Love, Ally: A Second Chance Romance (Brooks University Book 1)

by Hannah Gray

  “He will,” he says sharply. “Ally?”

  “What?”

  “I need to go to Ohio. They can’t just be walking free,” he says. The color is still drained from his face. “He could be hurting someone else.”

  My stomach turns. I’ve thought about that for months. “Please, just wait. A little bit longer. At least until football is over. I have a plan, I promise.”

  He thinks about it for a moment before looking up at me. “The season is more than halfway over. The second I play my last game, I’m going to Ohio.” Burying his head into my neck, he pulls me even closer. “I need to make this right, Ally. I left you vulnerable, and this terrible thing happened to you. I need to make it up to you.” His voice strains. “Or else I’ll never fucking forgive myself.”

  “Hey,” I say softly, pulling my head back and looking into his eyes. Gently, I cup the sides of his face. “I understand. I held resentment for a long time, but I don’t blame you, Cole. I’m the one who pushed you to go to that camp. Hell, I’m the one who sent the letter in, pretending to be you, so you would get accepted.”

  It’s all true. I knew how badly he wanted to go to it. But it was expensive, and the money we made—him helping out in the tattoo shop and me waitressing—well, it wasn’t going to cover the cost. So, I sent in a letter, expressing how much “I” wanted to attend this camp. Then, I signed his name. A few weeks later, he got the phone call.

  He isn’t to blame for what that monster did to me. And I’m well aware of that. I wish he could have found a way to me, but really, how could he have?

  Bringing my mouth to his, I press my chest against his and attack his lips viciously. Needing him to be closer than ever.

  He pulls back. “We don’t have to … do that. I’m sure that’s the last th—”

  Pulling my shirt over my head, I throw it on the floor. “Make me forget.” Attacking his lips with mine again, I cry, “Make me forget it all. Please, Cole.”

  I’m sure it isn’t healthy that I want to mask the memories of the attack with sex. I’m aware of how fucked up that probably makes me look. But right now, I need Cole to make me feel whole again. He’s the only one who can do it.

  Shaking his head softly, he looks away. “I don’t want to make it all worse. I love you way too much for that.”

  Reaching down, I pull his shirt over his head. Exposing his tattoo with my handwriting on his chest. It’s so incredibly sexy to me that he did that.

  “I’ve lost too much over other people’s cruel actions.” I put my forehead to his. “I need you, Cole. Fix me. Make me yours.”

  His eyes watch mine for a moment before he finally brings his lips to mine. Kissing me, devouring me, owning me, just like I need him to. “You’re already mine, Ally.”

  And I know he means the words he’s saying. He always says I belong to him, but I know he belongs to me too. Mind, body, and soul.

  “All yours. Forever yours.”

  He pushes me off of his lap, just long enough to pull his pants down, followed by my own.

  He pulls me back onto his lap, and I straddle him as he pushes my panties to the side. His lips kissing me the entire time, completely consuming me as he brings me down onto his length.

  Tears flow from my eyes as we make love. Finally unleashing this secret, a secret that weighed on me so heavily, I feel a sense of freedom. Though I know I will never feel completely free again.

  His fingers dig into my back as he brings us closer. But it will never be close enough. I wish we could blend into one, sharing the same skin. I need this more than I need air, water, or food. He could replace all of those things. Even if I haven’t acted like it these past few months. I tried to keep him far enough away, so I could hide the past. I tried not to taint him with my secrets, but it was no use. We share a soul. I couldn’t keep it from him any longer. And now that it’s out, I feel like we’re closer than we’ve ever been.

  “I love you,” I cry as I move up and down on him. “So fucking much.”

  “I love you more.” He kisses my lips like he’s starved for me. “Always and forever. You and me.”

  “Yes,” I whisper back. Well on my way to oblivion.

  And when he comes with my name on his lips, I feel whole, if only for a moment.

  He can’t fix me. I know that. Nothing can besides time. But he is my person. And if anyone is going to walk next to me through the darkness of hell and make it less painful, it’s him. This beautiful, selfless, damaged boy that I have grown to love so damn much.

