Dance With Destiny

by Sloan Johnson

  When Dominic becomes more interested in the veining of the marble floor than in me, I realize that I’ve fucked this up more than even I thought myself capable of. “Yeah, I get it. I’m good enough for you to screw around with in the privacy of a hotel room, or even in public as long as it’s strangers around, but not for you to talk to when your parents are around. Hey, I guess I should consider myself lucky that you at least gave my ego a little pep talk.”

  He feints left when I move toward him, pushing my hand away from his body. “Dominic, don’t do this. It’s not like I want to push you away, but if I get too close to you in there, my family will see right through me. As soon as we can get out of there, everything will be normal and we can hang out, grab some beers, whatever the fuck you want.”

  The elevator doors open and Dominic shoves past me. He turns back to me, twisting my shirt in his fists. “I know better than you’ll ever realize what’s on the line. The difference is, I’m man enough to be honest with myself. As great as a beer sounds right about now, don’t feel like you need to do me any favors.”

  Of all the fucked up situations in my life, I’m pretty sure this one takes the cake. I knew last night that Tony wasn’t out to his family, but to have him so blatantly tell me of his plans to stay as far away as possible from me at this brunch is beyond fucked up. We may not know one another all that well, but I don’t need him telling me how hard it is to keep appearances as if I’m some clingy boyfriend who’s prone to lewd displays of affections without consideration of where we are and who might see. Besides, he was the one who started grinding his hips against me last night as we danced, so who in the hell does he think he is to lecture me?

  And to top it off, offering to spend time with me later. Talk about insult heaped on top of injury. I might not be looking for my soul mate right now, but I’m sure as hell not going to have Tony, or anyone else, shoving me back in the closet and padlocking the door closed.

  “Hey, easy there killer,” Andrew laughs when I plow into him. I’m lucky it wasn’t Mama Rossi or Andrew’s grandmother. They’d have sat me down at the nearest table, pushing until I told them why I’m so flustered. “Given the little phone show you two gave me this morning, I thought you’d be in a much better mood.”

  Andrew hands me a mimosa and I toss it back in one swallow. The room is too small and there’s no way I’m going to be able to bow out gracefully, so I might as well get a buzz on. “Yeah, well maybe you should talk to your new brother about that,” I retort. “Pretty sure you’ll find him in the broom closet at the end of the hall.”

  My friend picks up on the subtle hint I’m forced to drop because I would never be the one to out Tony to his family. Andrew motions for me to follow and we lean against the end of the bar. Cara moves toward us, but stops abruptly when Andrew shakes his head. “This doesn’t sound good. Want to tell me how you managed to go from getting your rocks off to ready to stone him in less than thirty minutes?”

  I glance around the room, making sure no one is in earshot because I can’t guarantee I won’t raise my voice. “Seems Cara’s brother is so far in the closet they’ll need a map to reach him and he felt the need to warn me that he plans on ignoring me ‘because he likes me too much to hide his feelings’,” I relay, making air quotes around the most ridiculous part of the statement.

  The bartender stops off with two bloody marys and quickly leaves us on our own in the corner of the room. “Shit, that’s messed up.” Andrew nods to Cara when she motions that it’s time for them to do whatever they’re supposed to be doing today. “Look, you have no clue what that family is like. Even with as much as I love Cara, there are times I wish I could have her and leave most of them behind.” He holds up his hand when I start to interrupt.

  “I’m not saying you’re not right to be pissed off. Hell, the Dom I used to know would have knocked him on his ass for being so stupid. But Tony’s had it rough. His dad wouldn’t speak to him for over a year after he announced that he was going back to school to be a firefighter. In Mr. DeLuca’s eyes, Tony’s wasting his potential by not using the degree his parents thought he should work toward.” Andrew stops abruptly, tapping his fingers against the bar. I follow his narrowed gaze and see Tony sulking toward us.

  “Dammit,” I mumble, turning my attention back to my friend. “Look, you and I both know that I do understand what he’s going through. But I don’t care how many skeletons there are in that closet with him, I gave up that life a long time ago, consequences be damned. There’s no way I’m going back in for a fling that’ll be over in a few days.”

