The Bargain

by Jessica N. Lane

  We entered through the iron gate, and Adam helped each of us out of the carriage, not releasing his hold on my hand eve once I was safely on the ground. Hand-in-hand, we led my brothers and sisters inside.

  “The house is large enough that each of you may have your own room; you can have your picks of the ones on the second level,” Adam announced to the children. Back home, the six of us had all slept in one bedroom and since this winter had been particularly cold, we'd dragged our lumpy, old mattress into the living room to sleep as near to the fireplace as possible. The joy on the twins and Amelia's faces warmed my heart. Peter just continued to glower.

  “Okay,” I began, placing a sleeping Clara in the bassinet Amelia had carried in. “Why don't the three of you go get your things settled in your new rooms upstairs while I whip us all up something for dinner. Peter, you don't mind giving me a hand, do you?” I didn't give him a chance to protest before I turned to stride into the kitchen. I heard three sets of footsteps rushing up the stairs, and Adam leave through the front door, presumably to put the horse and carriage away.

  “Out with it Peter. What's the matter with you?” I demanded, pulling ingredients from the well-stocked cupboards.

  “What's the matter with me? No, Lira, what's the matter with you? For once in your life, why couldn't you just do something normal?”

  “Normal?”

  “Selfish,” he hissed out in frustration, placing a pot beneath the indoor water pump, and filling it with water before placing it atop the wood-burning stove. “You did this for us. I know you did, and God only knows what it's going to cost you. So forgive me if I'm not keen on watching my sister submit herself to a tyrant just so that she could do what she's always done; take care of everyone besides herself.”

  “He isn't a tyrant, Pete,” I said gently, coming over to hug him around the shoulders. “And I appreciate you being worried for me, but you really don't have to be. Adam is a good man, you'll see.”

  “I hope you're right,” my brother murmured.

  Chapter 4

  It became clear to me within five minutes of being in Adam's kitchen that my talent for making something out of nothing would be of no use to me here. The pantry and cupboards were stocked with fresh fruits and vegetables of every kind, varieties of breads, nuts, meats, and cheeses I'd never even seen before. But old habits seemed to die hard, and Peter and I ended up with some kind of concoction of sausage, ground beef, rice, and beans that I prayed tasted edible. I'd also gotten a little creative, and tried my hand at brewing a batch of hot apple cider the way I'd seen Papa do one harvest time when we'd had a few extra pennies to spare. It was a rare treat back then, but as of today, the days of rarities were behind us.

  Peter and I dished up the food, and carried it into the dining room. It was as beautifully-decorated as the rest of the house, yet also managed to not feel cold. There was an... openness about this house and its owner that had always made me feel right at home. And now, this was my home.

  “Careful,” I cautioned the twins as I handed them the fine china we'd dished dinner into. My search for cheaper dishware had proven futile. “And mind the tablecloth. It's silk, and we wouldn't want to spill anything on it.”

  “They'll be fine, Lira; they're kids. Accidents happen,” Adam told me with that smile of his when I handed him his dinner, leaning forward, and surprising me with a kiss on the cheek when I bent down to place the bowl in front of him. “You worry too much.”

  I managed a shaky smile before moving to my own seat. What had just happened? Mr. Marshal- Adam had been behaving strangely ever since we'd left the magistrate's office. A lingering look here, a touch there, and now that kiss? It was all so confusing, especially for a marriage that was supposed to just exist on paper, and not in our hearts.

  I distracted myself from my musings by feeding Clara bits of food in between eating myself. My hodgepodge of a dish had turned out better than I could have eve expected, and the kids wolfed down the food with gusto. It had been so long since any of us had had a hot meal, and I had to caution them repeatedly not to eat too much too soon or else the hardy food would make them sick.

  “I can't really blame them for wanting to eat the whole bowl all at once. This is delicious, Lira, Peter. Thank you for making it,” Adam spoke sincerely.

