She was thrown for a bit, with the dream and then the meaning. Now, looking up and seeing Nicole leaning against her door, it was all just so natural, like it had always been this way, and yet she couldn’t help but feel – what did she feel? Guilt? Guilt for what, though? She kind of felt like she was cheating on Nicky in some way, but then she also felt guilty for wanting to enjoy her life in a way that her friends no longer could.
“Well, it’s nice to know that I am, sometimes I think people forget that part,” Nicole said sadly as she turned to allow Lucy to follow for breakfast. “I was just going to tell you that breakfast is almost ready.”
“Nicole, wait,” Lucy called, stepping closer to her as she turned back around. “Your husband is an asshole and a bastard, don’t judge your worth on anything he said or did.”
Nicole thought for a moment. Her eyes met with Lucy’s and she contemplated how she rarely even thought of Paul now, unless something triggered a memory. The person she was thinking about now was standing in front of her looking forlorn and unworthy. She quietly said, “I’m not.”
These moments of time stopping for them both while they stared at each other were becoming a habit. Lucy took a second to glance away and down to Nicole’s mouth. She had a nice mouth, soft lips that pouted a little when her face was relaxed. Kissable. She felt her breathing deepen as she realised what she was thinking, and when she looked back up to Nicole’s eyes, she found them open, clear and watery, staring back at her hopefully.
“I… God I just want to kiss you right now,” Lucy admitted, her thoughts spilling out from her in her usual candid manner.
“I’m not stopping you,” Nicole replied honestly, finally allowing herself to admit she wanted that too. In fact, she really wanted it; she wanted to feel Lucy’s warm lips upon her own, her hands on her skin. But Lucy just stood there, silently working through something in her mind that Nicole couldn’t fathom.
Lucy didn’t say anything; she couldn’t, the words she needed just wouldn’t come. She didn’t know what the words were.
“I can’t compete with a ghost, Lucy,” Nicole said. Finally giving up, she turned around and walked back into the kitchen, leaving Lucy to stand alone with her thoughts – thoughts about how things needed to change, but she just wasn’t sure how to do it.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
When Lucy was dressed, she didn’t go to breakfast; instead, she took her photograph of Nicky and slipped out of the house. She walked to the end of the little wooden jetty that extended from the shoreline out into the water. It was her favourite place to go and sit when she needed to think, and today was a beautiful day to do just that. Nicole watched her through the kitchen window as she strolled slowly like a woman being taken to her execution. Her head hung low as her arms swung gently, carrying something that caught the sun off it.
Lucy must have sat there for 30 minutes, just thinking. It was a beautiful day, as was typical for this part of the world and this time of the year. The sun was high in the sky and warm against her skin. The water was cool on her toes as they skimmed the water’s surface. It felt like today was a day for something new, something fresh, and something that had been in the air for a while was now forcing its way into existence.
“I’ve loved you for nearly twenty years now, Nicky,” she said aloud while holding the photograph in her hands. The beautiful features of her lover stared out at her, smiling. “And a part of me is always going to love you, I promise you that. But, I’ve met someone, and I think you would like her. She is someone that I think might be good for me. No, she is definitely good for me, and I want to be able to tell her that I think she is worth it but,” she smiled a tight smile and swallowed down the lump constricting her throat, “I can’t while I have your ghost with me. I need to let you go now. I need to let you be free and in peace, and you need to know you don’t have to look out for me anymore. I’m going to be okay.” She wiped her eyes with her sleeve. “Can you forgive me?”
And just like that, a light breeze blew across her face and caressed her cheek like a loving palm. She reached up to touch it and, in that moment, she knew she had her answer.
~E&F~
Lucy walked into the cabin with purpose and placed the photograph back on the mantle in its usual position. The twins were watching a movie, something about a snowman and a princess. Storm was on her laptop, and Nicole was in her room. She knocked lightly on the door and felt eyes on her as the kids turned to watch. The atmosphere in the room had changed, and they’d all noticed it. It took what felt like a lifetime before Nicole opened it.
