually abused by her father, as Tracey had, but their father had beaten her throughout her childhood. May had left home as soon as she could at sixteen to escape him, and now bitterly regretted not taking Tracey, who was two years younger, with her. She felt that by doing what she could to help — by giving a loving home to Lisa, and now Reece — she was making a small recompense for leaving Tracey to suffer further at the hands of the man she described as a ‘monster’. May had only seen her father twice since she’d left home: once at her mother’s funeral, and for a second time when she’d gone to the house to try to get Tracey out, but her father wouldn’t let her in or even see Tracey. May had also reassured the Guardian and Jamey that she would keep to whatever contact arrangements were set down by the court in respect of Reece seeing his parents. And of course there was no chance of May and Reece bumping into Tracey and Scott because they lived too far away.

  From what Jill said, Aunt May sounded a lovely lady and I’d half prepared myself for Reece going to live with her, although I was still sad at the thought of losing him, as I knew my family would be. However, I wasn’t prepared for what Jill told me next: the times-cale of the proposed move!

  ‘Jamey and the Guardian feel that as soon as the judge has made his decision the introduction of Reece to his new family should begin straightaway. Reece needs to start bonding with his aunt and uncle, and Lisa, as soon as possible.’

  ‘Oh,’ I said. ‘Yes, I see. The hearing is 14 September, isn’t it?’

  Jill nodded. ‘Six days of court time have been set aside to hear the case and the judge will make his decision on the following Monday. The Guardian would like the introductions to begin that week — 22 or 23 September — with a view to moving Reece two weeks later if everything is going all right.’

  ‘Oh,’ I said again. ‘That is quick.’

  Jill nodded and looked at me. ‘You thought Reece would be with you for Christmas, didn’t you?’ she asked gently.

  ‘Yes,’ I admitted, ‘I did, or at least until October half-term, when I was hoping to take him abroad on holiday.’

  ‘Sorry,’ she said. ‘But it is for the best.’

  ‘Yes, I know,’ I said quietly. ‘I’m happy for him. Aunt May sounds lovely.’ I swallowed hard and couldn’t speak again for some moments for the tears welling in my eyes.

  Chapter Twenty:

  Forever Family

  Reece returned to school the following week, where he joined his class and stayed for the greater part of each day. Because it was the start of a new academic year the whole class had gone up a year and were now in a different room with a different teacher. Reece became anxious with the changes of that first week, and I crossed my fingers and hoped he would settle again. He still had his TA, Mrs Morrison, in the classroom with him, and aware of how unsettling the start of the new academic year might be for Reece (and Troy), she took them both out of the classroom for an hour each afternoon, when she read to them in the quiet room. By the end of the first week Reece and Troy had resettled, and worked in the classroom all day. Mrs Curtis was no longer needed as relief for Mrs Morrison and she helped another child in a class the year below.

  The head was aware that the final court hearing was two weeks away and asked me at the end of the first day what the position was with Reece going to a permanent home. I said it wasn’t finalized yet, which it wasn’t, for only when the judge had made his decision would Reece’s move to his aunt be definite. I didn’t know why Mr Fitzgerald was so keen to know about the plans for Reece, because Reece wasn’t causing him a problem, but perhaps, given his history, he thought he might again in the future. I had far more faith in Reece and I knew that whatever had crystallized in his mind with my reassurances that he was safe at school and that he wasn’t going home would continue, as long as Tracey didn’t appear at the school or at home.

  I won’t pretend I wasn’t anxious as the court date drew close. I was, and I checked the street for any sign of Tracey whenever I left or entered the house, and also at the school when I took Reece in the morning and collected him in the afternoon. It was always more difficult at the end of the day, because Reece now left at 3.20 with the rest of the school and there were lots of parents waiting. Although Jamey hadn’t sent the head a photograph of Tracey he h
ad given him a good description, which the head had circulated to the staff. But while Tracey couldn’t go barging into the school because of the security gates, there was nothing to stop her waiting outside the school, which would have been just as unsettling for Reece.

  Although Scott and Tracey were no longer living together there was no animosity between them during contact, and Jamey had decided to leave the contact arrangements as they were until the final court hearing. So it continued twice a week, right up to the court date. I learned from Sabrina, who was still acting as Reece’s escort to and from contact, that there were now two security guards in place at the council offices where contact continued to be held. However, Jamey stopped contact for the week of the court hearing, saying that it would be too much for Tracey to cope with, and that she wouldn’t be able to stop herself from ‘offloading’ her anger on to Reece. It was a wise decision, for since the beginning of August Tracey had spent most of her contact time telling Reece what a ‘fucking traitor’ Jamey was, hoping for Reece’s agreement, which he didn’t give.

  It was a wonder Reece didn’t become very unsettled after contact, for Tracey clearly wasn’t coping, but Jill assured me the situation was being carefully monitored, and that Reece spent most of the contact playing with his father. He at least knew how to relate to his ‘son’, albeit mostly through play-fighting. I thought it said something good about Scott that, although he was now aware who Reece’s true father was, he continued to view him and treat him as a son. I sincerely hoped no one would ever tell Reece or any of the children about their true heritage, for how does a child cope knowing they are the product of incest?

  I explained to Reece that contact had been stopped for the week because everyone was very busy going to court, where the judge would make his decision. Reece accepted this without any problem, but did ask if he could have the cola drink that his mum always took to contact. I didn’t think cola with all its caffeine and sugar, let alone additives, was the best drink for Reece, but aware it was a ‘treat’ he would be missing, I bought some and gave him a glass on Tuesday and Friday when he would have seen his mother.