Frank Merriwell's Son; Or, A Chip Off the Old Block

by Burt L. Standish

  CHAPTER XXII.

  ANOTHER PILGRIM.

  At intervals during the meal the sound of plaintive, doleful musicfloated in through the open windows.

  "Sounds like a baby squawking," observed Ephraim Gallup.

  "Begobs! Oi thought it was some wan playing on bagpoipes," observedBarney Mulloy. "Oi wonder whativer it can be, Oi dunno?"

  Frank listened.

  "To me it sounds like a cross between a clarinet, a flute, and apiccolo," he smiled. "Some one is trying to furnish music for thisfestive occasion."

  He called one of the servants and asked her to find out the origin ofthe peculiar doleful music.

  In a few moments the girl returned and quietly explained that awandering musician had halted on the lawn and was performing on somesort of a wind instrument.

  "He's a bery funny-lookin' maan, Mr. Merriwell," grinned the girl. "Hesuttinly am wearin' de oddest clo'es Ah eber seen. An' he's round an'corperlous, wid de biggest fat cheeks when he blows, an' a yellermustache dat keeps wigwaggin' all de time."

  Frank thrust his hand into his pocket, brought out a silver half dollarand put it in the colored girl's palm.

  "Give him this, Liza, and tell him to jog along," he said quietly.

  But after Liza had performed the commission and returned to the diningroom the doleful notes of the wind instrument continued to float inthrough the open windows.

  "The wandering minstrel is bound to give you your money's worth, Merry,"laughed Jack Diamond.

  Although they lingered at the table fully an hour after that, themusician continued to play outside during all that time, with briefintervals of rest.

  Finally, when dessert was over and they had chatted and gossiped awhile, Frank proposed that they should move to the veranda.

  As the jolly party came out upon the veranda they discovered themusician. He was a portly young German, and he stood on the lawn, with abattered old carpetbag between his feet, while he blew at a wheezy flutewith such vigor and vim that his eyes threatened to pop out of his head.

  "He certainly is working overtime," observed Diamond.

  "I'd like to know the name of his tailor," chuckled Browning. "Hisclothes certainly fit him handsomely--in spots."

  "Anyhow they touch the high places," came from Badger.

  Frank Merriwell paused on the veranda steps and scrutinized the musicianintently.

  "Fellows," he said, "that chap looks familiar to me. I've seen himbefore. I know him."

  Bart Hodge's hand dropped on Merry's shoulder.

  "You're right, Frank," he said. "We both know, him--we all know him."

  An instant later Merry sprang down the steps, rushed forward and seizedthe flute player.

  "If you need any assistance," called Gallup, as he descended to thelawn, "I'll help you kill him, Merry."

  "Hans Dunnerwurst!" cried Frank, as he grasped the hand of the Germanand shook it delightedly. "I thought I knew you!"

  The stranger seemed nearly pumped out of breath. As soon as he couldspeak he retorted:

  "Uh-ha! I pelieft you vould knew me uf you recognitioned me. How you vosalretty, Vrankie? It peen a long dime since ve med up py each udder,ain'd it? I knew der lufly musig vot I vos discouragin' to you vouldpring de houze oudt uf you bretty quick. Yah! I knew you coot not standder delightfulness uf id forefer. _Ach Himmel!_ How der flute does lufto blay me! Id peen der grandest instrument dot efer found me der vorldin."

  Several of the party had followed Frank down the steps and surroundedDunnerwurst. They greeted him warmly, seizing his hand and shaking it.

  But suddenly the Dutchman caught sight of Gallup. With a whoop of joy,he grabbed up his carpetbag and started for the Vermonter.

  "Oh, Ephie, Ephie!" he squawked, rushing forward and embracing Gallup,who was nearly upset by this impetuosity. "You vos so glad to see me dotI coot almost cry right avay alretty quick now!"

  "Waal, gol dern my punkins!" exploded Ephraim. "It sartinly is oldHans!"

  "Oldt Hans? Oldt Hans?" yelled Dunnerwurst indignantly. "Who vos youcallin' oldt Hans mit such carelessness? Py Chiminy! I peen not morethan a year younger as you vos yourselluf! Don'd you git so bersonal inmy remarks!"

  Then he saw Barney Mulloy, who was standing near, a broad grin on hisface.

  With a howl, Hans flung the carpetbag and the flute straight up into theair.

  "Id vos Parney!" he shouted. "Id vos dot Irish pogtrotter!"

  Then the carpetbag came down, struck Hans on the head and knocked him toa sitting position on the grass.

  "Sarves ye roight for torturin' our ears wid thot croupy flute, yebologna sausage!" laughed Mulloy.

  "Pologna sissage! Pologna sissage!" howled Hans. "You vos chust assauciness as I efer vos! Vy don'd I learnt some manners dot vould make achentleman uf you!"

