by T Gephart
“Don’t all say hello all at once.” The big guy walked into the room and threw his overnight bag onto the floor. My anxiety levels knocked down a few notches by the smile he had on his face.
“Wait a second. Troy is going to play drums tonight?” Angie proved what a quick study she was by connecting the dots.
The Power Station heavy hitter was one of the most proficient drummers I knew. It also helped that he’d been a friend of Angie’s since forever and had a history with the band, Black Addiction being their opening act for their last stadium tour. Oh, and he and his band buddies also owned the label we were signed to.
“Well, I really had a hard-on for the triangle, but Joey tells me you need a drummer. So I guess I can sit behind the kit for a night.” Troy cocked a grin.
“No offence, dude,” Rusty moved closer, his hand rubbing the back of his neck. “But do you know our stuff?”
“Ha.” Troy barked out a laugh. “Considering I heard it most nights for months while we were on tour together, I’d say I’ll be able to pull through. I’ve got all the MP3s downloaded as well, I’ll have them squared away within the hour,” he said with an absolute confidence that no one could question.
If anyone could pull it off, it was the dude standing in front of me, and there was no one else I trusted more to do the job.
“Troy, thank you.” Angie threw her arms around the big guy and gave him a hug. Our lead singer rarely got handsy, but Troy was like the brother she’d never had and he’d more than proven his friendship to all of us.
“Joey already thanked me.” He gave me a nod, the unspoken understanding flowing between us. “And honestly, I think it will be a good time. I can’t remember the last time we played together.”
“I think I was sixteen. This is going to be fun.” Angie smiled for the first time since she’d walked in my room.
The keys to my ride for the night were in the hands of someone I knew would take care of it. Who knew what was going to happen when I got to New York, but at least I hadn’t fucked up this family too. I don’t think I could have forgiven myself if I had.
“Go, we’ve got this.” Max grabbed my suitcase off the bed and handed it to me. “Go to her.” His hand grabbed my arm in a show of support.
“Okay, I need to get to the airport.” I checked my pocket to make sure I had my phone and wallet, hopefully able to catch a direct flight. I hadn’t had time to check schedules, and honestly I didn’t give a shit which route I had to take as long as I got there tonight.
“My driver’s downstairs ready to take you.” Another trademark Troy grin. “And, I chartered a jet. It’s just sitting on the tarmac with nowhere to be until I’m done.”
“You chartered a jet?” Rusty, Max and I echoed in stereo, Angie obviously not so surprised.
“Have you tried to get out of JFK in an hour?” Troy laughed, proving how ridiculous the alternative would have been.
“Thanks, I owe you.” I threw out my hand, the gratitude I was giving him nowhere near what he deserved.
“You owe me nothing.” He clapped my palm with his own. “Go do what you need to do. I’ll see if these guys can keep up.”
“Guys—” My mouth dried up as I looked at each one of my band—my family—unable to thank them for their support.
“We know.” Angie gave me a squeeze and looked to the door I would soon be walking out of. “Go.”
A strange sense of calm came over me as I accepted our fate. The knots in my stomach slowly relaxed as I became more resolved in my decision. Joey and I needed to talk and the more time that went by the harder it was going to be. The sooner, the better.
If he had freaked out and wanted to go back to the way things were in the beginning, then I wasn’t going to beg. And as much as it would hurt, I’d rather know now than have him fake it until the baby was born. That would have hurt so much more. Either way, we were adults and we would get through this.
Right.
Big girl panties on.
I picked up my phone— the same device I’d been avoiding for days that now had so many missed calls, messages and texts that I was surprised it hadn’t disintegrated under the pressure—and scrolled through to his number.
I hesitated.
Maybe I should listen to his messages first? Or read the texts?
No, I needed to stop stalling and just call.
Crap, what time was it? He had a show tonight. He might be getting ready. My brain threw out a few more roadblocks as my finger hovered over his number.
Gah.
Stop.
Press the number and call for God’s sake.
The call connected directly to voicemail as I held the phone to my ear.
“Hey this Joey, you know the drill. Wait for the beep.” BEEP.
God, he sounded good. His voice like water to my thirsty ears as I cleared my throat.
“Hi, it’s me.” I cringed wondering if I should specify who the me was before continuing. I decided to leave it and press on. “I know this is about two days too late, but I just needed some time to get things straight in my head.” A long breath I’d been unconsciously holding spilled out from my lips. “I’m not sure what happened or why it happened, but I need you to understand that I’ll be okay. It’s okay that you changed your mind, and as much as I hated hearing it from that lawyer, I’m glad I know.” I kept going before I lost my nerve. “I will never keep you from our child—no matter what happens between us—but if you need paperwork, I’ll agree. I know when we started this we promised we’d stay friends and as long as we can do that, then we’ll get through this. It’s been crazy, right?” A soft laugh escaped my throat. “I know we’ve gone through a whole lot in the last few months but I wouldn’t change it. I never told you, Joey. I am glad you’re the baby’s father. Even if it has to be like this. I’m not mad, but I’m not going to let this get ugly either. I’ll talk to you soon, bye.”