There were no words. Lucy smiled shyly and let herself fall into those watery onyx eyes that seemed to bore into her anytime she caught their observation. Her gaze drifted lower to the plump lips she had been imagining kissing for so long, lips that curled into a smile just as she leaned closer and closed the gap to meet them. It was a gentle kiss, one of liberation and initiation. A first and hopefully not the last. Lucy was well aware of the three small faces watching them, so despite her longing to deepen the kiss, she pulled back. Her palms still gently cradled Nicole’s face, but she had no recollection of doing that, nor did she have any clue just when Nicole’s own hands had reached for her and settled perfectly around her waist.
“I’m…you terrify me. I’ve spent so long just…and then you come along and I can’t…” Lucy’s palms slid slowly from Nicole’s face to take her hands and place them over her heart. “I can’t breathe when I think about you leaving. I don’t want to be alone anymore.”
~E&F~
The children were in bed, the twins asleep, but Storm was far too excited about the kiss and wanted to know if they were in love and getting married and would Lucy be her other mom now. Lucy was happy to let Nicole deal with all the questions. Instead, she made herself useful and opened a bottle of wine, collected two glasses, and found a box of chocolates she had hidden from the greedy little fingers that managed to snaffle anything good around here.
She sat upright on the couch and poured the wine, not quite knowing what to do with herself while she waited. It had been a long and emotional day. She was fidgety and moved about the couch, trying to get comfortable and look calm and collected. Finally, she found a spot that felt right and thought back to earlier while she waited.
After the kiss, all hell had broken loose with Storm running around screaming and singing K-I-S-S-I-N-G for half an hour. The twins didn’t really seem to understand what was going on, but they thought that Storm was very funny and joined in anyway.
By the time it came around to lunch, they had thankfully settled down, and after eating a light meal together, they all piled outside to spend some time along the shore and in the water. It was a warm day, and the twins ran back and forth chasing each other. Storm sat on Lucy’s lap, leaning against her chest. She was calmer now, but still smiling.
“I knew you loved Mommy,” she said, sounding more like a child than she had ever done, and Lucy was pleased about that. For an eight-year-old she had seen and been through way too much, so to hear her now, being like a kid and enjoying herself, it melted Lucy’s heart.
“Yeah okay kid, don’t go getting a big head.” She felt the smile on Storm’s face more than she saw it.
“I think Mommy is gonna be happy now.”
“I hope so, that’s kinda my intention,” Lucy said, kissing the top of her head. “What about you? You gonna be happy now?” The child looked up at her, studied her face and stroked a finger down the scar on her cheek.
“Yeah, you let me touch this,” she said softly. “You’ve always loved me.” This child seemed to understand things way beyond her years, and she had managed to wriggle her way inside Lucy’s heart way before even Lucy had recognised it.
“Well, that might just be true,” Lucy whispered, and Storm sighed, leaning back against her chest again. Nicole watched from the shore and smiled at the scene. Her child was loved. She was loved.
Bedtime for the little ones came quickly as tir
edness worked its way through them after the fun of the afternoon. Storm decided she would watch a film while sitting in between the pair of them, asking her numerous questions. They had barely had two minutes to themselves. They had held hands for a while, and Lucy had managed to steal a few discreet kisses while they made dinner, but they needed to talk and spend some time alone. That time was coming now as she heard the door to the girls’ room close.
“Hey, I poured you a glass,” Lucy said, looking up as Nicole rounded the couch and flopped down.
“Thank you.” She took a sip. “Mm, that’s good.” She twisted to lean against Lucy. comfortable as she felt an arm wrap around her. She felt safe here in these arms.
“So, you kissed me, finally,” Nicole said to her, the corners of her mouth lifting into a smile. She felt so at ease with Lucy, and it was fun to tease her a little.
“Yeah, I did. I’m sorry that it took so long.” Lucy felt the blush rising slowly like she always did around Nicole lately.
