Selected Assistant

by Robin Roseau

  “Do the women you surprised know more than I know they know?”

  “Um.” She laughed. “No, probably not. No more questions now or we’ll single you out for some special fun.”

  “Great.”

  She led me to a table. I sat, and the chair half consumed me before she freed my arms. The chair secured me, and then she walked away.

  It was five minutes before the visor slowly brightened. I was seated at a round table with one other woman.

  And four aliens.

  Beside me was the Komodo. I turned to her. “We meet again. Taisha Saint-heart.”

  “My pleasure, Ms. Saint-heart,” she replied. “I am Carolina Komodo. Carolina is a shade of blue.”

  “Would you call me Taisha?” I prompted. “Or is that offensive?”

  “It is not at all offensive,” she said. “And you shall call me Carolina.” She gestured to my other side. “Do you know this species?”

  I turned. There was a petite creature there, all in fur. “You look like a fox.”

  “Humans call us Kitsune,” she replied. “I am called Aventurine.”

  “That’s a lovely name.”

  “It is the name of a speckled green gemstone, a form of quartz.” She gestured to her ears. She was wearing an adornment, not an earring, but more like hoops that hugged her ears. There were small gemstones embedded in the hoop.

  “Very pretty,” I said.

  “How can you be so calm?” the woman across from me asked.

  “I am Taisha Saint-heart,” I said.

  “That’s not an answer.”

  “It’s an introduction. And you are?”

  “Priya Curtis,” she said. “How can you be so calm?”

  “Your accent isn’t American.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” she said. “My great-grandmother is Indian. From India, not one of your Native Americans. My grandfather is English. But I grew up in France.”

  “How many languages do you speak?”

  “Four,” she said. “How can you be so calm?” Her voice rose, and from her tone, I could tell she was near panic.

  “Priya,” I said. “Didn’t you come to Beginnings so you could meet a few aliens? We’re seated with four of them. Have you met Carolina Komodo or Aventurine Kitsune?”

  “It’s just Aventurine,” said the Kitsune. “My pleasure, Ms. Curtis.”

  The woman stared at the diminutive Kitsune. I didn’t blame her. She was worth staring at, and I should admit a certain amount of fascination myself.

  “Priya,” I said gently. “How were you captured?”

  “Some sea monster grabbed me from my bungalow,” she said.

  “Ah. The same sea monster grabbed me as well,” I said. “But it was perhaps less shocking for me.”

  “If I’d known-”

  “People would pay good money to have had that experience,” I interrupted. I shifted my attention. “You are both Hobbles.”

  “We are,” said the one to the right, Priya’s left. “I am Cinder Ella.”

  “Seriously?”

  She closed her eyes and offered a hand gesture, but then said, “Yes.” She opened her eyes. “This is May Blossom.” She indicated the other Hobble. “My sister.”

  “My pleasure to meet both of you.”

  “There is a story behind their names,” said Aventurine. “You should ask.”

  “A good story?” I asked.

  “Perhaps,” said Cinder Ella. “You understand these are not our original names.”

  “I didn’t think so.”

  “Humans cannot pronounce our names.”

  “Any of our names,” said the Kitsune. “Any of us who interact with humans take new names, generally names that would be familiar to a human.”

  “I find it unlikely very many people have heard of Aventurine,” I pointed out.

  “No. Several of the species settled on a style of names. Kitsune have long chosen names based on our names for minerals.”

  “And so, you are Aventurine in two languages?”

  “Yes,” she said. “The Luxans have chosen to take a first name from amongst common western human names and a family name from the heavens, most typically a nebula.”

  “I like that,” I replied.

  “So do I,” she agreed. “The Hobbles did not come to an agreement as a species.”

  “My sister and I came to a private agreement,” said May Blossom. “We decided to choose names from human literature. My sister chose my name, and I chose hers.”

  “Oh, no,” I said. I tried very hard not to laugh.

  “We have considered choosing other names,” Cinder Ella continued. “But we decided we give humans too much pleasure.”

