The Smoking Bun (Apple Orchard Cozy Mystery Book 10)

by Chelsea Thomas

  “I thought your grandson was overseas in the military,” said Miss May.

  “He has been ever since he got his heart broken by that human pied-à-terre. Now he only comes home at Christmas. The girl crushed his spirit. Makes me so mad that she’s still out there, running around with married men.”

  “Do you think Buck’s wife knew about the affair?” asked Teeny.

  Petunia shook her head. “Doubt it.”

  “When did you see them together?” Miss May inquired. “Any idea how long this is been going on?”

  “I saw them two, maybe three weeks ago. But I didn’t exactly revisit the storage closet when the caterers were here in the weeks after that, you know what I mean? I don’t need to see that. It was graphic. I’m telling you, they were—”

  “We get it,” Teeny, Miss May, and I said at the same time.

  “Let’s just say it seemed to me that the two of them knew each other very well. Like it had been going on for a long time,” Petunia said. “Probably would’ve gone on forever if the poor guy didn’t go and get himself killed.”

  “Do you think Rebecca killed him?” Teeny asked.

  Petunia looked Teeny square in the eye. “What do you think?”

  24

  Worked to the Bone

  Once we left Washington Villages we decided to head back to Peter’s Land and Sea to look around. Miss May argued that Land and Sea was most likely the nexus of Buck and Rebecca’s affairs. She thought we might be able to take advantage of the empty restaurant, while everyone was at the catering event, to sneak inside and find a clue that might incriminate, or exonerate, Rebecca.

  I suggested that we skip Land and Sea and go back to Rebecca’s for straight talk. But Miss May pointed out that Rebecca was preoccupied, rude and clearly closed off. She also pointed out that Rebecca might have seen us run away with a bag of her trash, and she concluded that if we were to question Rebecca a second time, it would be best to have evidence more concrete than mis-matching hair in a brush.

  We expected Land and Sea to be vacant when we arrived. But when we pulled up, there was another car in the parking lot. And it looked familiar to me.

  “I think that’s Hannah’s car,” I said. “But her husband just died. Why would she be at work?”

  “People often throw themselves into their work instead of grieving loss in an open and vulnerable way,” said Teeny. “That’s what I do too. I’ve never baked more in my life than when Northport Diaries got cancelled. That style of grieving is pretty common, I think. I heard all about it on 60 Minutes.”

  “Now I feel even worse for Hannah,” I said.

  Miss May shrugged. “It’s also possible she killed Buck in cold blood and came to the restaurant this afternoon to destroy evidence. Or maybe she’s here because she feels totally normal and she doesn’t care that Buck’s gone.”

  “Hmm,” I said. “On a scale of ‘ice cold’ to ‘nervous sweats,’ I wonder where the temperature of Hannah’s heart falls.”

  “Regardless of her internal emotional thermometer, Hannah’s a suspect. So don’t pity her ‘til she’s proven innocent,” Miss May said. “Plus, right now she’s in our way. How are we going to snoop around that restaurant with Hannah inside?”

  Teeny smiled. “I have an idea.”

  I groaned. Teeny’s ideas usually involved shoving me into a window or twisting me into an otherwise uncomfortable position. Fortunately, that day, her idea was less involved.

  “I’m going to knock on the front door and make a big, stinking’ scene about something,” said Teeny. “May, you’re going to help. When Hannah comes to the door we’ll start screaming like crazy people. Meanwhile, Chelsea, you sneak around the back. While Hannah is out here dealing with us two lunatic ladies, you’ll be inside the restaurant being a detective so hard it hurts.”

  “I don’t know if that’s—” I started.

  But before I could get my sentence out, Teeny leapt out of my truck, hurried to the restaurant and started banging on the front door.

  “I sprained my ankle and I’m suing!” She yelled at the top of her lungs, which was still not that loud, then she looked over at me with a smirk. “I’m suing this restaurant for every last penny!”

  Miss May nudged me. “You better get going.”

  I sighed, hopped out of the truck and hurried toward the back of the restaurant. Behind me, I heard Teeny continuing to belt out threats at the top of her tiny little lungs. “Your sidewalk is cracked and dangerous. This is an abomination!”