  When a strong hand lands on my shoulder, I feel my stomach clench. Rather than acknowledge Tony’s presence, I continue as if it’s just Andrew and me. “And I’m sure as hell not going to be someone’s dirty little secret that he thinks he can mess around with when it’s convenient for him and ignore the rest of the time. I’m too old to play games like that.”

  Andrew runs his fingers under the collar of his shirt, obviously uncomfortable with the tension in this part of the room. “Look, I love you both and you know that. All I’m saying is everything you went through with your dad is nothing compared to what Tony deals with. His father makes yours look like Ward Cleaver. There’s no time to finish this right now, but can the two of you promise me you won’t go to blows at the table? Cara just needs to get through this one last meal and then we can be done with the wedding and get on with being married.”

  Tony and I both mutter our assurances that we’ll be on our best behavior. As soon as it won’t be seen as rude, I’ll be bolting through the nearest exit because this room is too small for the two of us right now. Hell, all five boroughs don’t afford the distance I need from Tony this morning.

  “Is Kennedy still under the weather?” My mother eyes the empty chair at the table. I nod, not trusting myself to open my mouth right now. So far this morning, I’ve pissed off Dominic and Andrew, which means Caroline is probably going to be upset once she hears what a colossal fuck-up I am. There’s no sense trying to come up with another lie to stack on top of the pile in an effort to stop Mom’s interrogation. “Hopefully she’s feeling better by Christmas. It won’t be the same if she can’t make it.”

  Dominic snorts, quickly picking up his napkin to fake a coughing fit. It’s the most I’ve heard out of him since we sat down to eat. He’s spent most of the past hour actively avoiding any situation that would put us in any closer proximity than necessary, thanks to my mother’s need to have assigned seating again this morning. Perhaps I should count my blessings since, if Caroline had her way, Dominic probably would have been sitting next to me instead of three seats away.

  “Dom, do you have anything planned this afternoon?” Caroline leans forward, effectively blocking my view of the man I’ve been pining after like a school girl. “Andrew and I would love it if you’d come over to our place for a while, just hang out and relax. It’s been too long since we’ve been able to do that.”

  “That’s sweet, Cara, but I’m probably going to lie low today. It was a rough night.” He runs one finger over the seam of his lips and my ignorant cock twitches. I want to be the one touching his lips. Somehow, I miss feeling them pressed to my skin already. This time, it’s Andrew stifling his laughter. Caroline elbows her husband in the ribs and shoots daggers at me over her shoulder. “Besides, I’m sure the newlyweds have better things to do than entertain company.”

  “Who said we’d treat you like company, asshole?” Andrew laughs. “You lived with me for how long? I’m pretty sure you’ll be able to find your way around if we decide to disappear for a bit. Cara just thought it’d be good for you to get out of the hotel room.”

  “Yes, because whatever would I do with myself? New York is such a sleepy little town that they roll the streets up at six in the evening.” Dominic tosses the cloth napkin over his plate and stands. “Besides, I think having some time to myself is exactly what I need. I haven’t slept well since I got to town. Last night was the worst s
o far.”

  Now he’s going out of his fucking way to be spiteful. Both of us slept like the dead last night and he told me it was the best night of sleep he’s had in a long time. When I open my mouth to refute him, Dominic stands a bit taller, making it perfectly clear that he’s daring me to say something. Thanks to my little speech in the elevator, he knows there’s no way I can say a word with my mother sitting at the table with us. Luckily for me, she’s deep in conversation with Anna Rossi, who seems to have one ear turned to my mother and the other on what we’re saying. I only hope she doesn’t feel the need to give her opinion on the little exchange taking place on our side of the table.

  Dominic moves between Caroline and me, leaning over to kiss her cheek. He’s so close now that I can practically feel the anger rolling off his body in waves. Even worse, he moves slightly so that his tight ass brushes against my arm. The fucker’s straight up playing dirty. That could be a good thing, I suppose, because if he didn’t care, he’d simply go about his day as if nothing happened on the ride down here.

