At least, I hoped.
But then, everything went up in flames the night of the dinner. Blake had thrown the biggest, ugliest wrench in our plan to be together, and now everything I’d built was in danger of crashing to the cold, hard ground below.
Charlie was right — why should she believe me when I’d kept the biggest secret of all from her? Why should she trust me with her heart any more than she trusted Cameron?
The more the days dragged on without her feeling that connection from me, the more time Charlie spent with Cameron and away from me, the more worried I became. And I realized that it wasn’t just two months for Cameron, it was two months for me, too — to make that rocky foundation we’d started on a more sound and solid one, one she could depend on.
I loved Charlie, I needed her, and I missed her.
I wondered if she missed me, too.
With Blake going out of town for the weekend, I finally had a chance to see Charlie — to have a night with just her and me. I didn’t plan to waste that opportunity.
“Okay,” Blake said, and with a sigh, she rounded the kitchen island until she was standing in front of my barstool.
She wrapped her arms around my neck, finding my eyes with hers.
“I guess I’m all ready to go then…” She swallowed, her voice lowering to a whisper as vulnerability slipped over her. “I’m scared.”
At that, my heart cracked.
I pulled Blake into me, smoothing her hair with one hand as I hugged her close with the other.
The night after the Reids came to watch me play at the restaurant, Blake had finally told me the reason she’d come into town — the real reason.
Her father had fainted at work, and when he’d been admitted to the hospital, they’d found a tumor on his brain.
Blake didn’t seem to know much about what was going on, other than there was a hospital in Pittsburgh that specialized in the specific kind of issues her father was facing.
So, when he’d flown out to check into that hospital, she’d flown out to stay with me.
She’d told me that the very same night I’d planned to tell her to leave.
It’d been impossible then.
She’d broken down in my arms, so scared to lose her father, and here I was the same man she’d helped survive the loss of his father — and entire family — just three years ago. There were too many nights where Blake had peeled me off my bathroom floor and out of my whiskey-stained clothes, putting me to bed and holding me while I cried. She’d seen more of me in those few months of grieving than most people had in my entire life.
I remembered one night waking up, not remembering how I got home, how I got to bed, and there she was. She was sleeping right next to me, still completely dressed, and she was holding me. Her legs wrapped around mine, her hand on my chest, her hair sweeping up and over my own pillow.
And in that moment, I remember being overwhelmed with gratitude that she hadn’t left me alone. Everyone else had. Everyone else had moved on with their lives after they sent me flowers or brought me casseroles. But not Blake. She stayed.
And the simple truth was that Blake needed me now, and I would be there for her.
I knew, eventually, I’d have to tell her about Charlie. I’d have to clear up what Blake and I were — and what we weren’t. But with Charlie giving Cameron his two-month time-frame, I didn’t feel the need to rush that. For now, I could be Blake’s friend.
I owed her that.
“It’s going to be okay,” I told her, holding her a little tighter. “They’ve been running tests and I bet you’ll all get good news tomorrow. There’s a reason they moved him here, right? To these specialists?”
Blake just shrugged in my arms.
“It’s because they know what they’re doing. He’s in good hands, just trust that.”
She pulled back, sniffling a little as she nodded. “You’re right. I just don’t know what I’ll do if… if…”
“Don’t think like that,” I said, cutting her sentence short. “Positive vibes, okay?”
“Okay.”
Blake smiled at me, her blue eyes still glossed with unshed tears.
“Thank you for being here for me,” she said. “I don’t know how I would do this without you.”
I swallowed, guilt simmering low in my gut as I squeezed her hand in mine. “You could, but I wouldn’t let you.”
Her smile grew at that, and she leaned in, pressing her lips to mine before I had the chance to stop her.
I’d been careful with my actions around her, steering clear of any kind of affection that went past friendship. Every now and then she’d steal a kiss, but I’d always end it early, and I did the same on that Friday morning.
“I better get going,” I said, pulling back with my hands on her arms, but Blake pressed into my space more.
Her lips latched onto mine, her tongue sweeping inside my mouth as she gripped me hard over my dress slacks. And it didn’t matter that all I could think about was Charlie, or that it was her I wanted to rush to that morning — when Blake touched me like that, my body responded.
“Blake,” I warned, grabbing her arms a bit harder to push her back. “I really need to go.”
“Please, Reese,” she begged when her eyes found mine again. They were still shiny and wet, her face twisting with the pain from the trip she had to make into the city. “I need this. I need you. Please.”
I closed my eyes tight as her hand ran the length of my hard-on again, her little body rolling into mine as she kissed my neck.
“Not right now,” I tried, my hand stopping hers from where it was undoing my zipper.
“Why not?” Blake searched my eyes. “You haven’t touched me since I’ve been here. Do you not want me, anymore?”
“It’s not that,” I breathed. “It’s just…”
“What?” she probed, and her hand was already working under mine again. “Please, just let me make you feel good. I need to feel good, too. Just for a little bit. Please, Reese. Please.”
“Jesus Christ,” I cursed as she wiggled her hand under my pants and over my briefs below. I gritted my teeth, trying to find a way to get her to stop, but unless I told her the truth, I had nothing.
