by Abigail Agar
“So, it is very good that the duke is nice, as you said. Well, nicer than others. Tell me more about him. I have never met a duke. Is he very grand or is he just an average man?” she asked.
They were cresting a hill and a gust of wind rushed at them. Ellie flicked back her short hair and continued walking, waiting for Mr. Potts to respond to her question.
“I do not know him all that well, to be honest. He seems reasonable enough,” he said.
“Reasonable? Well, that is better than awful, I suppose,” she said, trying to figure out what he meant by that. Either way, Mr. Potts had to give her some sort of answer. He could not continue waffling about without any real honesty.
“Yes, yes, it is. He is, I mean,” he said.
“And what else? Surely, there is more to it than that,” she said.
“No, not really,” he said.
“Nothing?” she pushed.
Mr. Potts looked at her with a mild frustration and Ellie realized that she had probably been more demanding than she ought to have been. Mr. Potts was evidently frustrated by her relentless questions.
“Forgive me, I know that I am asking a lot. I do not mean to push,” she said.
“N-no, it is all right,” he said, awkwardly and with regret. “You have every right to ask questions. We do not know one another very well and it is only natural that you should want to be sure of the man with whom you are spending time,” he said.
“Well, yes, I suppose that is a part of it,” she said.
“In that case, what more would you like to know?” he asked.
“Not much. I am just curious as to the Potts family,” she said, barely making eye contact. If he was going to share anything about them, she would have a bit of a better idea.
At this question, Mr. Potts grinned.
“Oh, they are lovely,” he said. “Simon is my dearest friend and I think you would like him. He can be very funny at times and very fickle at others.”
“Y-your friend?” Ellie asked, confused. Who was this man, Simon? She was asking about Mr. Potts’ own family. Why was he talking about them as if they belonged to another family altogether?
More confused than ever, Ellie stared at him, waiting for an answer. He just looked back at her, confusion and bewilderment on his face.
“Yes, my friend. You asked about the Potts…the Potts family…” he said, his speech slowing down as if realizing that he had said something wrong.
“You told me that your name is Potts,” she said.
“Well, y-yes. I mean…I am, but my friend Simon is m-my cousin, you see,” he said, clearly lying.
“Your cousin?” she asked.
“Indeed. That is why I call him a friend. If he was a brother, I would have spoken of him as my brother, but with cousins it is just different, you know. Well, Simon is my cousin,” he said.
“Your cousin…” she repeated, trying to discern between all these strange things that were being said. She no longer trusted him hardly at all and wondered what else he had been lying about. There was so much that she could not verify and Ellie was certain that Mr. Potts simply did not want her to know whatever truth it was that lay beneath the surface of his words. She could hardly bear to stand there any longer, living with these evident untruths.
“Forgive me, Miss Windsor, I know that I am confusing you. I think of Simon as a friend before I think of him as family. That is all I meant about it,” he said.
It was too late. Ellie no longer trusted him. She calmly stood in a poised fashion, stopping in the middle of their walk.
“I beg your pardon, Mr. Potts, but I have just realized that today is not a good day for me to go for our walk. My aunt is likely to return from town early. I ought to leave,” she said.
“N-no, please, Miss Windsor. I promise you, I am just not good with my words at the moment,” he said, clearly anxious and disappointed.
“It is perfectly fine, Mr. Potts, but I ought to be going,” she said.
Before he could say another word, Ellie had turned and started to run. She did not expect him to come after her. He was more respectful than that, but she had to go.
Chapter 24
Sitting in Katherine’s room, Ellie was in no mood to exchange pleasantries. She only wanted Katherine to know how desperate she was for a bit of peace. No matter how much had passed between the two cousins and no matter how much Katherine’s mother might have her own issues with the two girls, Ellie was upset and just needed a friend.
“Tell me what is wrong, Eleanor. I can see that you are upset, but I do not believe I have ever seen you like this. There has to be something going on to make you this way. I cannot figure out what it is,” Katherine said.
“I know, I know. I am so sorry, Katherine,” she said through the tears that were choking her throat.
“So, tell me. What has happened?” Katherine asked, more sensitively than Ellie had ever experienced from her cousin.
“It is the strangest thing, to be honest. I never thought I could feel the way I am feeling now. This is unlike any pain I have ever experienced and it is absolutely dreadful,” she said.
“Oh, dear. Ellie, is this what I think it is?” Katherine asked.
