The Meant to Be Collection

by Claire Highton-Stevenson

  Lucy got all the ingredients out and started to whisk up the pancake mix while the bacon cooked under the grill. She poured more coffee and got the girls some juice, and then Nicole sprinted to the bathroom again.

  “What’s wrong with Mommy?” asked Storm, concerned.

  “I think she has a bug.” Lucy replied.

  “Ew, Mommy been eating bugs?!!” Rain shouted, to which Summer also started making grossed-out noises.

  “Girls, can you be a little bit calmer today while Mummy is unwell?” Lucy asked them quietly as Nicole walked back into the kitchen.

  “Sorry, God I haven’t felt like this since I was….” She stopped mid-sentence and covered her mouth with her hand.

  “Since when?” Lucy said, chomping down on some toast as she turned back to face her. She looked ghostly pale again.

  “Since I was…” Nicole tried to speak, but the words wouldn’t come. Her mind was going around in circles as she tried to fathom out what was wrong with her.

  Lucy turned the gas down and was about to close the distance between them. “Nic? What’s wrong?”

  Nicole shook her head to shake the thoughts out from it. “Oh, I’ll tell you later,” she said trying to cover her anxiety with a smile. Lucy worried and watched her for a moment as a frown slowly appeared, but the girls all started talking at once and Nicole’s attention was drawn back to them.

  ~E&F~

  Lucy spent the rest of the morning trying to keep the girls entertained, making sure that Nicole rested and drank lots of fluids. Storm had been practising her singing for a little while and was getting quite good now. She had a nice voice, and with a little help from Lucy, she had managed to correct the few issues she had with projection. By the time the girls went back to school, Lucy was sure that Storm would be confident enough to sing the song her teacher had planned for her.

  After lunch, while Nicole took a nap, she had then taken them all for the promised walk around the lake, pointing out flowers and birds to them. The twins were intrigued by all kinds of things, and Lucy loved their inquisitive little minds and all the questions they came up with, often making her giggle at the simplicity of it all.

  Storm was unusually quiet as they walked, so when the twins were occupied with picking Mommy some flowers, Lucy broached it.

  “You’re very quiet.”

  Storm looked up at her and shrugged.

  “Anything you wanna talk about?”

  She shrugged again. Lucy became concerned then that maybe her relationship with Nicole wasn’t going to be quite so easy with the eldest as they had thought, even if she had been so excited about it to begin with. There was a small bench coming up and she guided them all towards it, sitting with Storm while the twins continued with the task of searching out things.

  “So, what’s up?” Lucy said. There was silence for a moment before Storm finally opened up.

  “I wanted to know something, but I don’t know how to ask,” she said, her little nose scrunched up as she thought about it some more.

  “Oh, well firstly, do I have the answer?” Lucy asked, and Storm nodded slowly. “Then you can ask me anything.”

  “I know I can, but I don’t know how to.”

  “You just say it. That’s the easiest way,” Lucy stated simply. She waited and knew eventually that Storm would find a way. But it wasn’t anything she was expecting.

  “I know you said you had an accident.” Lucy nodded. “And that’s where you got the scar on your face.” Lucy nodded once again but kept quiet, letting Storm get to her point. “But…how? What kind of accident?”

  Lucy took a breath and considered how to answer that appropriately. “Well, a long time ago I used to be in a band.”

  “Like a pop band?” Lucy nodded, and suddenly Storm’s eyes widened in surprise, “Cool…are you famous?” She grinned, and Lucy couldn’t hide her own grin. Images flashed in her head of a time long ago, on stage: the lights, the noise from the crowd.

  “A long time ago I was, yes.” Storm’s eyes lit up even more at the news, but Lucy continued before more questions threw her off her train of thought. “So, one day we came off stage and we had to get on the tour bus and head to the airport.” Storm sat quietly, listening to every word. “Well, as we were travelling really fast on the motorway, there was a car that was being driven by someone who got confused about which lane he should be in and we swerved to avoid him, but…we ended up in an accident.” She didn’t feel the need to go into details, but Storm wanted them.