And I couldn’t break her heart. Not yet. Not today.
So, I relented, dropping my grip on her wrist and letting her take what she wanted.
I let Blake fuck me as I sat on that barstool, working herself to a release in my lap that would take away whatever pain she was feeling. I hated myself so much as I drove myself to school afterward that I considered taking my car right off the bridge.
Because I’d taken Blake’s pain, but I’d also given more to Charlie, in return.
She would hate me when she found out, and she would find out — I’d tell her that day. I had to. I owed her that honesty, and that respect.
Once I explained, she’d understand. Once I got her alone, she’d feel me again. Once I had her again, I’d never let her go.
I just needed one night.
***
I couldn’t get Charlie alone until after the last bell rang that Friday.
I tried before school, but I’d been too late, and she was nowhere to be found at lunch, either. I wasn’t surprised, not after a week and a half of her avoiding me. She was pissed, and she had the right to be.
But I would change that this weekend.
I rapped on the doorframe of her classroom once the car pool was clear, watching as she tidied up the tables.
“Need some help?”
She stiffened at the sound of my voice, one hand sweeping up to tuck a fallen strand of hair behind her ear, but she continued working without so much as a glance in my direction.
“Nope.”
The word left her lips with a pop, and I grimaced, sliding into the room like the snake I was.
“Okay, how about some company, then?”
“I prefer to work alone, actually.”
I chuckled, taking a seat at one of the t
ables, my knees riding up comically high as I tried to fit into the tiny chair.
“How long are you going to stay mad at me?”
“Forever.”
“Charlie…”
She huffed, finally looking at me as she stood straight with the new pile of workbooks tucked under one arm. “What do you want, Reese?”
“I want to explain.”
“Explain what? Your girlfriend? Like I said, I think I’ve got the picture.”
“I don’t think you do.”
“Blonde hair, big boobs, legs for days. You guys met at a bar on karaoke night, you’ve been dating for years. I think that’s plenty of knowledge.”
“She was there for me,” I said loudly, cutting Charlie’s rampage off. I paused, watching her eyes with my own, begging them to hear me. “When… after my family died, she was there. She saw me at my worst, Charlie, and yes, I loved her. I still do. I always will. But not like that.” I swallowed. “Not like you.”
“And how do you love me?”
“With every beat of my stupid, fucked-up, irresponsible heart.”
I held her gaze, but no sign of warmth passed her features. She simply watched me until I patted the tiny chair next to me, signaling her to join me.
She blew out a sigh, shaking her head as she let the workbooks hit the table with a slap. Then, she sat next to me, though she looked like she actually fit in the chair that made me look like an overgrown clown.
“What were you going to do?” she asked. “Did you just… leave her in New York City? Did you just assume she’d know it was over?”
“Honestly?” I asked. “In a way, yes.”
Charlie grimaced, but I reached for her hand, and when our skin finally connected after so long of being apart, I know she felt the spark, too. She calmed, waiting for me to continue as my thumb rubbed the palm of her hand.
“Look, Blake and I… we were always complicated. For years, it was so casual I honestly just thought we’d always be friends. We hooked up sometimes, but even then, it was primitive. It was just… I don’t know, there were no feelings attached. We took what we needed from each other, and then we’d go months without even so much as a text message.”
Charlie was so stiff under my touch, like she didn’t trust it anymore. I hoped my words would thaw that ice around her heart once more.
“But when my family died, Blake was there. She was the only one there. She helped me handle everything, Charlie — the funeral, their will, my inheritance, my apartment, all my bills. She even called my bosses for me, both at the restaurants I worked at and at Juilliard. And she made sure I ate, made sure I didn’t just exist on cigarettes and whiskey.” I paused. “She loved me. And she was the first one to ever tell me that, not just with her words, but with her actions, too.”
I shrugged, memories of Blake holding me in the dark resurfacing. I could still smell the shampoo she used then, could feel her small hands on my shoulders and back, her lips on my forehead.
“And yes, I loved her. I still do. But when I left New York, neither one of us knew what we wanted. She works for one of the fitness magazines based in the city, in social media, and she loves it. Even though she can do her job remotely the way she is while she’s here right now, she didn’t want to permanently leave New York City, and I never would have asked her to. I was looking for a new start, anyway.”
Charlie lifted one brow. “So, you moved away, and she stayed, and no one asked the question, ‘What happens now?’”
“I know it sounds crazy,” I admitted. “But that’s just how we are. We don’t ask questions like that. We don’t talk about feelings or future plans. We just figure it out as we go. So, when I left, I think we both had this sort of mutual understanding. We’d keep in touch, but past that?” I shrugged. “There was nothing really to say.”
“Except that there was,” Charlie argued. “Because she showed up on your doorstep two months after you moved thinking she was still your girlfriend.”
I ran a hand through my hair. “Yeah, well, she’s going through something. Her dad is in the hospital here in Pittsburgh, something about a brain tumor they found. They’re not sure how serious anything is yet but… I guess she needed me.”