  Together, Mulloy and Gallup seized the Dutchman, one by each arm, liftedhim part way to his feet and then permitted him to fall back with athud.

  "Look out there, boys," laughed Frank, "you'll dent the ground!"

  "Mine cootness!" gurgled Hans. "The ground dented me alretty soon! Don'dput my hands on you again!" he ordered, as his friends once more offeredassistance. "Don'd try to pull der ground avay from me! I vill dood itmineselluf. I vill got up mitoudt nopody's resistance."

  Puffing and grunting, he finally rose to his feet, wiped theperspiration from his face, and stood there, bowing and smiling in amanner that was little short of distressing.

  Frank led the Dutchman up the steps and presented him to the ladies.Hans' effort at suave politeness as he bowed with his hand over hisheart was most laughable.

  "Mine cootness! vos dot Inza Purrage?" he gurgled. "I used to think shevos der most peautiful girl vot efer seen me, but, so hellup me sourkrout, she vos sixdeen times prettier-lookin' than efer!"

  "You're the same old flatterer, Hans," said Inza; "but you mustn't tryto flirt with me now. I'm married, you know."

  "Vy dit you hurriness so much? Vy dit I not vait for you?" he demanded.

  "Here's Elsie, Hans."

  "Vot, dot--dot angel vomans mit der golden hair her head all ofer?"

  "She's now Mrs. Hodge," explained Bart.

  Hans struck himself a furious blow on the chest and staggered.

  "Dere I vos again!" he groaned. "Oh, vot a terrible misdake for her!Elsie Pellwood--und she iss now Elsie Hotch? By Chiminy! you vos a luckypoy, Part; but I don'd blame her when I see tears in her eyes becauseshe knows I vos not marreed mineselluf."

  "You come here," invited Gallup, as he grasped Hans' arm and turned himtoward Teresa. "I jest want to knock you daown to my wife. Mrs. Gallup,this hot dog is my old friend, Hans Dunnerwurst, that I've told ye aboutmore'n once."

  "Oo!" murmured Teresa; "I am charmed to meet Senyor Dunnerwierst."

  Hans seemed speechless as he bowed and bowed, keeping his eyes on Teresaall the while. Finally he turned, seized Gallup by the shoulder, pulledhim down, and hissed in his ear:

  "How dit you dood id? You vos so homely dot a clock coot stob you, undyou haf marreed up py a curl dot vords coot not found my tongue forexpressment."

  "Waal," chuckled the Vermonter, "if you want to express your tongue,send it to the Adams Express Company."

  "Maype I think dot vos a coot choke!" sneered Hans. "You alvays vos sofunny, Ephie, dot you caused me puckets uf tears to veep."

  Frank presented Juanita and Mrs. Morton, and when it was all over Hanssank on a chair, quite overcome.

  "How did you happen to show up at such an opportune time, Dunnerwurst?"inquired Merry.

  "Vun veek ago," answered the Dutchman, "vile the flute vos learning toblay me in Cinsanity, Ohio, a newsbaper reads me apout Vrang Merriwell'sgreat School Athletic Envelopment uf. My mint made me up to come rightavay soon as der car fare coot raise me. Und here I vos."

  "Well, you're welcome to Merry Home. You just fill out the party. Youmake it complete. This is indeed a great reunion of the old flock. Tellus what you are doing, Hans."

  "Dit you not h
eard me on der flute play? I vos a musiga. Der heart uf mevos so full uf musig alretty dot I haf to play it oudt to keep frompursting vide open."

  "Here comes some more visitors, Merry," called Diamond. "I think we knowthem."

  With their arms linked together, three old men were approaching ratherunsteadily.

  Merry instantly recognized Eli Given, Uncle Eb Small, and Deacon Hewett.As the trio turned in from the road their feet somehow became tangled,and all three went down sprawlingly. Uncle Eb sat up and made a whack atEli with his crooked cane, crying shrilly:

  "That's the second time you've tripped me!"

  "Don't blame it on me, you doddering old fossil!" flung back Given.

  "Peace, boys--peace!" remonstrated the deacon, waving his hands in theair. "Raise not your voices in harsh words and brawling. I don't thinkany one tripped you, Eben. I've noticed myself that the ground is ratherunsteady. I think we're feeling a few left-over tremors from the Friscoearthquake."

  "Mebbe you're right, deacon," said Uncle Eb, seeming pacified. "Kin youtell me jest how them earthquakes work? Do they make things go round ina circle? I've been noticin' durin' the last few minutes that the treesand fences were all floatin' round us."

  "If we brace ourselves and walk carefully," said Elnathan, as he roseand swayed a bit, "I think we'll have no further difficulty in gettingalong. Permit me to assist you, Eben."

  But when he tried to lift Uncle Eb up he lost his balance, fell heavilyon Small and flattened him out.

  "This is really astonishing," muttered Frank, repressing his laughterwith difficulty as he started down the steps.