  “I really do appreciate the offer, Cara, but I’ll be fine. Not the first time I’ve dealt with this type of situation.” When Dominic turns to me, he almost looks like a different person. His pouty lips are pulled into a thin line and those inviting brown eyes are cold and dark. The moment passes quickly and he rounds the table to say goodbye to the mothers before excusing himself.

  “Tony, could you be a dear and help me with something?” Andrew’s mother asks, drawing my attention back to the table rather than on Dominic’s retreating form. It’s quickly becoming the view of him I get most often, and not in a good way.

  “Of course,” I say quickly. My parents narrow their eyes, realizing there’s something going on and they’re out of the loop. For once. No matter how much my mother pries, I have faith that Caroline and Andrew won’t tell her that I fucked up because I was so worried about them thinking even less of me than they already do, and wound up running off the first man I’ve met who’s actually worth putting up with their criticism of my ‘choices’.

  Mrs. Rossi leads me to the main lobby, where she settles on one of the uncomfortable as hell leather chairs near the fireplace. “I didn’t figure you’d want me having this conversation with you in front of your family, which is why I asked you to come out here. I’m not sure what was going on at that table or what happened between last night and this morning, but I don’t like it one bit,” she admonishes. I cower in my own chair, mentally adding her name to the list of people who are pissed at me. Soon, it’ll be easier to keep track of who I haven’t upset. “Dominic may not be my flesh and blood, but he’s just as much my son as the children I birthed. When someone upsets any of them, I will do whatever is necessary to protect them.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” I respond. She’s so much different than my own mother. The Rossi family is about love and understanding, not judgment and keeping up appearances. Dominic and Caroline are the lucky ones to be accepted into their family with open arms.

  “I told this to Caroline, and I think I need to tell you as well; if you hurt him, it’s me that you’ll have to deal with. Now, I’m not blind or deaf, so I know it’s too late for that. If you’re as smart as Andrew and Cara have told me you are, you’ll go up to his hotel room and grovel before it’s too late. I’ll tell your mother I needed an errand run to buy you some time.” She stands, leaning over to cup my cheeks in her hands. “Dominic’s a good man. The fact that he’s as upset as he is this morning tells me you are as well. After everything that boy’s been through, he deserves a bit of happiness for once.”

  “Thank you, Mrs. Rossi.”

  “We’re family now. Call me Mama,” she insists. I wrap my arms around Mama Rossi, thanking her again for giving me a kind-hearted kick in the ass. Now, I just have to hope she’s right when she says there’s a way to get through to Dominic.

  Mama Rossi heads back down the hall to the banquet room, pushing me toward the bank of elevators. While I wait for one of the six cars to reach the ground floor, I wonder what it’d be like to not make this trip thinking about how I’m going to get myself out of hot water for once. My heart starts racing when the doors open and I see Dominic with his suitcase in tow.

  “Dom, what’s going on?” I refuse to believe what I’ve done is so horrendous that he’s going to leave without saying goodbye to everyone else. When he doesn’t acknowledge me, I reach for him and get a reaction, although not the one I want. Dominic turns to face me and there’s a moment of sadness quickly followed by anger.

  Dominic pokes me in the chest as I back up toward the wall. “You don’t call me Dom. That’s reserved for friends and you proved to me this morning that we’re nowhere close to that point.” A slap in the face would have hurt less than those words.

  For the third time today, he turns away from me, but this time I’m right behind him because I’m ready to fight for what I want. “Dominic, you’re right. I’m sorry. I was an insensitive ass this morning. Go back in there and ask anyone in my family and they’ll tell you it’s what I do best. Please, just give me a few minutes to explain some things to you,” I beg, ignoring the hotel guests staring at us as I chase him through the lobby.

  Dominic stops to the side of the front door, his head dropping to between his now sagging shoulders. Without turning to look at me, he begins to speak. “I meant it this morning when I said I understand why you were spewing the shit you were, but it doesn’t change anything. Right now, I have to get out of the city to clear my head. I’ll be back in a couple of days and maybe then I’ll be in a better place.”

