Scarred - The Complete Series

by Kylie Walker

  “I didn’t know how to deal with what I was feeling after you…after we lost you. So, I wrote you a letter in my journal. After that, I wrote one to you every year on your birthday just to describe life and things that I thought you would never get to see or do. Mostly, I just hoped in a strange way that as long as I kept writing about you, you’d continue to live on and somehow you would know how much we loved and missed you.”

  He had a tear sliding down his cheek. As hard as it was for Chloe to watch Samantha breakdown, the simple tear on her father’s face was almost even more heart-wrenching. It was obvious how hard he was trying to hold himself together, but yet he was still falling apart.

  “Thank you,” she said, sitting down with the journal. She looked up at him and said, “I keep a journal too. I have since I was a little girl.”

  Trevor sat down next to her and said, “I started keeping one when I was twelve years old. It always helped me to organize my thoughts, and it was cathartic. Sarah kept one too. After she died, Samantha and I found a whole box full of them from when she was younger. Neither of us has been able to read them yet, but if it would help you to get to know your sister someday, you’d be more than welcome to them.”

  “Thank you,” she said again. One of the tears spilled over and began to roll slowly down her cheek. Trevor reached over with his thumb and wiped it away. She opened the book in her lap and read the first letter.

  Dear Sophia,

  I wish that heaven had a mailbox so that I could send you a letter every day and let you know how much you are missed here on earth. Today you would have been three weeks old. Today your mother and I are still trying to find a way to cope with the ache we feel in our hearts. Some people have told us that it was better to lose you before we got to know you…but they are wrong. What would have been better was to not lose you at all. Your mother and I knew you from the day you were conceived. You were a part of us, and a part of the sister that you will never know. Unknowingly, your beautiful sister has gotten us through the long days and even longer nights as we grieve.

  We have to maintain a sense of “normalcy” for her sake and we do try. I went back to work this week and while I’m there, I go through the motions. I smile and I court clients and I pretend like I’m okay. But, every once in a while I have to lock myself in my office alone and as soon as the door is closed and the lock is turned, the tears come and I let myself cry. Sometimes at night when your mother and Sarah are sleeping I take a walk around the grounds and I stop to pet the horses and I wonder if you were still here if you would like to ride them as much as I do. I wonder about so many things. There is one thing that no one who knows me or your mother will ever have to wonder about, and that is how much we already loved you. I will never stop thinking about you and I will never stop loving you. I will always be your Daddy and I hope that heaven allows just this one letter to slip through so that while you glide around up there on your white and glittery angel winds, you know how dearly you are loved and missed here on earth.

  I will always love you.

  Your Daddy.

  The letter brought on another onslaught of tears. Once she and Trevor had been able to let go of their embrace, Chloe sat the book aside to read another time. She was an emotional wreck at the moment. She didn’t know how much more crying she could take.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Dinner was good, but quiet. Everyone was pretty much talked out, except for Derek and he was laying low and letting the family get to know each other. After dinner Derek asked Chloe if she wanted to take a walk. She jumped at the chance to get some fresh air. Her head was pounding. She had gotten more love in one day than she had her entire life. She really didn’t know how much more she could take. It wasn’t that it was bad, it was just new and different and it was going to take her a lot of getting used to.

  Derek took her hand as they walked through the yard and towards the little iron fence. Overhead a canopy of stars spread out across the ocean of darkness. The moon was just a sliver but the night was illuminated just the same by the twinkling stars. It was much cooler than it had been earlier in the day and as they walked a bit, Chloe shivered. Derek put his arm around her.

  “Are you cold, baby?”

  “No…I just have that feeling again.”

  He stopped walking and looked at her. “The feeling like someone is watching?”

  She nodded. “I’m sorry. I’m sure it’s just my paranoia. I just get this creeping sensation down my spine and the hair on my arms and the back of my neck stands up…it just hits me lately, out of the blue.”

  Derek pulled her into his broad chest and held her there.

  “Considering all that you’ve been through and the emotional rollercoaster you’ve been on today, I’d say a little paranoia was warranted.”

  “You feel so good,” she sighed.

  She hadn’t realized how tired she was physically until she laid her head on him. She was so warm and comfortable in his arms that she could go to sleep right there standing up.

  “You feel better,” he said with his mouth right next to her ear. She shivered again, but this time because the vibrations and the heat of his voice sent a spark traveling down her spine. He held her back and looked at her face. “Do you want to go back inside?”

  “Can we just stand here like this all night?” she asked him. He pulled her back against him and wrapped her up in his strong arms.

  “We can stand like this forever, if that’s what you want.”

  She closed her eyes and sighed as he ran his hand down her hair and across her upper back. Between Derek and her parents, she’d never felt so loved and wanted in her life. She thought she was cried out, but she suddenly felt a lone tear rolling down her cheek. This time it wasn’t sadness or regret. It was thankfulness that this amazing man found her and better yet, that he wanted her. Somehow he knew that she was crying again. He leaned down and very softly brushed his full lips against the corners of her eyes. Chloe wondered if he had any idea how much his tenderness meant to her. So much of her life had been spent at the ends of rough, violent hands. Every time he touched her with his gentle loving ones, Chloe fell for him just a little bit harder.

