The Bargain

by Jessica N. Lane

  “Do what? Care about my wife?”Adam asked incredulously.

  I shook my head. “No. I mean that you don't have to do things like call me beautiful. I know that I'm not, so your flattery is wasted.” My voice was quiet as I turned away to gaze into the fireplace, but not before I saw a bewildered expression steal across his face.

  With a gentle nudge of his thumb, he coaxed my head back around by my chin until I facing him again. “I call you beautiful simply because you are. Do you honestly think that you're not?” He asked skeptically.

  I shrugged. “My mother was a great beauty.”

  Adam nodded once in agreement. “She was, and so are you.”

  “Not like her,” I mumbled. I'd heard it enough in my life to take it as fact by now. Not from my parents, of course, but as evidenced by our most recent excursion to the village square, whispering was apparently a lost art, and people were all too willing to express their opinions of what a poor duplicate I made of my mother.

  “No, not like her. Like you, and Lira, from my first glimpse of you, I knew you were the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen.”

  I snorted. “Your love has made you blind,” I teased. However, the reddening of my cheeks was evidence enough of how flattered I was by his words.

  “Hmmm. Blind, no. Deliriously happy? Unequivocally yes.” He leaned in to kiss me, and I leaned forward to meet him half way, but a second before our lips met, the sound of a repetitive banging floated into our bedroom through the closed door, making us pause.

  Reluctant yet curious, I climbed out of bed, and began dressing, noticing Adam doing the same. When we were both fully clothed, we left our bedroom, and followed the sound of the banging to its source in the kitchen. There, we discovered a peculiar sight. It was Peter focused intently on his task of reinforcing one of the pantry shelves with a pair of nails.

  I didn't want him to be startled, and end up hurting himself, so I waited until he completed his task to make our presence known. “Morning, Pete, what are you up to?”

  He turned around to face us, looking a little sheepish at being caught in the act of completing the good deed. “Um, I just noticed that the shelf was loose yesterday, and figured I'd take care of it,” he explained as he passed Adam back his hammer. “No big deal; we're family,” he said with a shrug before walking swiftly out of the room.

  I just smiled after him, knowing that him fixing Adam's pantry shelf was more than just him lending a hand. It was an olive branch of sorts, a sign that Adam had gained his approval.

  ***

  A week later, while the children were busy with their tutors and their lessons, I ventured on a walk outside, and found Adam working away on something in the mammoth shed at the back of the property where he kept the horse, carriage, wood for the fireplaces, and all manner of other things. He was kneeling in the hay in front of the small fireplace at the back of the structure so intent on whatever he was working on that he didn't even notice me approaching. A hammer, still giving off a faint, orange glow from being heated by the fire laid discarded in the hay beside him.

  “Keeping secrets already?” I asked teasingly.

  He grinned roguishly at me from over his shoulder, and gestured for me to join him on the ground, taking my hand when I was close enough, and pulling me down to sit in his lap. “I'd meant to save this for Christmas morning tomorrow, but since my dear wife thinks I'm not to be trusted,” he began jokingly, producing a necklace from the palm of the hand he'd kept hidden thus far.

  A gleeful gasp escaped me as stared down at the gleaming bear pendant made of solid silver attached to a silver chain that winked up at me from his tanned palm. Adam clasped the necklace around my neck, his fingers taking the time to caress my skin upon their retreat. The significance of the gift wasn't lost on me. A bear, just like in the story he'd told the children that was so much like our own. The story where true love broke a curse, and a peasant and her prince lived happily ever after.

  I placed the tips of my fingers against the little bear lovingly as I turned in my husband's arms to smile up at him.

  “I don't believe I'm cursed anymore. How could I when the same fate I'd once thought cursed me gave me you? But just in case,” I said as I produced the scarf that was the same gray as his eyes that I'd been knitting for a week from the over-sized pocket of the coat Adam had gotten me. “There'll be no fever for you like the one that took my father,” I said sternly as if with that scarf and the determination behind my words alone, I could make death itself cower in fear. I wound the scarf around his neck.

  “I'm not going anywhere, Lira. I'll never leave you, I swear it,” he vowed, cupping my face in his palm, and holding my unwavering gaze with his own.

  I snorted. “As if I'd let you.”

  I leaned in to press my lips to Adams, and he met me half way. This marriage certainly wasn't shaping up to be all that I bargained for... it was even better.

  The End.

