by Liz Durano
Sawyer continues to kiss me, unzipping the back of my skirt and pushing it down my hips until it slides to the floor. The metal buckle of his belt presses against my belly as he squeezes my ass with his big hands before letting them go lower until he trails a finger between my legs, briefly dipping into my wetness. Sawyer growls in delight, pulling away from our kiss to gaze at me as I step back and bring hands up my back to unhook my bra.
I slip my bra off my shoulders, knowing this is the first time I’ve had anyone see me naked in a long time. But I push the thought away, watching Sawyer’s eyes grow dark and heavy as he runs his hands over my sensitive nipples.
“You’re so beautiful, Alma,” he whispers, sitting on the edge of the bed and pulling me closer so I’m standing in front of him. He hooks his thumbs into the sides of my panties and slowly pulls it down, taking his time. With anyone else, I’d probably have died from embarrassment at being exposed to a man’s gaze so up close but at this moment, all I want is to show myself to him. I want Sawyer to look at me, touch me, taste me, and most of all, fuck me in way that would make up all the time we’ve spent denying ourselves of this moment.
Sawyer doesn’t speak for a few moments. There’s something so intimate about being exposed and open to his admiration especially after so much waiting. The wetness between my legs threaten to spill down my legs as he takes his time running his hands over my belly, pausing just before my mound before moving back up to cup my breasts and pinch my nipples.
“You’re such a tease,” I moan as he rolls my nipples between his fingers.
He bites his lower lip before gripping me by my ass cheeks and pulling me toward him. I gasp as he lowers himself to the floor, his tongue snaking between my pussy lips. I hold onto his shoulders for support as he licks my slit with his tongue, running it back and forth, pausing each time to suck on the sensitive nub.
“Fuck, Sawyer,” I gasp as he pauses and looks up at me.
“You taste so fucking good, Alma,” he murmurs, letting his hot breath tickle my clit. He licks me again and I grip his shoulders, my fingers digging into his skin as he brings me to a quick and hard orgasm, my knees threatening to buckle beneath me. As Sawyer lets go of my waist and stands up, I crumble to my knees in front of him, starving for his cock.
He unbuttons his pants, his cock springing before me. I wrap my hand around his thick shaft, stroking him. Sawyer’s eyes narrow as he watches me part my lips and slide his smooth, glistening head into my mouth. I let out a moan as I slide him deeper into my mouth, tasting him. He groans, his hands gathering my hair in a pony tail and gently guiding my head as I suck him, loving the taste and feel of him in my mouth.
“Fuck, Al,” he groans, guiding my head off of him and pulling me to my feet and pushing me down on the bed. “I want to be inside you.”
“Do you have protection?” I whisper, the mere thought of needing one after so long sounding strange coming from my mouth. But as I watch him retrieve his wallet from his pants and pull out a shiny silver square wrapper, I sigh. At least, one of us is prepared.
Sawyer tears the wrapper with his teeth and rolls it on his dick, the crown a swollen maroon color. I scoot over to the middle of the bed as he follows, using his knees to push my knees apart. With one hand on the bed to support himself, he lowers his body to mine, his mouth finding my lips again as he guides his cock against my opening. Sawyer doesn’t press forward at first, instead letting his smooth head rest against my folds. I whimper in anticipation, trying to push myself against him. He slips his arms under my back and holding me close to him, I wrap my hands tightly around his neck and lift my hips as he slides his cock into me for the first time.
We both moan in unison, our eyes locked onto each other. It feels surreal at first, the feeling of being filled for the first time after so long, my pussy stretching to accommodate him. Kissing me again, his breath hot against my mouth, Sawyer moves slowly in and out, rocking back and forth. There is no need for words this time, only us, our bodies meeting and parting, the heat between us building as I feel myself inch closer and closer to shattering in his arms. My hands explore the muscular terrain of his back, over his shoulders and down over his ribs until they rest on his his hips and pull him into me as deep as he can go until he fully seats himself into me and I cry out, my orgasm claiming me. Sawyer follows shortly after and I cling to him, feeling his body shudders with his release.
