The Smoking Bun (Apple Orchard Cozy Mystery Book 10)

by Chelsea Thomas

  I nodded. “Good. Sunday afternoon, is that right?”

  “That’s right.”

  “Terrific. I’d love to spend every minute with you until then, if possible.”

  I looked down. “Of course. Me too. Um, but we’re kind of in the middle of a big murder investigation. I’m not sure if I’m going to be around that much. But I want to see you, of course. You’re here from Africa! So I’ll definitely see you at Fall Fest, if not before.”

  “Blood runs in the streets of Pine Grove, yet again,” said Germany. “We’re all lucky to have you, Teeny, and Miss May to fight for justice. And I suppose we’re unlucky that murderers keep choosing our town to practice their evil craft. What was the nature of this particular crime?”

  I sighed. “Poisoned cinnamon bun.”

  “Any suspects?”

  “A few.” I took a bite of Germany’s crust and my mind turned back to our case. I remembered my intention to Google ‘cassava.’ Sometimes Germany, with his massive vocabulary and strange pockets of knowledge, was sort of like a human Google...so I asked him instead of my phone. “Hey Germany…there’s cassava root in Africa, right?”

  “Oh yes,” Germany said with a vigorous nod. “Cassava this, cassava that. It’s like potatoes in America.”

  “Is it good for you?”

  “Sort of,” said Germany. “But only when you prepare it right. It naturally contains cyanide, so you have to be careful.”

  I gulped. Cyanide. The poison used to kill Buck Johnson.

  36

  Dead on Arrival

  Teeny, Miss May, and I arrived at Rebecca’s little house in Blue Mountain early the next morning armed with a fresh apple pie and our steeliest resolves. But when I saw the scene at Rebecca’s house I dropped the pie and my resolve went with it.

  Cops were everywhere. The house was cordoned off with police tape. An ambulance was parked out front and I could see several EMTs in the house, through the open front door.

  “Oh no,” said Miss May. “Something happened to Rebecca.”

  “Let’s talk to the cops. I bet Wayne and Flanagan are in there.” I took two steps toward the house and Miss May grabbed my arm to stop me.

  “Wait. They don’t know we’re here yet. Let’s observe and see what we can learn.”

  “Maybe everything’s OK,” said Teeny. “Maybe Rebecca just set off the smoke alarm in her kitchen or something. That happens all the time. I set off the smoke alarm at the restaurant and the department shows up with four firetrucks.”

  “How many ambulances do they bring?” I asked.

  “Shoot. Forget about the ambulance.” Teeny looked around. “There also aren’t any firetrucks here.”

  Another cop car pulled up in front of the house and a few young deputies spilled out. That made a total of six police squad cars at the scene of the crime. That was six more cop cars than I ever wanted to see at the home of a potential suspect.

  “You two see the EMTs inside?” Miss May asked.

  I took a breath and let it out. “Yeah. Looks like three or four of them are in the living room. Should we try to circle the house and get a look in the other rooms?”

  Miss May shook her head. “Too many cops. We don’t want to be seen prowling around like that. Whatever happened in there is not good.”

  “Hold on a second.” Teeny cupped her hands on her forehead and peered toward the house. “Every single one of those cop cars is from Pine Grove. That doesn’t make any sense. We’re in Blue Mountain.”

  “Blue Mountain is basically a hamlet of Pine Grove,” said Miss May. “They don’t have their own police or fire so Pine Grove police cover most of the activity here.”

  “Oh yeah,” said Teeny. “I knew that. Man sometimes I wish I could remember everything I know. If I knew all the things that I know I’d be brilliant, for sure.”

  Miss May gestured toward the house. “Flanagan and Wayne seem very interested in that girl over there. Do either of you recognize her?”

  I took another look in that direction. Sure enough, Chief Flanagan and Wayne were questioning a Hispanic girl who looked to be in her 20’s. The girl had shiny hair and big, brown eyes. She was rubbing her temples and her jaw was set tight.

  “I don’t know her,” I said.

  “Me neither,” said Teeny. “Seems like maybe she’s the one who found the body.”

