by Abigail Agar
“Yes, Jonathan. Two weeks. It is long enough for you to reveal to me the identity of the young woman you care for and for you to ask her father’s permission to marry her. As she is untitled, I imagine it should be an easy yes from him. Of course, I still have the right to refuse her if I deem her unacceptable, but I am sure that you have chosen someone who has at least the manners of nobility and, perhaps, also a fortune of her own,” his mother said.
Miss Windsor had neither of those things. She was not rude by any means, but she would certainly not be comfortable among society members. And as for the fortune? She was barely surviving off the scraps she received from her aunt and uncle. Her clothing was far from fashionable and he sometimes wondered how it was not ripped and torn for her love of the outdoors.
“Mother, I need more time than this. You do not understand,” he said.
“That is all the time you are getting, Jonathan. You may think this is some sort of game, but all my friends who have sons your age—and many even younger—are married. Some of them have children already. You are behind your peers,” she said.
“So that is what this is all about? You want to prove to your friends that I can stand alongside them? You want me to be a trophy for you to evidence your importance? You are speaking about my life, my happiness. I just want to marry someone that I love and I cannot understand what is so wrong with that,” he said.
“What is wrong is the fact that you have fallen in love with a woman you do not even see fit to introduce to me. Can you not understand how concerning that is for a mother? I am doing my best to be patient, but I cannot abide this insolence, Jonathan. You know as well as I do that society is unforgiving and we have to uphold the reputation built by your father for our sake,” she said.
He knew that she was right. Society was far from forgiving and his father was a man of great renown. However, it grieved Jonathan to know that his mother would be this furious over something so important. If she truly loved and cared for him, would she not want him to be happy?
“If you want to marry this young woman, you must tell me who she is and introduce us. After I approve, you may speak with her father. That is all there is to it,” she said.
Unable to find the right words to say, Jonathan stormed out of the room, not caring for manners or respect. He needed to get away from her. He needed to go and see Simon, to have a chance to speak with someone who understood him better.
He rode quickly, arriving at Simon’s home in a short time. By the time he reached the estate, Jonathan was even angrier than he had been when he left home. All that time to clear his head on horseback had only made him more furious.
“Good heavens, what is the matter with you? Your face is completely red,” Simon observed immediately.
“Yes, well, that is what happens when my mother gets a hold of me. When she ruins every last one of my hopes and dreams, this is the result,” he spat.
“Oh, dear. Tell me what has happened,” Simon said.
“She is giving me two weeks to become engaged. Otherwise, I have no choice but to marry one of the daughters of one of her friends. I do not know which one and I do not know what her primary method of choosing will be. I know only that she has made a firm decision and I have to go along with it,” he said, the words coming out angry and hard.
“Truly? Your mother is forcing your hand? Does she not know that you love someone but need time?” Simon asked.
“Of course she does. I have told her. But she hardly cares. She knows that I am in love with a young woman who is not titled and, as such, she has told me that I cannot marry her unless my mother approves. The truth is, my mother would never approve of Miss Windsor. Not only is she untitled, but she is poor, an orphan, unfashionable…” he listed, hating that those qualities identified her.
Simon winced at the list as well, but for an entirely different reason.
“Why are you so desperate to be with this woman? If she is all those things, what is it about her that you value so highly?” he asked.
At this question, Jonathan could finally smile. He had so many reasons. They were not reasons which would make sense to anyone else, but they were his own reasons and they mattered greatly to him.
“She is remarkable, Simon. She is beautiful, kind, and something you cannot possibly imagine. You should see her, the way she is out in nature. The world around her is…it is but a place full of possibility and imagination and connection,” he said.
“I fear that none of that makes any sense,” Simon said.
“She sees the world in a different way than most. A far more beautiful way. She has an uncanny ability to connect with animals and they trust her. It is incredible. I have never seen anything quite like it,” he said.
“You like this girl because she connects with animals? But what about people? You are a duke, Jonathan. You have no choice but to be married to someone who can play the part of a duchess,” Simon said.
“I know, I know, but why must a duchess fit in such a small mold? And she does not know that I am a duke. I have two weeks to get her to trust me enough that she will not be angry or run from me when I tell her the truth. She is a humble woman, the sort who would not know how to speak to someone in my position,” he said.
