Already Home

by Susan Mallery

  Violet laughed. “It’s not as bad as he thinks.”

  “I don’t think he wants to test the theory.”

  They turned into a strip mall. Beth pointed to the small store at the end. “It doesn’t look like much, but she can work miracles.”

  When they’d parked, Violet turned to the other woman. “Thank you so much for helping me today.”

  “You’re welcome.” Beth patted her arm. “I don’t know much about your past, Violet, but I sense it wasn’t especially happy. If you ever want to talk, I’m here. If you just need a friend, I hope you’ll think of me. For anything.”

  Violet had learned early not to let her emotions show and to never let them be in charge. But now, she found herself leaning close and hugging Beth.

  “Thank you,” she whispered, fighting unexpected tears. “You have no idea how much that means to me.”

  Beth held on tight. “One day you can tell me.”

  “Isn’t she beautiful?” Tom asked, pointing to a picture of a very young and very pregnant Serenity.

  Jenna stared at the photo, seeing a lot of herself in it. An odd reality she was slowly getting used to.

  She sat between her birth parents on the sofa in Beth and Marshall’s family room. Somehow they’d all gotten through dinner. The combination of traditional and vegan food had been consumed, and there had been enough wine to smooth over any rough edges.

  Jenna turned to the next page, which showed young Tom and young Serenity together. They looked happy and in love.

  “My parents insisted I give you up,” Serenity said with a sigh. “They didn’t believe that Tom and I would stay together. Having me pregnant was hard enough on my family—keeping a baby and being a single teenage mother was more than they could handle. But I wonder…”

  “Coffee anyone?” Beth asked briskly, rising to her feet. “I think I’d like some.”

  “I’ll take some as well,” Tom told her.

  “No, thanks,” Serenity said.

  Marshall nodded.

  Jenna felt her mother’s tension. While she felt badly that Beth didn’t like how things were going, she wanted to remind her that this had been her idea. Beth had been the one to insist they all get to know each other.

  The last picture in the album showed a very scared Serenity in a wheelchair as she was taken into the hospital to give birth. Jenna felt sympathy for the young girl whose life had been so changed by her pregnancy. Although she suspected most women found the process altered everything. Still, Serenity had been a teenager and not a grown woman who’d been ready to get pregnant.

  “Here’s a few pictures of the winery,” Tom said, taking that album from Jenna and replacing it with a slimmer one. “They’re recent pictures.”

  She studied the vineyard at sunset, the light streaming across the grapevines. “It’s beautiful.”

  Beth returned to the family room and glanced at the picture. “It is.”

  Serenity took Jenna’s hand. “I have to go back. I need to see Wolf and Jasmine. She’s seven months pregnant and I want to commune with her unborn baby.”

  Jenna barely blinked at the thought. “I’m sure they’ve both missed you.”

  “They have, and I’ve missed them, but this was important.” Serenity squeezed her fingers. “Jenna, please come back with me.”

  “What?”

  Jenna pulled her hand free, then closed the album and rose. She stepped out from behind the coffee table and faced her birth parents.

  “Just for a little while,” Tom added, making it clear they’d discussed this already. “For a few days. We want you to see everything. The winery, our home. Meet Wolf and his wife.”

  Visit them? She’d barely gotten used to the fact that they existed.

  “Dragon will be there, too,” Tom added.

  Jenna had to admit seeing her brother again was an enticement. He’d only stayed in town overnight and then had flown back to San Francisco. But the rest of it was less appealing.

  “You have Violet to take care of the store,” Serenity said. “She can handle things.”

  Jenna looked at Beth, who was carefully ignoring the conversation.

  “Mom?”

  Reluctantly, Beth looked up. Her smile was forced. “Why not go?” she said, her tone neutral. “It would be fun. It’s only for a few days.”

  Because it was weird. Because the thought of it made her uncomfortable. She found herself back at the same set of questions she’d had when Serenity and Tom had first shown up. Why now? What made this time special?