  “I was thinking the same thing,” I said. “No matter what the crime scene is like, the cops are always most focused on the person who discovers the victim, at least to start. And I don’t see any other people here. No witnesses or anything.”

  “Backup,” said Miss May. “We don’t even know if there’s a body that needed to be found. This could have been any kind of crime. Maybe Rebecca’s house was broken into. Maybe Rebecca had a psychotic break. Maybe–”

  The EMTs emerged from the home carrying a stretcher. There was a body on the stretcher, covered by a crisp, white sheet.

  Miss May slumped. “I was wrong. There’s a body.”

  “Rebecca,” I said. “Poor woman.”

  Miss May headed toward the house. “Let’s see if we can overhear anything helpful.”

  Seconds later, we were huddled up against the police tape, listening. Miss May and Teeny kept their ears tuned in to the police officers who were scattered about Rebecca’s lawn. I watched as the EMTs loaded the body into the ambulance. The sheet slipped off as they loaded the gurney up. A burly EMT quickly replaced the sheet, but he wasn’t quick enough. I saw that it was Rebecca. And she was dead.

  Flanagan wrapped up her interview with the Hispanic girl and charged toward us. “I see you there, ladies! This is a crime scene. Vacate the premises. Now.”

  “We’re standing on the street, on the pedestrian side of police tape,” said Miss May. “We’re not doing anything wrong. So I don’t think we’re going to leave, thank you.”

  “So you’re going to disobey police orders?” Flanagan reached toward her handcuffs. “OK. I guess you’re in the mood for jail food tonight. What’s on the menu? I think it’s crackers. Actually, who cares what it is? You’re getting nothing but crackers.”

  “We’re trying to help,” I said. “That girl over there… Is she the one who found the body?”

  “I will not disclose that information.” Flanagan turned and called out to Deputy Hercules, just as skinny and acne-ridden as the day I met him. “Hercules. Can you escort these ladies off the premises?”

  “Yes, chief.”

  “Wait,” said Miss May. “Tell us what happened. You know that we’re going to find out soon enough. Please.”

  Hercules ducked under the police tape and stood beside us with his chest puffed. “Ready to go, ladies?”

  “Don’t talk to us in that fake deep voice,” said Teeny. “We all know you still squeak when you talk.

  “Go home,” said Flanagan. “I don’t want to see you poking around this house any more today. Or ever. Any crimes that need to be solved will be solved by the Pine Grove Police Department. You can trust me on that. Have a nice day.”

  Flanagan strode back toward Wayne, her beautiful, soft red hair blowing in the wind. I cursed her beauty under my breath. Then I cursed the overall incompetence of the Pine Grove Police Department. I had little confidence they were going to solve this crime or any other.

  And that meant Teeny, Miss May, and I had a lot of work to do.

  37

  Coffee Break

  As soon as we entered the Brown Cow, the owner, Brian, welcomed us with a big, glowing smile. The charming local coffee shop was one of our favorite spots in Pine Grove, due at least in some part to that easy smile. And seeing Brian gladdened me, despite having just left the scene of a murder.

  “Welcome, ladies,” said Brian. “I’m in an extra good mood today. And I’m thrilled to see you!”

  “Why is that?” I asked.

  “I came into a little cash. Finally had the money to fix my espresso machine! That puppy’s barking loud and clear today and
I’m loving every drink she turns out!”

  “Congrats,” I said. “Business has been good?”

  “You could say that,” said Brian. “Plus, don’t you just love October? Great, crisp weather all month. Then when it starts to get cold you’re rewarded with Halloween. I can’t wait for Halloween. What is it, 20 days away? I already have my costume. I’m going to be a bumblebee. I know, not that original, but I love bees. So if you don’t like it, I don’t want to hear it.”

  “Let me guess,” I said. “You’ve already had a few cups of coffee?”

  Brian laughed. “What gave it away?”

  “I think your costume sounds great,” said Miss May. “Can I please have a caramel latte? Extra caramel, extra foam, double espresso?”