  About The Author

  Hi; I'm Jessica. In a nutshell I'm just a hopeless romantic with a wandering mind and a big imagination who's grateful to God for her gift of storytelling. I've been blessed with a mind and imagination inclined toward all things artistic, so I think a creative career was always meant for me. I've been writing since I was a kid, but I didn't start seriously contemplating becoming an author until I was in college. If you enjoyed this story, don't forget to take a second to write a review. Getting feedback from you guys is so rewarding.

  I love hearing from you guys, so feel free to email me at darlingpen2@gmail.com. Thank you guys for all your love and support. I love each and every one of you.

  How Knowing, Accepting, & Loving Myself

  Made Me an Author

  My Backstory

  It's not easy being different. I know this first-hand, and man did I struggle a lot growing up. I was born with albinism. It's a pretty rare situation that basically manifests itself physically, at least in my case, in two defining ways: though I'm African-American, I have little to no pigment in my skin, hair, or eyes, and my eyesight is severely impaired. I had a fantastic support system of family at home, and my mother gave me the gift of teaching me about Christ at an early age, but the teasing I endured at school and in public really did a number on me, and effected the way I saw myself as a kid, teen, and even as a young adult. I sank into a deep, scary depression that got so painful that I contemplated suicide on a regular basis from the ages of nine to sixteen.

  Yeah. Those were really dark days, but the one bright spot during this dreary period in my life was Christ. I always had a strong faith, but it wasn't until I was about sixteen or seventeen that I started to develop my own relationship with God. As soon as I began talking to God through prayer about whatever was on my heart instead of just going through the motions, as soon as I began reading my Bible with the intention of actually hearing from God through his word instead of just reading for the sake of saying I had read, as soon as I opened myself up to the unconditional, all-consuming love of Christ, I began to feel better.

  All of a sudden, I began to bloom. It didn't happen overnight, and it was far from easy, but I put in the work, and now, as I sit here writing this in my twenty-fourth year of life on this planet, I can honestly say that I'm “there” emotionally. Meaning, I love myself completely. That's a big deal for me, and kind of mind-boggling for me to think about, especially when I think back to how hopeless I used to feel, and how damaged my self-image was.

  I began to appreciate the people God had placed in my life to love and support me. I also began to discover the unique gifts and talents that I was gifted, and began to explore them fearlessly. That's how my creativity was set free, and the rest is history. But I never would have even attempted writing if it wasn't for the breakthrough I had as a teen. I wouldn't have felt worthy enough to attempt something like that, because I didn't know, accept, or love myself. I began writing at the age of sixteen or seventeen after discovering my God-given gift of storytelling.

  E
verybody deserves to have this feeling, to wake up every morning full of joy, hope, love, and feeling great about themselves. That's why I'm writing this. If you're ready to shift your thinking, and put in the work, you can be freed from everything that's holding you back in life. The way we see ourselves effects so much more than we realize. Seeing yourself through God's eyes will allow you to blossom into the person you were created to be.

  Knowing Yourself

  The first step in loving yourself is getting to know yourself, and what better way to do that than to go right to the source? Who better to tell you who you are than the one who created you? Instead of believing what others say about you, or the unkind things you may tend to think about yourself from time to time, believe what God has said about you in his word.

  One of my favorite scriptures that has really helped me, and continues to encourage me when I'm feeling particularly down on myself, is Psalm 139: 14 – I will praise you, Lord, because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. This means that each of us is exactly as we should be inside and out. That means that things like my albinism and shy personality are intentional aspects of my being, not flaws or mistakes. God created each of us with a unique set of physical and personality traits, skills, dreams, etc. The point is that we're all exactly who God intended us to be, so we need to start learning about ourselves with an attitude of complete acceptance and love, rather than coming from a place of judgment.

  One of the reasons I love to journal so much is because it helps me get to know myself. I sometimes dedicate journal entries to declaring to myself who I am. This is simply me making a list of all the positive things I think about myself. I really encourage you to do the same. Begin today. Just pick up your journal, a clean sheet of paper, or the back of a grocery receipt, and start seeing yourself in a positive light. Here's what one of my lists looks like-

  Daily Declarations : Taking Time to Stop & Declare Who I Am

  (10,15,15)

  I am

  kind,

  smart,

  beautiful inside and out,

  brave,

  forgiving,

  strong,

  talented,

  whimsical,

  joyful,

  capable,

  Creative,

  Loving,

  blessed & highly favored by God,

  Worthy.

  Giving each word or phrase its own line gives it more impact for me, but make your list however you want. This activity will begin to adjust how you see yourself, and help you get to know the amazing person God has made you.