  “So, how did you get all the other scars?” Lucy had always thought it too good to be true that none of the kids had mentioned them that day on the lake. She was unsure exactly how much she should divulge to an eight-year-old.

  “When the bus swerved, it toppled over and…I was injured when the bus slid along the road on its side.” Storm thought for a moment before asking her next question.

  “Did it hurt?”

  “I don’t remember. Sometimes when things happen a long time ago we learn to forget the pain. I suppose it probably did, but I was in a long sleep while I healed, so that helped,” Lucy explained, adding a small smile to lighten the mood. When Storm spoke next it almost broke Lucy’s heart.

  “Do you think when I am old, what Daddy did won’t hurt me anymore?” Storm stared at her feet, dangling back and forth in the air. Lucy lifted her up and onto her lap, her arms wrapping tightly around her.

  “I think that we will find a way to make sure that he doesn’t hurt you ever again. You’re safe now, you know that, right?”

  Storm nodded. “But what if he comes back again, like last time?”

  “Then Mummy and I will make sure he goes away again,” Lucy said, squeezing her a little harder. Every fibre of her body wanted to protect this child, this family.

  “But… he always hurts mommy.”

  “I won’t let him. I promise you right now. Your daddy will never lay another finger on you or Mummy, okay?” Storm smiled, nodding her head.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Nicole took advantage of them all being out of the house and instead of the planned nap, she had popped into town. She picked up some sickness relief and got the makings of dinner. Rita had been insistent on her sitting down for a cup of coffee so she could fill her in on all the details from their date, but that just made her feel ill again.

  When they returned from their walk, the twins were virtually falling asleep on their feet, so Lucy tucked them into bed for a quick nap, while Storm settled on the couch to watch some TV.

  Nicole was in what had rapidly become their bedroom.

  Lucy knocked lightly on the door before entering. The curtains were closed and she could see the shape of Nicole lying on the bed facing away from her. So, she backed out quietly and left her for a little while longer.

  “What ya watching?” she asked, flopping down beside Storm on the couch.

  Without looking up she said, “A re-run of Into the Night.” Lucy said nothing and watched along with her for a while. It was a cop show. After a while, Storm decided to fill her in on some of the characters. “That’s Andi Stark, she’s my favourite.”

  “Yeah? Why’s that?” Lucy asked. The actress that played her was a little like Nicole. Dark hair and tanned skin, tall and quite frankly, gorgeous. Lucy became more interested.

  “I dunno, she’s just tough and she always helps people that are in trouble. I wanna be like that.”

  “I think you already are,” Lucy said, kissing the side of her head. “I’m going to go and check on Mummy again, okay?” Storm just nodded, her eyes not leaving the screen.

  ~E&F~

  “Hey gorgeous, are you awake?” Lucy whispered as she closed the door quietly behind her. She sat down on the edge of the bed. With no response from her lover, she laid herself behind Nicole, wrapping an arm gently around her. There was nothing she loved more than being able to do this, to pull her close and hold her in her arms. “Are you okay?”

  She could feel the telling
signs of crying, Nicole’s shoulders twitching lightly as she sobbed quietly.

  “Nic, what’s wrong? Are you still feeling unwell?”

  Nicole turned suddenly and burrowed into Lucy muttering how sorry she was.

  “Come on now, there’s nothing to be sorry about when you’re not well.”

  “I’m not ill,” she sobbed, her voice cracking with emotion as her grip tightened.

  “Okay, well whatever it is, it won’t last forever,” Lucy countered as Nicole sobbed harder.

  “It will… oh god,” she wailed. Her fingers tightened around the material of Lucy’s shirt as she pulled her closer, feeling the need to have a firm hold on reality because right now, it was like living in a nightmare that never ended.

  “Nic? It’s just a bug, that’s all,” Lucy said, pushing her hair away from her face. She swiped her thumb across her cheek and wiped the tears away. Nicole’s eyes were filled with fear before she hid in the crook of her neck once more.