  I know all of his secrets, and now, he knows all of mine. I know how much pain he holds inside of him. I want to help him through his, just like he has done for me.

  It truly is us against the world.

  twenty-nine

  Ally

  After hours of using each other’s bodies to escape reality, we lie there, wrapped up in one another. I know he has questions for me that he’s dying to ask. But because Cole is so invested in being there for me, he’s not making this day about him. I don’t want him doing that anymore. We are in this together. And as much as I need his emotional support right now, he needs mine too.

  Turning to my side, I prop myself up on my elbow and face him. “Cole … what I said earlier, about … people offering money for you?”

  “Were Jenn and Matt part of the equation?” he asks softly, putting his hands behind his head. “Did they illegally offer money for me too?”

  Sadly, I nod.

  “Fucking awesome,” he mumbles. “Have you known the whole time?”

  My heart sinks. What if he leaves me for not telling him? What if he’s mad? He should be mad.

  Sitting up, I pull the sheet with me to cover my bare chest. “Yes. And I am so sorry for that. But at dinner, when you first walked away from the table, I put them on the spot about it. Told them I knew.”

  His eyes dart to mine. “How’d they react to that?”

  “They didn’t deny it. But they said they would explain everything really soon. And that they promise, as bad as it looks, it isn’t what it seems.”

  “And?” His eyes narrow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “You’re probably going to think I’m crazy, but … I don’t know … I believe them. I think they did what they did for a reason. I think they aren’t like Dave and Marion. I think they might be all right people,” I tell him honestly.

  Moving his hand to his face, he drags it down and lets out a long breath, blowing his cheeks out. “So, now what?”

  Lying down on his chest, I press a kiss to his skin. “Now? Well … now, I think you talk to them.”

  He doesn’t get angry. He doesn’t run away. He doesn’t accuse me of keeping secrets about Matt and Jenn. He does none of that. Instead, he just holds me. Because that’s the kind of love he has in his heart.

  And I don’t think words will ever express how much I love this man.

  He was there for me at a time when I felt like I wasn’t wanted by anybody. I pray my gut feeling is right and that Jenn and Matt are good people. But if they aren’t, if they really are using Cole for his talent, I’ll be here for him. The way he was for me that day. The day that I asked him to help me find my own dad.

  “Cole?”

  “Yeah, Al?” he asked softly, lacing up his cleats.

  “Could you, um … help me find out who my dad is?” My cheeks burned. I shouldn’t have cared to find out who my dad was. But there was some part of me that thought maybe he was looking for me. Maybe my mother never allowed him to know me.

  I was embarrassed to bring this up, but I knew he wouldn’t laugh at me. He never laughed at me.

  He stopped mid-lace and looked up. “I, uh … I guess.” After he saw my cheeks redden deeper, he grabbed my hand. “Hey, if that’s what you want, that’s what we’ll do. Okay?”

  I had a name written on a photo I’d found in my mother’s trailer. Maybe it wasn’t him, but I was ninety percent sure it was because I’d heard her talking to her friend
once. They’d needed money for drugs, and she was going to call him and ask for money to take me to the doctor. She was going to tell him I had some rare disease.

  I kept thinking, What if she never allowed him to see me? What if he tried?

  “Before we do though, I need you to promise me that if it doesn’t go well, you won’t get down on yourself.”

  I shook my head. “No, I won’t. I’ll be fine. I’m just … curious.”

  He gave me a sympathetic look. “Ally, I need you to promise me. Because right now, it’s easy to feel that way. But if he ends up being a complete waste of space, I don’t want you to blame yourself. So, I need you to be sure.”

  “I promise. I just feel like if I never find out, it will haunt me. You know, the what-ifs?”

  He nodded. “I understand.”

  “Do you want to look up your mom?”

  “No,” he answered sharply. “I don’t.”

