Greatest Hits Mysteries Boxed Set (Books 1-4)

by Langtry, Leslie

  Liv and I looked at each other. She shrugged as if to say she had no idea her brother moonlighted as a bard.

  “Sounds great.” I took the lead. “It’s a small island. But this should help us advance unannounced. Let’s go.”

  The sun was up but soon we ventured into complete darkness. We switched on our flashlights and followed Paris through a dark, dank tunnel covered in bat shit. I have no idea how long we walked.

  No one spoke while we moved, just in case there was an echo. If the Council had other family members doing recon or was using some of Missi’s devices to find us, we weren’t going to make it easier.

  Eventually, we emerged through a hole in the side of a cliff. Gulping as much fresh air as we could, we slowly made our way to the jungle floor. If Paris were right, the main building was a fifteen-minute hike to the east.

  Paris was wrong. It took only ten minutes, tripping us up when we suddenly walked out of the fauna and into the pool area. The sun was directly above us, and we stood out like, well like assassins in black at a tropical pool party. No one was there, but I knew that security cameras were picking us up. They suddenly knew where we were. We had to act quickly to keep the Council off guard.

  I ran to the door and opened it. Well, I guess there are no surprises now. And the five of us burst into the Brutus Conference room, guns a blazin’.

  The Council Members sat in their seats on the dais, looking serenely at us as if we were scheduled to join them for tea. Not one of them reacted to the weapons in our hands. That kind of freaked me out, because we looked pretty scary, or so I thought.

  “You’re early,” Grandma said tersely.

  “Are you surprised?” I stepped in front of everyone else.

  “Who’s he?” Lou barked, pointing at Diego.

  “Where’s Romi?” I replied.

  “I said, who is he?” Lou roared.

  I leveled my gun, sights lining up in the middle of Lou’s forehead. “He’s my boyfriend. You got a problem with that?”

  The Council exchanged looks, but still failed to fall to their knees in terror, begging for mercy. Damn.

  “Where the hell is my daughter, Grandma?” I repeated.

  “Where the hell is the mole, Virginia?” she responded. Damn. I hated it that she sounded cooler swearing than I did.

  “I’m sure Richie is around here somewhere. He’s next on my list. But age before beauty. Right?”

  I heard the other pistols come up, each leveled at the forehead of a different Council member. I felt a surge of adrenaline. Now this was more like it!

  “Richie is the mole?” Dela asked, her voice full of doubt.

  I nodded. “Yes. Oh. Are you surprised, Aunt Dela?”

  Lou stood and snorted. “Richie isn’t the mole! He’s saved us. Just like he saved you at the reunion.”

  Okay, so I lost a little of my composure. “He didn’t save me! It’s his fault I choked on the sponge cake! He wasn’t even doing the Heimlich maneuver right!” I waved my gun around while I spoke. Behind me came noises of movement and I realized I’d left the agreed upon course of action.

  “Dak is the mole. And it’s a good thing you brought him, or Romi wouldn’t be going home with you.” Lou sneered. I swear. He actually sneered.

  “No, Uncle Lou. It’s Richie. We have proof. But please excuse me if we don’t set up a little Power Point presentation for you right now. You’ll just have to take our word for it.”

  I looked at Dak, whose pistol was pointed at Lou. “I think you should sit down and shut up before my brother blows your head off.”

  Lou sat down, glowering at me. Something was wrong. None of them were armed, nor were they making a move to defend themselves. Why? We could kill them all right now and there was nothing they could do about it. I’d already instructed everyone to aim for the head – just in case they had body armor on. What was going on?

  “We know the truth, Gin,” Troy said coldly. “Richie told us that the four of you were plotting against the family. He said you had incriminating photos of us. Is that true?”

  Well, he had me there on the incriminating photos. In fact, they were in my backpack as we spoke. “No.” Hello? Why weren’t Liv or Dak speaking up? Hearing nothing from them, I continued, “That’s not true. Richie took the pictures. He planted evidence on Dak in order to frame him. I want the mole dead as much as you do. But that mole is Richie, not us.”