Moments later, I feel his hand on my forehead, pushing my hair from my face. “I’ll always take care of you, Alma,” he murmurs before kissing me, his kiss gentle this time. “I promise.”
I don’t answer, not wanting my vulnerability to show even when I can no longer hide it. For isn’t this what it’s all about, finding someone you can be vulnerable with, no longer afraid of showing who we really are?
13
Sawyer
A week later, I take Alma and Tyler around Taos like the tourists that they are. The first line of business is a walking tour of Historic Taos, something I’ve never done before. But armed with a brochure and with Tyler snug in a backpack baby carrier, I can pretend I know what the heck I’m doing.
We start at the Taos Plaza, beginning the tour at the Hotel La Fonda where she and Tyler had spent the first night. From there, we check out the Old County Courthouse and then Our Lady of Guadalupe Church. In all the years I’ve lived in Taos, I’ve never done the walking tour before, not formally, for that matter, but armed with a brochure, I faked it as much as I could. I can talk one’s ear off about sustainable living, but Taos and its secrets? I leave that up to the locals, like Dax.
Around noon, Dax, Harlow, and the twins meet us at the Blumenschein House on Ledoux Street and together we make our way to the Harwood Museum of Art. Dax is the true Taoseño with most of the locals calling him that Anaya boy everywhere we go. His mother’s family, the Anayas, have been around since the 1800’s, part of the Spanish colonists who moved into the area.
As if one Taos native isn’t enough, his older sister Sarah meets us at the Fechin Home. She’s accompanied by Benny, her long-time boyfriend and father of their son, Dyami, who isn’t with us. He’s hanging out with his cousins doing what eleven-year-old boys do, probably riding their bikes around the neighborhood when they’re not playing their video games. It makes us look like one private tour group and we’re not exactly a quiet bunch. There’s talk of history and juicy details that the brochures missed. That and food, always food, like where to find the best green chile relleno or what makes a good posole dish although the general consensus, as Alma learns, is that no one cooks like Dax’s grandmother, Nana.
As I watch Alma, Harlow, and Sarah exchange tips about babies and life off the grid, I can’t get over how happy Alma looks since she arrived here. Hell, I can’t get over how beautiful she is either, something I’ve known for years and was truly happy for Drew to find a keeper. For that’s what she is—a keeper.
“How are you liking that backpack model, sir? The one that comes with the baby?” Alma asks jokingly when Dax, Dyami and Benny leave me to join Harlow. We’ve stopped by the playground and Harlow is keeping an eye on Tyler while Dax watches the twins.
“I love it, although I have to admit… the mom and baby who come with it are the best features. Would you like me to post a testimonial on the official website?”
“Please do.” Alma wipes her mouth with a napkin and tosses it into the trash. Our walking tour had left us hungry and thirsty and so we grabbed cinnamon rolls and coffee from a nearby stall before heading to the playground.
“You’ve got sugar on your lips, by the way.” Before Alma can answer, I pull her toward me and kiss her, tasting cinnamon and sugar on her lips. “Thank you for coming along on this tour. I’ve never done it before.”
She giggles. “I noticed. And here I was thinking you were the tour guide.”
“Nah, that’s what the brochure is for. But with Dax here now, the real Taos local, we get a front row seat.”
“I can see that.
He knows a whole lot more than what the brochure says.”
“You should hear his Nana tell her stories about the place… and taste her cooking. Straight from the source,” I say, grinning. “She’s the best.”
Alma studies me for a few moments. “You really love it here, don’t you? You really found your home out here.”
I nod in agreement. I’ve traveled the world whether as a Marine or as part of a security detail, slept on the hard ground and on the most expensive sheets in the world but I always come home here to Taos. The place and its people saved my life and pulled me from my own personal hell.
Alma adjusts her wide brimmed hat as a wistful smile flashes crosses her face. “I wish Drew had been able to visit you, at least, once. I wish he’d have seen all this and the earthships. Maybe it would have saved him.”