  As you learn more about yourself, you'll begin to discover your gifts. We all have many; we just have to recognize them. Maybe you're extremely caring, or a gifted guitarist, or a great cook. Maybe you give great advice, are a talented writer, or are a pro when it comes to repairing anything and everything. All your gifts don't have to be big, grand things. I love the fact that I'm a good listener as much as the fact that I'm a talented storyteller. It all comes together to make me who I am, and the same goes for you.

  Accepting Yourself

  When you have discovered who you are, it's time to accept yourself for who you are. I mentioned my shy nature earlier. I had to learn that it's okay to be shy. It's just part of who I am like anything else, and I had to embrace it. All my life, I'd been told that I was too quiet, or that I needed to come out of my shell, but I realized that God gives each of us a unique personality, and we don't all have to act the same way, or enjoy the same activities.

  I have grown to love the fact that I am shy. Instead of longing to be more extroverted, and becoming frustrated with myself when I failed to do so, I began accepting my shy nature, and thinking of all the ways it benefited my life. I'm very independent, and know how to enjoy my own company. I've developed a wide variety of skills and interests, and I'm also a great listener. I contribute all these great traits to my introverted personality, and don't think that I would have any of them if I hadn't spent so much time quietly observing, daydreaming, and getting to know myself. I've also learned a skill that some people take their whole lives to master. I know when to shut up. There's a time to be bold, and speak out, but most of the time, it pays to keep your cool.

  The same goes for my albinism. I used to see it as... well, almost as a curse. It was hard not to when all I could do was look at myself with eyes constantly hunting for what was wrong with me instead of what was right with me. On the surface, I have grown to love how unique I look. I have an ethereal beauty all my own, and I can finally see it for the blessing that it is. On a deeper level, I'm grateful for the unbreakable strength I've gained through overcoming the unique challenges albinism presented me with. I also have a very determined spirit, and a mind that quickly comes up with solutions and different ways of doing things, because I've had to develop those traits out of necessity. I'm also very empathetic to the plights of others, because I know what it feels like to be misunderstood or ostracized for no reason.

  Once you accept yourself, you start to realize that the flaws you think you have aren't truly flaws at all. They're just part of what makes you who you are.

  Think of something right now that you think of as a personal flaw. Write it down, and then list all the reasons why it's actually an asset, just like I did above with my shyness and albinism. Begin to see it in a positive way, because that's what God intended for it to be. All things work together for the good of those that love the Lord, Romans 8:28. Even the horrific things that happen to us as we go through life are meant to make us stronger, to help us relate to, and help, others, to turn us into warriors for causes nearest to our hearts. Accepting yourself also means forgiving yourself, and others, for the past. You have to let those things go in order to embrace your future. God already knows all your mistakes, and loves you anyway. Ask for forgiveness, take it as a learning experience, and move on better and stronger for it.

  Loving Yourself

  Learning to love yourself is such a freeing experience. Once you give yourself permission to see yourself the way God sees you, your entire outlook shifts. By loving yourself, you make it possible for others to love you in return, and you now know how you should and shouldn't be treated by the people in your life.

  Not only that, but with this new-found confidence, a whole new world of possibilities opens up for you. You'll begin to believe in yourself and in the calling you were born to answer. I believe that our purpose in, and the meaning of, life is to love. We're meant to love God, love others, love ourselves, etc. Part of that is finding and doing things that we love. I've found my calling in storytelling in all ways, shapes, and forms, but I never would have had the confidence to answer my calling if I hadn't begun this journey of self-love. I would have been too afraid of the judgments of others. Now, I have so much confidence in myself and my God-given abilities that the opinions of others are of little consequence to me. I know that I am gifted and capable of doing whatever I set my mind to, and so are you.

  To this day, there are still people who try to tear me down, or make me feel inferior, but it's a wasted effort on their part, because I now know, accept, and love who I am. I'm learning, accepting, and loving new things about myself on a daily basis, and highly recommend daily prayer, journaling, and reading of your Bible so that you can continue to make progress.

  I never would have reached my full potential if I hadn't learned what I hope I've begun to show you through sharing my story, and what I've learned through my struggles. You are so much more than just a number on a scale, a score on a test, a reflection in a mirror, or someone's opinion of you. You are the child of the God who created everything seen and unseen. The same artist who placed the stars in the sky, crafted each flower petal, and designed the intricate beauty of sunrises and sunsets hand-picked each and every part of you inside and out. What's not to love?

 

 

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