Charlie’s eyes finally softened at that, and I squeezed her hand, praying to any god that would listen for her to believe the next words out of my mouth.
“I care about her, Charlie. And I want to be there for her the way she was for me. But, she’s not my girlfriend — not the way she thinks. And I promise I will clear that up and I will tell her about you, when the time is right.”
“When the time is right,” she deadpanned.
“Yes. And I don’t see any sense in rushing that, seeing as how you’ve given Cameron his time. Am I right?”
Charlie narrowed her eyes then, pulling her hand from mine. “Don’t turn this on me. I was honest with you when I agreed to give Cameron time, and it shouldn’t have mattered, not if what we’d felt was so solid. But you lied to me, Reese. How could I ever trust you now?”
“Has Cameron never lied to you?” I deflected. “You gave him your trust when he didn’t deserve it. At least give me the chance to earn it back, too.”
Charlie’s shoulders rounded, her little eyes sad under bent brows. “That’s low, Reese.”
“I’m sorry,” I said quickly, pulling her hands into mine again. “Just… please. Give me another chance. I’m still the same guy you’ve been with since January. I’m still the same boy you used to have a crush on.”
She smirked. “So cocky. How do you know I had a crush on you?”
It was me who cocked a brow this time. “You’re kidding, right? Miss Red Cheeks.”
On cue, she blushed, rolling her eyes before she let them settle on mine again. They were wide then, searching for something. “I wish I could have been there for you, when everything…” She swallowed. “I didn’t even call.”
“We’ve been through that,” I told her, squeezing her hands. “You had your own life here, Charlie. It’s okay.” I shrugged. “Now, I just need you to understand that I had my own life before you, too. Or rather, after you — and before we found each other again. The in-between. But it doesn’t change anything about how I feel for you now. It doesn’t change the fact that this,” I said, gesturing between us. “We are real.”
Charlie pulled her little mouth to the side, considering me.
“Let me back in,” I begged her. “Please.”
She sighed, her brows pinching together like she was still a little unsure. But she smiled, and that smile let me take my next breath.
“Fine,” she said. “But, no more lies, okay? I mean it. I’ll be honest with you, and I expect the same.”
“I promise.”
A pang of warning zipped through me as I gave my word to her, knowing what I needed to say next would likely ruffle any feathers I’d managed to smooth in the last ten minutes.
“With that in mind, I need to tell you something.”
Charlie’s smile slipped. “Okay…”
“This morning, Blake was really upset…” I scratched my neck, praying the words would come out right. “She’s going into the city to see her dad, and she’s scared. And well… the way she used to help me, sometimes, it would get… physical. It was just the way we sort of made the pain go away. On both ends. And…”
Charlie’s lips were flat now, her hands turning cold in mine.
“God, Charlie, please don’t make me say it.”
“You slept with her.”
I cringed, trying to hold her hands tighter but she ripped them away, swiping the workbooks off the table as she stormed across the classroom.
“God, Reese. What the hell is wrong with you?” She slapped the workbooks on her desk, hastily shoving her personal items in her messenger bag before throwing it over her shoulder. “You just fed me that… that load of complete garbage not even a full twenty-four hours after you slept with her?” She shook her head. “You’re unbelievabl
e.”
“It didn’t mean anything,” I said, stumbling a bit as I stood from the awkward position I’d been in at the kids’ table. I caught the crook of her elbow just before she reached the door.
“Let me go.”
“No.”
“Let me go, Reese.”
“I can’t!” I yelled, eyes glancing in the hall behind her before I pulled her more into the classroom, more into me. “I can’t let you go, Tadpole. Not after I’ve known what it’s like to hold you.”
Her eyes glossed then, and her gaze dropped to the floor between us. “I can’t believe you slept with her.”
“You haven’t with Cameron?”
“Not since you.” Her eyes met mine immediately, unwaveringly, the truth one she was proud to state. “How could I, after what we shared?”
My heart broke and beamed all at once. She’d refused her husband for me. Even though she’d promised him more time, she hadn’t slept with him, at least not yet.
I hoped she never would again.
I wanted to be the only hands that got to touch her, and that’s when I realized that it didn’t matter if my morning with Blake was meaningless. It still hurt.
It was still wrong.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, brushing Charlie’s cheek with my knuckle. “I won’t let it happen again. I promise. I give you my word. Just… stay with me this weekend. Blake is gone. Tell Cameron you’re going somewhere, or hell, tell him the truth, I don’t care. Just…” I lifted her chin, our lips just centimeters apart as I whispered my plea into her skin. “Be with me.”
She considered me, her eyes searching mine before they flicked to my lips and back again. But then she sighed, pulling away until we no longer touched, until there were feet between us instead of inches.
“I’m sorry, I just don’t know how I feel right now,” she said with a sniff. “I need some time to think. To process. Besides,” she added. “Cameron is taking me somewhere this weekend.”
Dread seeped through me slow and mercilessly, followed quickly by a hot, jealous anger. I clenched my jaw, testing my next words carefully in my mind before letting them out.
Best Kept Secrets: The Complete Series Page 30
