Long Live the Rebel

by E L Irwin

  So, Jake had agreed. He’d loved me enough to let me go. To let her try and create that magical life she’d told him about. Jake had loved me, loved me until the day he’d died. And I’d never known. It was hard to process. Hard to comprehend. Difficult to fathom.

  I wasn’t even sure just what to do with the information. What to do with this knowledge. Who was I now? What did all this make me? Was I a Daniels, after Jake? Or was I still AJ McAdams, after Dave? As my mind began to flicker, rather like a lightbulb just before it goes out, it occurred to me that maybe I was having a hard time thinking because I hadn’t eaten in over twenty-four hours. So, I headed downstairs, glancing at the clock in the hall as I moved toward the kitchen. Ten to ten. My stomach grumbled angrily. What I wouldn’t give for one of Mrs. Carson’s homecooked meals. Even some of her leftovers would be great. As it was, all I found was an almost-too-ripe banana and a small jar of peanut butter. Not the meal I was hoping for, but I could make it work.

  At some point today, I’d need to pick up some more groceries, and I guessed I needed to make a decision about what I was going to do. Stay, or go? And, if I was being honest with myself, I’d need to talk with Ryler. Jake had also explained Ryler to me. What Ryler had gone through, who and what Ryler was to him. How Ryler had stood beside Jake through his illness, through his personal battle with cancer. Jake hadn’t mentioned much about Ryler’s time in the military, other than that he’d had a hard time before going, and a hard time when he came back. A real hard time.

  I needed to talk with him, with Ryler, to thank him for what he’d done so far for me, what he’d done for Jake. And hopefully, just get across to him that I wasn’t his enemy. We didn’t have to go to war with each other. That decision made, I finished that banana and peanut butter and headed up to shower.

  A gate lay across the entrance to Ryler’s property. It was closed with a padlock and chain keeping it shut. A sign hung on the post to the right read, Private Property: Keep Out. I stared at that sign for a moment or two, debating on my choice of actions.

  Deciding to break the rules a little, I shut the car off, got out, climbed over that gate, then hoofed it on up the drive.

  Ryler’s cabin sat near the top of a small peak, about three-quarters of a mile from that locked gate. Tall pines surrounded it, covering the two-story structure in dappled shade and sunlight. A large porch extended from the front of the building, spanning the entire width. Shiv rumbled a low greeting to me as I neared the steps, but there was no sign of his irritating and intriguing owner. Knocking on the door produced no response either. Feeling far braver than I actually was, I tried the handle. It was locked. Like the gate.

  As I’d already come this far, climbing the locked gate, trying the handle, I figured I may as well go one step further in my lawbreaking attempts, so I peered through the windows that faced the porch. Ryler’s cabin was clean, orderly. Not what I’d expected from a bachelor. Even so, I saw no sign of him. On a whim, I turned and jogged back to my car, reached for my purse, and dug through it to find a pen and scrap piece of paper. Quickly, I wrote my note for Ryler, grinning to myself as I left it under a rock right in front of his door. Shiv sniffed at me, licking my face as I scratched his ears. “Make sure he gets that,” I told the dog as I turned to leave again. Shiv rumbled at me in his deep voice, and I was sure he was agreeing to my request.

  The note I’d left at Ryler’s door read, I’m staying; we should talk. I’ll be at The Emerald until you show up.

  Ryler stared at the rock on his doorstep. More to the point, he stared at the note tucked under it. Glancing around himself, he squatted carefully and studied the rock and the piece of paper. Looking for anything out of the ordinary, other than the fact a note had been left for him.

  Shiv lay there watching him, head cocked, tail thumping mildly. After picking up the rock and the note, Ryler examined them briefly before tossing the rock off the porch. As he brought the note closer, he caught a faint trace of coconut and cream and growled. “The heck was she doing here?” he accused the large hound. Shiv thumped his tail harder and rolled onto his back.

  Shaking his head in disgust, Ryler read the note and tried to still his pulse. But her scent had him. And her words. She was staying. No reprieve was coming for him any time soon.

