Admission

by Travis Thrasher

  “What did he do?”

  “Come on, Jake. What do you think he did? Are you still that naive?” Franklin cursed. “Use your head. Your little Alec wasn’t as sweet and innocent as you were led to believe.”

  “Nobody’s saying he’s sweet and innocent.”

  “You were so judgmental. So paranoid. Remember?”

  “I had reasons to be.”

  “Then Alec takes off, and your other best friend decides to kill himself.”

  “I recall he was your friend too.”

  “Semantics.”

  “And your point?” I said.

  “My point,” Franklin said, anger laced in his words, “my point is that you shouldn’t be talking to me to get the answers. Your friend Alec has all of them. He knows everything. He took care of everything and then took off. I don’t even know everything.”

  “Where is he?”

  “Relax. He’s nowhere around here.”

  “How can you be so laid back about this?”

  “Because it was in the past. It was all a long time ago.”

  “Don’t you ever think about those times?” I asked him.

  “No. Do you?”

  “Sometimes.”

  “Interesting how you’ve never come back around here. As if you have something to hide. Like Alec.”

  I wanted to curse at him, but I held my tongue. I exhaled and balled a fist.

  “Where is Alec?” I asked again.

  “Last time he called, he was in California.”

  This surprised me. “Doing what?”

  “He was frantic. Sounded like he was in a lot of trouble. Funny—he called out of the blue. A month later, you show up at my door. Seems the two of you need to hook up and sort some things out.”

  “And you haven’t heard from him since?”

  He shook his head and took a last sip from his martini. He slipped a twenty in the leather bill holder and stood. “You know—I would love to reminisce about old times and all that, but as you know, I’ve got a wife and kids I need to go home to.”

  I stood. This was probably all the information I was going to get out of him. But it had been enough.

  “I would say it’s been a pleasure,” I started to say.

  “But you would be lying, and you never lied. Not even back in the days of your debauchery.”

  “That’s a big word for you.”

  Franklin laughed. “Hope you find your long-lost friend,” he said. “Just one more thing.”

  “What’s that?”

  “The bum you’re carrying around with you—why don’t you ask him about Alec’s whereabouts?”

  “Bruce? What do you mean?”

  Franklin raised his eyebrows as if to say Now you’re talking.

  “How do you know—how do you know all this?”

  “There’s a lot of stuff you never knew, Jake. That we never told you. And there was a reason for that. Maybe—just maybe—it was because you were a wild card. Maybe it was because none of us knew the next thing you’d do. Alec and Bruce weren’t the most out of control. Not back then.”

  I felt like punching him in the face.

  “I wasn’t responsible for what happened,” I said.

  “Which one of us got the snot beat out of him? I recall it was you.”

  Standing there, I breathed out and let my emotions cool down.

  “The best thing you can do is find Alec and then leave the rest alone,” Franklin said.

  “But Bruce—what does he know?”

  “Why don’t you ask him? I’ve told you everything I know. That’s more than Alec and Bruce have done. Tells you something, huh?”

  TWENTY-NINE

  March 1994

  JAKE FELT LIKE ITEM number nineteen on the president’s to-do list as the door finally opened and he entered the office twenty minutes after his scheduled time. Wall-to-wall built-in bookshelves filled with leather-bound and hardcover books surrounded him. He took a seat in a leather armchair facing a rich cherry desk that took up a third of the room.

  Dr. Bramson sat down behind his desk, slipped his glasses on, and stared at Jake without any welcome. The fifty-something man was as meticulous as his office. A globe here, a pen and pencil set there, a framed picture. On the wall behind him, next to a window that looked out onto the main courtyard of the campus, a framed Bible verse from Psalms talking about “decreeing statutes to Jacob” and giving the law to Israel. It made as much sense to Jake as speaking in tongues.

  “So, Jake, tell me about the off-site incident four days ago.” The voice was firm, direct, aloof.

  “I’m sure you already know this,” Jake said, recounting the familiar story. “After going to a bar, I went back to my apartment. Brian Erwin and Chad Hoving knocked on my door, then dragged me out into the hallway and beat the tar out of me. The police initially pressed charges, but said there wasn’t enough evidence to prosecute.”

  “Had you been drinking that night?” The mostly-bald and narrow head of the president faced him. Dr. Bramson’s eyes looked cold and tired behind the large glasses.

  Jake nodded.

  “Did you provoke the fight?”

  “There’s been something building between Brian and me for a couple years. But no, I didn’t do anything to him that night.”

  “What about an incident involving a cigarette burn?”

  “I smashed a cigarette on his head at a party a week ago. That was all.”

  “Was it lit?”

  “Yeah, but it wasn’t like he was being held down and branded. It didn’t hurt him. Except maybe his pride.”

  “There was nothing else? Nothing at all?”

  What was the guy getting at?

  “No. This Chad guy—I didn’t even know who he was until someone told me. I’ve never talked to him in my life.”

  Dr. Bramson looked down at sheets of paper on his desk.

  “You’ve been suspended four times since you started in 1991, twice for violating rules on drinking. You stole the school mascot, you tore up the soccer and baseball fields with your car. And most recently, you jumped off the roof of South Hall.”

