Greatest Hits Mysteries Boxed Set (Books 1-4)

by Langtry, Leslie

  My monastic life on the island was never like this. I didn’t have to treat people badly and pretend I was someone else. I didn’t really have any stress in my life. As soon as I got back, I was going to come up with some evil sort of revenge for the Council for putting me through this.

  That was a comforting thought, and my last one before I fell asleep.

  We were running late the next morning as the eight of us careened into each other (the fluffy robes acted as shock absorbers) while grabbing fistfuls of bacon off the cart and getting ready.

  We arrived at Camp Tico, looking well-fed and clean. The site hadn’t had any activity in almost 24 hours and it had been days since we’d lit a fire. Julie and Alan looked too distracted to care, but I was sure the audience would notice something wasn’t right when the show aired. Oh well – not my problem.

  “Well, I hope you all slept well,” Alan began sounding a little sarcastic. “Due to some, um, changes at the network – we will be sending two of you home today.”

  We looked around at each other and rolled our eyes. Obviously the changes at the network included a healthy round of budget cuts.

  “So the two slowest people in today’s challenge will leave, becoming part of the jury.” Alan looked tired.

  “You mean we’re voting two people off, right?” Moe asked, and I automatically brightened.

  Julie shook her head. “We won’t have time for Tribal Council tonight. So the two of you with the lowest scores will exit the show.”

  “If you’ll just follow Julie, I’ll meet you at the site of today’s challenge.” Alan stood there, waiting for us to leave. No doubt so he could re-appear at wherever we ended up.

  The eight of us on team Tico followed Julie silently into the jungle. I don’t even think she noticed how quiet we were. Man, something was really eating them.

  It took almost half an hour of hiking to get to a river bank deep inside the foliage. As we emerged from the jungle, I noticed a large crocodile lying on the bank. Crocs were native to this area and I’d seen them many times before. My teammates, however, had not. This I gathered from the screaming that followed.

  “What the fuck is that?” Sami shouted down from the limbs of a nearby tree.

  Everyone else pretty much said the same thing. Julie stayed a safe distance away, but tried to appear calm. Alan miraculously appeared and with a stick began to point at the crocodile.

  “Alligators are native to Costa Rica,” he began.

  “Um, no they’re not.” I couldn’t help it. The temptation to correct him was unbearable. I thought I saw Ernie grin from behind his camera.

  Alan looked unshaken. “Yes, they are. And this is an alligator.”

  I stepped forward. “No. Alligators live in parts of North America. This is a crocodile. An American crocodile to be exact.” He hated me already so I thought I’d just have fun with it.

  “Whatever!” An angry Alan struggled to regain his composure. “Same thing.”

  “Listen, dumbass!” Sami shouted down. “My friend says it’s a crocodile and I believe her. The question is – what the fuck is it doing here?”

  I couldn’t resist giggling. Sami had my back alright.

  “You will wrestle this alli. . .crocodile.” Alan said as one by one Team Tico’s jaws dropped. “You will be timed to see how long it takes you to drag the gator. . .I mean croc, to shore.”

  “Are you fucking insane?” Sami shrieked and I could swear that dogs in the nearest village covered their ears.

  “This time you’ve gone too far!” Isaac raised his voice – which startled me. “You can’t ask us to do anything life-threatening.”

  The rest of the group murmured their agreement and Alan just held up his hands.

  “This is a challenge! Would you rather I had you wrestle a miniature dachshund? For Christ's sake people! The name of the show is Survival!”

  We barely had time to reply before he shrieked, “Missi! You’re up first!” Why was I not surprised?

  Lex put his arm out to bar me from moving. Not that I was racing for the challenge, mind you. Crocs are very dangerous. And although this one seemed to be only four feet long, it wasn’t a guarantee some of us would come out in one piece. For a moment I wondered if what they had in mind for eliminating two of us was to feed us to the crocodile.

  “You can’t make us do this,” Lex said in calm, measured tones that made all kinds of butterflies flip-flop around in my stomach. Then I thought about Fiona and realized there was more to his concern than I thought.

