“Ouch!” He shook his hand out. “What the hell, Charlie?”
“You were messing up my lipstick,” I said flatly, pressing my hands into his chest. I shoved him off me, crossing the empty bathroom to the mirror to fix the mess he’d made.
Reese just watched me, and I knew what he wanted — he wanted me to make a scene. He wanted me to cry, to beg him to tell me who Blake was and what she meant to him, but I refused to give him the satisfaction.
Instead, I acted completely unfazed, wetting the corner of a paper towel before wiping away the small smudges around my lips.
“Charlie,” he started, moving into the space behind me. “I’m so sorry about Blake. I can explain.”
“Oh, don’t worry,” I said calmly. “She’s told us plenty of stories over the last hour. I think I know all I need to know.”
“It’s complicated.”
I scoffed. “I’m sure it is.”
Reese blew out a frustrated sigh, stepping a little closer until my eyes found his in the mirror.
“When I left New York, yes — she was technically still my girlfriend. But only because we never talked about what we were. Ever. She was more a roommate than anything. We never agreed to be long distance, and we never agreed to keep seeing each other.”
“But you never called it off either, did you?”
He swallowed. “No, but—”
I just laughed, shaking my head. “That’s rich. I suppose you were never going to tell me about her then?”
“I didn’t think I needed to.”
I spun then, stepping into his space until there were just centimeters between us. He stared down his nose at me, and our chests brushed, sparking a heat low in my stomach that made me even angrier.
I hated that he affected me that way.
“You didn’t think you needed to mention you had a girlfriend?”
Reese clenched his jaw. “Like I said, it’s complicated. And I’m going to address this with her.”
“Oh, are you?” I laughed again, crossing my arms over my chest. “Well, that’s just great. Let me know how that goes.”
“Damn it, Charlie,” Reese snapped. “Stop acting like that and listen to me.”
“Acting like what?”
“Like you don’t care. Like you’re not upset right now,” he said, stepping into my space again. He lowered his voice. “Like you don’t want me to kiss you.”
A chill swept over me, electricity sparking low and hot between my thighs. My eyelids fluttered, and then anger surged in like a riptide, masking the desire.
“You are unbelievable.” I scoffed, throwing my hands up as I crossed the bathroom. “I’m going back to the table.”
“Did you forget that you’re the one who’s married? That you just asked me — yesterday — to be okay with the fact that you’re staying with him for at least two more months?”
“EXACTLY!” I spun on him again, unwelcome tears flooding my eyes. They only made me angrier. “I’m married. And you have a girlfriend. So why didn’t you just leave me alone?”
“Because I love you.”
My heart sank, falling into a sad heap on the floor below us as my face twisted with the agony his words brought.
“Don’t say that to me,” I whispered, the tears spilling over now. I wiped them away quickly, furious that I’d let them fall at all. “Don’t lie to me anymore.”
“It’s not a lie, and you know it.” Reese stepped into me, his thumb replacing my own as he dried my tears. Then, he lifted my chin until my eyes met his. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about her, Charlie. I am. I don’t have any valid excuse as to why I didn’t. And I know I have to handle things with her, but just like you, I need a little bit of time, okay?”
His eyes pleaded with mine, but my heart was already bruised by his hands, and now it cowered away from where it once ran to him for comfort.
“What are we doing?” I whispered, shaking my head. “We’re hurting them, we’re hurting each other. Why?”
“Because we know what we feel is real,” he answered simply. “Because you’re my home. Because I’m your happiness. Because I love you, Charlie. And you love me. And if there’s anything in this world worth making a mess over, worth fighting for, it’s that.”
My stomach twisted with pain again, but my heart responded to his words with a hard, steady beat. I didn’t know if what he said made any of this right, but I knew it was true.
Where did that leave us?
“I don’t know what to believe anymore,” I confessed. “I feel like I’m in a dream. A nightmare.”
“Trust what you felt with me this weekend,” he said. “What I know you still feel.”
“How?” I shook my head. “How do I know what’s real anymore?”
Reese’s knuckle lifted my chin, his lips lowering for mine, and I held my breath wishing for that kiss. I just needed something — anything — to bring me back to him, to the way it had felt over the weekend, to the relief and love I’d found in his arms.
But before his lips met mine, a hard, loud knock sounded at the door.
“Charlie? Are you in there?”
I pushed Reese away, wiping away what was left of the tears on my face before quickly crossing the bathroom to unlock the door.
Cameron stood on the other side of it once I swung it open, and I watched his face twist as confusion and concern for me morphed into a solid, unrelenting rage once he saw Reese standing behind me.
“Your parents were worried,” he said flatly, not taking his eyes off Reese. “As was I.”
“I’m fine,” I said with a croaky voice. I cleared my throat, sliding my hand into his. “I was just coming back.”
Cameron nodded. “Did he hurt you?”
“Are you fucking kidding me, man?” Reese said incredulously.
“No, of course not,” I added quickly. “Come on, let’s go back to the table.”