  Something is going on with Dom. Something much deeper than he’s letting on, but I’m going to give him the space he’s asked for right now. Following my instincts, I take a few steps forward to close the distance between us. His body tenses when I wrap my arm around his waist and tenderly kiss his shoulder. It’s the only thing I can do to show him that I’m here for him. Dominic’s hand closes around my fingers, giving them a quick squeeze before he pulls my arm away from his body and walks out the door.

  Sixteen years should be long enough for the memories of Brandon to no longer hurt. It’s been a long time since my throat has swelled with emotion when something happens that reminds me of him. Once I calmed down enough that I was no longer seeing red over the way Tony warned me that he planned to snub me today, my mind was catapulted back to the summer I turned eighteen; that’s when the world started losing its color around me.

  I’ve been the boyfriend kept in a dark closet before. Being young and in love, I told myself it wouldn’t be forever, that someday Brandon and I would be able to walk down the streets holding hands without worrying someone who knew his parents would find out. But someday never came. For a few short days, I thought we had reached that point, and then the bottom fell out of my world.

  “Dom, get your ass out of bed! We’re wasting a beautiful day staying holed up in here.” Brandon bounces on the mattress next to me as if he’s a five-year-old kid waiting to go to Disneyland. “Come on, baby! Deena and Jason have the jet skis ready to go; they’re just waiting on us. And by us, I mean your lazy ass because I’ve been up for over an hour.”

  “Do we have to go?” I whine, pulling the pillow over my head. I can’t explain it, but there’s a pit in my stomach. The type of sensation Grandma used to warn me to listen to. “Couldn’t we hang around here one more day and then go tomorrow?”

  “Hey, you getting in or should I take your suitcase out and leave you here?” I blink a few times, staring at the cabbie, wondering where he came from. I slide into the back seat, apologizing, hoping I can hold my shit together for the next few hours.

  “Penn Station, please,” I instruct him. While he inches through the Sunday afternoon traffic, I close my eyes tightly, trying to block out the images of Brandon looking back at me, his unruly brown hair blowing all over the place as he cranks the throttle on his jet ski. Hearing the screams as the rest of us notice a boat shifting course, headed
directly toward him.

  “Buddy, are you fucking high or somethin’?” I reach up and feel tears streaming down my cheeks. “You scared the shit out of me, screaming like that. Do it again and I’ll kick your ass out and you can walk the rest of the way.”

  “Sorry.” I curl up on the seat, terrified that I feel like I’m crumbling.

  My cell phone keeps vibrating in my pocket, so I silence it. Tony saw too much of the emotion I continually try to hide from everyone, including those closest to me, and I’m sure he ran off to tell Andrew. That man is closer to me than anyone else on the face of the earth and even he doesn’t know about the anguish that almost destroyed me in the past.

  The sun is setting on Newport Harbor when I pull up in front of the cottage I bought a decade ago. Most of the time, it’s used as an income property for young couples looking for a secluded place near the water. Luckily, it’s the off-season so it’s sitting stale and empty, much like the way I’m feeling at this point. The memories are bound to come flooding back as soon as I walk through the door, but I’m grateful for the reprieve offered by the gentle sway of the train that lulled me into a fitful sleep on the way here.

  “Honey, I’m home,” I say to no one as I enter the dark kitchen. In the morning, I’ll go back to town to let Jason know I’m here so he doesn’t come down to investigate if he sees the lights on. It’s a visit I’d prefer to avoid, but it will be easier to do it on my own terms.

  The wrought-iron bedframe creaks as I fall onto the mattress. Staring out at the harbor, I allow the tears to return, hoping to purge all the shit I thought I’d finally gotten past. The longer I lie in the bed, gripping a pillow tight to my chest, the more memories come flooding into the room.

  This was the first place I was able to live an authentic life without worrying about what anyone else thought. Brandon was still on edge every minute of every day, but he’d only tense at the slightest public show of affection rather than jerk away from me. Living in Newport with him the summer before we both headed off to college was a glimpse of what life could be like away from the disapproving glares of our families. This cottage was once a place that gave me hope for a great life.