  Swearing under his breath, Ryler stomped into the house, needing a shower.

  She was staying.

  I waited nearly two hours, beginning to think that Ryler wasn’t showing up. The Emerald, bar and public house, wasn’t too crowded when I arrived. However, as the time passed, people began filtering in. I’d chosen a table outside on the patio, off to the side, out of the way, trying to remain unseen as much as possible. The server, Terri was her name, had suggested I try the Life Jacket Citrus IPA; it was nice – light, smooth, with just a hint of citrus. I liked it. I was still sipping on my first one when the chair across from mine was pulled backward and soon filled with the dark mass that was Ryler.

  We looked at each other silently for several moments. All thoughts of what I’d planned to say to him jumped ship as he took me in. His storm-tossed blue-grays, framed in thick dark lashes, scanned me carefully before returning to mine. The silence dragged on, until someone appeared next to us. “Hey, Ryler. Long time, no see. What can I get ya?” Terri asked, her voice friendly.

  “Guinness, Terri. Thanks.” Those incredible eyes of his stayed firmly on me.

  “Bottle or draft?”

  “Build me one, thanks.”

  “Draft it is,” Terri said, before turning to me. “And how’re you doing? Ready for another? Or you want to place an order for food?”

  “I’ll have another. Thanks. And put Ryler’s on my ticket. What does he generally order, Terri?”

  “I’ll get my own, thanks,” Ryler said as he interrupted Terri’s reply, still holding my gaze.

  “Nuh-uh, I invited you. That means it’s on me. You want to pay, then next time you invite me,” I told him before turning back to Terri.

  She grinned at me as she said, “Ryler likes the bacon guacamole cheeseburger with onion rings and ranch.”

  “We’ll take two, please. Though, I’d like bleu-cheese with mine.”

  Terri wrote that down then headed off to put our order in. “Thanks for coming,” I told Ryler.

  He shrugged thoughtfully. “You’re staying then?” He asked the question as if he wasn’t sure if I’d meant it or not.

  “For the time being at least. Look, I’m sorry we hit it off on the wrong foot. Jake… and all of this… It was all just a big — really big — shock. I’d gone my whole life, at least up until almost a month ago, thinking that my dad had died before I was born.”

  “Is that what your mom had told you?”

  “Yeah.” I agreed. “It was. So, when I got the letter, I was pretty shocked.”

  “I bet.”

  “At any rate, I wanted to tell you that I’d be staying for a while. A few months at least. Jake mentioned several things he thought I’d want to see and do here, and I’d like to give those a shot. Also, I… I wanted to thank you for, well, for coming to my assistance. What with the door and my bike’s flat tire…”

  “Sure.” He inclined his head in the most miniscule fashion.

  “And also, to just say… thank you for staying by him. Jake, I mean. With what he went through. Thank you.”

  Ryler cleared his throat, and just as he went to respond, Terri was back with his drink. Once she’d set that down and left again, Ryler looked at me and stated, “I was honored.”

  It looked like he might have said more, but then he quickly took his mug and swallowed. His answer had me wondering. It may have referred to several things. Helping Jake, or helping me, or both. I waited, wondering if he was going to expand, but he seemed to be focusing on his drink. Mentally shrugging, I turned to mine as well.

  “I’m glad…” Ryler said several minutes later. “…that you’re staying. Jake would’ve been pleased.”

  I wasn’t su
re how to respond, so I ended up just saying, “Good.”

  Terri brought our food then. And as we ate, the silence seemed to have settled to an almost uncomfortable level. I caught Ryler looking at me several times. Each time those blue-gray eyes landed on me, my stomach leapt, and my pulse kicked up a notch or two, before settling down again, allowing me to eat. I searched my brain for something to say, something to talk about.

  “We might look tame,” Ryler said suddenly, seemingly out of the blue. “Decent, and nice, but there are… animals, and things to be cautious about.”

  His statement caught me off guard, and I just stared at him. Animals? What?

