These girls were slightly more coordinated and managed to dance without actually bumping into one another. As they moved around, Kieran noticed that they had small colored balls attached to their hair buns, and there were strips of tinsel in their skirts. They did look like little Christmas trees and danced very well to the music.
There was plenty of applause as they exited the stage. The next group was dressed in white and danced to Let It Snow. They were older than the two previous troupes, so they were the most coordinated of the groups so far, but it was clear when the final troupe came out, that they were the most experienced dancers of them all.
They were dressed in silver outfits with tiaras that sparkled in the overhead lights, and they moved smoothly and gracefully to Silver Bells. When their song ended, Kieran heard Cara begin to speak over the PA system.
“Thank you all for coming tonight. I’d like to introduce you to our beautiful dancers who have all done such a terrific job. They’ve been working really hard, and you can see that their diligent work has paid off.”
Kieran closed his eyes as he listened to Cara introduce each of the dancers. He could hear the pride in her voice, and he so wished that things had worked out differently for them. He wanted to tell her that the girls were as good as they were because of their talented teacher. He wanted to tell her how proud he was of her for sharing her knowledge and experience with these young girls.
He inhaled then let out a long breath. Maybe it had been a really bad idea to come to the recital. Not maybe…probably.
It took a while to announce each of the girls since she did a little intro for each of them, too, sharing a few of their favorite things including what they hoped to get for Christmas.
And when she was done, the girls lined up again, looking very festive with the colors of the outfits all mingling together. Their final song was We Wish You A Merry Christmas, and Kieran stayed until just about the end of the song before standing up and slipping out of the theater.
His chest was tight, his heart aching as he walked toward his Jeep. He hadn’t even seen Cara, just heard her voice, and he was an emotional mess.
All the way back to his place, Kieran tried once again to figure out if he could possibly just ignore Cara’s past. Could he just ignore her connection to the worst events of his life?
His heart said yes, but his mind said no. Nothing had changed from the moment he’d realized who she really was. If only it were as easy as turning off that knowledge.
Would he rather have never known? What would have happened if she’d finally shared about her past with him later on in their relationship? If they’d been married, would he have divorced her?
He had no idea of the answer to any of those questions, but he couldn’t deny that finding out the information later in their relationship would have made life infinitely more difficult. So maybe it was a blessing that the truth had come to light now. Too bad he couldn’t really appreciate that blessing right then.
~*~
When Cara left the recital, it was with a heavy heart. Her final obligation had been fulfilled, and it was time to move on. It had taken everything in her not to fall apart as her girls had performed their last dance of the evening. They’d been beautiful, graceful, and energetic, everything she’d wanted them to be. It had been a perfect evening for them, even with the little mishaps during the younger ones’ dances.
It had been hard to say goodbye to them all at the end of the evening, knowing that was probably the last time she’d see them. They didn’t know that since she had yet to notify everyone that the studio was closing, and all unused credits would be refunded.
With Christmas just a couple of weeks away, she’d gone ahead and closed the studio, aware that people were going to be super busy with holiday preparations. She wasn’t, of course. Unlike last year, when she’d decorated both her apartment and the studio, this year, she’d focused strictly on the studio since people would wonder why if she didn’t.
She didn’t want to say goodbye. She didn’t want to have to explain why she was leaving. She especially didn’t want to see disappointment on anyone’s face. Maybe it was cowardly to run the way she planned to, but she’d said far too many goodbyes in her life. She just couldn’t handle a whole bunch more.
Back in her apartment, she headed for her bedroom and the suitcases that lay open on the floor. She stood for a moment, resisting the urge to cry as she stared at the clothes she’d packed into them already. This wasn’t the path she’d envisioned her life taking, but after facing so much heartache, it really shouldn’t have surprised her.
She’d let her father light the flame of hope within her. She’d participated in life because of him, and when she’d voiced her reluctance to love, he’d encouraged her to not let the chance to love pass her by. He’d told her that even though it might hurt to one day lose that love, it was worth the risk.
Maybe it was only worth it when you lost that love through no fault of their own. Her dad might have lost the woman he loved, but at least he lived with the knowledge that, had she been given a choice, her mom would never have left him. It hurt like crazy to have the person you loved decide you weren’t worth being with anymore.
Mafia Princess.
Even now, the disgust in Kieran’s voice as he’d said the words resonated in her head. She didn’t believe that he had been aiming the disgust at her directly, but it hurt nonetheless.
Turning away from the suitcases, she went into the bathroom and cleaned off her makeup. She changed into a pair of leggings and a loose sweatshirt before going to make herself a cup of tea that would hopefully help her sleep. She’d been having a horrible time with sleep lately. The tea didn’t really seem to help, but she kept trying it anyway because she was just that desperate.
Leaving the lights off, she carried the mug to her favorite seat by the window and settled into it, drawing her legs up. This was how she ended each day, trying to commit to memory the town as it lay before her, sparkling in the night.