  “I’m pregnant,” Nicole whispered against her flesh. Lucy froze.

  “Say that again, you’re kind of muffled down there,” she said, laughing it off because her hearing was clearly playing tricks on her.

  Nicole sat up and tried to quell her sobs. Wiping her eyes and taking a deep breath, she repeated what she had just said. “I’m pregnant, Lucy.”

  “Okay, I know last night was pretty great, but even I can’t get you pregnant.” She laughed as Nicole sobbed once more. “Sweetheart, talk to me. Why do you think you’re pregnant?” If it wasn’t for the fact that Nicole was so upset, she would assume this was a prank.

  “Because this said so,” she said gravely as she lifted the plastic implement: a pregnancy test.

  “Alright, but they can be wrong.”

  The brunette reached behind her and pulled out a further two from the bedside drawer, and all of them had the same blue line indicating she was definitely pregnant. To say Lucy was shocked would be the understatement of the century. Those words were not ones she had ever imagined hearing from a lover, but she had just heard them and now she felt, what did she feel? Sick? Saddened? Hurt?

  “H-how?” Lucy asked as her face fell and her heart broke a little bit. How could she be pregnant unless Nicole had…no. She couldn’t even think that during all this time of them becoming closer that she had been seeing someone else.

  “No, don’t you think that! I haven’t cheated on you,” Nicole cried out, reading Lucy like a book. Not that it would be cheating per se, but the last few weeks they had definitely been building towards what happened last night, even if nothing had been said between them until recently. She could see the hurt in Lucy’s eyes as she imagined just how she had become pregnant.

  Nicole sat up. “Then how? How do you become pregnant without…?” Lucy couldn’t even say it. She couldn’t even begin to imagine it.

  “I can’t, I don’t want to talk about it.” Nicole shut down, closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around herself, hugging her knees to her chest.

  “Really?” Lucy stood up and paced the room. “You tell me that you’re….” More pacing. “After last night!” she said incredulously. She pushed the fingers of both hands through her hair and sagged against the door. She felt empty, heartbroken. Her world was crashing around her and she couldn’t understand why.

  “Please, Lucy!” Nicole begged while sobbing. “Please don’t make me tell you.”

  His hands were touching her as he hovered menacingly above, fingers gripping her thigh as he roughly shoved them apart and forced himself lower. “You’ll do what I want, when I want.” His breath stank of stale beer as he breathed all over her. She couldn’t move. The stench of his cologne mixed in with the beer and sweat made her nauseous. His weight held her in place until he rose up, flipping her over. She was trapped.

  “I shouldn’t have to make you tell me…you’re pregnant and I sure as hell didn’t get you that way. So how?” She sat back down on the bed and took her hand. She didn’t want to be angry; she needed to understand. There was something going on here that didn’t fit, and she needed to know why Nicole now looked as though she was terrified. She changed the tone of her voice. More softly now, she asked again, “Nicole, what are you not telling me?”

  She watched Nicole as she closed her eyes and took several deep breaths to calm her sobs. The look of fear and shame on her face was almost too much for Lucy to bear.

  He was ripping her underwear away. She could hear the sound so clearly, and when he forced himself inside her, the searing hot pain caused her to cry out. “That’s right bitch, beg for it,” he had snarled.

  “Paul forced himself onto me.” And there it was, the last part of her story out in the open. The part she had desperately tried to forget. The part she had refused to think about.

  “He, he raped you?” Lucy said in disgust. The more she learned about this man, the more she wished him harm. Her eyes fixed on Nicole. She wanted to leave this room, this home and track him down, but she pushed the anger down, held herself steady and calm. She would be the person Nicole needed her to be. She would never be like him.

  Nicole nodded slowly, all the while watching Lucy for any sign she was disgusted by her. Instead, she felt strong arms wrap around her and pull her in close, a soothing motion of hands down her back, and lips that kissed her hair. The silence settled between them.