“But if she likes you, she will not be bothered,” Simon said. “She will probably see it as an opportunity.”
“No, you see? That is just it. She would not crave the wealth or title as other young women would. She is the sort of young lady who would be anxious and uncomfortable with it,” he explained.
Simon appeared unconvinced, but Jonathan knew Miss Windsor by now. He was sure that she would not respond as other young women would. She would not see any of it as desirable. She would probably run in the opposite direction to avoid any chance of being noticed by those around them.
“So, what are going to do?” Simon asked.
Jonathan knew that he had only one choice. He was going to have to tell her. He would have to use his next couple of opportunities with her to convince her to trust him and then, he would tell her. As they only saw one another every few days, it was going to be that much more important that he use the time wisely, that he make it clear to her that he was a good man and that she should believe in him.
Yes, he was going to have to lie to her in order to gain her trust, but once he revealed the truth, she would understand the lies. And then, he would have to promise her that she would not have to change or undergo any sort of dramatic shifts in order to be his wife. Yes, he would have to be honest that the expectations would be there, but he would never force her into any sort of uncomfortable position or role.
It was all so complicated and he hated the mess in which he found himself, but this was his only option for moving forward.
“Jonathan, I know that you are confused and upset, but I want you to be happy that your mother has forced you into this position. Honestly, you have two choices. You can complain and live with anger and regret, ultimately wasting time and ending up with whomever your mother chooses,” Simon said.
Jonathan scoffed and shook his head, still terribly upset.
“Or, you can use this time wisely, making every effort to tell Miss Windsor the truth and revealing to her that you are a good man with a good heart. I am certain that, if you do these things, you will see her trust in your blossom and flourish. The two of you will come together and be happy,” Simon told him.
“You really think that?” Jonathan asked.
“I do. In fact, I believe that you and Miss Windsor can and will be happy, if you only allow yourself to be honest with her. I, myself, do not understand why you care for her. I cannot imagine loving someone who is so strange, but you do. You care for her and you have given her your heart. For that reason, I support you in whatever you decide,” Simon said.
Humbled and grateful, Jonathan nodded and gave a half smile to Simon. It was strange to receive any sort of support, but he was glad that it had come to this.
“Thank
you, Simon,” he said. “I suppose I have something important to take care of.”
Chapter 23
After the incident with Wendell, Ellie realized that she had to hurry up and figure out whether or not Mr. Potts would ever want to marry her. How exactly was she supposed to ask him if he liked her? That was hardly appropriate. She could not force his hand or get him to make any sort of commitment to her. There was nothing at all she could reasonably do to get him to marry her and avoid a marriage to Wendell.
When she saw Mr. Potts again the next day, she was still full of curiosity regarding their previous time together. What was he trying to hide from her? Was she being foolish? Maybe there was nothing at all and he was simply a private person.
There certainly seemed to be something and she was incredibly uncomfortable not knowing what it was.
“Good morning, Miss Windsor. I am so happy to see you,” he said, more cheerful with relief than ever before.
“Mr. Potts, nice to see you as well. Have you had a nice couple of days?” she asked.
His smiled faltered. All this felt painfully familiar.
“Miss Windsor, I should very much like to spend some time together today, simply enjoying ourselves. I know that you cannot go for a ride, but what about a walk?” he asked.
She nodded, happy that this walk was with the sort of man who actually enjoyed being outside and spending time going around in nature. It was a relief that they would not even have to fight for things to discuss or awkwardly chat about whether or not they were going to be married. All that was overwhelming with Wendell, but she did not have to even consider it with Mr. Potts.
With him, she could keep the worries about marriage to herself. With him, she could wonder whether or not they were going to be happy together, but she did not need to concern him on those matters.
“Yes, I think that would be wonderful,” she said. “Do you mind if we go this way?”
“Certainly. I understand that you cannot risk being seen by your family. I thought, perhaps, we could go up towards the meadow in Easterly,” he suggested.
“Oh, that would be ideal!” she exclaimed.
Ellie loved that meadow. Her mother had taken her there often as a child, although the memories had grown blurry. Still, she was relieved that he would think to take her there and she knew that it was the best spot for them to go where they would not be seen. It was not overly well-known and not many people went there.