  I took one last look as Miss May joined Teeny at the entrance to Land and Sea. Then I disappeared around the back.

  The back door to the restaurant was open so I slipped inside without making a sound. I found myself in the dining room. The tables were half set. The lights were off. And I could hear quiet music in the distance. I followed the sound of the music toward the back office.

  I stopped near the edge of the dining room to peak toward the front door. Hannah was up there arguing with Teeny about the state of the restaurant’s sidewalks. But I knew the distraction couldn’t last long. So I slipped into the office and resolved to work quick.

  It was a small room with a few filing cabinets and a desk against the far wall. A computer was on the desk, along with a reservation notebook.

  I looked down at the reservation book and deduced that Hannah had gone into the restaurant that morning to confirm weekend reservations. She had inserted comments on many of the reservations, like “needs a booster seat,” or, “requests vegetarian,” and had marked quite a few appointments as “cancelled.”

  I exited the office and spotted an employee break room across the hall. I tip-toed inside the room and made my way over to a wall of employee lockers. Sadly, there was a padlock on every door. I tugged on one of the padlocks and sighed. There was no way I was getting into those lockers.

  “Two million dollars,” I heard Teeny yell from out front.

  “That’s ridiculous,” said Hannah. “You’re wasting my time. Get out of this restaurant!”

  “I’m not even in the restaurant, I’m on the front steps. And now it’s three million.”

  I winced. Teeny’s lie was going off the rails. That meant Hannah would be back in the office area soon. I hurried out of the break room and back over to the office computer. Maybe I could find a clue on there…

  The computer woke up with a chime as soon as I moved the mouse and I began to investigate. The digital desktop was cluttered with random photos and documents, nothing strange there. But then I noticed that Microsoft Word had been minimized in the corner of the screen. I wondered why a restaurant would be using word processing software so I enlarged the window. It was a blank document with nothing but a blinking cursor.

  Weird.

  The arguing between Hannah and Teeny reached a crescendo at the front door. But I maintained focused on the document. Something felt off there.

  I found the button for “Undo” and pressed it. Suddenly, as if by magic, a large chunk of text appeared on the screen. Someone must have typed the words and then deleted them. I enlarged the font and read it out loud in a soft whisper.

  “Peter’s Land and Sea seeks head chef. Gourmet restaurant or New York City experience preferred. Please contact Peter@PetersLandandSea.com. Salary negotiable.”

  I reread the message a couple of times and then I noticed an important detail… Peter’s ad for a new head chef was dated Thursday, October 8… Two full days before Buck had been murdered.

  Petey had told me and Miss May how much he needed Buck, and that Buck had saved the restaurant, despite the chef’s arrogance and gruff attitude. Petey didn’t say he had been trying to replace Buck at all. In fact, he’d given us the impression that Buck was irreplaceable.

  But what if Buck had quit, I wondered. Or what if Petey had known Buck was going to die that weekend? If that were true he would have needed a new head chef. Fast.

  Hannah’s footsteps pounded toward the back office. She was close. I del
eted the text and minimized the window. Then I darted out of the office, hid in the locker room, and exited the restaurant just after Hannah passed me by.

  I held my breath until I made it out of the restaurant safely. I couldn’t believe what I had just found. And I couldn’t wait to see the looks on Teeny and Miss May’s faces when I told them the news.

  Petey had lied. And we needed to know why.

  25

  Senior Lawsuits

  I exploded around to the front of Peter’s Land and Sea to find Teeny and Miss May already back in the pickup. I burst into the truck, excited to share my news, but they were already knee-deep in a heated conversation.

  “You can’t sue Hannah for real,” said Miss May. “You never injured yourself on the property. Besides, she doesn’t own the restaurant. Petey does, remember? Do you really want to sue Petey for an injury that doesn’t exist?”

  “About Petey—” I began.

  “No,” said Teeny. “Of course I don’t want to sue Petey for no reason. I want to sue Hannah for no reason. Well, the reason is because she’s rude and she deserves it. That’s it. I’ll sue her for being insensitive. And for elderly abuse.”

  “Now you want to be called old?” Miss May raised an eyebrow.

  “When it suits me, I embrace my age. For discounts and lawsuits. In this case, I'd like to make my years work for me. Also at restaurants and in stores and sometimes movie theaters.”