She’d also spent hours watching cars arriving, filling all the parking spots on Main Street, as people had come to town for the Christmas Market. It was something she’d planned to attend as well, but now it hadn’t seemed worth the effort of putting on a happy face. And then there was always the chance she’d run into Kieran. So, in the end, she retreated into her apartment and watched it from afar. Much like she had the first year she’d been in New Hope.
Every day, more Christmas lights lit up the night sky. Main Street had lighted shapes of candy canes, angels, stars, and trees attached to lamp posts. Norma’s had lights outlining each window, and she’d had someone come in to paint her windows with Christmas messages and decorations. Cara could have just taken pictures of it all, and she had taken a few, but she knew that a photo would never capture the heart of the town and the wonderful people who lived there.
When she heard a text alert from her phone, she turned to look over to where she’d left it earlier. There were only two people who would be texting her, and she really wasn’t in the mood to chat with either of them. Doug and Giovanni had texted her periodically to check on her, and while she appreciated their concern, she still wasn’t sure about continuing to maintain contact.
The one person she was fairly certain wouldn’t be texting was Kieran.
She decided to ignore her phone for the time being, and just enjoy her moments taking in the sight of the town. She only had a couple more nights to do that before she’d be leaving. Though it had caused her great heartache, she’d begun looking for a place to move to a couple of weeks earlier.
She wanted to move as far away as possible, but the idea of living in the heat of Florida, with no real difference between seasons, hadn’t appealed to her. New York wasn’t an option, and California didn’t call to her either. She quickly realized that nothing really suited her.
In the end, she’d decided to go see what Denver might be like. But first, she was going to spend Christmas in a cabin near Estes Par
k in Colorado. She planned to do nothing but appreciate the promised stunning views at the cabin and finding a series or two to binge-watch on Netflix. She had also been loading up her tablet with plenty of books, as well.
Part of her felt like the only way to get through Christmas that year was to ignore it, and in order to do that, she needed to be away from places that were focused on it so intently. A secluded cabin in the mountains should help achieve that. At least she hoped it would.
As lights on houses began to wink out, Cara let out a sigh and closed the blinds, then she rinsed her cup and went to her bedroom. She’d finish packing the next day, and then she’d be on the road the following morning.
Though the idea of starting over caused a spike of anxiety within her, she knew she could do it. She’d done it before, and she’d survived. However, this time around, she needed to do things differently so that she didn’t have to start over again with yet another broken heart.
She’d had enough heartache to last a lifetime.
~*~
Kieran slid onto a chair at the counter in Norma’s, giving Missy a weary smile as she set a mug in front of him and filled it with coffee. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” She patted his hand. “It looks like you could use a cup.”
He couldn’t argue with her there. He definitely did need a cup or two. Maybe even three. But first, he would start with this one.
Lifting it to his lips, he took a sip and swallowed with appreciation. He hadn’t been sleeping well, so the caffeine was welcome, but also, the weather had taken a cold turn in the past day. Hot coffee definitely hit the spot.
“How’re you holding up?”
Kieran glanced over to see Anna seated a couple of chairs from him. Shrugging, he turned his attention back to the mug cupped in his hands. He didn’t mean to be rude, but he really didn’t know how to answer her. It went against the grain to admit how much he was struggling with the breakup.
He didn’t like showing weakness—something his father had drilled into him—but he figured people saw his struggle whether he put it into words or not. Or maybe they were just hoping for a tidbit of information they could pass on to others.
Not that he suspected Anna was doing that. Given her own experience with people exploiting a difficult time in her life, Kieran doubted that Anna would, in turn, exploit other people’s pain.
“It’s not getting any easier,” he muttered. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed that Anna shifted over to the seat next to him.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” she said softly. “We’ve been praying for the two of you.”
“Has she talked to you?” He knew he had no right to ask, but he couldn’t stop the words from tumbling out.
“No, but Sarah texted her the other night to invite her over for Christmas dinner. Cara told her that she was leaving town for Christmas. We assumed she was going to spend it with family.”
The thought of Cara’s family knotted Kieran’s stomach. He knew that at least the youngest brother was in contact with her. Had she gone to spend Christmas with him?
His reaction to the idea told him that his decision to ends things was the right one, no matter how much it still hurt. If he couldn’t even hear a reference to her family from someone else without tensing up, being with her would have been impossible.
“At least she won’t be alone,” Kieran said with a sigh.
“The studio’s been closed for the last week or so, and she hasn’t given a definite date for when classes will start up again in the New Year.” Anna slid her mug forward when Missy returned with the coffee carafe. “I’ve hardly seen her in the past month.”
That was true for Kieran, as well. Given how small the town was, he’d braced himself for running into her fairly frequently. However, he’d only seen her once or twice from a distance. It had been especially painful to go from seeing her on a daily basis to seeing her only a couple of times in a month. He’d thought it would be hard to see her around town, but as it turned out, not seeing her was worse.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
“Where’s Eli?” Kieran asked, not so sure he wanted to continue to talk about the mess his life currently was in.