“That all depends. What do you think it is?” Ellie asked, nervously.
“Are you…are you in love?” Katherine finally asked her.
At that, Ellie broke down. She could hardly contain herself or the emotions which threatened her. She truly meant it. She had never been this way before, had never experienced love or affection, particularly in such a way that it affected her like this.
“Oh, Ellie!” Katherine exclaimed, throwing her arms around Ellie in a comforting embrace. “I am so sorry. I should have figured it out sooner. I knew something was different and I assumed that there was a gentleman involved, but I had no idea that you were in such a state. Please, tell me what is going on. Tell me why you are so upset and what has happened. Is he a good man? Has he been good to you? Or is there something wrong with him?”
“No, there is nothing wro—” she was desperate to finish her sentence, to say that there was nothing wrong with Mr. Potts. But that was not true. There was something very wrong with him, she simply did not know what it was.
“Ellie, you can tell me the truth,” Katherine said.
“It is so complicated, Katherine. I do not know what is wrong with him. I wish that I could tell you everything is fine and well, but the truth is that he is hiding something and I do not know what,” she said.
“Very well, but you must tell me more about him, Ellie. I am worried because I do not know anything about it. What is going on?” Katherine asked.
“He is a very nice man, Katherine. And I assure you that nothing improper has occurred,” she said, taking a deep breath. “But he and I have crossed paths a few times now. We have so much in common and it is wonderful. You cannot imagine how nice it is to be similar to someone else like this. In all that time, however, I have struggled to learn whether or not he is being honest with me.”
“You think he is lying? What sort of lies? And why would he lie to you? What might he be hiding?” Katherine asked.
“That is an excellent question. I wish that I knew. At the moment, I have nothing but suspicions and it is dreadful. But I think he is still good, even if he is lying. I cannot imagine him being anything other than wonderful, that is the worst problem of it all,” she said.
“Tell me more about him, Ellie. You are still not being…you are still not clear,” Katherine said.
“I know, I know. It is hard to say what all there is to him,” she said, not wanting Katherine to know everything. Ellie still feared what her aunt would say if Katherine mentioned this. She would be furious at Ellie for speaking with another man.
“So?” Katherine prodded.
“All that matters is that I have crossed paths with him a few times and I do think that I love him, but I do not have time to find out if it could ever be anything because I am supposed to be marri
ed off to Wendell Carruthers as soon as he proposes,” she said.
“Ellie, whatever my mother wants for you and Mr. Carruthers, if you find another man, I do not think she would refuse,” Katherine said.
Ellie needed only to give her a faint glare for Katherine to relent.
“All right, fine. Maybe she would be furious. You know what she is like, but it hardly matters. If you are in love with someone else, is it not worth fighting for?” Katherine asked.
“Of course it is worth fighting for, but only if he agrees. I do not know if he does and I do not know if he really has been honest with me yet. So, you see, I can hardly be sure as to whether or not there really ever will be anything between myself and him,” Ellie said.
“You had best find out soon enough. The best thing I can think is for you to be open with my mother. See if she will allow you to invite this man around for dinner with our family. My mother would probably be willing to at least give you that opportunity,” Katherine said.
“But, how can I? If he has been dishonest and that comes out whilst he is here? Your mother would be humiliated and furious. And if all this ruins her relationship with Mrs. Carruthers? I would never be forgiven,” Ellie said.
“What sort of dishonesty do you fear he has shown? Is it really so bad that you are willing to lose something you deem so precious? If he is the man you ought to spend your life with, would it not be worth taking this risk in order to find out?” Katherine asked.
Ellie had to consider that. It was extremely difficult to discern the answer to Katherine’s question. She really did want to do the right thing, but it made her ache to consider the possibility that she might ruin it all by presenting Mr. Potts before her aunt when she still did not know him well enough to do so.
And if Mr. Potts did turn out to be either married or caught up in some other, more heinous deviance, she could not bear the consequences of loving someone who was so willing to trick her. She could not handle the thought that she had made a fool out of herself for the sake of love when the man was not whom he claimed to be.
Whatever tragedy and shame she could possibly face, nothing would be so awful as a broken heart. There was no consequence from her aunt that could compare to that.
“Give me some time, Katherine. Just two weeks. Let me figure out whether or not he is being honest with me. I do not believe Wendell will propose in that short a time,” she said, hoping.