  “You’re not going to sue Hannah or anyone else,” said Miss May. “Chelsea’s back. Can we focus on that?”

  “Fine. But never say never. Who knows what bone I might break on Hannah’s property at some point in my life. I’m just waiting for my opportunity. Then… I’ll strike.”

  “Can I talk now?” I said.

  Miss May turned her palm up as if to give me the floor. “Please. Tell us what happened in there.”

  I took a deep breath and launched into the tale of my adventure inside Land and Sea. I didn’t spare any details as I recounted what had happened. Miss May and Teeny got hung up on the lockers briefly. Teeny thought I should have tried to pick a lock and break into a locker, while Miss May disagreed and argued that picking a lock would’ve taken too much time.

  After much debate, I got around to the computer and Petey’s ad for a new chef at the restaurant. I told Miss May and Teeny that the ad had been written two days before Buck’s death and they drew the same conclusion I had.

  “If Petey wrote that ad before Buck died, that suggests that Petey might have been planning to kill Buck.” Miss May ran her tongue over her lips. “And let’s not forget Petey started as a cook himself, at Grandma’s. So he knows how to make cinnamon buns, I’m sure.”

  Teeny gasped. “I taught him!”

  “This theory makes sense except for one problem,” I said. “My gut tells me Petey is innocent.”

  “Your gut is telling me the same thing,” said Teeny. “Yeah, the kid is an emotional tornado. I get why he’s a suspect. But he doesn’t have the killer instinct. He’s a lamb, not a lion.”

  “I know Petey worked for you and you have a soft spot for him,” said Miss May. “And Chelsea, I know you like to assume the best in people. But we need to look at the facts. Not only did Petey write the ad before Buck died, he lied to us when we asked about his relationship with Buck.”

  “I know,” I said. “But I still think it was one of the girls. Or perhaps someone we haven’t thought about yet. Hannah is terrible. She was terrible that morning at the restaurant when she wouldn’t let us inside. And she was really callous just now. She didn’t have any sympathy for Teeny’s broken ankle.”

  “Teeny doesn’t have a broken ankle,” said Miss May.

  “Hannah didn’t know that!” Teeny said.

  “Maybe she could tell. Maybe that’s why she lacked sympathy.”

  “Whatever,” said Teeny. “The woman is sketchy. And let’s not forget she lied, too. Hannah could have told us that she and Buck were separated but she kept that information to herself. Why? Probably because it would make it seem like she killed him.”

  “Teeny has a point,” I said. “And it’s still possible something went wrong between Buck and Rebecca in the last week. Why did she stop visiting Buck’s hotel room after she died her hair red?”

  “Maybe the hair belonged to someone else,” Teeny said.

  “All the evidence suggest the hair in the brush belonged to Rebecca,” said Miss May. “We should go with that theory for now.”

  “Maybe Buck wasn’t attracted to redheads,” said Teeny, “so once Rebecca died her hair, he cut her off. Or maybe she got sick of visiting that disgusting hotel room. Or maybe things just ran their course.”

  “‘Ran their course,” I said. “That’s an interesting euphemism for murder.”

  “So where are we?” asked Miss May. “Who is our most likely suspect?”

  “I don’t know what to think,” I said. “Buck’s life was messier than his hotel room. But Petey lied to us about Buck. And Petey seemed to know he was going to need a new chef very soon. So I think we should talk to Petey.”

  “I agree,” said Miss May. “Teeny?”

  “Fine,” said Teeny with a defeated sigh. “I guess that means we’re going back to the retirement community.”

  “Not so fast.” Miss May turned to me with a small smile. “We’re late for an important appointment.”

  I furrowed my brow. I wasn’t aware that Miss May and I had an appointment, let alone an important one. And I couldn’t help but wonder where we might be headed next.

  26

  Groomed to Kill

  Miss May directed me to leave the Land and Sea parking lot and drive back to the farm for our ‘appointment.’ I was curious and a bit suspicious but I did as I was told.

  And boy am I glad I followed directions!

  When we pulled up to the farmhouse, a big white van was idling, waiting for us. The words “Wizard of Paws” were painted on the side of the van along with the faces of several adorable puppies and kittens. A short woman with cropped black hair was leaning against the truck.