  “Same for me,” said Teeny. “But I barely want any espresso and toss a few handfuls of chocolate sprinkles on mine if you can.”

  “I’ll have the closest thing you’ve got to a caffeinated milkshake,” I said.

  “Coming right up.” Brian turned away to start making the drinks but he kept the conversation going. “So what’s going on? You three seem…lost in thought.”

  “You’ve got that right,” said Miss May. “We’re thinking.”

  “I see,” said Brian. “Why don’t you take the big table in the back by the window? That way you can think as much as you need and no suspicious characters will be nearby to eavesdrop. And drinks are on me today, OK? It’s the least I can do to help you solve this case.”

  Miss May sighed. “Everyone’s treating me to free stuff lately. First I didn’t like it. Now I’m getting too used to it. Thank you, Brian.”

  Teeny and I echoed Miss May’s gratitude, then we took a seat at the table Brian had suggested.

  “I can’t believe Rebecca is dead,” I said. “Now, even if she did poison Buck, we’ll never get to talk to her about it.”

  “I think Rebecca’s death proves her innocence in the murder of Buck Johnson,” said Miss May. “My gut tells me Rebecca knew something about Buck’s death so Buck’s killer took her out. That’s depressing, for sure. But the silver lining is that our chances of solving this murder just doubled.”

  “How?” said Teeny.

  “Two victims means two crimes. Twice as many chances for mistakes. Maybe the bad guy had less time to plan Rebecca’s murder and got sloppy. I don’t know,” Miss May conceded. “But I’m trying to remain hopeful.”

  Brian approached our table. “Extra caffeine, extra sprinkles, and pretty much a milkshake. Let me know if you need anything else.”

  As Brian walked away, I leaned back in my comfy, overstuffed armchair and let out a small sigh of relief. I reflected on how lucky I was to live in a place where the business owners knew me and respected me and didn’t laugh when I ordered a milkshake for my morning coffee.

  When I looked around the coffee shop at all the comfortable furniture and the happy customers, I felt a renewed sense of confidence in our ability to solve the case. Although Rebecca’s death was a setback, we’d handled worse before. And in the cocoon of community that Pine Grove provided, I knew I could find the strength and wisdom needed to find the poisoner of the smoking bun.

  “Rebecca’s death is upsetting,” I said, sitting up tall. “We can all agree on that. But it doesn’t matter if there are twice as many clues or half as many clues. Because what we do is solve murders in this town. We keep the streets and the people safe. We defend their sense of justice and fairness in the world. Kids growing up in Pine Grove need to understand that bad guys get punished, and good guys can live in security and comfort. We all need that. So let’s talk suspects and quit moping around.”

  Miss May and Teeny exchanged glances, their necks swinging toward one another like they were prairie dogs scoping out the flatlands.

  “Wow. That caffeine must be kicking in quick. I don’t think I’ve ever heard such an impassioned speech out of you,” said Miss May. “I liked it.”

  “It scared me,” said Teeny. “Angry Chelsea is scary Chelsea. I wouldn’t want to be on the other side of that.”

  “Let’s talk about that girl who found Rebecca’s body,” I said. “I didn’t recognize her at all, so everything about her is suspicious to me. First of all, it didn’t appear she was related to Rebecca, so I don’t understand why she was at Rebecca’s house so early in the morning. Could she have been a rival apothecary owner? Good question. I don’t know but I want to find out. Or maybe she was a disgruntled customer. Or a neighbor or someone from Rebecca’s past who wanted her dead.”

  “Those are all great theories.” Teeny took a huge sip of her drink and when she lowered the cup, she had whipped cream and sprinkles all over her upper lip. “So let’s go get her. Interrogate her. Miss May and I will be the good cops. Chelsea, you’ll be the bad cop. Keep up this energy. I like it. And after this case is solved, we’ll find you a softball team to coach. Those girls need you. They need someone who believes in them. We can win big this year if we try.”

  “Why are you talking about softball?” Miss May asked.

  “I don’t know. I got caught up,” said Teeny.