  She felt everyone watching her. Tom and Serenity were so hopeful, her parents, carefully noncommittal.

  “I’ll bet that coffee is ready,” she said and ducked into the kitchen.

  She hurried into the other room, knowing her escape was temporary. When she heard footsteps behind her, she turned, expecting to see Beth. Instead Tom stood there.

  “I know it’s hard,” he said, his dark eyes watching her. “But we’d really like you to come. Everything is beautiful right now. Growing. New life. Your mother…” He cleared his throat. “Serenity cried every night for the first six months. I would see her swollen eyes every morning when we went to school. Beth and Marshall are wonderful, but they’ve had you your entire life. Please, Jenna, just give us this.”

  His plea, so obviously from the heart, was difficult to ignore. Maybe she didn’t understand Serenity, but everything her birth mother had done had been kind and loving. The least Jenna could do was respond the same way.

  She drew in a breath. “Sure,” she said at last. “I’ll go with you.”

  Fourteen

  Violet nearly danced with impatience. She was so excited about her new dress. Cliff was taking her to the theater that night and she’d wanted to look perfect. For once she’d blown out her hair instead of leaving it casual. The soft curls complemented her more subtle makeup and subdued jewelry.

  But the dress itself was the star. It was a vintage-inspired blue cocktail dress that fell to the middle of her calf. The fitted bodice was decorated with black jet beads, while the skirt was full with layers of tulle.

  She’d found a beaded black evening bag at a thrift store and was wearing a pair of the Stuart Weitzman pumps she’d bought with Beth. For the first time in her life, Violet felt like a princess.

  When Cliff knocked on the door, she had to bite her lip to keep from laughing with delight. She hurried to the door and threw it open.

  “Hi!”

  Instead of responding, he stared at her. “What are you wearing?”

  She grabbed his hand and drew him into her apartment, then she spun in a circle. “Isn’t it amazing? I love this dress more than I’ve ever loved any piece of clothing in my life. I’m so excited we’re going somewhere I can wear it.”

  But instead of looking happy, Cliff scowled.

  “What?” she asked.

  “Where did you get it?”

  “The dress? At a consignment store.” Her pleasure faded a little. “Don’t you like it?”

  “I know your style. You don’t dress like this.”

  She stared at him, trying to read his emotions. But for once she couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

  “I went shopping with Beth,” she said, trying to keep the hurt from showing in her voice. She’d done this for him, and somehow it had gone terribly wrong. “Jenna’s mother. She helped me buy a bunch of clothes. I wanted to dress better. I wanted you to be proud of me.”

  Cliff’s shoulders rolled forward and his face relaxed. “You didn’t have to do that, Violet. I’m always proud of you. You’re always beautiful.” He smiled. “Especially tonight.”

  She stared at him. “Why were you upset at first?”

  He shrugged. “I wasn’t upset exactly,” he began, then shook his head. “Who am I kidding? I was jealous as hell. You looked so amazing and I know I don’t deserve you. I thought you were going to tell me you didn’t want to see me again. That it was over.”

  “Why would I
get dressed up to do that?”

  “To show me what I was losing.”

  Raw shame darkened his eyes, a wounded expression that told her somewhere in his past, something like that had happened. Someone had been that cruel.

  “Cliff,” she whispered. “I would never do that. I bought this dress for you. I want to be everything you could want.”

  He lightly touched her face. “You don’t know how much that means to me. I’m sorry I was a jerk.”

  “It’s okay. I understand.” They’d both been hurt, she thought, going to him. They had that in common. The truth was Cliff wasn’t the most exciting guy on the planet, but she was just fine with that. He was safe, and that would always be the most important thing to her.

  When a voice whispered that she couldn’t truly give herself to someone who didn’t know the truth about her past, she ignored it. If the price of being with Cliff was a sin of omission, then she was willing to accept the consequences.