  Yes. She was even short compared to me.

  “You called a mobile dog groomer,” I said. “Awesome! I totally forgot KP had asked me to do that. But Steve has been so gross. Thank you!”

  “Scruffy is not a good look for Steve,” Miss May said.

  “Totally agree,” I said. “He’s not a hippie dog. He’s a business dog. And he likes to look sharp.”

  “That truck is adorable,” said Teeny. “I want to get groomed in there.”

  Miss May laughed. “I don’t think they groom human women. But they do groom cats. So I made an appointment for Kitty, too.”

  “Oh my goodness,” I said. “I know I should be feeling serious and morose because we’re in the middle of a murder investigation. But this is going to be so cute. The cat’s getting a haircut!”

  I hopped out of the car and the short woman who ran the grooming truck gave me a big wave with both hands at the same time. “Hey. I’m Amy. Great to meet you.”

  Amy was energetic. From up close, I could see that she had bright green eyes and a tiny little nose to match her tiny little stature. Her makeup was perfect but subtle, and her A-line dress was covered in tiny little dogs.

  “Great to meet you, Amy. I’m Chelsea.”

  Miss May and Teeny headed inside to grab Steve and Kitty while Amy and I chatted.

  “OK, Chelsea,” said Amy. “I have an important question for you.”

  “Let’s hear it,” I said with a laugh.

  “What kind of dog are you? I have a firm belief that at their core, everybody is some kind of dog. Even cat people. So what’s your breed?”

  I smiled. “I’m going to have to think about that. But I know my aunt is an old German Shepherd. She’s protective but fun. A little slower than she used to be, but don’t tell her I said that. And our friend Teeny? The little blonde lady? She’s a tough one. She’s a small dog on the outside but she thinks s
he’s much bigger. Maybe like, a Jack Russell terrier? Or a chihuahua. Don’t tell her I said that, though. I don’t think she’d like being called a chihuahua.”

  “You seem like you could be a lab. Or a doodle of some sort. You’ve definitely got some poodle in there.”

  I wasn’t sure if I should take that as a compliment or an insult. I decided to remain neutral. “What kind of dog are you, Amy?”

  Amy’s sparkling eyes lit up as soon as I asked the question. “Me? Well, I think some people would say I’m a bulldog. I’m stubborn and persistent. Long walks are not my thing unless there’s a good reason for them. But I don’t think I’m a bulldog, at least not a hundred percent. I’m a little bit more of a mix. Like maybe a bulldog and a corgi. I’m short, for one thing, like really short, I’m sure you noticed… One more inch off and I would technically be a dwarf. Also, I don’t require a ton of exercise. I have a short attention span, unless I’m on the hunt for food… And I’m usually friendly. Usually being the key word.”

  “You seem nice to me,” I said.

  “Thank you. So do you. But also kind of like a know-it-all, hence the poodle comparison. Oh! That was kind of mean, wasn’t it? Don’t be offended, I love know-it-alls.”

  My head was spinning from the speed of Amy’s chatter, and her ability to be so nice and so incisive in a half a breath. “Uh, right. Well, I am kind of a know-it-all, I guess. At least according to Chihuahua and German Shepherd in there. Are you new in town? I didn’t know there were any dog groomers in Pine Grove, mobile or otherwise.”

  “I live up north a way. Started this business pretty recently, after things got sort of hairy in my personal life. Pun intended. I was married to this really tall guy, I call him ‘Beanstalk’ now because I don’t like to say his name anymore. He was freakishly tall, like, people would stare at us on the street because we were such an odd couple. Anyway, one morning, he went out for a dozen eggs, left a note on the counter with a little heart and everything, so sweet… and then that good-for-nothing son of a… sorry, uh, that man never came back. Left me holding the bag or whatever that expression is. Since then, I’ve been trying to make a living off my love of animals by having this mobile dog grooming truck. Not going to lie, it hasn’t been that easy finding customers. So I’m super excited to meet you. I think you’ll be impressed with my attention to detail, skill with animals, and general customer service. I heard you guys have a tiny horse too? I’ve never groomed a horse but if it has four legs, I’ll cut its hair! That’s my motto.”