  “Do you prefer we use your full names, like the Wookies do?”

  “You may call me Cinder, if you like, Taisha.”

  “I had a friend in college who went by Cinder,” I said. “Humans are fond of nicknames. Her legal name was Cynthia, but she liked being called Cinder.”

  “Will it confuse you?”

  I smiled. “Not at all.”

  “This is all very interesting,” Priya inserted. “But how can you be so calm? We’re sitting here in our underwear!”

  “No, we’re not,” I said. “We’re sitting here in the aliens’ underwear, not our own.”

  “You think it’s funny!” she said, her voice rising.

  “I’m having a blast,” I agreed. “Priya, why are you at Beginnings if you didn’t want to meet aliens?”

  She stared at me, blinking a few times. At least she wasn’t yelling. The aliens waited, letting me handle it. I thought that was wise. Finally, she replied, “I didn’t say that.” She took several deep breaths. “But I was yanked, screaming, from my bungalow, by a sea monster. They imported a sea monster!”

  “Cough, robot, cough,” I said, yes, those words.

  “Excuse me?”

  “The same robot dragged me into the water,” I said. “But then the lovely Carolina took possession of me.” I turned to the Komodo and smiled. “She’s a mermaid.”

  “She’s not a mermaid, she’s a space alien.”

  “Yes, well, she’s an aquatic space alien. Priya, did you really come to Beginnings without seeing any of the videos on YouTube?”

  “That’s not the point.”

  “Then what is the point?”

  “They scared the crap out of me! Weren’t you terrified?”

  “No, but I believe I was one of the last women taken, so I wasn’t terribly surprised. I had a little more warning than you did. I was somewhat startled, but not frightened. Waking up in the cell like that was a larger shock.” I looked down. “I’m wearing at least as much now as I bet you wore on the beach earlier.”

  She opened and closed her mouth a few times. I smiled again. “I’m fairly sure the surprises aren’t over. They have plans for us, after all.” I plucked at my clothing. “I’m sure you saw the video of Yvette D’altrea explaining about attraction. I bet making us look like bedroom bunnies is part of it.”

  “Good evening,” said an amplified, accented voice. I looked around and then gestured with my nose. Violet was standing on a small platform in the center of the room. “To the humans in this room, I must offer an apology. Oh, not for scaring many of you, although some of you accepted the collection with grace and style. However, most of you have come to the conclusion you are now mating candidates. I’m sorry, but while that isn’t off the table, that isn’t why you’re here this evening. We have a special event today and tomorrow, and we needed a few volunteers.”

  “Your English needs work, Violet,” Amanda yelled. “You don’t seem to understand what that last word means.”

  There was laughter around the room, some of it nervous, some of it more heartfelt.”

  “You all volunteered for whatever happened when you came to Beginnings,” Violet countered. She gestured with a tentacle. “Even you, Amanda Hunt.” She turned a circle. “My name is Violet Beamer. I am the chief administrator of thi
s facility. I know most of you have questions. We’ll answer a few of those later as well as explain the fun we have in store for you. For now, we have a light meal for you, and you have dinner companions I hope you find intriguing.”

  She paused for a moment then said, “I know how you were collected was shocking to some of you. We have a variety of reasons we engage in such theater. Marketing is one reason, which may not mollify you. But another is this: it isn’t the first time we collected humans at Beginnings in some sort of shocking fashion. I find it unlikely there is one single human in this room who hasn’t already seen videos of prior collections. We’ve learned from those prior collections, and one of the things we’ve learned is that the humans we’ve collected in the past have, although grudgingly, admitted that they were glad to be part of the whole process. For now, please enjoy dinner.”

  She stepped down from the platform without taking questions, although several were thrown at her. It was a moment later before humans, dressed as typical waiters from a restaurant, entered the room, pushing carts. I laughed when I realized Skye was one of them.