I breathed out a sigh of relief. At least it hadn’t timed out, that’s something. It would have been completely awkward if I’d only been able to leave half my message. And I didn’t cry or tell him how much I loved him. All positive things. Whether or not waiting to call him had been the best decision, it sure made the things I wanted to say easier.
I eased back into my armchair as I wondered what he would think when he heard the message. If he would call me back right away or let it sit. I couldn’t be mad if he decided to give it a few days before he called. It was a lot to take in but I already felt lighter having the one-sided conversation. It had been easier being able to get it out without interruptions.
Oh, shit. I sat up suddenly as I felt a slight panic wash over me. I should have told him that I felt the baby move. It’s something he should know, something I’m sure he would want to know. It was also something I probably should have told him when it happened, cheating him out of sharing the moment. Still, I wasn’t going to beat myself up about it. I’d had a valid reason for keeping it to myself and now was better than a week or two later. Or three months from now when he gets back.
I hit the redial button again, internally cringing at having to leave another message. Shit. What if he answered this time? Considering I left that awesome all-together and levelheaded message, it would be hella awkward if I turned into a stuttering mess. My heart pounded a little harder as I waited, his voicemail once again kicking into gear. I waited through his prerecorded message and the all-important beep.
“Hi, it’s me again.” Lame. I scrunched my eyes tight as I focused on my task. Get in, get out—don’t stumble and try not to sound like a jackass. “I forgot to mention in the last message. I-I felt the baby for the first time. A couple of days ago. It was sort of weird at first, like butterflies were trying to get out, but I felt it again today. It was . . . it was really cool. Anyway, I thought you should know. Bye.”
What was that? I shook my head as I slowly exhaled, my hand lowering the phone away from my ear. My second effort had not been nearly as polished as the first, s
o I probably should quit while I was ahead. And I’d done what I’d set out to do. Hopefully find us some middle ground where no one else would interfere—just us, doing what we had intended to do from the beginning.
As I settled back into the chair, my thoughts wandered back to Joey. That smile of his that always spelled trouble, his dark sultry eyes and his amazing hair. I thought about how strong his arms were and how nice it had been to be wrapped in them.
I missed him.
I missed everything about him.
It was with mixed sadness when I slowly rose to my feet and walked to my bedroom, the ghost of memories just as vivid in there. I could remember and not be sad I told myself as I slowly undressed, slipping into one of his old T-shirts I had decided should be my sleep shirt. It was comfortable and smelled of him, the fabric against my skin like the hugs that I was missing.
I was just about to lay down, my head desperate to get reacquainted with my pillow when I’d heard a knock at the door. The groan had been automatic, knowing it was probably Sara or Brandon, even though I had told them I needed space. Whoever it was, they wouldn’t be staying.
My bare feet padded to the door, my shoulders squared as I opened it.
And then my heart skipped a beat.
“Joey, what are you doing here?” My eyes not believing he was in front of me, blinked and refocused. “Don’t you have a show?” The only thing I could think of to say.
He didn’t answer, crashing through the doorway and pressing his mouth to mine. My lips opened for him as his tongue teased them apart, our kiss deepening as he cradled my head with his hands. I’d known this kiss; it was one of desperation as he pulled me closer, his mouth dominating mine.
My body responded, the arms that had previously hung lifelessly by my sides got in on the action and wrapped themselves around him. Fingers wandered aimlessly, trying to touch as much of him as I could, as my foot kicked the door closed.
Slowly he pulled his mouth away, moving it just far enough so he could speak. “I listened to your message.” His eyes locked on mine. “You are so wrong; I’m not done with this, with you.”
“But—” His fingers moved to my mouth and I stopped talking.
“No, for days I lost my mind.” He pressed his lips against my forehead. “Literally, lost any sanity I had, not knowing what happened.” His lips moved down my face, small kisses following in their wake before he moved back to look at me. “What that asshole did, wasn’t me. But I should never have given him those paternity results.” I watched as he swallowed, his fingers locking into mine. “That was my fuck up, I’ll own it. He took my words and twisted them into something they weren’t. I would never need paperwork to know you would do right by me, even if we weren’t together. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I didn’t pay enough attention and that I let someone come between us.”
My eyes welled as the stress of the last few days melted between us. The wave of emotion crashing over me as his words sunk in.
He hadn’t wanted to leave me.
He wanted to be here, with me.
“God, I didn’t want to let you go.” I gave up trying to stop the tears, no point really—sooner or later they were coming. “But I thought it’s what you wanted.”
“No, I never wanted to leave.” He kissed my lips gently. “I don’t ever want to leave.” His fingers traced my jaw as he pulled his mouth away, my lips immediately mourning their loss.
“I did this once for the wrong reasons.” He sunk to his knees in front of me and I felt like my heart stopped beating. “You asked me if I loved you, and that was the only reason I should propose.” He looked up at me from his place on the floor, his gaze unfaltering. “I love you. I’ve loved you for a while, but was either too stupid or too scared to tell you. But it’s how I feel, Kenzie. I love you. I’m in love with you, and I’m down on my knees asking you to marry me. Marry me, because I can’t live another day without you. You, me—that’s the kind of stuff that defies the odds and I want a forever with you. Trust me, and I promise you I will not fuck it up.”