  The way he loved me was unlike anything I’d ever known even existed. I shouldn’t have pushed to know my father when I had a guy like Cole in my life, showing me love every day. I didn’t know why I cared so much about the man who was basically a sperm donor.

  Over the next few weeks, we used the computer at the library along with Cole’s boss’s social media to track my father down. And after finding his phone number, I decided to call him.

  As I dialed the number, I sat at the desk at the tattoo shop as Cole cleaned. Everybody had gone home for the night, making it a quiet place to make a call like this.

  My palms were sweating, and my stomach turned as it rang once and then twice, and by the third time, I felt like I could puke.

  “Hello?” a deep voice rasped.

  “H-hi … is this Wesley?”

  “Maybe,” he said back sharply. “Who’s speaking?”

  “Um … well, my name is Ally. I’m Holly’s daughter.”

  The line was quiet for a few moments, making my anxiety only grow.

  “Are you there?” My voice shook slightly.

  “How’d you get my number?” he said, not sharply, but not softly either.

  “I … well … I researched you a little.”

  “Look, I’m not sure what you’re looking for, but I have no money to give.”

  “I don’t need money.” I frowned. “I just thought …”

  I glanced at Cole, who was as pale as a ghost, his hands on the top of his head. He had been so worried about me doing this. Scared to death I’d get hurt.

  I gulped, daring to get the words out. “I just thought you might want to … you know, meet me?”

  “Sorry, kid. When I was with your mother, I was so high that I didn’t know where I was. That woman turned my life upside down. I heard about what happened, and I’m sorry you lost your mother, but I’m not the guy your hopes and dreams are made of.” He sighed through the phone. “I’m sure you’re great, but I don’t ever want to find out. I’m not meant to be a dad. I wouldn’t be any good at it. Trust me.” And with that, he ended the call.

  And even though I had promised Cole I’d be all right, I crumbled onto the floor.

  But as always, he was there to pick me up. He spared me the I told you so. He showed no judgment. Instead, he just held me and rocked me until I calmed down.

  This was the day I stopped looking for comfort in other places. To take what I had and absorb it. Because what I had was pretty freaking awesome.

  thirty

  Cole

  It’s hard to get amped up for today’s game when all I can think about is what Ally told me yesterday. I’m here physically, but that’s it. Mentally, I don’t know where the fuck I am.

  Not only was Ally hurt badly, but she was also forced to go away, to be on her own.

  And then there’s the other side of it. The side where Matt and Jenn are possibly crooked people. I always told myself they were using me, but a bigger part of me felt like they actually thought of me as family.

  I remember the day my dad died. I mean it when I say that I didn’t really care. For some reason, the chance of losing Matt and Jenn feels worse.

  The day my father died is as clear as day in my brain. The worst part of it wasn’t when he died; it was the events leading up to it that occurred earlier that day.

  “Son, if you’re going to play on this team, you need appropriate gear.”

  The other kids snickered and laughed as their eyes took in the sneakers I was wearing, which were worn with holes, and sweatpants that were too small and tattered at the bottom.

  As I stared at the other boys in their new cleats and gear, I knew I didn’t belong. I would though. One day. I’d make damn sure that one day, all of these assholes knew my name. Heck, maybe their kids would have posters of me on their walls.

  “I’ll get some,” I told Coach White. Knowing I had no money to buy anything. And even if I did, how would I get to a store to do it? Still, I lied to get the conversation over with.

  I was past embarrassment. I’d lived this life too long to care. But listening to someone who had no idea what it was like at my house, with my dad, was annoying.

  All I wanted to do was play football. Who cared if I didn’t have cleats or name-brand clothing? It didn’t take away from my talent. Not to sound cocky, but I was more talented than all these jerks combined.

  “Go back to the trailer park, where you belong, trash,” a kid sneered once the coach was gone.

  “Yeah,” another kid named Luke said, poking me in the chest. “Go back to the crack shack you were raised in.”

  I ignored them. I was used to it by now. And I did live in a crack shack, so I guessed he was right.