  An involuntary smile curved my lips in response to the praise. In a way, I'd known it was coming; from the day I'd started working here, Mr. Marshall had praised the way I cleaned his home as if I'd just painted a masterpiece. He'd always taken the time to make me feel appreciated while all of my other clients seemed to go out of their way to make me feel invisible.

  The house boasted not one, but two bathrooms with indoor plumbing, which were two more than we were used to having, and after dinner had been eaten, and Adam insisted on doing the dishes himself, the children and I made good use of them. I asked Peter to supervise Sammy and Joshua in the bathroom downstairs while Clara, Amelia and I retreated to the one upstairs. The gleaming-white, claw-foot tub was so large that the three of us easily fit inside it. How many times had I fantasized about bathing in this tub while cleaning the bathroom? I took my time cleaning mine and the girls' hair thoroughly, removing every speck of dirt and every tangle. The variety of sweet-smelling soaps and lotions on the little table beside the tub were put to good use. By the time we got out, the water had turned a murky brown. We'd done our best to keep ourselves clean, but there was only so much you could do with a pale of icy water, a holey rag, and a sliver of homemade soap that needs to last six people at least a week.

  “Do you love him?” Amelia's voice had come out so soft that I hardly heard her. I paused in drying her ebony curls.

  “What?”

  “Mr. Marshall, do you love him?” She asked again.

  I caught her eyes in the mirror, and the wisdom in them surprised me. Perhaps my little sister wasn't as naive as I thought she was. “What sort of question is that, Amelia?” I asked on a laugh that didn't quite manage to sound humorous.

  Clara nodding off in her arms, Amelia turned around to face me. “It's just a question. A question that I think your stalling has already given me an answer to. Lira, how? How could you marry someone that you aren't in love with? I couldn't bear it.” She stepped forward, and hugged me around the middle with her free arm.

  I patted he head comfortingly, and then leaned down until the two of us were at eye-level. “When you love someone as much as I love you, Clara and our brothers, you'd be surprised what you're able to bear,” I told her with a small smile, deliberately leaving out the fact that it wasn't me who didn't love Adam, but the other way around. The reality of the situation was just too sad.

  A half hour later, I was kissing the twins goodnight on their foreheads. Though they'd been told they were welcome to have their own rooms, they'd chosen to remain together. “Sweet dreams, boys. I love you,” I told them, receiving twin echos of “I love you too” as I stepped out into the hallway. I'd already issued goodnights and kisses to Amelia and Peter's foreheads, even though the latter had protested, and wiped my kiss away the second it was bestowed.

  Teenagers.

  I carried Clara downstairs in my arms since she was still a little too young to sleep so far away from me for my tastes. I'd set up a little nursery for her across the hall from the bedroom I'd now be sharing with Adam. I swallowed thickly. I knew what would happen tonight; what Adam would expect from me, and what role I'd now have to fill in his bed as his wife, and to say I was nervous would have been an understatement. What if it hurt as much as some of the girls in the village said it would? What if I couldn't please him? What if I couldn't produce an heir like his first wife? Would he turn me away? Throw us all out onto the street?

  My hands were trembling by the time I laid a sleeping Clara down in her bassinet. I took a deep breath to try to calm myself. I tried to recall what my mother had told me about intimacies between husbands and wives instead of the gossip I'd overheard in the village streets.


  “When it's right, it's magical,” I whispered to myself. I placed a kiss on the tip of Clara's nose, and walked out into the hallway, all-the-while, telling myself to be brave. The room was bathed in candlelight when I crossed the threshold. Adam was sitting there at the foot of the four-poster bed; his shirt was missing, but thankfully his pants were still where they should be. I didn't think I could handle anymore at the moment, not if the fact that I'd forgotten how to breathe for a second at the sight of his chest was any indication. I hesitated for only a moment before I moved deeper into the room.

  Adam stood from where he sat, and met me half-way. He didn't stop until there was barely an inch of space between us. “I don't like that,” Adam murmured as he brought his hand forward to free my hair from its ever-present bun at the nape of my neck.

  “What?”