  “If you refuse, you will be taken off the programme.” Alan sniffed indignantly. I wanted to feed him to the croc. It wouldn’t take long. We’d all just stand there on the shore, watching calmly as the croc grabbed him and pulled the smarmy host under. Soon, the thrashing would begin as the slimy reptile. . .Alan, not the crocodile, spun him around in the water until he drowned. Then if he was still hungry, we could feed him Julie.

  “If you don’t do it, Missi,” Alan snapped, “Sami will have to go first.”

  I knew how much Sami needed the reward money for this show. She wouldn’t refuse the challenge. At least I’d done this before (hello, I’m a Bombay!). Maybe I could buy some time or even injure the croc so it couldn’t hurt anyone else. As long as I could keep its mouth closed, I’d be all right. I took a deep breath and pushed away the protective arm Lex had wrapped around my waist. I immediately missed his warmth and support, but I had to do this. “It’s okay. He’s a small one. Just make sure everyone watches what I do, all right?”

  Lex and Isaac tried to stop me, and I believe Sami would’ve intervened too had she come down from the tree. I just pushed through them and made my way to the animal.

  Now, few people know this because I’ve never told anyone my trick when it comes to reptiles. We had a couple of freshwater crocs on the island and I’d studied them for a while to see if there was a way I could use them for work.

  Besides the usual – hold them in a half-Nelson and get their tail tight between your legs so they don’t smack you around, there’s a spot where if you apply the right amount of pressure, they just go into brain-lock. Then you can do whatever you want for about ten minutes. Humans have the same trigger. For men, it’s porn. For women, it’s chocolate.

  As I walked up to the croc, a native Tican emerged from the jungle and quickly wrapped a leather muzzle around the croc’s nose. Well, at least that was a bit of a relief. Crocodile jaws are very powerful. And if they get a lock on you and drag you into the water, you’re pretty much done for.

  The Tican then dragged the animal into the water and motioned for me to go in. I was barely wading when Alan shouted for Julie to start the timer.

  It really only took a minute or two to jump the poor beast from behind, lock my arms around him and my legs around his tail as I dragged him to shore. I didn’t even have to use my trick. The muzzle kept him from snapping and unless I miss my guess – the poor croc was drugged. What a lame idea.

  “He’s drugged and docile,” I whispered to my team when I rejoined them. “Just do what I did and you should be alright.”

  “Sami!” Alan called and I realized she’d gotten down and was standing next to me. “You’re up!” He’d regained some of his smarmy cockiness and I hated him for it. I’d give anything to see him turned into crocodile crap.

  Sami froze for a moment. I thought she was going to give up. Not that I could blame her. The scariest thing she’d probably ever seen was the guy on the next bar stool at closing time when the lights came on.

  To my amazement, she walked over to where the croc was being dragged into the water by his handler. Even more impressive was the fact that she managed it in three seconds less than me.

  “Goddamned bitch gonna show me who’s boss!” She swore under her breath as she strutted back to us.

  “So far, Sami has the fastest time, followed by Missi. Lex, your turn.”

  My heart jumped a little as I feared he might get hurt. Then I remembered
that the croc was muzzled and drugged and Lex was stronger than I was. Lex calmly waded into the water. I was so proud. He came back with a time that matched mine. And I liked the way his arm muscles bulged as he dragged the poor creature onto the bank.

  One by one we watched as Isaac, Moe and Dr. Andy managed to wrestle the crocodile to shore. It seemed to be going well. Only Liliana and Brick/Norman remained. Surely the reptile was getting weaker by now.

  Liliana straightened her back and walked into the water. To my surprise, she managed to grab hold of the animal and was just beginning to bring him to the bank when the muzzle sprang from his jaws and he started snapping. Liliana dropped him out of shock and the croc managed to grab hold of her clothes.

  Once he got a good grip, he started spinning in the water, dragging Liliana with him. I ran into the thrashing water to save her. Isaac and Lex appeared beside me. Lex grabbed the beast by the body as Isaac held the tail. I brought my hand down as hard as I could, stabbing him between the eyes with my fingers.