“I think we should go.” Cameron’s grip on my hand was strong, his eyes still narrowed at Reese.
Reese started toward us, but I turned to warn him with my eyes not to press.
“I still have another set,” he said.
“I think we’ve heard enough.” Cameron’s words were final, and he tucked me under one arm with the punctuation of them, guiding me out of the bathroom.
I didn’t look back.
“Are you okay?” Cameron asked once we were moving through the crowd.
“I’m fine.”
“You sure?”
I nodded, crossing my arms over my middle. “I just want to go home.”
Cameron walked me to the front first, giving the valet our ticket and wrapping me in my coat before excusing himself to go back to our table. I watched him from across the restaurant as he let everyone know we were leaving, that I wasn’t feeling well. He made his way back to me quickly, just as Reese took the piano again, and my eyes flicked between the two of them.
I hated them both.
But I loved them both, too.
And for that, I hated myself.
CHAPTER FOUR
* * *
Cameron
Nothing killed me quite as much as the sight of Charlie crying.
Maybe that was why I’d had to use every ounce of willpower in me not to smash Reese’s face into the bathroom sink at The Kinky Starfish. That’s what I told myself, although I knew the bigger part of that was the fact that he had my wife locked in a bathroom with him.
Alone.
And she was crying.
My fists tightened around the steering wheel at the memory of it, and I cracked my neck, reciting every calming word I had to keep my cool. Every cell in my body wanted to combust with the rage I felt toward that man, toward what he’d done to my wife — to my marriage.
I wanted to forbid her from ever seeing him again, to move us across the country and away from him, but that wouldn’t fix anything.
The truth was I couldn’t tell Charlie what to do, or what not to do. She didn’t
belong to me.
I’d lost that privilege, and even when I’d had it, I never would have used it.
I respected her too much.
I didn’t want her to do something because she felt obligated to, least of all stay with me, or stay away from him. All I truly wanted was her happiness. Did I yearn to be the one she found it with? More than anything. But if she didn’t, if her happiness was with him at the end of it all, I would bow out as gracefully as I could and wish them well.
But tonight, he hadn’t made her happy. He’d made her cry.
And I wanted to murder him.
Charlie was still sniffling as we drove into our housing development. My hand had found her knee when we rounded the last corner before our driveway, and I squeezed gently, letting her know I was there.
“Want me to run you a hot bath?” I asked when we were parked.
She shook her head softly, eyes on her hands as she sniffed again. “I’d just like to go to bed.”
My stomach knotted, but I squeezed her knee again in understanding before pushing my door open. I circled the car quickly to grab hers next, helping her up and out, and she held onto me as we walked inside.
I had to reach her.
That’s all I could think as I watched her kick out of her heels, abandoning them on the hardwood behind her as she made her way upstairs. I followed, my eyes stuck on her delicate spine she’d revealed as she swept her long hair over her shoulder, and blood pumped through me harder at the thought of touching her.
It was the only way I could get to her tonight.
I didn’t have words — I never did. Tonight was no different. What could I say to possibly comfort her from the pain another man had caused? And there wasn’t a single thing I could think to give her in that moment that would make her feel any better — nothing I could build, nothing I could cook, nothing I could buy.
The only way I knew to make her feel my love was to use my hands, my lips, my body to show her I was there. I was always going to be there.
A small sigh left Charlie’s lips when we made it to our bedroom, and she pulled all the rings from her fingers, save for the one I’d given her the night I proposed at her parents’ house. She unclasped her pearls next, and as she set them on her vanity and made to move for her zipper, I slid up behind her.
“Let me,” I breathed, and my fingers covered hers momentarily before she conceded, letting me undress her.
I took my time, sweeping her hair away from where it had fallen back and pulling the zipper down slowly. Charlie stiffened when my fingers grazed her lower back under the fabric, and I swallowed, just the sight of her skin eliciting that same carnal reaction in me that it always had.
Chills raced down her back next as my hands moved up and over her shoulders, sliding the straps of her dress down, and when she let her arms rest at her side, the entire dress fell into a puddle of silk on the floor.
She hadn’t worn a bra, and I let my fingertips trail leisurely over her shoulders and across her thin collarbone before they dipped just a little lower, grazing the small swell of her breasts. We were standing in front of the same vanity mirror I’d watched her get ready in before dinner, and my eyes found her in the reflection just as she closed hers.
She was still stiff under my touch, but I took my time warming her up, stepping closer as my lips found the back of her neck. I kissed her gently at first, my lips tender and feather-light against her skin, but when her lips parted, a sigh leaving the space they left, I palmed her breasts in my hands and softly bit her neck.
Charlie arched her back, leaning into my touch, and the reaction I had to that movement, to that sigh, was automatic. I hardened instantly, pressing that arousal into her backside to let her feel me. She gasped again, but then she leaned away.
“Cam…”
I spun her, hand finding the back of her neck and pulling her mouth to mine before she could say another word. My lips devoured hers greedily, tongue sweeping in to claim her as my hands tightened around her waist. The way she fit there in my arms, the way her mouth moved with mine, it was like the sweetest, most familiar dance. We both knew the music well, and it sang straight to our hearts, bringing us back together, if for only that small moment.