  Serenity sliced the coffee cake and set the pieces onto paper plates they used in the store. Jenna tasted it, fully expecting it to surprise her, and it did. The cake was moist and the cinnamon filling just spicy enough to counteract the sweet. Even the frosting was the right consistency.

  “This is great,” Jenna said. “Are you going to have them prepare this during your next class?”

  “I haven’t decided.”

  Despite her initial concerns, the vegan cooking classes were going very well. They were always full, and the baskets of ingredients sold out every time.

  Serenity looked at her. “This is exactly what I wanted,” she admitted. “The two of us working together. I imagined it in some form or another. Sometimes I would think about what it would have been like if you’d grown up as my daughter, living at the winery, always a part of things.”

  While Jenna could understand Serenity’s need to have closure, she wasn’t comfortable talking about a life that had never been hers. No matter how she grew to enjoy spending time with Serenity, Beth would always be her mother, and she didn’t want that to change.

  “It would have been different,” was all she could manage for a response. At least the store was quiet right now and they weren’t having this intimate conversation in front of twenty strangers.

  “I had a lot of guilt,” her birth mother continued. “About giving you up for adoption. I used to wonder if I’d given in too easily. If I should have fought my parents harder. The past can be tricky. If I had kept you, and Tom and I had married sooner, things would have been different. I’m not sure how, but history builds on itself. Who knows where we would have gone? I wouldn’t have had Wolf and Dragon. There would have been other children, though. An alternate universe.”

  Jenna could almost understand her slightly strange logic. “You don’t have to feel guilty. I had a wonderful childhood. You did the right thing.”

  “Perhaps. I suppose we’ll never know.” She managed a shaky smile. “I’d always wanted a dozen children but never felt I deserved them.”

  “Why wouldn’t you?”

  “Because I’d walked away from you. I suppose it was my way of punishing myself.”

  “I’m sorry you did that,” Jenna told her. “You’re a great mother.”

  “Guilt comes at us in different forms.”

  Jenna knew that was true. She’d wrestled with her own feelings of guilt about her marriage, wondering what she’d done that was so wrong. She’d felt guilty about resenting how he ignored her, about accusing him of cheating, although the latter had turned out to be true. It seemed to her that a large part of guilt was a complete waste of time.

  Serenity rinsed the knife in the sink. “I wanted to come find you so many times over the years. I kept telling myself that you had to be the one to come to us. I was willing to wait for as long as it took. Only, things changed.”

  And speaking of guilt, Jenna thought, there it was. Slapping her on the back of the head.

  She wanted to protest that it wasn’t her fault that she hadn’t been interested in finding her birth parents. She’d had a life and a family. She hadn’t been looking for more.

  “I’m not trying to make you feel bad,” Serenity said quickly.

  “I know.” The kicker was, Jenna really did believe her. “We’ll make new memories when I come to Napa.”

  “It will be wonderful,” Serenity promised. “I can’t wait for you to see our house. There’s a wall of glass looking out onto the vineyards. It’s beautiful and there’s a healing energy there. Wolf’s house is nearby. You’re going to love his wife. Jasmine is sweet and precious. She weaves her own cloth.”

  Of course she does, Jenna thought, barely able to keep from rolling her eyes. “That’s time-consuming.”

  “It is. She buys raw cotton from some farmers we know. Instead of a garbage disposal, Jasmine and Wolf have a pig. You’ll see their place and the vineyards and we’ll meet the neighbors. There are so many places I want to take you.”

  “I’ll only be there for a few days,” Jenna reminded her, wondering if anything about the trip was going to make her feel trapped. “And I’ll be back. I don’t have to see it all at once.”

  “I want to make memories,” Serenity told her. “As many as we can.”

  Jenna wasn’t sure if that was good or bad. Or just a little bit scary.

  “I’ve worked out a schedule with Violet,” she said. “The store will be covered.”

  “Are you worried?”