  He must have noticed the lost look on my face because he added, “I’m not talking about the four-legged variety. It’s the two-legged ones you need to watch out for here.”

  “Oh.” I blinked. “You mean… What do you mean exactly, Ryler?” I glanced around us. There were about a half-dozen tables out here, and we were the only two people on the patio. Who and what was he talking about? Jake had mentioned that Ryler had been injured in Afghanistan, that he’d had a long recovery time, had gone through some pretty intense PTSD, and I wondered if maybe he was experiencing flashbacks of some sort.

  “Sequim. This community. It appears nice, friendly even. And for the most part, we are. But don’t forget that we get our crime as much as any city will. Being off on your own, on a deserted highway, after dark… That isn’t smart. It’s asking for trouble.”

  “Oh,” I said, understanding dawning on me. “You mean the other night. I hadn’t meant to be out that late. Time just got away from me. And it got darker earlier than I’d expected, and I hadn’t planned on the tire going flat, and besides…” I chuckled, feeling a warmth begin to build inside at the thought that he might be concerned about me. “…I live on Coronado Island. We get plenty of crime. Trust me.”

  “That being said, you should be careful. Don’t take unnecessary risks.”

  “Okay. Thanks for your concern, Ryler.”

  “I’m not trying to be a jerk or butt into your business, AJ,” he explained. “I promised Jake I’d look out for you if you came, if you stayed. I’m just trying to follow through on that.”

  Feeling a little of that warm glow I’d been experiencing at the thought of Ryler’s concern for me begin to deflate like the slow leak of helium from a balloon, I agreed. I was being an idiot. Ryler had been following through on his promise to Jake, not trying to show any interest in me or make a move. “Oh, okay, thanks. That’s… that’s very nice of you. But I can look out for myself. I’ve been on my own since I was eighteen. Thanks for your concern, though.”

  Ryler just looked at me, his eyes boring into mine; a speculative glint in them.

  What, I wanted to ask him, what are you thinking? And why are you thinking it, especially if you’re just following through on your promise to Jake? You shouldn’t seem so interested… if you’re really not.

  “For how long?” he finally asked.

  “What?”

  “You’ve been on your own for how long?”

  “About six years now. Why?”

  Ryler shook his head; a dark, breathy chuckle blew from his mouth.

  “What?” I asked again, unsure at this point about everything.

  “You seem older than twenty-three,” was all he said in response.

  “I’ll be twenty-four in December,” I offered.

  To which he only glanced up at me before looking back down to his plate.

  We finished eating, I paid, just as I’d said I would. Then we parted ways in the parking lot. Ryler waited until I was in the car before he climbed into his Bronco. He’d said he’d see me around and to call if I needed anything. I’d simply dipped my head in his direction, and that was that.

  At least for the next two weeks or so. I’d see him around town, doing this, or doing that. From what I could tell, he was some sort of handyman type. A man-of-all-trades-and-talents kind of guy.

  We’d wave at each other or nod in passing, but that was about it. He didn’t really reach out to me, and I didn’t really reach out to him. I guess you could say that we were giving each other some space. Friendly space, but still, it was space. One day I saw him under the hood of a car; another day he was painting a fence, and still on another, I saw him hanging a sign and planting flowers. I couldn’t help but notice him. Ryler drew attention without even trying. Maybe it was that tough, confident, he-could-handle-anything-life-tossed-his-way persona; maybe it was his hardened, rugged good looks. I really couldn’t name just what it was. All I knew was that despite my best efforts and my many internal lectures, I noticed him. Thoroughly. It was annoying, really. I also couldn’t help but notice, though, that Ryler’s limp didn’t seem to be getting any better. His injury must have been of a more permanent nature. And I wondered again — against my will — what he’d done, what had caused it, if this was due to the injury he’d received in the military.

  In that time, those two weeks or so, I checked out several of the places that Jake had mentioned in his letters. I also placed two needful and important phone calls. The first was to my mom, letting her know that I was staying here, at least for the time being.