  "Oh, what's the matter with them, Merry?" asked Inza.

  "Now don't get worried, dear," he answered, over his shoulder. "The sunis very warm to-day, and I'm afraid they're suffering from it. We mustget them into the shade before they have sunstroke. Come on, fellows."

  Assisted by the boys, the three old men were lifted to their feet andescorted into the shade beneath the spreading trees in front of thehouse.

  Uncle Eb poked Elnathan in the ribs with his cane.

  "Come on now with that speech, deacon," he urged. "You're thespeechmaker of the party."

  Elnathan cleared his throat.

  "Ladies and gentlemen," he began, "this is a grand and glorious day.This is the day when that grand and glorious bird, the American eagle,should plume itself with pride and utter a scream that could be heardfrom the Pacific to the Atlantic, from the Gulf to the Canadian border."

  "Hooray! hooray!" piped Eli Given. "That's the talk, deacon. Spatter iton thick!"

  "We are sons of free men," continued Elnathan, making a gesture thatnearly caused him to lose his balance. "The Declaration of Independenceand the Emancipation Proclamation made us all free and equal. If therebe one among you who is not stirred by this glorious thought, let himhide his head in shame. This is the day on which the whole countryrejoices at the birth of liberty. Let the cannons boom! Let the rocketssiz! Let the pinwheels whiz! And let the popcorn pop!"

  "Hold on, deacon--hold on!" interrupted Uncle Eb. "That's your lastyear's Fourth of July speech. That don't seem 'zactly 'propriate to thisoccasion."

  "Now you back up, Eben," commanded Given. "You let him spout. It soundspurty good to me, whether there's any sense to it or not."

  "What was I sayin'?" asked the deacon. "Where did I leave off? Youkinder interrupted my train of discourse, Eben. Mebbe I'd better stop."

  "There's a lady coming to join our party," said Bart Hodge. "I thinkit's your wife, Eli."

  "My w-h-a-t?" gasped Eli Given, actually turning pale. "Where is she?Great scissors! If she ever gits her hands on me now, I see my finish!"

  A woman, with a sunbonnet dangling by the strings tied beneath her chin,was coming down the road in a hurried manner. With some difficulty Elifinally discovered her.

  "That's Mrs. Given as sure as Adam ett the apple!" he exclaimed. "Idon't believe she's seen me. Boys, I've gut to go, and I've gut to go ina hurry, too."

  "Well, don't you think I'm goin' to hang around for her to git holt ofme," said Uncle Eb, as he started toward the corner of the house,hobbling along as fast as his legs and his cane could carry him.

  "I think perhaps I'd better go, too," muttered the deacon, as hefollowed Eben's example.

  In spite of the start of his companions, Given passed them on a run andturned the corner, making straight for the stable. The three old chapslegged it into that building and disappeared from view.

  Nevertheless, Mrs. Given had seen them, and she was not far behind whenthey vanished through the wide-open door. She found Uncle Eb propped upwith his cane, standing in a dark corner of a box stall.

  "Eben Small," she said, as she shook her fingers in his face, "you're adisgrace to the community! Now, not a word! Don't speak! I know whatyou've been doing, you and my husband and Elnathan Hewett! You've beendrinking hard cider at Rufus Applesnack's store! I'm going to take Elihome, and I'll give him a dressing down he won't soon forgit! I tell yenot to speak! You ain't gut nuthin' to say!"

  She then lifted her voice and called for her husband to come forth. Asthere was no response, she looked into the crib, and there she foundElnathan curled up, pretending to be fast asleep.

  "Deacon Hewett," she said, "you've posed as an example to the community.Now don't snore! I know you're awake! You can't fool me? So you willcontinue to snore, will ye?"

  There was a squawk from the deacon, for she had seized him by the noseand given it a twist that brought him upright in the crib.

  "Where's my husband?" she demanded. "Don't speak! Don't say a word! Iwant to know where my husband is!"

  "Well, how kin I tell you if I don't speak?" snarled the deacon. "Idunno where he is, anyhow! Go 'way and lemme alone! This hot weather isgiving me an awful headache."

  "Oh, you've got a headache, have ye? Well, that's retribution, Mr.Hewett. You ought to have a headache. You've led my husband astray. He'sa temperance man."

  "Me lead him astray!" groaned Hewett. "Why, 'twas him and Eben thatcoaxed me over to Applesnack's store."

  "Now don't you tell me that, you sinful old hypocrite! Eli never toucheshard cider unless somebody induces him to do so. And I know Eben don'tdrink it on account of the effect on his rheumatiz."

  "That's right, mother!" piped a weak, small voice from beneath the crib,as Eli poked his head out. "The deacon is all to blame!"

  "Oh, there you be!" she snapped, as she pounced on him and pulled himforth. "Now you git up here and march home!"

  Having pulled him to his feet, she took a firm grip on his ear and ledhim from the stall and out of the stable.