  “I don’t think so, Gin.” Richie’s voice came over the PA system. I could hear him, but I couldn’t see him. He must have been in the multimedia booth. I fired a shot at the window.

  “She shot me!” Richie screamed. “That bitch shot me!”

  I got him? Huh. Didn’t expect that. I really didn’t think he’d be that stupid. Oh well. Yay me!

  To my surprise, Diego walked to the control booth, kicked in the door (looking soooooo cool when he did that) and dragged my slimy little cousin out. By George, I had shot him! Just in the right thigh, but I finally got to shoot Richie!

  I re-trained my gun on Grandma as Diego dropped my bleeding cousin in front of me, then returned to his position of targeting Troy.

  “Thanks, hon!” I whispered as he walked past me. Diego grinned with amusement.

  Time to get a confession out of Richie. “Tell them, dickhead. Tell them what you did before I shoot your balls off.” I trained my gun on an area of Richie I didn’t even want to think about.

  “Owwwww!” Richie screamed. “She shot me!”

  I rolled my eyes and kicked him, then pressed my boot down on his throat. “Tell them!”

  “That’s enough, Virginia!” Grandma barked. She rose and reached behind her chair, pulling my gagged-and-bound five-year-old forward in front of her. Romi’s eyes grew wide as she saw her mother, aunt and uncles dressed like a SWAT team with guns aimed in her direction.

  “You can have your daughter when you turn Dak over to us. Give us the evidence and we will sort it out to decide what is going on.”

  I heard a sharp intake of breath behind me. “Gin, I’ll go. They’ll see. You have to get Romi back. They won’t hurt me.” Dak’s voice pleaded behind me.

  I turned to look at him in amazement. He loved Romi – that was never in doubt. And this was such an unselfish act, I wanted to hug him.

  “Not a chance, Grandma,” I shouted back. “Not much of a grandmother, are you? Kidnapping your great-granddaughter in order to kill your grandson. I don’t think you should look for any more cards from us on Mother’s Day.”

  Liv said, “We’ve seen the evidence. You’ll just have to take our word for it. Now hand over Romi or this will be your last day on the Council.”

  Woo. Tough words. I liked it.

  “Hell,” Dak responded, “this will be your last day on the planet.”

  Grandma’s jaw dropped. “You. My own grandchildren, would actually shoot me?”

  We nodded in unison. “That’s what you’ve trained us to do, isn’t it?”

  Grandma stamped her foot. “Fine.” She began to untie Romi. “I wasn’t really going to hurt her.” Maryland walked my daughter over to me. “Let’s see this evidence.”

  I lowered my gun and Romi kicked her great grandmother in the shins. Hard. Twice. And while most children would be punished for something like that, I figured it was time to raise her allowance and give her a later bedtime. Good girl. I pulled her behind me and she climbed into Diego’s arms.

  I sighed wistfully, then tossed my backpack to Liv. “See if you can get this running in the media booth.” I watched as she lowered her gun from Florence, who had remained strangely silent throughout this, and walked over to the booth.

  Grandma returned to her spot on the stage, and I took my foot off Richie’s throat. I trained my gun on him. I’m not completely hopeless.

  Liv popped up in the window, frowning. Through the PA system she announced, “It doesn’t work. I’ve got nothing on the memory stick or the recording device.”

  Richie wheezed out a laugh. “Of
course not. We set up a strong electro-magnetic pulse in all the doorways. Your evidence was deleted the minute you entered the building.” He started to laugh again, so I kicked him in the thigh, causing an impressive blood spurt.

  Dela folded her arms. “How convenient that you don’t actually have any proof. Are we just supposed to believe you now?” As if on cue, all five Council members pulled pistols from behind their backs. Where the hell had they come from?

  We held our guns in place. It was a classic Mexican standoff. And with my family’s marksmanship record, we could take each other out in one rapid burst.

  Think, Gin, I pleaded with myself. No evidence. And we all have guns trained on each other. There was no way we could survive this. Sure, maybe one or two of us could, but not all of us. Liv came down from the booth, aiming at Florence.