My throat tightens and I clear my throat. “Yeah.”
“I’m sorry,” Alma stammers, as if realizing what she just said. “I didn’t mean to–”
“No, Al. I don’t ever want you to think that you can’t mention Drew’s name around me… around us.” I squeeze her hand. “I miss him, too.”
Two weeks later, with Tyler staying with Dax and Harlow for the day, I take Alma west of Taos, to nearby Pilar, for a day of river rafting along the Rio Grande. Our rafting guide tells us about the Genísaro, or the mixed race people who lived in the area before we get to the white water rapids although water levels have been quite low in the region in the last two years. Still, Alma has fun and I love hearing her laughter and shrieks as the guide navigates the raft down the river.
By the time we pick up Tyler at three in the afternoon, Alma is exhausted, the adrenaline long worn off.
When I park the truck in front of the Willow, there’s a car with rental plates parked next to her SUV. For a moment I wonder if Todd had given the wrong address to one of our guests. We were expecting a couple to rent one of our other earthships for three nights.
“You expecting someone?” I ask Alma as she lifts Tyler from his car seat and shakes her head.
“No, not that I know of.”
I walk toward the car and notice its window is half open and the hood still warm, as if whoever has come by visit is somewhere nearby. My wish gets granted too soon when Kevin appears around the corner from the back of the Willow. He’s gotten himself all cleaned up with his hair trimmed short and he’s wearing a white printed t-shirt and jeans.
“Kevin, what are you doing here? Are Frank and Doreen with you?” Alma asks.
“Nah, it’s just me,” he replies, waiting for us by the front door. “I needed to use up my airline miles so I figured, why not a trip over here to see my nephew?” He pauses, pretending to look alarmed. “Unless, of course, I have to call you ahead of time and schedule it.”
“No,” Alma replies as she unlocks the door and pushes it open. “Why don’t you come in?”
For the next hour, I watch Alma navigate around certain topics with Kevin. He’s curious about life off the grid and pretends to be interested in how things work. But I’m not buying it. I’ve seen the way he looks at her when he thinks no one’s looking and he absolutely has no respect for her. I don’t even know where that hatred comes from unless he truly believes Drew would still be alive if Alma hadn’t left him.
When she puts Tyler down for his nap, Kevin asks her for a tour around the earthship—inside and outside—but I volunteer to do it. After all, Todd and I designed and built the damn thing and know more about it than Alma does. If he’s got questions, I’m doing the answering. Kevin doesn’t look happy but I pretend I don’t notice. I don’t know what he’s up to but whatever it is, I don’t want Alma alone with him in any way. Twenty minutes later, the tour is done and just like I suspected, Kevin could care less about how the earthship recirculated water or whether the appliances are AC or DC-powered. But he sure took a lot of pictures he said he couldn’t wait to share with his parents who were curious about Alma’s new home.
“Why didn’t they come with you?” I ask as we make our way back to the house. He’s turning a bright shade of red just from being outside for twenty minutes.
“Dad’s working on a project and couldn’t leave and Mom doesn’t like to travel, period. She’s deathly afraid of planes,” Kevin replies. “So I figured I’d use my miles.”
“How long are you going to be in Taos?”
“Just until afternoon. I’m heading down to Santa Fe where things are more happening,” he replies. “It’s dead out here. There’s nothing to do.”
“There’s a lot of things to do.”
“For you maybe, but what about Alma? She’s a city girl,” he says. “What does she know about living out here?”
“A lot,” I reply. “She’s adjusting really well.”
“That’s because you’re fucking her, man,” he says and I don’t wait for him to say anything else. I grab the collar of his shirt and push him against the wall.
“What she does in her private life is none of your business, Kevin,” I say through clenched teeth. “You need to respect your sister-in-law a little bit more than that. Drew would never have stood for this type of behavior.”
“Yeah, would he have approved of you fucking his wife?” He counters. “Or is he rolling in his grave right now realizing his best friend had the hots for his wife the whole time?”