  “AJ,” she began, after I told her the news. “I’m sure you’re upset with me, and maybe a little confused. But I had my reasons. He was unstable. He didn’t know how to be a husband, much less a father—”

  “Mom, stop,” I cut her off. “I don’t want to hear it. I didn’t call to talk about your reasons. I’m just letting you know that I’m staying. And while I’m not removing you completely from my life, I do want you to back off. I need space. You lied to me. You’ve hurt me, and it’s going to take a while for me to work through all this. So, I’m going to go now. I’ll let you know when I’m ready to talk. Okay?”

  “AJ.” She sniffed through her tears. “Please don’t do this.”

  “I’ve got to go, Mom. Goodbye.” Hurting her was not something I wanted to do. But my trust in her was shattered right now. And anger was still simmering inside me. And I needed space. So, after saying goodbye again, I hung up.

  My second important phone call was to my stepdad, Dave. Being too frazzled from my talk with Mom, I waited until the following day to call him.

  “Hey, kitten,” Dave said as he answered.

  “Hi, Dave,” I replied, dreading what I might learn.

  “Your mom called me, crying.”

  “I figured she would. She had to have known I’d be calling you next.”

  “Yeah.” He sighed. “Go ahead. Ask me.”

  “Did you know, Dave?”

  “No, AJ. No, I didn’t know. And I’m sorry you had to find out this way. I’m sorry she never told you the truth.”

  “You really didn’t know?”

  “I really didn’t know.”

  I could hear the honesty in the timbre of his voice, and a weight lifted, or at least lessened from my shoulders. Relief flooded me, and I was so thankful that he hadn’t known. That he hadn’t betrayed me as well. That would have been too painful.

  Dave and I talked for a little while, twenty minutes or so. He asked about Jake, what kind of man he’d been, what he’d been like. He was also curious about what my plans were. So, I filled him in. Then we said our goodbyes and promised to talk again soon.

  I spent the next couple of weeks just enjoying more of the suggested places of interest on Jake’s list. One of them was the Strait of Juan De Fuca, which was definitely a new favorite of mine. Coronado had white sands, brilliant sunsets, and warm seas. The Strait was rugged and beautiful and breathtaking. Like a kid, I spent time along the Dungeness Spit, crawling over rocks, exploring the tidepools, and taking pictures — tons of pictures — wanting to share this place with my readers. I even spent a day at the Dungeness Lighthouse, learning its history, seeing how it was run, talking with the locals.

  Downtown Sequim, with its Saturday Farmers Market, the bookstores, coffee, and candle shops caused me to fall
a little in love with it all. In love with the town, its cuteness and downhome quality, and the people — I’d met some amazing people. Like Kerry, Jake’s attorney, who I’d stopped in to say hello to once or twice. And Pam, who owned Some Good Books. I was fairly certain she recognized me when I frequented her shop, but Pam just allowed me to explore in peace, answering questions when I had them, and finding titles I was looking for. There was Macy, who worked at Lavender Brownes, a darling little tea shop, where I’d found a tea set themed from the Lord of the Rings movies.

  Jo’s Café was my new favorite place to grab a cup of coffee and pastry when I was in a thinking mood rather than a writing one. When I decided to stop in for a visit Jo herself would wait on me. She was like the quintessential grandmother, a little on the plump side, but not overly so. Her thick hair, though graying, still managed to show off its deep burgundy color. She had alert, bright blue eyes and a smile that could brighten the cloudiest day. And she favored a lemony-lavender-scented perfume that permeated the small area. As I sipped my coffee and nibbled at my strudel, I fondly remembered what had brought me here the first time…

  Jo’s face lit up as I dashed in the door, looking to get out of the quick downpour that had hit all of a sudden. She’d brushed off the water running down my shoulders with a quick, yet gentle touch.

  “You’re a new face one isn’t likely to forget.” Her voice had a pleasant quality, soothing and welcoming. “You new to the area or just passing through?”

  “A little of both, I think.”

  “Hmm, and what brought you in this morning?”

  “Well, it was suggested that I give your pastries a try.”