  “Drop them, Gin.” I heard Lou say. “We have a lot more experience than you do. Put down your weapons and we’ll talk about this like reasonable adults.”

  “Reasonable adults?” I shouted. “What kind of reasonable adults do this kind of crap? I think this family went beyond reasonable about two thousand years ago.”

  “Nonetheless, we will shoot you all, including Romi.” Troy said calmly. Limey peasant fucker. From now on – if we survived this – that’s what I’d call him at the family reunions.

  “Yeah, but we have a little problem,” Liv said. “We don’t trust you and you don’t believe us. How are we going to work that one out? On the ropes course?”

  I laughed. Even though we were in dire straits, it was pretty funny.

  “How long do you think you can keep those guns on us?” Dela asked.

  Grandma spoke up, “Lower your weapons and we’ll give you a chance to prove yourselves. If not, I guarantee that most of you won’t be going home.”

  For some reason, that music from Final Jeopardy started playing in my head. Unfortunately, the wrong answer in this case wouldn’t just get us sent home with fabulous prizes.

  I froze. Turning to look behind me would have given the Council the opportunity they needed. There was no way to consult with my troops. And Grandma was right. They would most likely take out at least three or four of us. The only advantage we had was that we were younger and could probably hold the guns up longer – at least that’s the way things were looking with the geriatric hit squad and their trembling triceps.

  I didn’t trust them. But there was a chance they were telling the truth. Would they give us the opportunity to prove our innocence? I mean, it looked pretty bad with us in black, holding guns and all. But I could probably stand on Richie’s head until he confessed. I’d even enjoy it.

  But what if we lowered our weapons and they shot us? Granted, I was pretty sure Mom and Uncle Pete would avenge us, but what good was that? I didn’t know if the Council could afford to take out four of its hitters. It would, at the very least, increase the retirement age.

  The decision was an impossible one. It’s like I came to a fork in the road, and just sat down, unable to decide. Could I wait it out? Not likely, judging by the tremors in Uncle Lou’s hand. No, there was more of a chance that one of them would accidentally squeeze one off, launching quite a gun battle.

  If we shot it out, some of us would die. If we did what they said, there was a slim chance we would all live. And I was starting to shake too. Where was a Magic 8 ball when you need one?

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

  “You and I have unfinished business.”

  - The Bride, Kill Bill

  “All right,” I said, lowering my gun. “We’ll trust you.”

  I turned and watched as Dak, Diego, Liv and Paris did the same. Romi stood behind Diego, looking really pissed off.

  I took a deep breath. Here it was, our moment of truth. Would they keep their end of the agreement? Or was I about to join the family plot on the far side of the island.

  Shit. The Council still had their guns trained on us. This was it. I was never going to marry Diego, see Romi grow up, or make those damned Halloween cookies. I closed my eyes, accepting my fate like a Bombay should.

  I waited for the sound of the bullet that would soon be drilling through my head. Instead, there was a zzzzzzzt. Like the sound of a large bug hitting a bug zapper. I opened my eyes and saw Missi standing in front of the stage, holding a small remote with a large, red button. Why is it always a red button? Why not a blue one? Or yellow? Yellow would be good.

  Even more amazing, the bodies of the Council members lay on the dais, twitching.

  “You electrocuted them?” I asked Missi as Dak, Diego and Paris snatched up the Council’s weapons.

  Missi looked at the remote a little distracted. “Oh yeah. I knew something like this might happen someday. So I implanted each of them with a device that sends a shock of electrical current. They’re not dead. Just stunned.”

  “Huh. I always thought they had us implanted with explosives.”

  Missi arched her eyebrow. “That’s paranoid.”

  I pointed to the dais. “You did it to them!” I scratched my chin. “How’d you do it?”

  Missi laughed. “I told them all I was taking their measurements for more biometric technology. I,” she lifted her hands to do finger quotes, “‘accidentally’ stuck them with a pin while taking their measurements. The pin released a mechanism into the elbow. They were totally clueless.” She sighed. “Well, until now, that is. Of course, I knew something like this would happen someday.”