  A teenage girl pushed a cart to a stop behind Cinder. “Good evening. My name is Chandra. There is water on the table, although the humans may need to ask for help.” Then she proceeded to deliver a tall glass of lemonade to me and iced tea to Priya. May also received a glass of lemonade. The other aliens seemed satisfied with water. Chandra added a carafe of more lemonade and another of iced tea, although like the water, it was out of reach, and when it was time for a refill, one of my tablemates would need to reach it for me.

  I was locked into the chair, after all.

  Chandra then delivered a starter course. Priya and I both received vegetable salads. Hers had cheese; mine did not. The aliens accepted their own versions of starter plates, and then Chandra rolled her cart away.

  “Show offs,” I muttered.

  “What?” Priya asked.

  “She didn’t have to ask what we would like,” I pointed out. I gestured. “I take it you typically order iced tea.”

  “I could use a whiskey right about now.”

  I snorted a laugh. “My recommendation is to keep a clear head.”

  “You perhaps do not recognize this,” said May. “But alcohol is a drug.”

  Priya stared at her for several heartbeats then admitted, “I suppose it is. That sounded judgmental.”

  “I meant no offense,” May added. She paused. “You wouldn’t be sitting here if you had any sort of substance abuse problem. I wasn’t attempting to imply you did.”

  “But I’m responding poorly to a stressful situation and asked for alcohol to make it easier,” Priya replied. “And I’ve never thought of alcohol as a drug. I should have.” She shifted her gaze to me. “I should have.”

  I held my hands up defensively. “I’ll point out they serve alcohol on the beach at Beginnings. No one is judging.”

  “Maybe I am,” Priya said. She lifted her fork and speared a bit of a salad.

  No one spoke for a minute, but I decided I wasn’t having that, so finally I asked, “Cinder. May. Are you both linguists?”

  “I’m the linguist,” Cinder replied. “May is, as you Americans might say, my Plus One on this trip.”

  “Neither of us have actually been on Earth before,” May explained. “When my sister said her department was taking a trip, I begged.”

  I laughed. “I don’t blame you. I’m so sorry Earth hasn’t been more welcoming to you.”

  “Social change takes time,” said Aventurine. “It isn’t that Earth has been unwelcoming; it is that some factions on Earth have been so.”

  “And some of those people have guns.”

  “Yes.”

  “Have you been to Earth before?”

  “This is my fourth visit,” Aventurine replied. “Earth is such a beautiful planet.”

  “Very beautiful,” agreed the other aliens.

  “I’m curious about something,” Priya said, waving her fork at me. “How did you know one of the Hobbles was a linguist?”

  “Most of the aliens in the room,” Carolina replied, “either work for the linguistics department on the space station, or came as the guest of someone from the department.”

  “Which you know,” Priya said, making a stabbing motion at me. “How?”

  “I’m actually at Beginnings for professional reasons,” I answered. “I’m under an NDA, so I can’t say much more than that. But Violet Beamer told us a little more than she’s said to the entire room.”

  “You had advance warning!”

  “Some, yes, although I didn’t know what to expect beyond knowing I would be participating tonight.”

  “That’s why you’re so calm!”

  I stared across the table, wondering how much to say. Finally, I shrugged. “I had nothing to do with how you arrived. If you’re that unhappy, find another target of your ire. I don’t deserve it.”

  She stabbed her fork at me again. I was glad I was across the table and not seated beside her. “I really think you should stop menacing me with a sharp implement. You are liable to make people nervous.”

  “I’m not sure I give a fuck.”

  At that, both of the Hobbles shifted their seats, giving Priya more room. I shook my head. “You’re making mistakes, Priya. I understand you didn’t care for how they caught you, but why did you come if you weren’t intrigued?” I gestured. “I’m pretty sure if you wanted some alien attention, you’re doing a good job accruing the wrong kind. You’re beginning to sound like the sort of person who has made Earth an unwelcome home for our new friends.”

  “That’s ridiculous!”