  Jake nodded.

  “Jake, Providence College prides itself with recruiting exceptional students from all over the country. Students who are interested in learning and growing. We see faith as a key part of the growth of Providence students, and we rely on seniors to be examples for the underclassmen.”

  The president paused for effect.

  “My question for you is this: why come to Providence in the first place? Why not go somewhere else that fits your … your personality?”

  “Like a party college?” Jake asked, a smile on his face.

  “Why did you choose Providence?”

  “I went to USC my first year and almost flunked out. My parents were paying for my college, so they gave me a choice. Go to Providence and they’d continue paying, or I could pay on my own somewhere else.”

  “You’re a business major, correct?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Where do you see yourself after graduation?”

  “Good question. I’m not really sure. Got any openings?” Jake said this last line with a smile, trying to get some warmth from the man behind the desk.

  Dr. Bramson studied him again. “This is all pretty funny to you, isn’t it?”

  Jake shook his head. “I was beaten unconscious, sir. I’ve got a black eye that probably won’t go away for a month. The police said they can’t do anything, and now I hear the school might be letting those guys back on campus. None of that is particularly funny to me, but I’m not sure what I can do except laugh.”

  “Weren’t you let back on campus after your mistakes?”

  “I’d say they were a little different from this.”

  “How so?” Dr. Bramson asked.

  Jake could feel his head and neck getting warm. “They weren’t in the papers, first of all. I never hurt anyone. I’ve never hurt anyone while I’ve been here.”

  “
Is that so?”

  “Yeah, that’s so,” Jake said, annoyed at Dr. Bramson’s question.

  “Tell me about Laila Henson.”

  What? Jake wrinkled his eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

  “Do you know Laila Henson?”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  “And did anything happen the night of the party when you had an altercation with Brian? Anything involving Laila?”

  He tried to get a frame of reference for Laila and the night of the party. For a moment, nothing registered at all. All Jake could think of was when she took him home the night he broke his hand.

  “Anything meaning what? I didn’t have an ‘altercation’ with Brian.”

  “When you put out the cigarette on his head.”

  Jake shook his head. “Laila was at the party. That’s all.”

  “Were you pretty drunk?”

  “No,” Jake said.

  “Are you sure about that?”

  “Yes, I’m sure,” he said very slowly, annoyed at the direction this was headed.

  “I had a talk with Brian Erwin this morning. He had some interesting things to share about that night.”

  “Really? That’s great to hear. I’d love to know what he thought about beating me unconscious.”

  “He said Laila told him something the night he came to your apartment.”

  “Okay,” Jake said, wanting more.

  “He said you tried to rape her at that party.”

  Jake couldn’t breathe. He sat there, trying to comprehend Dr. Bramson’s words.

  “And you’re saying you didn’t talk to her at all,” Dr. Bramson continued.

  Jake couldn’t think. This was about the night he got beaten up. Why was Dr. Bramson talking about the party at Neesa’s house?

  “I don’t know if I spoke to her. Maybe. But nothing happened with her. Nothing whatsoever. I didn’t try to do anything to her. You believe that?”

  “I’m just reporting what Brian told me.”

  Jake cursed. “First off, the guy is a liar. He’s had something against me for a while. He’s dating Laila.”

  “You know her, right?”

  “Yeah, sure. Half the guys on campus know her.”

  “Laila told him that night about what happened. That’s why Brian and Chad came to your apartment.”

  “Oh, okay. So that makes it all right. If someone told me you’d molested them, I could come to your house and grab you out of bed and leave you for dead. Is that right?”

  “There were students who saw you coming out of a bedroom at Neesa’s house.”

  What the—

  “But you say nothing happened?”

  “Who have you been talking to?” Jake asked in anger.

  “That’s not your concern.”

  “Yeah, it is! When you sit here accusing me of something like this!”

  “Jake.”

  He looked at Dr. Bramson and stopped talking for a moment.

  “Tell me something.”

  “What?” Jake asked.

  “Do you expect me to believe a word you say?”

  The statement not only surprised Jake, it scared him. The detached, callous way the president spoke, the way his eyes didn’t waver.

  “I guess not.”

  “You’ve been nothing but a blemish on this school since you’ve been here,” Dr. Bramson continued. “There is a large percentage of students who come here wanting to learn, wanting to grow up in a safe and healthy environment. Those who love the Lord and want to do good. Do you realize the harm you’ve done to them, to this college?”

  “Harm?”

  “By your actions.”

  “Again, let me remind you, I was the one who got beat up.”

  “A lot of people say you had it coming.”

  “Thanks. I appreciate hearing that from the president of my college.”

  “Brian Erwin has done nothing but good for Providence since he’s been here.”

  “Yeah, I know. Things might be a little different if I could play hoops or hit a baseball. Sorry, I just can’t.”

  “Actions speak louder than words, Jake.”

  “Wow. I haven’t heard that bit of wisdom ever.”

  Dr. Bramson cleared his throat and rested his thin hands on his desk. “The Bible says the Lord hates the way of the wicked, but he loves those who pursue righteousness.”