  I stared at her. “You knew this would happen?”

  “I live here. I know how they think.” She scowled at the twitching body of her grandmother, Dela. “That really pisses me off. Pulling guns on my cousins.” She turned back to me. “We’re family. We have to stick together.”

  Liv draped her arms around Missi and me. “Looks like Missi had our back.”

  I turned to hug Romi, when I spied, with my little eye, Richie dragging himself toward the door. I picked him up by the hair and hauled him back. “You aren’t going anywhere.” I looked at Missi. “All of our evidence is screwed. How are we going to prove he did it?”

  “Well,” Missi thought for a moment. “I think I can fix your stuff. If that doesn’t work, you could always pull his fingernails out with pliers until he confesses.” Her gaze turned to Richie. “Damn. I always hoped I’d be the one to nail him. Nice shootin’, Tex.”

  Diego, Dak and Paris had revived the Council, helping them back into their chairs. We tied them up. I’m not a total moron.

  It didn’t take long for Missi to get the bugs worked out of our equipment. We made the Council listen to the tape and look at the photos. In the end, they agreed that Richie had, in fact, been behind it all.

  Once they were untied, the Council asked me to drag Richie to the front of the room.

  “Virginia,” Grandma began, “the Council apologizes for putting you and Romi through this. We were wrong. You may not know this, but in such situations, the Council has to allow you certain concessions.” She looked at Richie, bleeding and whining on the stage. “One of them being, you get to take him out as your reward.”

  I looked at my cousin, then back at the Council. I couldn’t tell you how long I’d wanted to kill him. Especially since he’d been responsible for terrorizing my family. Hell, if it had gone according to his plan, Dak or Romi and possibly I would be dead. He didn’t deserve to live. I finally had the satisfaction of showing the family what an ass he was.

  “What kind of concessions?” I asked the Council.

  “Well, ahem,” Lou sputtered. “You get one demand of your choosing.”

  I turned and looked at my brother, my cousins, my daughter and the love of my life.

  “I don’t want anything to happen to Diego. I brought him here. And I plan to make him part of the family. You cannot punish him for being an outsider.”

  Liv, Dak and Paris nodded and Romi flung her arms around Diego. I turned back to the Council.

  “Richie, as much as I’ve always wanted to take you
out, I’m going to refuse this particular concession. I really don’t want to do this anymore. The Council can take care of you. But I don’t want any part of it.” I gave him a right cross to the jaw. “And you didn’t save my life at the reunion.” He slumped to the floor, unconscious.

  The members of the Council looked at each other in surprise. Our family had been so well-trained in the arts of “correcting” the black sheep, my refusal to kill Richie stunned them.

  “Virginia,” Grandma spoke up again, nodding to the fellow Council members. “For your gesture and support, and the fact you didn’t kill us, the Council grants you early retirement from the family business. Effective immediately.”

  To say I was shocked would be an understatement. I waited to react, just in case the others didn’t agree. To my surprise, they all nodded.

  I turned and ran into Diego’s arms. He crushed me in his embrace, then pulled Romi up into a group hug. I couldn’t believe it! I was retired! Which meant I got the guy! Which meant everything would be okay! Whew! Good thing I didn’t shoot Richie dead!

  The others joined us in a huge embrace and we laughed until we cried. Even some of the Council members smiled a little. I turned to Missi and gave her the thumbs up. She was holding a gun on Richie with a blissed out look on her face. So she was going to get the prize. That’s great. She certainly earned it.

  It only took a few hours to call our jet to pick us up from the island to take us home. I spent the whole time in Diego’s arms with Romi on my lap. Dak found some Moet and Chandon White Star champagne on board and we all drank ourselves silly.

  “Diego?” Romi asked solemnly.

  He pulled her onto his lap, “What is it, princess?”

  “Will you marry us?”

  Diego looked from me to her, then kissed her on the cheek, “Of course I will. If your mum will have me, that is.”

  “Oh, I’ll have you,” I whispered amongst the cheers of my family, “again, and again, and again.”

  EPILOGUE