  “Look at the body language of your closest tablemates,” I said. “They both just shifted out of stabbing range.”

  “I’m not going to stab anyone!” she said hotly.

  “I’m not sure anyone at this table is convinced. I’m not. I’m glad we’re both locked into these chairs so I don’t have to worry for my own safety.”

  She looked left and right, then slowly, quite deliberately, she set her fork down, giving it a good thump onto the table. She closed her eyes, and I could see her lips moving as she slowly counted to ten, taking several deep breaths as she did so. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. She opened her eyes. “You are maddening.”

  “I haven’t done a thing.”

  “You’re so calm. I can’t get my heart to slow down, and you’re sitting there engaged in casual conversation.” She set her fingers to her chest, and even from across the table, I could see her heartbeat.

  “Are you given to panic attacks?” I asked gently.

  “It’s not a panic attack! It’s a reasonable reaction to being hauled from my bungalow by a space alien sea monster!”

  “That was hours ago, and clearly you are entirely unharmed.” I shrugged. “And they gave us such nice sleepwear.”

  “It’s not funny!”

  “Well,” I replied, speaking slowly. “You can decide to let this eat at you, or you can decide you’re facing an awfully rare opportunity. Our tablemates live on a space station a billion kilometers away. They came a hundred light years to meet us. Can you imagine?” I gestured. “See that woman, the one with the long, blond hair? We see her right profile.”

  “What about her?”

  “There was a big blob. It looked like gelatin, if you used about two million packets and made it in a 10-foot-deep swimming pool. She was going to be selected, so she asked a couple of the Ardents. They threw her in the air, and she did a flip before landing inside the Jell-O. Now look at her.”

  Ms. Browning was smiling, and she had her hand on the arm of a male Luxan, seated to her right.

  “The woman who tried to school Violet about the meaning of ‘volunteer’? That’s my boss’s wife. She was grabbed by a giant eagle. You should have heard her scream as it flew away with her. But she’s here giving Violet a hard time. I don’t have a very good view from here, but knowing her, she’s charmed her entire table and perha
ps a few people from surrounding tables.”

  I shrugged. “Violet asked my coworker and I how we wanted to be captured. I asked for mermaids, and I got Carolina.” I smiled and set my hand on her arm just for a moment. She captured my fingers, and we held hands for a moment. “My coworker asked for a Venus flytrap. Violet sent her into the forest. I have no idea what happened to her, but how many people get to say they were eaten by a space alien Venus flytrap.”

  “She wasn’t really eaten.”

  “Did it feel like the sea monster was going to eat you?”

  “Damned right it did.”

  “I bet she went down some plant’s gullet.” I shrugged. “You, your roommate, and I were dragged into the water by a sea monster. Was that worse than slowly sinking into quicksand?” She didn’t answer me. “I’m going to make the most of this.” I turned to Carolina, still holding my hand. She was gazing at me with an expression I couldn’t read. “I’d ask questions about this evening, but I don’t want to give anything away, lest Violet have words with me over it. How do you breathe underwater?”

  * * * *

  Priya had little to say after that, but she stopped stabbing at me with her fork. I became the center of the conversation, which was quite an unfamiliar experience for me, but I made it work by asking a lot of questions. Dinner was lovely, and the conversation absolutely fascinating.

  Neither the Komodo nor the Kitsune minded that I touched them, and they touched back. They were both so different, the Komodo covered in fine scales that felt wonderful to stroke down but not so good to stroke up, and the Kitsune wearing the softest fur I could imagine.

  But dinner came and went, and then the guards were moving through the room. Priya’s lips grew thin as they rebound her arms. I smiled at them when they came around the table to me. With our arms tightly bound to our sides, they released us from our chairs only long enough to move us into wheelchairs, human-eating wheelchairs, and I found myself entirely restrained. I smiled. “Who is going to wheel me?”

  “I think the real question,” Priya said tightly, “Is which of them is stuck pushing me wherever we’re going.”

  “Will you hold it against me if I do?” May asked.