  It worked. The crock went slack and as the men dragged him onto the beach, I pulled Lilliana from the muddy river. She said nothing as she staggered toward the rest of the group. I was seriously impressed.

  “Brick!” Alan acted as though what had happened hadn’t really happened. No one tried to fix the muzzle. What was going on?

  “Hold on!” Isaac shouted. “We need to get another muzzle on him first!”

  Looking around, I noticed that the croc’s handler was nowhere to be found. What did that mean?

  “We move ahead,” Julie said steadily. Was she nuts? One of the safety precautions was gone!

  “You know what?” Brick/Norman said in a squeaky, not-very-leading-man sort of voice. “I quit. I’m off the show, okay?”

  Alan and Brick glared at each other for a few moments. Alan backed off.

  “Liliana and Brick – you will go back to the Tigre.”

  Julie agreed with Alan and began leading the two out of the area.

  “The rest of you head back to camp,” Alan said, then promptly disappeared.

  I made a mental note to put some scorpions in his bed later. That would be fun.

  “Look at this,” Lex whispered to me on the way back to camp. He held out the harness. “It’s not broken.”

  Sure enough, I could see it was cut midway through.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  “Nobody likes me. Everybody hates me. Guess I’ll just eat worms.”

  - Children’s song

  “Why would anyone cut the muzzle?” Lex frowned at me. It was the first time he’d ever frowned at me and I decided that I didn’t like it.

  Isaac and Sami were quiet. We were sitting at the dinner table, the rest of Team Tico had already gone to bed. No one’s heart was in this contest anymore since it appeared the host didn’t care one way or another if anyone got hurt.

  I picked at what was left of the turkey. “Maybe it’s Alan – trying to up the ratings.”

  “That’s fucked up.” Sami glowered.

  “It’s irresponsible,” added Isaac.

  “It’s dangerous,” Lex said quietly.

  My stomach back flipped as I remembered that Lex’s wife had died because of stuff like this. The others weren’t privy to this knowledge, so I tried to change the subject.

  “Oh well. It’ll all be over soon enough.”

  Lex frowned at me again. I really hated it. “What does that mean?”

  “Um, I guess I meant that the show will probably go bankrupt before we can do another challenge anyway – then we can go home.” I shrugged for emphasis.

  “Man, this shit stinks.” Sami shook her head. “I could’ve used that goddamned money.”

  I forgot that these people were here because $25,000 was a life-changing amount to them. While Brick/Norman, Dr. Andy and Kit were here to get media exposure, Moe, Sami and possibly Lex wanted the cash to turn their lives around.

  Guilt is a horrible thing. I remember my mother once told me it was a useless emotion. Of course, that didn’t stop her from applying it like a thick-cut slab of bacon whenever she could. But the fact of the matter was that I was here on false pretenses.

  The only reason I was on this ridiculous show was to tail Isaac so I could kill him if I had to. A stab of the “useless emotion” got me in the heart when I thought of how I was throwing money around for this guest house. What did they possibly think of me? My guess was they wondered why I was even involved.

  And let’s face it – I hadn’t even done my job. I never tailed Isaac or even tried to pump him for information. Hell, I hadn’t even remembered to pack my truth serum. It’s strawberry flavored with half the fat so it’s good and good for you!

  My shoulders slumped. I’d screwed everything up. If I won the contest I would be nothing short of a jerk. Homesickness burned like Mountain Dew on acid reflux. I missed my house. I missed my kids. And I didn’t know what the hell I was doing.

  “I agree with Lex,” Sami said. I guess I also missed an entire conversation.

  “Agree with what?” I asked before I could stop myself.

  My three allies scowled.

  “Missi, what’s wrong with you?” Isaac asked.

  “Nothing.” I tried to think up a lie but came up empty. “I just spaced out.”

  Sami sighed. “Lex thinks we should try to find out what the hell is going on so no one else gets hurt.”

  “Oh.”

  Lex’s right eyebrow went up. “Oh?”

  Uh oh.