  “He’s so dumb that even his own mom didn’t want him.” The meanest kid of them all, Andrew, chuckled. Watching me, waiting for me to react.

  I snapped, “What did you say to me?” I shoved him backward. “I’ll kill you, motherfucker. I’ll fucking kill you,” I yelled and punched him in his nose. Causing the coaches to run over.

  I could take a lot. Being called the poor kid, being told my dad was a junkie, being called dirty—it didn’t matter. But for some reason, when they talked about my mom leaving, I lost it. Though I had no idea why.

  Coach White grabbed my arm and hauled me to his truck. “I’m taking your ass home. Now,” he growled.

  I didn’t say anything, just followed him to a white truck.

  “Where do you live?” his angry voice asked.

  My cheeks reddened. He was going to see where I lived. Worse than that, Daddy would find out I got into trouble, and he wouldn’t be happy that someone had to bring me home. He never liked anyone interrupting him when he was home.

  “Coach White, can I walk? Please,” I begged him.

  Pulling his hat down further on his head, he eyed me over. I was hopeful he’d let me go.

  “No.”

  “I don’t want to be any trouble to you. I’ll walk.”

  “Boy, sit your ass in this truck. I need to know where you live. I’d like to talk to your folks about getting you some cleats and practice gear.”

  He had no idea what he was talking about. He had his nice truck. He had a cool hat and expensive sunglasses. Heck, he had probably even eaten dinner last night. Maybe even dessert after. Lucky bastard.

  Sitting back in the seat as we drove, I gave him the address. “Please don’t ask my daddy that. Please. I’ll … I’ll get some new shoes. I’ll figure it out. Just please don’t ask him to buy me anything.”

  His head whipped toward me, his brow furrowing. “Does he hurt you, Cole?” When I didn’t answer, he asked again, “Cole, does he hurt you? You can talk to me about it. You can trust me.”

  I sighed. “Are you going to tell my daddy that I punched Andrew?”

  “Why? Are you hoping I won’t?”

  I nodded my head, watching the trees as we passed them. His truck was nice. I liked trucks. One day, I knew I’d have one. One day when I made it to the NFL.

  “All right,” he muttered. “All right.�
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  At least I knew he wouldn’t tell my dad—that was one good thing. But I knew my dad still wouldn’t be happy when a stranger pulled into his yard. He was going to beat me. I knew it. I thought of the scar on the bottom of my back, and I felt an ache in it even though it didn’t actually hurt. Not anymore anyway.

  Nobody at school wore clothes that were dirty or too small, like the ones I did. Nobody else had a hard time paying attention at school because they were so hungry. The teachers thought I just didn’t care, but I did. I really did care what they were saying. I wanted to go to college one day. I just couldn’t stop thinking about food, and it made it so hard to pay attention to what they were teaching me.

  “You can drop me off in front of the road to the trailer park. I can walk up.”

  He didn’t answer. He just rested his hand on the steering wheel and kept driving until he pulled right into my road. That gnawing pain in my belly grew, and I couldn’t tell if it was because I was hungry or because I was scared of my dad. I was guessing it was both.

  I knew my dad was going to be so mad. Last time he got really mad, I almost died. I didn’t want to die. I just wanted to play football.

  “Please, Coach White. Please don’t drive up to my house,” I begged him. “I really don’t want you to.”

  “Cole”—he blew out a breath—“something isn’t right with your home life. I know it’s not. I’ve watched you this season, and I know that you need help.”

  I suddenly wished I had told him a different trailer number back when he asked for my address. I could have told him the one no one lived in, the abandoned one at the end of the park that I sometimes hid in. At least then I could have just said Daddy wasn’t home.

  “Coach, I know you’re trying to help, but … but you’ll make him mad. Really mad.”

  Slowing the truck as we got to trailer number eighteen, he sighed. “And then he would hurt you?”

  “No,” I lied.

  “Son, I’ve seen the bruises on your body. I’ve watched you as you look for food the other kids leave behind. I want to help you. This isn’t how your childhood is supposed to be. You might not know that yet, but it isn’t.”