  They eventually made it back to the house and that night Derek lay next to her in the guestroom and held her tightly as she fell asleep. She had barely closed her eyes when she slipped into a dreamless sleep, weighed down by her emotional exhaustion. She slept heavily for a few hours, but then she began waking up and going back to sleep again and again throughout the night.

  Max was fond of always telling her that one of the most important things that would be able to save her from the demons she might have to face was sleep. Only a rested mind is a sharp one, and Chloe would need to be sharp in order to beat Jesse when that time came. Unfortunately Max didn’t take into consideration that with extreme emotional exhaustion was often fraught with emotional pain and the real physical reactions that came along with it.

  Her head was still pounding even after taking two Tylenol before going to bed. Her stomach was still churning and her head was still spinning. She was on sensory overload and the only thing that kept her from imploding was the soft, gentle caress of Derek’s lips against her cheek or her ear and the sound of his voice telling her that she was safe and everything was going to be okay.

  She woke up the last time just before the sun came up. She was spooned against Derek and his arm was across her waist. She could feel the heavy rise and fall of his chest as he breathed and she knew that this time, he was asleep. She turned to face him, moving gently so she didn’t wake him up.

  He looked so peaceful…and so damn sexy at the same time. His long, dark eyelashes lay fanned out against his strong face and his hair was tousled around it. The stubble across his strong jaw and cheeks made him look distinctly masculine, yet the look on his face was almost vulnerable. That was probably the goodness showing through, she thought. He wasn’t just beautiful on the outside. There was a goodness that radiated from him. Sh
e laid her head gently against his warm chest and as soon as she touched him she felt the jolt. He was like a drug to her, addictive and endorphin-producing.

  She reached up and very softly let her fingers run along his well-defined biceps. She really didn’t want to wake him up…but she had to touch him. It was his fault for being so sexy. She let her fingers drift from his arm over to his chest and she felt the smooth, hard muscle there. One of his long legs was lying on top of the covers and she felt a little ache with the desire to wrap her own around them. She forced herself to move her eyes back up to his face. They landed on his full lips. It should be illegal for any man to have lips like that. Those were lips that were made to be tasted and licked and sucked on. She had to run her tongue across her own lips just thinking about it. She hungered for him on a primal level. She probably couldn’t deny it if she tried.

  “Good morning.”

  “You’re awake,” she said, surprised.

  His lips curled and he nodded. His eyes were still closed. “I was just enjoying the fingertip massage so much that I didn’t want to speak up and break your concentration.”

  Chloe pushed herself up slightly and pressed her lips against his. “I was just thinking about how beautiful you are and my hand took on a life of its own.”

  “Please, don’t let me interrupt. There are places left untouched…”

  Chloe giggled. “My fingertips are aching to touch other places, but what about Samantha and Trevor?”

  “This is a big house,” he said as she let her fingers slide down across his hard abs, pushing the elastic of his boxers down slightly as she went.

  He groaned.

  “Is the door locked?”

  He glanced over towards it and in a strangled voice he said, “Yes.”

  “What about your door, since it adjoins mine?”

  Her fingers were tracing along the top of one of his powerful thighs.

  He sounded almost like a soprano as he said, “They won’t come in.”

  Chloe pulled her hand away. “I’m sorry. I’d just be too worried…”

  “Don’t go anywhere…I’ll be right back…hold those fingers poised just like that…”

  He let his long legs drop to the floor and practically ran into the other room. Chloe giggled at the sight of him jogging back on his toes and jumping back into the bed. With a deep breath in and out he said, “Okay, commence the exploration.”

  Chloe brought her right hand up and began tracing the counters of his face. His high cheekbones…those full lips…

  “Derek?”

  There was a knock on his bedroom door and the sound of Trevor’s voice. “I’m sorry, I heard you up…”

  Derek growled and in an almost silent whisper he said, “Don’t breathe for a minute, he’ll go away…”

  Chloe tried not to laugh. Instead she pushed him in the ribs and whispered back, “Go! It’s my first night here as their daughter. I am not going to let them catch me in bed with you.”

  Derek laughed. “You’re going to make me beg?”

  “Go!” she told him, giving him another push that didn’t budge him.

  He turned and kissed her. It was quick, but it had a lot of business behind it. “Damn!” he growled as he let his legs drop back to the floor and tiptoed silently back through the bathroom. He flushed the toilet on his way by for effect and said, “Yeah! I’m here, Trevor, just a sec.”

  Chloe had to bury her face in the pillow and laugh. She suddenly realized how good it felt to just be silly and to have an entirely “normal” thought like not wanting her father to catch her sleeping with a man in the next room. At this exact moment in time, life was good.

  Derek slipped on his robe to hide his obvious erection and pulled open the bedroom door.

  “Good morning Trevor.”

  “Good morning. I hope that I didn’t wake you. I thought I heard you walk towards the door as I was coming down the hall.”

  “You did,” Derek said. “I was on my way out to find some coffee, but then detoured back through the bathroom. What’s up?”

  “Well as far as coffee, Sam has an entire continental breakfast set up on the patio. I told her it was too much…but you know her.”