“All right. You have two weeks, but, after that, I expect you to ask Mother if you can have this man around. I am giving you no promises about Wendell. He may very well propose sooner than that and, once he does, Mother will expect you to accept. You have few choices at hand now, Ellie. Make wise ones,” Katherine urged.
“I know, I know,” she mumbled.
“Well, here it is that you have two potential husbands and I have none. Mother would certainly be displeased with me in that regard,” Katherine said.
“You think so? Your mother does not mind having you at home. She loves doting on you. I know she would love for you to make an advantageous match, but when you really think about it, I believe she is just as happy for you to be here as she would be for you to have any other opportunity,” Ellie said.
“Ha! That is what you think, but I can assure you it is far from the truth. Believe me, my mother wants nothing so much as for me to marry. True, it has nothing to do with getting me out of the house, but she absolutely wants me to find a match so that I do not have to depend upon her and my father. She believes that she can find me a noble husband and that it will boost the reputation of our whole family,” she said.
“And why does your family even need the boost? You are already perfectly wealthy,” Ellie said.
“Not really, Ellie. Yes, we have money, but we are far from rich. And everyone knows that a title will get you more in this world than anything else. She wants us to have that. She wants to be able to brag to her friends that I am married to some baron or other,” Katherine said.
“And what is the latest in her search? Last I know, she wanted you to marry Lord Wells,” Ellie said.
“Ha! Lord Wells was the lowliest of barons, not nearly fit for my mother’s taste.” Katherine laughed. “Honestly, there are times when I would love for her to allow me a simple marriage to someone like Wendell Carruthers. Even if I have no interest in that man, it would be better than hunting for someone who is far above our station. I tire of it. I just want to be married.”
“Do you not want to be married to the right man, though? Someone you can truly love and care for? He has to be out there, Katherine. I am sure of it. Why would you risk winding up with someone who does not truly fit you when there could be someone far better out there?” Ellie asked.
“It is simple, Eleanor. I have to marry one way or another. If my mother thinks that she can hold out for someone better, she will do so. You know, there are four balls coming up over the next two weeks and she has told me which man to flirt with at each of them? She expects that one of those men will express enough interest that I may leave the others behind. Or that they shall all express interest in which case I am to choose whomever has the highest status and the best reputation,” Katherine said.
“What if you attend a ball and meet an even lowlier baron and you fall in love? He would still be titled and you would be happy. Will she not account for that possibility?” Ellie asked.
“She will not give me such an opportunity. Mother very cleverly crafts my dance cards so that I dance only with those of whom she approves and the others are generally cousins on my father’s side or other men who would never even consider me in such a light as romance. It is all a game to her,” Katherine said.
“I cannot bear the thought of it, Katherine. I am truly sorry that you have to go through all that. It is incredibly unfortunate,” Ellie said.
“Yes, it is, but so be it. Anyway, all that to say that you should actually be happy that you are getting to choose between the man you want and the man she wants for you. It is better than what some of the other options could be,” Katherine said.
She was right. It really was a better option. Ellie was thankful that Katherine had helped her see this reality. No matter how difficult things might be for her, at least she had the opportunity to choose between a decent man she did not care for romantically and a man she loved. Katherine was forced to continue competing against herself to find men who were her superiors.
Ellie knew well that men like that were generally arrogant and full of their own pride and love for themselves. Did that mean Katherine was being forced to try and prove herself to haughty men with ugly character? Was she forced to try and make them like her even though she greatly disliked them? It was certainly possible and, if it was the case, Ellie felt terribly sad for her.
No matter the cost of the life Ellie was trying to live and the life she had hopes for, she really was fortunate in many ways and had to bear it in mind.
“Thank you, Katherine,” she said. “Thank you for helping me see that I have an opportunity and I should not take it for granted.”
“I hope you bear it in mind and make choices which benefit you as a result of it,” Katherine replied.
In that moment, Ellie vowed to herself that she would.
Chapter 25
Jonathan was determined to make things right with Miss Windsor. He had ruined everything. In his attempts to gain her trust before revealing the truth, he had only managed to alienate her further. Instead of drawing her near, he had pushed her farther away.
He had to fix matters. He was going to see her again the next day and intended to finally tell her the truth. It would be easy. All he would have to do is say that he wanted her to know him for who he really was before telling her anything about something so small and silly as his reputation and status in society. He wanted her to know the things which were important to him as opposed to the things which hardly mattered.