  Jake shook his head, his face flustered and his back sweaty. He wasn’t just frustrated; he was furious.

  The gall of this man, he thought. The little weasel sitting behind his big desk trying to intimidate me.

  “So I guess I would fit the part of the wicked, right?” he asked in a biting tone.

  “He who ignores discipline despises himself.”

  Jake couldn’t help thinking of Alyssa and their last conversation. “What are you trying to do? Quote the whole book of Proverbs?”

  “What is your Christian walk?”

  “What is yours?” Jake screamed back. “Is there a reason I’m in here other than to be judged?”

  “Sit down,” Dr. Bramson said.

  Jake told the president what he thought of this meeting.

  “I said sit down. Now!”

  Jake sat and gritted his teeth. He looked out the window and tried to control his emotions.

  “I’m going to tell you something, and I want you to get it into that thick, dense skull of yours,” Dr. Bramson said. “I want you to stay far away from Providence for the rest of this semester. You can go to your classes and put in the halfhearted effort you always do and then graduate with the rest of the class. But I don’t want you coming on campus for any reason except to go to classes.”

  “So I’m being suspended? Brian and Chad get to come back to school, but I get kicked out?”

  “You’re not a part of this college and never will be, Jake. You’ve done more harm in your short tenure here than any other student I can think of. I believe Satan has used you in a mighty way.”

  Jake shook his head. This had gone from bad to unfair to ludicrous.

  “If I find you on campus, or if there is any other discipline problem with you this semester—and I mean any—you will be expelled without question. Do you understand?”

  “Yeah, I get it.”

  Dr. Bramson glared at Jake and shook his head. “I think we’re done here.”

  “Just one thing,” Jake said.

  “What’s that?”

  “I never did anything to Laila, regardless of what she or Brian or anyone says. You don’t have to believe me. You can say I break rules and I’m no good for this school, and I can go with that. But don’t ever call me a liar. I’m a lot more real than the phonies you have walking around this campus. And that includes your trophy boy, Brian.”

  Jake stood up and began walking to the door. Then he turned around and faced the man behind the desk.

  “Dr. Bramson?”

  “Yes?”

  “The Bible also says that love is patient, love is kind, love does not envy and does not boast. Love is not proud.”

  Dr. Bramson sat behind his desk, silent and steady.

  “Thank you for being such a godly example. It is truly inspiring.”

  THIRTY

  June 2005

  SHE PICKED UP ON the fourth ring.

  “I was about to hang up.”

  “I’m sorry,” Alyssa said, out of breath. “I just walked in.”

  “Busy day?”

  “Oh, yes.”

  “I can call back later—”

  “No—I’m just kidding. I was out with my mom. Shopping.”

  “Buy anything nice?”

  Her laugh made the emptiness of my rental car seem endurable.

  “I’m sure you want to know all about my visit to Ann Taylor Loft,” Alyssa said.

  “Ann who?”

  “Exactly. Where are you?”

  “On the Tri-state. Going about two miles an hour.”

  “Why are you driving in rush hour?”

&n
bsp; “Remember Franklin Gotthard?” I asked her.

  “It’s impossible to forget someone like Franklin.”

  “Yeah. We had a nice meeting this afternoon.”

  “Was it helpful?”

  “In a way—yes.” I left out the part about wanting to bash his face in.

  “Any leads on Alec?”

  “Not on finding him. But Franklin did have a few interesting things to say.”

  She waited for me to say more, then said, “I’m glad you called. I wanted to apologize for the other night. I’m sorry I ruined it.”

  “Are you kidding? I’ll go to the grave remembering that night. Everything about it. And everything that might have been.”

  “No—I don’t know. I guess I just—”

  “You were being honest, and for one of the few times in my life, I tried to use some judgment. It comes every decade, so let me have my moment.”

  “It wasn’t my best.”

  “Alyssa—you’ve been the best thing about coming back to Providence.”

  “Then why’d you wait so long?”

  I paused for a minute. “Good question.”

  Traffic crawled down the four lanes of the interstate heading south. If I had to do this every day, I would have to get my head lobotomized. For the next fifteen minutes, we talked about the day and traffic and her shopping excursion. I finally managed to get off on the exit going to Summit.

  “Well, since you just got home, what do you think of my coming over?” I asked Alyssa. “I’ll pick up something to eat. Something easy. Wine. Or no wine.”

  “That makes me nervous.”

  “What—I do?”

  “No. It’s not you I’m worried about.”

  I chuckled. “There might be a compliment deep down in that statement. You worry way too much.”

  “I don’t know if I worry enough.”

  “There’s no pressure here—no ulterior motives—it’s just—”

  “Just what?” she asked quickly.

  “Just Jake Rivers. You know where I stand.”

  “This isn’t college, Jake. This isn’t a game anymore. Someone fun to flirt with.”

  “That’s what you think I’m doing?”

  “I’m just saying—things are different. People change. Lives change.”

  “That doesn’t mean everything about them changes.”

  “I just don’t know.”

  “What don’t you know?” I asked her, finding the street I was looking for and turning down it.