  Derek smiled. “Yes, I do. It bodes well for us though. A continental breakfast sounds really good right about now.”

  “It does actually; I was just headed down myself.”

  Derek controlled his facial muscles but he couldn’t help wishing Trevor had gone down just a few minutes earlier.

  “Anyways, what I wanted to ask you was if you think you and Chloe might like to go for a ride today. After breakfast I was going to go out and give the horses a flake of alfalfa, but if you’d like to ride, I can bring them back in.”

  Trevor had three different shelters built for the horses in various spots of the property so they could get out of the weather if they needed to. He refused to “box them in,” as he put it, with a barn or a stable. There was a little tack house next to the main house where he kept the saddles and other supplies.

  “I would love that, I’m not sure if Chloe’s up yet though…”

  “That’s fine. Please don’t wake her. I’ll bring them up just in case. We can always turn them out again. I’ll see you at breakfast.”

  “Okay, I’ll get dressed and be right down.”

  He closed the door and waited until he heard Trevor’s footfalls on the stairs. Then he quickly raced back into Chloe’s room. He stopped and his face fell when he saw her. She was already dressed in a pair of cut-off jeans and a t-shirt.

  She looked at his face and said, “What? Are the cut-offs too much?”

  Going over closer to her he put his arms around her and slid his hands down her back to the cheeks of her ass. Taking one in each hand, he squeezed as he lowered his head and claimed her mouth. His tongue slid into her mouth and languidly explored every dark, warm and wet crevice. Chloe moaned against his mouth as her tongue tangled up with his and they deepened the kiss. It was one of those kisses that she felt a sizzle throughout her entire body. When he broke it and pulled his head up, she sucked in a breath.

  “Wow! That was…”

  “Yes, it was.”

  “My head is spinning.”

  “Mine too.”

  “We should go down for breakfast.”

  “We should take care of our…anxieties, first.”

  “What if he comes back?”

  “We can be quiet about it.”

  “I don’t think I can…” His lips were on her neck. “You’re not fighting fair...”

  With his lips still against her neck he said, “I’m not fighting at all. You’re the one fighting it.”

  “Grr…I’m just…”

  “Chloe honey,” a soft rapping sounded on the door.

  Derek’s face looked so painfully funny that Chloe actually did laugh out loud this time.

  “Yes, I’ll be right there.”

  He was still trying to kiss her as she led him into the bathroom and left him there with a quiet, “You might want to use cold water,” before she closed the door and left him there…alone.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Samantha had been at the door wondering if Chloe liked her eggs poached, boiled, scrambled or fried. Chloe felt her lips twitch at the thought of poor Derek in the cold shower as she told her, “Anything is fine,” she said, “You really didn’t have to go through all of that trouble.”

  “I love to cook. It’s not as much fun when you’re only doing it for two people,” she said. “I’m sorry if we’re a bit overzealous…we’re just so happy to have you here.”

  “You’re not overzealous at all,” Chloe said. She was sure that Derek would beg to differ at the moment.

  “Thank you for saying so, but we know we are. Trevor’s gone out to bring the horses in just in case you two want to go for a ride this morning.”

  “That sounds like fun,” Chloe said. “I better get some coffee in me before then.”

  She followed
Samantha downstairs, leaving poor Derek to his own devices. When they stepped out onto the patio, Chloe saw what her mother had meant about being “overzealous”. The table was laden with food. There were scrambled eggs and a platter of ham…a bowl heaping with fried potatoes and several tureens of fresh sliced fruit sitting in ice. There was a basket of croissants and a platter of toast, bagels and cream cheese and some kind of apple tart. Coffee and tea sat out in steaming carafe’s and orange juice and water were served out of lovely glass pitchers.

  “Wow! Samantha…you really shouldn’t have gone to all of this trouble.”

  She laughed. “It’s ridiculous, I know. I’ll have to pack up the leftovers and have Trevor take them into town later to drop off at the shelter. I got carried away.”

  “It looks amazing though. Thank you.”

  Chloe sat down and Samantha poured her a cup of coffee and handed her a plate. As Chloe fixed hers, Samantha sat down next to her.

  “Did you sleep well?”

  “Yes,” Chloe lied. “The bed is very comfortable. Thank you again for having us.”

  “I never could have imagined or believed that this day would come,” she said, gazing at Chloe adoringly. Suddenly realizing she was getting emotional again she said, “I’m sorry. I’m finished for today with the sappy stuff, I promise. Derek better get down here if he wants a hot breakfast.”

  “I’m sure he’ll be down any minute. I hogged the shower last night, so he’s taking his this morning.”

  “Good morning, Chloe.”

  Trevor came up behind her and Chloe jumped. There were some old habits that would be harder to break than others. She turned and looked at him. He was wearing jeans and a t-shirt. He looked so cute that she had to smile. She hadn’t seen him in casual clothes until today.

  “Good morning.”

  “How did you sleep?”

  “Well,” she lied again. “And I got up to all of this. How lucky am I?”

  Trevor bent and kissed her on the cheek and then suddenly looked abashed. “I’m sorry. I probably shouldn’t just assume that’s okay…”