My hands swept up into her hair, tugging gently, just enough to make her head drop back and allow me better access to her mouth. I kissed down her jaw, up to the lobe of her ear, across her neck, her collarbone, before crawling my way back up to her lips once more.
She was fighting it, fighting me, but the more I kissed her, the more she melted.
Yes, I thought, come back to me.
I pleaded with her to do just that with every touch, every kiss, every moan. Steadily, carefully, I wrapped my arms around her until I could lift her, carrying her to our bed. She hit the comforter with a soft whoosh, her legs spread for me, and I slid between them with my lips still fused to hers.
When my left hand slipped between us, trailing down until I felt the wetness of her core on my fingers, she sighed. I plunged one finger inside her, soft but deep, and her hand shot out to wrap around my wrist.
“Please…”
Her request fueled my fire, and I slid another finger inside her, growling against her neck.
But she shook her head, gripping my wrist harder.
“Please, Cameron,” she said again, this time waiting until my eyes met hers. “I’m tired.”
And with those two words, my blood ran cold, draining the heat from me in a slow, torturous current.
I still held her there, my fingers inside her, my eyes searching hers for what those words truly meant. It was the first time Charlie had ever rejected me, the first time I’d ever known the feeling, and I realized then how badly I must have hurt her all those nights I’d pushed her away.
But it was only because I didn’t know how to touch her, anymore. Not after what happened.
Not after I filled her with love, love that became our babies, babies that were never born.
Slowly, carefully, I withdrew my fingers, wrapping her in my arms as I watched her.
“Okay,” I said after a moment.
“I’m sorry.”
Her cheeks tinged pink, her eyes falling to my chest, but I just shook my head.
“It’s okay, sweetheart.”
Say something, I urged myself. Tell her you love her. Tell her why you love her. Tell her everything she means to you. Tell her you’ve been hurting, too. Tell her the truth about what she thinks she knows. Tell her it’s killing you that she’s in your arms thinking about him.
But the words wouldn’t come.
Charlie forced a small smile, one that fell quickly as she lifted to plant a quick kiss on my lips. Then, she rolled out from under me, grabbing a nightgown from her top dresser drawer and disappearing into the bathroom.
I wasn’t sure how long I laid there, but it was long after Charlie had come back from the bathroom, long after she’d turned down the lights, and long after her breaths had steadied out as she fell asleep. I was still there in that same spot, fully dressed, and it felt like the first time I’d blinked in hours when I finally came to around midnight.
The thoughts that swirled in my head during that time were like the nastiest tornado, sweeping me up at the granular level before funneling me up into the catastrophic tunnel above. I thought of the time I had left, the time I’d wasted, the woman I loved, the woman who didn’t just love me anymore. Up and up I went, further into the storm, each thought worse than the one before it as I let the worst-case scenarios play out in front of me.
I could try as hard as I could, and still lose her.
I could lose her to him.
And the worst part was that I felt helpless, like even though I’d asked for time to bring her back to me, there was no possible way to do it. How could I make her stay when I couldn’t open my mouth and give her the reasons, when I couldn’t tell her all the things she needed to hear?
I climbed out of bed quietly, careful not to wake C
harlie as I changed into sweatpants and a t-shirt and made my way downstairs. I slipped into my office after making a cup of tea, and the steam was the only thing that warmed me as I pulled up the search engine window on my computer.
If I was to lose Charlie, I’d be damned if I’d do it still holding onto words I needed to say, to truths that could possibly make her stay.
So, for the first time in my life, I buried my pride and faced my fear.
I booked an appointment with a therapist.
CHAPTER FIVE
* * *
Reese
A week and a half after the disastrous night at The Kinky Starfish, I drank coffee at my kitchen island while Blake packed up her things for the weekend.
“I’ll be back Sunday afternoon,” she assured me again, stuffing her tablet into her backpack. “Call me if you need me to get anything on my way home.”
Home. I hated that she called my house that.
“I will.”
“Are you sure you can’t come with me?” she asked again, pulling her long blonde hair over her shoulder as she assessed her bags.
“Sorry, I’ve got a couple of tutoring sessions tomorrow afternoon,” I lied.
The truth was, I’d cleared my schedule for the weekend in hopes I could steal Charlie away. It had been nine long days and nights since we’d fought, since she’d found out about Blake, and I was so desperate to get her alone I was ready to lock her in the janitor’s closet at school.
She’d barely said two words to me since that night, and it was slowly killing me from the inside out. I had no idea what Cameron was doing when he had her alone, but I knew it wasn’t anything working in my favor.
Charlie and I had had the most perfect weekend together. We’d figured everything out. She’d finally admitted that she loved me, and we were going to be together. We just were. It didn’t even scare me that Cameron wanted two months — not really — because I knew there was nothing he could say or do that could erase how Charlie felt for me.
Best Kept Secrets: The Complete Series Page 29