Additionally, it was a good distance away. Not so far that it would take them a great deal of time, but far enough that they would have a chance to really talk and continue getting to know one another.
“It is such a beautiful day,” Mr. Potts noted, looking up at the clear, blue sky.
“Indeed, it is. I am in awe of how beautiful English days can be when we so often have ugly ones,” she laughed.
“Yes, absolutely. You know, there are times when I expect that we are only going to have rain and then, I am surprised that we have a day perfect for riding,” he said.
“And what else do you do?” Ellie asked, curious. Certainly, he had more in his life than riding horses, but that was the only thing he ever told her about.
“What do you mean?” he asked, looking somewhat uncomfortable, possibly even panicked.
“I mean that you must have other hobbies? Or responsibilities?” she asked.
He looked away from her in the same way that had caused her to struggle before in trusting him. Why was he so secretive? There had to be a reason other than what he had been willing to admit so far.
“I suppose, yes. There are things I enjoy. A good book when read out in the sun. Time with friends,” he said.
“And what do you do with your friends?” she asked.
“Well, we do go riding, of course, but other things as well. I enjoy dancing when we have…when there are dances in the town hall,” he said.
Ellie could have sworn that he was going to say something about a ball, but she tried to ignore that thought. Why would he attend a ball? Was it possible that his employer allowed for that?
“I have never been to such a dance, but it sounds wonderful. Are you quite good at dancing?” she asked.
“Ha! No. Not at all but I love it, nonetheless. There are few things more satisfying than making a fool of oneself while enjoying the time. I do love attending anyway, even if I do make a fool of myself,” he told her.
“Well, that is very nice. And what else? Do you have a great many friends?” she asked.
“Not a great many, but the friends I do have are very close ones. I would far rather have good friends than an abundance of them,” he said.
Ellie nodded in agreement with that. She felt very much the same, wishing that she could be closer to people like Katherine. There was always the wedge between them, the one in which Katherine’s mother would do anything to remind Ellie that she was not of the same ilk or status as Katherine and, therefore, could not count on the same opportunities. And Katherine noted the difference in her own, subtle ways. She was not cruel, but she was only friendly on her own terms.
Beyond Katherine, Ellie had no one. Only the animals, and that was one of the main reasons she was forced to struggle so much with others. They thought her strange and did not wish to be around her. So, she turned to animals. It was an awful cycle, but one that she was not sure she wanted to break.
“What is the duke like?” she asked, trying to pull herself from her many thoughts.
“Hmm?” he asked, looking at her with a strange panic.
“The duke you work for. What is he like?” she asked.
“Oh…he is…he fine. Perfectly fine. Just a decent man, you know. I think he is better than many of the other dukes out there. I mean, it is easy to hear all sorts of tales about rather unpleasant men and my friends have often worked for those who are simply…well, I am very fortunate,” he said.
“That is good,” Ellie said, wondering why he was trying so hard to insist on his good luck instead of simply, calmly telling her that he liked working where he did. There was something incredibly strange in his demeanor.
She was beginning to wonder just how much of his life was a lie. Maybe he did not really even work for a duke. It was possible. It could be that he was just saying that for the sake of trying to look proper and respectable. But if he was actually not those things, if he was…oh could it be possible?
What if he was just another vagabond? What if he was trying to make the home nicer so that he could live in it? Was it possible? No. She had heard a woman call for him once. That meant he was not alone.
And then, an awful, cruel question popped into her mind.
Was Mr. Potts married? Was he hoping for a home for himself and a wife whom he was keeping secret? She could not know for certain whether or not it was true, but if it was, that was an awful thing. If he had lied to her about that, what could she possibly do? There was every chance that he was hiding more from her than she even knew.
No wonder he had always been so quiet and secretive. He was clearly trying to hide the fact that he had something important he didn’t want her to know about. A wife made the most sense. A wife he wanted a home for.
For a brief moment, Ellie was utterly convinced. She had no doubts at all in her mind. This was the absolute truth.
And then, reason found her. Of course this was not true. It was foolish. She was looking for explanations and had resorted to the most awful she could possibly imagine. There was no chance that it was true, she just didn’t know how to accept that there really was a better option.
At last, she came up with a series of questions which she believed really would give her confidence in his identity. There was no other choice, but to question him on these things.