It was like an explosion happened inside of my chest, with every cell in my body waking up all at the same time. The words ringing in my ears as I replayed them in my head and I couldn’t breathe.
He loved me.
He wanted to be with me.
He wanted to marry me.
It was that one-in-a-million lightning strike, the possibility you didn’t even dare to hope for, and here he was—on his knees—for me.
“You need to say something, babe.” He kept his fingers interwoven with mine as he rose to his feet. “I need to know if you’ll marry me.”
“I love you too,” I blurted out, the words I’d been dying to say finally coming out of my mouth.
“Marry me,” he asked again, hugging me close to his chest, the steady rhythm of his heart beating proudly beneath his shirt.
“Yes.” I nodded, my lips finding his. The kisses we’d shared not long enough as I craved more of him.
“I still don’t have a ring,” he mumbled against my mouth.
“It doesn’t matter.” I laughed, not caring if he ever bought the jewelry or not. I had what I wanted, and that meant more than any diamond he might buy.
“Also, just because I’ve come to my senses doesn’t mean in the future I won’t make mistakes.” His hands moved restlessly over my body like he hadn’t touched me in years. “Know that I love you, I didn’t mean it, and please ask me before you write me off, okay?”
The guilt crept up on me like a big ugly blanket. As hard as it was to admit, I had played a part in this mess. Listening to everyone else instead of listening to my heart.
“I’m sorry, I should have asked you.” I shook my head, not believing how close I’d come to losing all of this because I was too scared to confront him. “I just got so confused, and Brandon was here when the lawyer called, so you can imagine how that went.”
“Yeah, let’s just say we should keep away from your brother for a while.” There was not even a hint of humor in his voice. He and Brandon weren’t going to be hanging out, drinking beer anytime soon.
“He means well.” I half-heartily tried to defend him. His intentions were good even if the execution blew hardcore.
“Babe, I respect the hell out of him, and I’m sure he loves you.” He brought our interlocked hands to his lips and kissed my fingers. “But he tried to fuck with my family, so he’s now on my shit list. I’ll calm down before the wedding, I’m sure.”
Wow, a wedding. And for the first time ever I wanted to be married.
To him.
Forever.
I was probably going to cry again. Damn it.
“So did you listen to both my messages?” I moved our conversation into a happier direction, hopefully one that would stop me from becoming a blubbering mess. He hadn’t mentioned the other more awkward message, the one where I’d told him about our little person making their presence felt.
“No, when I heard the first, I couldn’t listen to the second.” He didn’t need to tell me why, his eyes still held the pain. “I figured if it was important enough you could tell me to my face. Or maybe you wouldn’t need to say it.”
He had wrongly assumed the other message would have been worse and possibly hoped we could bury it now we were together. He had no idea that he actually wanted to listen to that message.
“No, it still needs to be said.” I smiled, hoping it would alleviate some of his worry. “Listen to your messages.”
“Can’t you just tell me?” He fished out his cell from his pocket, no doubt wondering why the hell I wouldn’t just say it, but humoring me all the same.
He punched the numbers into his phone and brought it to his ear, his face unreadable as he listened. Annnnd then his expression changed; his eyes on me the entire time as he gripped the phone so tightly, I was sure it was going to snap.
“He moved? And I missed it?” He pulled the phone away from his ear, not even trying to hide his disappoin
tment.
“Or she.” We still had no idea of whether it was a boy or girl. “But you wouldn’t have felt it, I barely did.” I wrapped my arms around him, laid my head against his chest. “You’ll be here for the next time.”
“You bet your ass I will be.”
He dropped to his knees and pressed his lips to my belly. “Listen here, buddy, this is your daddy. I just told your mommy how much I love her, but you need to know that I love you too, and we’re done fucking—I mean messing—around. We’re going to be a family now, so you do whatever it is you need to do in there and I’ll take care of everything else out here. Also, if you hear your mom or me swear, those are grown up words and not for you.” He kissed my stomach and then got back onto his feet.
“I love you.” I smiled, unable to stop saying those three words. It was like a sickness and I was happy to be infected.
“God, I love hearing that.” He grinned, obviously just as far gone as I was.
“Me too.” I snuggled closer.
“Now, I’m going to need to make love to my future wife.” He wrapped his arms around me and lifted, my feet losing contact with the ground. Our new destination set as he moved us into my bedroom.
“Wait, aren’t you supposed to be on a stage somewhere?” My back hit the mattress as he lowered me down, my mouth asking questions while the rest of me screamed to shut the fuck up.
“It’s cool, I got a fill in.” He joined me on the bed, kicking off his shoes. His eyes telling me he was done with the conversation.
“Who did you get on such short notice?” My stupid mouth once again let down the team. Seriously, why couldn’t I shut up?
“Stop talking, I need to get you naked already.” He laughed against my throat, his hands wandering against the hem on my sleep shirt.
“So, tell me who and I’ll strip.” I wriggled around underneath him, my fingers moving to the fly of his jeans.
“Troy Harris, from Power Station.” He pulled off his T-shirt and tossed it to the floor as I got to work on his pants.