“Is it going to take as long before you do it again?” Nicole asked, her head tilted to one side as she looked up at her, confidence growing by the minute.
“Oh, I’m sorry, am I the only one allowed to initiate kissing?”
“No, but I figured you might need some time to adjust,” Nicole replied, her heart leaping at the playful banter between them. It was this that she had always longed for: someone to not take things so seriously with, someone who would tease and unwind with her after a long day.
“Uh huh. And how many other women have you been kissed by, may I ask?”
“Uh, a few,” Nicole replied, then almost laughed out loud at the look of shock that registered on Lucy’s face. “What? Did you think I didn’t have a little fun before I married a pig?”
“No, I just…I guess I just assumed that you were…ya know.”
“Straight?” She twisted around so she was more or less lying on top of Lucy.
“Three kids and a husband from hell? Yeah, I thought you were straight.”
“Well, I’ve never actually slept with a woman, but yeah, I’ve fooled around some.”
“Some people are just sneaky,” Lucy said with a grin. She closed the distance between them and this time, with no audience to hold her back, she got the kiss she had been waiting for.
There was no rush to it. It was a slow build-up of nips and pecks. “Stop thinking so hard,” Nicole whispered against her lips. Pressing more firmly, she urged Lucy to relax and let go. Lucy felt her heart beat rapidly as she succumbed to it, letting Nicole take charge. It was a kiss full of promise, a kiss that was everything Lucy remembered it would be and yet, so different. Even though kissing Nicky had been so long ago, she had always remembered how it felt to kiss her, to be kissed by her. Kissing Nicole was so different, but just as wonderful. It asked questions and it found answers, for both of them.
She felt the tizzy of excitement in her tummy when she sensed Nicole’s fingers glide up her back and pull her closer. Her own fingers tangled in Nicole’s raven locks, touching her face, it was all so sensual.
When the kiss finally broke, Lucy rested her forehead against Nicole’s just like she had earlier. They were breathing heavier now, and she needed to take a moment to process. “Okay, so that was a kiss to remember.” She chuckled.
~E&F~
As they lay together watching a movie that neither had any real interest in, Lucy let her fingers skim up and down the side of Nicole’s torso. There were tiny goosebumps appearing on her arm as Lucy’s finger pads enticed and teased the area of soft skin they could reach.
They lay like the proverbial big spoon, little spoon with Lucy behind Nicole. Her left arm lay under Nicole’s neck and wrapped around her upper chest, holding her close. The right hand was the one that was doing the wandering, just lazily up and down with no real purpose or design.
“I like you holding me,” Nicole said quietly. “When I woke up in your arms that first morning I felt…at home.”
Lucy smiled, pressing her lips against her shoulder. “I felt the same way.”
“Can we take this slowly?” Nicole asked, twisting around to look at Lucy. The long scar that weaved down her face seemed so out of place. She traced a finger down it and watched as Lucy stiffened slightly, but she allowed the touch. Nicole kissed it, just above her top lip, on the cheek, and felt Lucy relax again.
“Yeah, I think that’s probably for the best,” she agreed. “Not that I don’t want to ravish you because, quite frankly you are stunning, but,” she noticed the blush that crept up Nicole’s neck and face, “well it’s been a long time since I have been intimate with a woman and I want to do it right. This isn’t something I want to rush.”
“God, when I first met you, what, just two months ago? I had no idea you were so,” she searched for the word, “romantically adorable.”
“I hide my many attributes well,” she said, laughing and leaning down to kiss her gently once more. It was all so second nature, and yet just a week ago it was so very different.
“Do you think maybe we can get to second base and then take it slow?” Nicole asked as her cheeks reddened and dimples appeared with a grin.
“You’ll have to tell me what that is,” Lucy said seriously. Baseball references weren’t something a girl from England grew up with.