  “Well,” I started uneasily. I couldn’t dedicate myself to one more thing. I had a job to do and the Council would hand me my ovaries on a Bombay-crested plate if I didn’t do it. “Don’t you think we should just leave it alone? I mean, the show is still on and we should just see it out. It’s probably not even sabotage – but an unfortunate series of coincidences.” Okay, what I meant to say was Let’s not risk one of you winning the money you seem to so desperately need. Problem was, I couldn’t “invent” a way to say that so it didn’t sound condescending. Word are much harder to put together than actual inventions. And I’m pretty sure I just proved that.

  “Fuck this, I’m going to bed.” Sami rose and Isaac nodded, leaving Lex and me alone in a very uncomfortable silence.

  “Missi, what is wrong with you?” Lex asked after a moment.

  I threw my hands up. “What? What did I say?”

  “Why are you here?”

  Why am I here? So I can possibly kill Isaac. Duh.

  “The same reason you’re here,” I answered. “The money.”

  Lex stood and went off to bed, leaving me what to wonder what just happened. Obviously I said something wrong, but what? I didn’t like the way my lover was looking at me. Something had just changed in our relationship and I was pretty sure it wasn’t something good.

  As I got to my feet to follow him, there was a short, sharp knock at the door. Figuring it was room service here to clear the plates I answered, only to find Ernie standing there.

  “Julie and Alan will be at the campsite at six in the morning.” He winked. “Thought you’d like a head’s up.”

  I closed the door and leaned against it. Great. My teammates now had another reason to be miserable and I got to deliver the news.

  I didn’t sleep. Basically, I sat in the living room, fully dressed until five a.m. when I woke the troops with the news. No matter how you looked at it, this was a bad situation. Lex was right worrying that someone could get hurt, but I didn’t have any more time to devote to figuring out the mystery, Nancy Drew Club be damned.

  “Are you alright?” Dr. Andy sat down next to me on the sofa. I looked around, but he was the only one there. Apparently the others were still getting ready.

  “Sure.” I lied. “I’m fine.” I lied again. Damn, I was doing a lot of that. In spite what you might think, the Bombays aren’t big on lying. Well, at least to each other and the important people in our lives. We lie to our victims all the time.

  “Y
ou look like you need to talk,” he said gently.

  Looking around again, I found no trace of our camera crew. Maybe Dr. Andy was more than just the shallow media hog I made him out to be. That made me feel worse.

  I was tempted to actually tell him my problems. He had a comforting, easygoing manner. But what would I tell him? What could I tell him?

  “Lex and the others think the show is being sabotaged.” I thought that too but for some reason left it out.

  He thought for a moment. “What do you think?”

  “It doesn’t matter what I think. I just want this mess to be over.”

  “I don’t believe that Missi. I’ve seen nothing but compassion from you for everyone here. Why wouldn’t you care if someone may get hurt? It’s not in you to be apathetic.”

  I looked at him archly. For a moment, the other castaways paraded through my mind. How many of them did I dismiss as two-dimensional? I called Brick/Norman Brick/Norman out of spite. Some compassion.

  “No,” I lied yet again. “You’re wrong. I just want to win or go home.” Dr. Andy was right. But if he thought that, I couldn’t do my job. And what it all boiled down to was that I was getting too attached to the people on this show to do that job. If I didn’t complete my mission, I had a much worse showdown waiting for me at Santa Muerta.

  “I don’t care about any of these people,” I added. “It’s only a game, after all.” Tough words, but would he buy it? I folded my arms over my chest for emphasis.

  “Oh.”

  That wasn’t Dr. Andy’s voice. It was Lex’s. I turned slowly to find him standing behind me with a shocked look on his face. Damn.

  Lex turned and walked away but I just sat there frozen, staring after him. What had I done?

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  Rusty: You'd need at least a dozen guys doing a combination of cons.

  Danny: Like what, do you think?

  Rusty: Off the top of my head, I'd say you're looking at a Boeski, a Jim Brown, a Miss Daisy, two Jethros and a Leon Spinks, not to mention the biggest Ella Fitzgerald ever!