  “The fear in your eyes. You never need to fear anything ever again, Lira, least of all me. I would never... could never hurt you.”

  His touch when he cupped my face between both his hands, and the look in his eyes that were fixated solely on me were both so gentle that I had no reason to doubt him, and when his lips touched mine for the first time, I knew what my mother had meant about magic.

  Chapter 5

  It was definitely the smells that awakened me the next morning. Honestly, who could remain asleep once that delicious myriad of aromas met their noses? It took me a couple of seconds to realize that what I was smelling were the scents of breakfast, and that I'd overslept. I bolted upright in bed, and was about to throw the cover off of my still-naked form when the voice of my new husband halted me.

  “Freeze Mrs. Marshall,” he spoke playfully from where he stood in the doorway holding a silver tray laden with food. “I come bearing breakfast.”

  “I'm so sorry that I overslept. I promise it'll never happen again,” I apologized.

  Adam gave me an odd look. He placed the tray on my lap before climbing into bed next to me. “Lira, it's fine. You're my wife not my cook.”

  “But what about what you said yesterday about a clean house, meals, an... an heir.” I felt my face heat slightly as I said the word, ridiculous considering what we'd done last night.

  “I do want all those things, but, Lira, I don't expect you to just cook and clean, and bear me children. Although, I would love to pick up working on that last one again as soon as possible.” he leaned over to trail a trio of kisses up my neck, drawing a giggle from me in response. “But, Lira, I want you to be you. I want you to feel safe and happy here, and free to do as you please. Starting with eating this breakfast since you dropped with exhaustion less than a full day ago.”

  It did look delicious. There were scrambled eggs, thick cuts of fried ham, fresh strawberries, and buttery biscuits topped with sweet syrup. Beside the plate of food on the tray sat an elegant teacup containing liquid too dark and too robust-smelling to be tea.

  “You really made all of this yourself?” I asked, unable to keep the little bit of skepticism out of my voice.

  He gave me a sheepish look. “Well, Peter and Amelia may have helped me... a lot,” he finished on a laugh.

  “The kids,” I said just now remembering them. “I should go see to them.” I placed my hands on either side of the tray to remove it from my lap, but

  “Already taken care of. They're at the table eating. All except Clara; she's still asleep. They're all dressed in the new clothes we picked up for them in town after visiting the magistrate yesterday, and their tutors should be arriving shortly.”

  “Tutors?” I asked.

  “Yes. They're all different ages, so I though it would best to give them separate instruction. One tutor for the twins, another for Amelia, and another for Peter. I hope I'm not overstepping. It's just that the village has no formal schooling system, and I want those children to have the best possible chance in life.”

  I just stared speechless for a long moment before I found my voice again. “No, it's fine, it's... better than fine actually. It's the most amazing thing anyone's ever done for them.”

  “You'll have to forgive me if I beg to differ, Love,” he said meaningfully, referring to me agreeing to marry him yesterday. What would he say if I told him that it wasn't such a sacrifice on my end, that I loved him, and had for years, that I had given myself to him last night not because I had to, but because I wanted to. I brought that dangerous train of thought to a screeching halt before it even left the station. Because I already knew what he'd say. He'd tell me that this was a bargain, not a romance; that he didn't, and could never love me.

  And that would break my heart.

  So instead, I offered him a smile that I hoped looked at least part way convincing, and continued. “What you're doing for them is... it's more than we ever could have hoped for, but please don't feel as if you're obligated to do things like that just because we're married. The children are my siblings, which means they're my responsibility.”

  “You're right. They are your responsibility, but the moment I married you, they became my responsibility too, my family. Trust me. I want to take care of you and them. Speaking of which,” he said with a speaking glance down at my still-untouched breakfast.

  With a small smile, I obediently popped a fork-full of fluffy eggs into my mouth, and moaned out my satisfaction. I tried the biscuits next, and then the drink he'd brought me. My eyes widened after the first sip, and I hummed in delight. “This is delicious. What is this?”

  “The owner of the little shop I bought it from in the next village called it coffee, I think.”