  “Hang on a second,” I said. “Teeny, thank you for your confidence in my coaching ability. I’m not looking for any extra commitments right now but I’m sure I could take any group of girls, no matter how ragtag they are, and dominate in states this year. I’m going to keep that in mind. But we’re not done talking about suspects.”

  “I thought we decided to find out more about the girl who found the body,” said Miss May.

  “We decided she was suspicious and we should consider it,” I said. “But I think we need to spend a little more time with Hannah. She’s squirrelly. Normally, I like squirrels. But not when the squirrels come in human form. Then I don’t trust them.”

  “You lost me,” said Teeny. “What’s wrong with squirrels?”

  “Forget the squirrel thing. What I’m saying is that as far as I can see, Hannah remains our chief suspect. I think she found out Buck was cheating on her so she flipped out and killed him. Then, when that level of vengeance didn’t feel good enough, she found Buck’s lover, Rebecca, and killed her as well.”

  “I don’t want to kill your buzz,” said Miss May. “But why would Hannah wait to commit these murders so long after her separation with Buck?”

  “Because she’s a woman,” I said. “No offense to any of us but sometimes we try to be OK with something and we try to be peaceful and put something out of our mind and then, one day, we snap.”

  Teeny pointed at me. “She’s right. I do that. I do it all the time. Once I wrote a horrible online review for someone who cut my hair six years after the bad haircut. For that whole time I told myself I was going to rise above it and I didn’t want to put her down in public. Then one day I went for it. And I said some nasty things, all deserved, mind you. Some might say the review was vicious but twenty-one people voted it as ‘funny,’ which I like.”

  “So you want to talk to Hannah?” asked Miss May.

  I set my jaw and looked out the window with a determined look in my eye. “As soon as I finish my milkshake.”

  38

  Bad to the Bone

  One thing I had learned since moving back to Pine Grove was that murder was bad for business.

  Something about a dead body works like a force field against paying customers. I always wondered, did people believe the buildings were haunted? Or was it a general fear of death that kept visitors at bay?

  Even regulars stayed away after a murder. Miss May and I had learned that firsthand at the orchard and in the bakeshop. Sometimes catching the killer helped revitalize the business. But even then, there was a tainted quality that could linger for weeks, even months. Hard to pin down the reason for something so intangible but it was real as a thunderstorm on a summer afternoon.

  Regardless of the reason, there wasn’t a single customer at Peter’s Land and Sea the morning of Rebecca’s death. The place had been so busy just a week prior, the rapid
downturn shocked me.

  When Hannah saw us from her post behind the hostess stand, she closed her eyes for a few seconds, then reopened them and spoke with great calm. “Go away. Please. No one here has anything to say to you. And we don’t need you poking around the business today. If you want to look around this place, go to the police academy, pass the physical, attend the classes, become an officer, and come back next year.

  “Well that’s the thing,” said Miss May, “the reason we poke around, as you put it, is that police officers don’t do such a good job. The people of Pine Grove need us amateur sleuths to get to the truth when the cops can’t.”

  “You really believe that,” said Hannah. “It’s amazing how power affects people’s brains.”

  “We don’t have any power, that’s the point,” said Miss May. “We’re not interested in titles, quotas or promotions. All we want is the truth.”

  “The truth? OK. The truth is, Chief Flanagan told me that if you came back here she would arrest you, no questions asked. And she says she’d be happy to charge all three of you with any number of crimes that she knows will stick. Harassment, trespassing, pick your poison.”

  “Interesting choice of words,” Teeny muttered.

  “What was that?” Hannah snapped.

  “I didn’t say anything,” said Teeny.

  “We’ll go,” I said, drawing on the strength and support of my imaginary softball coaching job, “if you agree to answer one question with a hundred percent honesty.”

  “Fine,” Hannah snorted. “What?”

  “Did you know that Buck and Rebecca were having an affair?”

  Hannah laughed. “That’s what this is about. You think I killed Rebecca because I’m a jealous wife.”

  I looked over at Miss May. She shrugged. It appeared neither of us knew what was so funny. “Something like that,” I said.

  Hannah shook her head. “Buck and I didn’t have nearly such an old-fashioned relationship.”