  “He never…before, he never did that before.” She cried more quietly now. “I knew then that I had to get out. I couldn’t let him…not again. A-a-and I…with Storm.” She shook her head vehemently. “I couldn’t stay anymore.”

  “You did the right thing.” Lucy held her tighter. “We’re going to get through this.” She didn’t say that it would be okay, because she didn’t know, but she knew they would find a way through it. They stayed that way for a while, both contemplating what this news meant for each of them individually, as well as a couple. “You’re pregnant?” Lucy whispered again. It really was unbelievable. She was already overwhelmed by all the change that had taken place so far: three kids running around the house, making noise and dragging her slowly back into the real world again; a woman who wanted to love her and be loved by her; and now, now another life would be joining them. It was all so surreal.

  Nicole nodded slowly again. “Yes.” A whisper. “And I understand that you will want to—" She didn’t get to finish what she planned to say because Lucy cut her off.

  “That I will want to raise this child with you?”

  “What?”

  “If you want to have it I mean, you have to decide what you want to do, but I will raise this child with you,” Lucy said to her again. “Do you want to have it?”

  “I…I don’t know. I hadn’t thought that far. I was too concerned with you leaving me.”

  “Why would I leave you? I…” She took Nicole’s hand in her own and studied the way their fingers naturally interlinked. Her eyes raised back to Nicole’s before she continued, saying words she once thought she would never say again. “I love you. And I will love this child like I love your other children.”

  Nicole gasped. Her eyes misted in an instant as Lucy’s words imprinted themselves on her heart. She was a pregnant woman with three children, a violent husband making threats, and here was this woman just loving her, unconditionally.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  “Do you know what I think?” Lucy said as they lay in bed together that night. Nicole was lying on her back and Lucy had her head resting on her chest, her fingers stroking lightly over her stomach. She was relaxed and calmed by the soothing rise and fall of Nicole’s chest as she breathed in and then out.

  “What honey?” she said gently as she pulled her fingers lazily through Lucy’s hair.

  “If two women could create a child, then we would have done so last night when we made love. So, let’s just pretend we did, let’s pretend this is my child, our child, a child we made from love,” she said, not lifting her head. Her fingers stroked the area where somewhere b
eneath, life was growing.

  “I think that I would like to do that,” Nicole said, her throat constricting around the solid lump of emotion that grew whenever Lucy said anything lately. She moved her fingers through Lucy’s hair again and felt her heartbeat quicken. She couldn’t imagine her life without this gentlewoman in it any longer.

  “And I think you need to get a doctor to confirm things…and that you should report him to the police, and file for divorce.” Her fingers stilled as she waited for Nicole to answer. “If you want to, of course.”

  Nicole thought it through; the idea of going to the police terrified her. He terrified her. “He won’t give me one.”

  “Then we will go to court and force him to.”

  “I can’t afford to do that.”

  “I can… and I won’t hear another word about money Nic, if we are raising a family and are going to be a couple, then you are going to have to deal with spending my money,” Lucy said, as she repositioned herself so she could look at Nicole. Her hand stilled but remained protectively against Nicole’s abdomen.

  “He will drag it out and it will cost a fortune,” Nicole implored. She wasn’t sure she had the courage to face him just yet, to go to war with him.

  “Nicole, I made more money than I need when I was in the band. It has sat in my bank account for all these years and I barely touched it. We can beat him,” she said, pleading with her to trust her on this. “Otherwise my only option is to kill him,” she said it with a smile, but she was only semi joking.

  “Now, that’s an idea I like!” Nicole said, laughing. “But only if you don’t get caught, I don’t want to lose you.” It was difficult for her. She had spent the last ten years with a man who didn’t allow her to have any access to money unless it was acceptable to him and necessary, and now she was involved with someone who willingly wanted her to spend money that wasn’t her own.

  “Oh, I have no plans to get caught.” Lucy’s lips were compelled to kiss her; there was no other option. Her body was responding to something within her that was innate. Her attraction to Nicole was something she had no control over. “Do you know how sexy you are?” Lucy whispered between kisses.