I let him go of Kevin and watch him sag against the wall, as if his knees can barely keep him upright. “That’s not what happened.”
“Keep saying that, man. One day you’ll believe it.” Kevin straightens his shirt. “Drew told me about the last time you came by the house. He said you made a move on Alma, and seeing what I see now, man, he called it, alright. Is that why you stayed away for a year? Figured no one would remember?”
“I’m done talking to you.” I pull the door open just as Alma emerges from the nursery, concern written all over her face. “Make sure you say goodbye to your sister-in-law before you leave. And don’t forget your manners.”
I wait until Kevin says goodbye and leaves, my jaws still clenched tight long after the dust from his rental car settles on the ground. I only allow myself to relax when Alma wraps her arms around my waist. “Thank you for staying. That really means a lot to me. He genuinely loves his nephew.”
“I can see that but doesn’t mean I like seeing you alone with him,” I mutter. “Was he always like that? Angry? Rude?”
Alma doesn’t answer right away. Then she she shakes her head. “No, he became that way after Drew died. He idolized his older brother and was really proud of his service in the Marines. So when Drew died, I guess I was the easiest person to blame. After all, I left him. I let him down. I let all of them down.”
“You didn’t let anyone down, Al,” I say, pulling her close to me. “You had your reasons and no one should fault you for that.” I kiss the top of her hair, glad that I was with her when Kevin arrived. What if I hadn’t been here? What would he have said to her? How would he have treated her? Would he have accused her of having had an affair with me the whole time?
Learning that Drew told his family I’d made a move on his wife makes their behavior toward her make more sense. They must have thought she was having an affair with me. It would have made her decision to leave him when she did more palatable. While I may never know what happened to make her leave, I know enough about PTSD flashbacks to know that it’s not exactly a walk in the park for everyone, definitely not the ones on the outside.
But what shames me the most is that Kevin is partly right. I’ve always liked Alma. I never made a move on her because she was my best friend’s wife, but I liked her. I respected her. I was in awe of the things she did to make their home perfect for Drew, the way she always made him laugh and relax.
“Looks like Ty’s starting to wake up.” She looks down at the baby monitor in her hand. “Want to stay for dinner? I harvested bokchoy this morning and will probably make Asian stir fry with tofu.”
I shake my head. “Sorry,
I can’t. Dax and his friend Gabe will be hanging out with Todd and me for guys’ night.”
Alma laughs. “Is that when you guys drink and play your games?”
“No, we’re grilling steak, too. And then we talk gaming stuff while sitting in front of the TV like the boring guys we’ve become.” I follow her into the Willow, closing the door behind me. “What about you? Any plans for the evening?”
“I’m doing lesson plans although they’re more like play plans for toddlers. Play and learn stuff.”
“That sounds exciting.”
Alma rolls her eyes. “Not as exciting as your video games, but I’ll take it. I’ll probably get bored playing your games anyway, shooting everything in sight.”
“Not everything, Al. We just shoot the bad guys and try not to get shot at.”
From the nursery, we can hear Tyler laughing, playing with some of the interactive toys in his crib. “I’d probably still be bored silly if I had to play it,” she says as I laugh, suspecting she’s right. “But Ty and I might make it an early night anyway. We’ve been up all day playing tourist.”
My phone buzzes then and I pull it out of my pants pocket. It’s a message from Fred, my boss at Trident Security. As Alma disappears into the nursery, I read his message and type my reply.
“Everything okay?” Alma emerges from the nursery with Tyler who’s chewing on his favorite octopus toy.
“One of the guys is out because of herniated disc and I’m needed next week.” I tap Send and slip the phone back into my pocket.
“Where are you flying to this time?”
“Hong Kong. But I don’t want to go.”
She peers at me curiously. “Why?”
I pull her and Tyler close. “Because I don’t want to leave you two.”
“Sawyer, we’ll be fine.”
What if Kevin comes back? I don’t say it out loud. The last thing I want her to do is worry about obnoxious Kevin with his agenda. I’ll have to ask Todd and Dax to keep an eye on her and Tyler.