  I glanced out the window, and judged the hour to be around ten in the morning. I didn't need to be at the Michaelson house until eleven, and now that I didn't have to trudge there from all the way on the other side of the village, I wouldn't have to leave so early. I would have to get a move on soon if I wanted to make it on time though. Adam and I polished off breakfast, and feeling bold, I leaned over to give him a quick kiss on the cheek. “Thank you so much for breakfast; it was great, but I really should be getting ready now, or I'll be late for work.”

  Chapter 6

  “Work?” Adam asked incredulously.

  Reading his tone loud and clear, I replied, “Don't worry. I'll be sure not to let it interfere with my wifely duties. I could even take the children with me if you'd prefer so that they wouldn't disturb you,” I rushed to say as I shrugged into the plainest of the mountain of dresses he'd bought me yesterday, a dark-gray, smock-style with long sleeves that wouldn't show the dirt from cleaning houses all day. I tried to make my words as convincing as possible all-the-while knowing what Adam's reaction to them would be.

  “No.”

  “No?” I asked, a bit confused by the word at first. It was like I didn't know the meaning of it. I'd never been a child who needed much correcting, but the handful of times my father or mother had done so, the word no had sparked something in me that made me want to do whatever I'd been told no to ten times more.

  “No, Lira, I won't have it. My wife scrubbing and dusting for others like some kind of-”

  “Excuse me? Because that's exactly what I was doing before yesterday. Like some kind of what? Some penniless little peasant girl? Well, if you were so ashamed of me why did you marry me in the first place? I'll just get out of your sight then to be sure I don't repulse you any further.” I turned to leave the room, but I felt his hand encircle my wrist a moment later. The grip wasn't tight enough to be painful, but it was definitely enough to communicate the message that my swift retreat had just been thwarted. I tried to yank my arm away, and in response, Adam pulled me flush against his chest. I beat against it, continually trying and failing to put some distance between us, because that was the only way this could work.

  That was the only way I could get through this sham of a marriage without getting my heart broken.

  “Let me go!” I demanded.

  “Never,” came Adam's almost-growled response. He then coaxed a squeak of surprise out of me by hauling me against him, and
carrying me the few steps to the bed before tossing me onto the mattress, and following after me, his strong body caging me on either side. “Repulsed by the sight of you,” he panted into my face. His breath was warm, and smelled of mint. A humorless chuckle crawled up his throat. The sound was deep and dark, and caused muscles far in my lower belly to clench. “Don't you see, Lira, I've been enchanted by the sight of you from the moment I saw you in the village square five years ago.”

  “But you were married,” I blurted out, my mouth working faster than my mind.

  Bringing up the man's dead wife. Surefire way to kill the moment.

  Adam shook his head. “Things aren't always as they appear, Love. My first marriage was one that existed on paper only. It was arranged by our families. Hers was in need of my family's funding, and my father wanted access to her father's railroad. There was no love between us; Abigail and I were both in agreement on that, but ours was a deep friendship, and I respected her and you enough not to act on what I felt for you.”

  He brought his hand forward to tenderly wind one of my onyx curls around his finger. “But when you came to work her, having you in my home everyday, so close, but still just beyond my reach... I couldn't stand it anymore.”

  His words were everything I wanted to hear, but part of me... a very large part of me, was reluctant to accept them as fact. If having my parents stolen from me... -having to watch the both of them waste away right before my eyes- had taught me anything, it was that when things seemed too good to be true, like my family -poor yet blissfully happy because at least we had each other- it was because they were.

  “But you said it yourself yesterday. You said that this was a bargain; that all you needed from me was an heir, and your house kept,” I protested weakly.

  “I was dishonest with you yesterday, Lira, and for that, I cannot say that I am sorry. That would just be another lie. I needed to make sure you couldn't say no; I couldn't risk scaring you away with all of this. I meant everything else though. I will take care of you and your siblings for the rest of my days, but I want more from you than just a bargain, Lira. I... can you give me that? Can you at least try?”