“I’d much rather show you,” Nicole teased, seizing her by the neck and pulling her down again. She was amazed at just how quickly she had grown in confidence. With Lucy around, she felt as though she could do anything. She could speak without fear, go anywhere without restriction. Her life was finally starting to feel like it was hers.
As they began kissing again, she reached for Lucy’s hand and brought it slowly to her breast. She held it there until Lucy got the message that she was allowed to explore. Lucy felt the air leave her lungs as for the first time in so many years she was able to connect with another human being, to be emotionally and physically in the moment with someone who left her breathless. Someone who she could actually see past tomorrow with; a future.
The soft moans and whimpers of both women as they discovered parts of each other through clothing was arousing to both of them. Who knew having your neck kissed by Lucy could be as thrilling and as much of a turn on as it was? And how the hell did Lucy not know that she liked having her ears licked and nibbled, kissed and sucked until Nicole found a lobe with her mouth?
The film had finished some time before either noticed. The light grey screen illuminated the room just enough to see each other.
“We should hit the hay,” Lucy whispered in her ear.
“Yes, the girls will be up early, especially Storm.”
“She is a little lark, isn’t she?” laughed Lucy as she climbed off of the sofa and helped Nicole up. The brunette placed her own hands on her breasts and squeezed. Lucy raised an eyebrow.
Laughing Nicole added, “Sorry, they just feel…tender.”
“Oh, well maybe we should leave second base to another time,” Lucy answered, concerned that she might hurt her.
“It’s fine, my period’s probably due.”
Lucy reached for Nicole’s hand, eyes holding her gaze. “I want to sleep…with you?” she asked.
Nicole’s chest rose and fell with every breath she took as she calmed herself. “I would like that too.”
“Will the kids be okay about it?”
“I think so, the twins won’t take any notice, and Storm, well she wants us to get married and call you Mommy, so I think we're safe to assume she won’t have a problem with it.” It really was that simple, this whole situation that had encapsulated Lucy was just so unassuming. The last 15 or more years had been so difficult to manoeuvre through, like walking through chewing gum. The constant thought that she was never destined for anything more than her sad lot in life had held such a tight grip on her that she had never assumed this kind of life could be hers. She followed as Nicole led them to the door of her bedroom.
“So, I am going to go and get ch
anged then,” Lucy said, pointing over her shoulder with her thumb to her room.
“Okay, I’ll do the same in my room, then meet you in bed?”
“Sounds like a plan to me.” Because she really wanted to enjoy waking up wrapped around Nicole this time.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
The one thing sure enough to wake you without fail is the sound of a 4-year old who has found the switch to turn on your electric keyboard and believes in their heart that they can play the thing just as well as you can. And it was to that exact scenario that Lucy and Nicole were both pulled from their slumber with a shocking awareness of noise infiltrating their ears.
Lucy stirred as the racket got louder. “Oh my God, really?” Nicole laughed into the crook of Lucy’s neck. They were nestled together with arms and legs entangled. It was better than before. It was comfortable and Lucy wanted to stay this way, together. “I bet it’s Summer.” Lucy chuckled at the idea of the youngster banging her tiny fingers and fists across the keys. Her lips found solace against the soft raven hair that tickled her face. She kissed gently and sighed at the thought of having to leave this nest they had built during the night.
“You’re going to have to start their music lessons and get them to a standard where they can at least play a tune.” Nicole smiled as she climbed out of bed and grabbed her gown. She took a moment, all the noise in the background swimming out of focus as she stared down at Lucy, her hair all sleep-mussed, her eyes still sleepy. She looked different, lighter. Nicole bent, and with one knee resting on the bed, she kissed her. “I’m sorry, good morning.”
“I don’t mind if they all start like that, with a kiss.” Lucy smiled up at her like a kid at Christmas. She reached up and slid her hand behind Nicole’s nape. Raising up, she found the warmth of soft lips waiting for her.
The noise increased as it became clear that there were now two small people playing on the keyboard.
The Meant to Be Collection Page 15