  “Not really. I completely trust Violet and we have the part-time help. My mom will come in every day.” Jenna chuckled. “I know her. She’ll hover, filling in wherever she’s needed.”

  Serenity’s expression tightened slightly. It was only a faint pulling around the eyes and mouth, but Jenna caught it.

  “She’s very good to you,” Serenity said.

  The words were right but without emotion.

  Jenna went over what she’d said, trying to find the place that had upset Serenity. Was it that she called Beth Mom? Beth was her mother in every sense of the word. Now that Serenity had come back into Jenna’s life, did she expect that to change?

  Jenna excused herself to help a customer. A few minutes later, Serenity said she was going back to the apartment to pack.

  Jenna handled the customer, then reached for the ringing phone. “Grate Expectations.”

  “Jenna Stevens please.”

  “I’m Jenna.”

  “Oh, wonderful. My name is Tara Peters. I’m a book editor in New York. I specialize in cookbooks.”

  Jenna was confused by the call. “Do you want us to carry more of your books?” she asked, not sure it was an editor’s job to promote sales.

  Tara laughed. “That would be nice but it’s not why I’m calling. I just got back from an intriguing trip to Los Angeles. I met someone I think you know. Aaron Candellano.”

  “I think we’ve met,” Jenna said drily.

  “Don’t worry. I have an ex-husband, too. On my good days I only want his legs broken. Aaron’s been working with my assistant. He pitched a cookbook to us and we were interested. We have a relationship with the Food Network and were considering him for the show. However, it seems he’s not the creative genius we first thought. On my trip I found out very quickly Aaron is all flash. From what several people told me, you were the creative energy in the relationship.”

  Jenna sank down onto the stool behind the cash register. She heard a faint buzzing sound and told herself this was a really stupid time to faint.

  “Someone said that?”

  “More than one person. In fact, the only employees I could find who liked Aaron were the ones sleeping with him. If I flew to Texas next month, could we talk?”

  “About what?”

  Tara laughed again. Jenna was starting to like the sound. “About a potential book deal and perhaps a show. I understand you have a store in Georgetown. From what I saw of it on your website, I think it would be a great backdrop for filming.”

  “I, ah…” She
sucked in air. A cookbook deal? A show? Her? “We could talk,” she managed to say. “Sure.”

  “Great. I’ll be in touch in a couple of weeks. Oh, and Jenna? It’s none of my business, but I think you’re better off without him.”

  With that, the New York editor hung up.

  Jenna slowly replaced the receiver. It was Violet’s day off. Tiffany, a pretty, bright, blonde business major at Southwestern University, efficiently handled the few late-morning customers, leaving Jenna free to blink and breathe and wonder if she’d imagined the whole thing.

  When Beth showed up a little before noon, she was grateful to have her to talk to.

  “How are things?” her mother asked, then frowned. “What happened? Did Serenity do something?”

  “No. It’s good, I think. Weird, but good. I got a call.”

  Jenna told her about the short but unbelievable conversation she’d had with Tara Peters.

  “She wants to come here and talk to me. She thinks Aaron is all flash.” Jenna couldn’t explain how validated she felt without admitting to her mother how broken she’d been when she’d returned from L.A.

  “I love smart women,” Beth told her. “Good for you. This is great. You’re going to write a cookbook and people everywhere are going to know how amazing you are. You are so talented.”

  Beth hugged her.

  Jenna held on, appreciating the familiar sense of love that washed over her.

  Beth straightened. “You know Serenity is going to take credit for this,” she said with a sigh.

  “How can she?”

  “You get your creativity from her.”

  “I guess. There’s plenty of cooking on her side of the family tree.”

  “Something to talk about when you go visit.”

  Jenna touched her arm. “Mom, are you okay with me going to California?”

  “Of course. It’s important for you to get to know them. Aren’t you excited about the trip?”

  “In a cautious way. Serenity wants to cram everything into a five-day visit. I’m more in the ‘let’s take it slow’ camp.”