“Uh…the detective called and asked him to go to the office in Everett to meet with him.”
Kieran jerked his head around to look at Anna. “About Sheila?”
Her brows drew together as she nodded. “You didn’t know?”
He wondered if he’d missed something. If he’d dropped the ball because of his distraction lately. “No.”
“Hmmm. Well, he’s supposed to be meeting me here, so maybe he can tell you about it.”
Kieran wasn’t sure he wanted to discuss the case in the middle of a restaurant, but for sure, he’d be phoning the detective to find out what was going on. It bugged him that the detective, after having gotten to the point of accepting the fact that Eli hadn’t been involved in Sheila’s disappearance, had zeroed back in on him with the recent discovery of a body.
“How is he holding up?”
“He’s doing okay,” Anna said. “It helps that he’s resolute in his innocence.”
After not having any unsolved mysteries during his tenure there so far, it was beyond frustrating to Kieran to now have three cases that hadn’t reached a satisfactory conclusion. He had no further leads in in the case of the break-ins. And while Sheila’s disappearance and the recent discovery of a body weren’t technically his cases to solve, he still considered them as such, simply because of their connection to his town.
“Can I bring you something, Chief?” Missy asked.
He wasn’t really hungry, but he knew he needed to eat something. “Just a bowl of the cream of potato soup.”
“How about you, Anna?”
“I’ll wait for Eli. He should be here soon.”
“How are you enjoying your first Christmas in New Hope?” Kieran asked after Missy had moved away.
“It’s been fantastic. Going to the beautiful Christmas market was such a thrill.”
Kieran had attended it in an official capacity, which hadn’t been his original plan. Before the break-up, he’d planned to take the day off so he could go to the market with Cara. He’d thought he might see her there, but in all his walking around, he’d never laid eyes on her.
She had been looking forward to attending, so he could only assume she’d changed her mind about going because of the break-up. That thought had made him sadder than he’d already been. There were so many lost opportunities because of the way things had ended between them.
“Are your parents coming?”
“No. They’re doing some traveling. Christmas was never a big thing in our family.”
Kieran gave a huff of laughter. “I bet it’s been a shock to your system being with the McNamaras this year.”
“Well, I’ve come to realize that they take the holiday quite seriously.” Anna’s smile grew as she chuckled. “Nadine is a force of nature when it comes to decorating. I’m pretty sure there isn’t a surface that doesn’t have some sort of decoration on it.”
“Is the lodge full?”
“Surprisingly enough, yes. All the cabins are occupied as well. Being at the lodge is definitely going to be a different Christmas experience for me this year.”
Kieran’s plan for the holiday was going to be the same as it always was. He would go to church Christmas Eve with his mom, then he’d spend the night at her house so he’d be there Christmas morning. Despite his age, she still hung a stocking for him and gave him more presents than he really needed as an adult.
He could pretty much guess what she was going to get him each year. Usually there was a pack of socks, a bottle of his usual cologne, a gift card or two to his favorite stores, and a gift pack that included body wash, shaving cream, and a new razor. She also knitted him a scarf, beanie, and mitts each year. Sometimes she got him a book if she knew that one of his favorite authors had published a new one.
In turn, he go
t her a bunch of gifts that she knew to expect each year. Stuff that she used for her crafting. Her favorite toiletries. Some jewelry. Candy that she loved but would never buy for herself. Basically, they each knew what to expect from the other.
This year was supposed to have been different. They were supposed to have had someone else to buy for, and he had actually bought a couple of things for her that were now in a drawer of his desk. Kieran knew that his mom had begun to dream of their family growing beyond just the two of them. The holes in their family were never more apparent than at Christmas. Even Sean had tended to make an appearance at their Christmas celebrations.
Instead of having Cara with them, however, it would be another year of just the two of them. Mary would join them for their small Christmas dinner later in the afternoon, just as she had each year since they had moved back from New York.
He listened as Anna talked more about her plans to join the church’s caroling outreach. They were a small group that visited and sang carols to people who were housebound or resident at the seniors’ care home in the town. Kieran wished he could siphon off some of her excitement. Maybe even take a bit home for his mom.
Even though she had still put up all her decorations, and he’d helped her decorate the tree, he could see that she was sad. Instead of this being the best Christmas since Sean and his dad had died, it was turning out to be just as bad as that first Christmas after everything had happened.
“Hi, love.”
Kieran glanced over to see Eli bending to give Anna a kiss. When the man straightened, Kieran could see the strain on his face, though the tension eased as he gazed down at the woman he loved.
“How did it go?” Anna asked.
“It went.” Eli sighed as he sat down on the seat next to Anna. He looked at Kieran and gave him a weary smile. “Hey, Kieran.”
“Hey. Sorry I wasn’t there. I didn’t know about the interview, man.”
Eli shrugged. “He had me go to his office in Everett.”
Because of Him: A Christian Romance (New Hope Falls Book 2) Page 26
