All the Reasons I Need

by Jaime Clevenger

  “Do you want to play Ping-Pong?”

  Kate looked up at Mo.

  “I thought you might want to brush up before the tournament.”

  Whatever her reason for coming back, Kate was certain that a game of Ping-Pong wasn’t it. “You think I’m the one who needs to brush up on my game?”

  “Maybe I need to do the brushing up.” She sat down on the chair next to Kate. “Actually I came back because I don’t want to fight with you. And I don’t even know why we were fighting.”

  “I don’t want to fight either.” Kate wanted to wrap her arms around Mo. Instead she held up her phone. The picture of Peeves peeing on a tire was still on the screen. “Look what my house sitter sent me.”

  The car attached to the tire was a fancy BMW and the message below the picture said: Have you ever noticed how he always pees on the nicest cars on the street?

  Mo read the text and chuckled. “That is totally true. Peeves is a car snob.”

  The waiter returned with a glass of sangria and Kate waited until he’d left to turn to Mo. “Thank you for coming back. You’re nothing like my mom and I’m sorry I said that.”

  “Don’t think I’m letting you off the hook on this Ping-Pong just cause you said sorry. Not with you acting all cocky about it.”

  Kate stood up. “After I beat you, you’re going to wish you didn’t say that.”

  Mo led the way to the Ping-Pong tables, two of which were set up under an overhang off to the side of the main lobby. The space was open to the evening breeze on two sides but protected from the rain. Mo picked out a ball and tossed it to Kate. “Now you’re going to have to prove your skill.”

  Kate waved one of the paddles in the air. “Oh, I know I’m good.”

  “I bet I have more practice with paddles.”

  Kate opened and closed her mouth, saw the twitch of a smile on Mo’s lips and then couldn’t hold back her own laugh. “All right, you. Prepare to get your butt whipped.”

  “You may have to talk to my girlfriend about that.”

  “You’re incorrigible.” Kate tossed the ball up. She swung the paddle, whacking the ball over the net.

  “I can be. But I don’t get too many complaints.” Mo returned the serve, grinning.

  Kate ignored Mo long enough to score a point, which wasn’t hard since Mo began bouncing back and forth on her toes as soon as a popular Spanish pop song came on the speakers at the corners of the overhang. They played until Kate had scored ten points to Mo’s three and Mo tossed her paddle on the table.

  “You’re supposed to play until eleven points, you know.”

  “I’m forfeiting. I can’t think with this music.” She pointed to the speakers that had started to play an old Christina Aguilera song.

  “You don’t have to think in Ping-Pong. It’s pretty much the point. The ball comes at you and you whack it.” Kate paused. “But I get it. You don’t want to lose to me.”

  Mo let out a mock gasp and Kate laughed. Not only was she having fun with Mo, she wasn’t thinking of kissing her at all. It was working.

  “This was a warm-up game. How do you know I’m not one of those pool-shark types who reel you in with an easy win before they ask if you want to play for money?”

  “Because we both know you’re not that good with balls. Remember?”

  Mo chuckled. “Just wait until that tournament.” She rolled her shoulders and then rocked her head side to side as if she was getting ready for that match. Then she crouched low, did a fake backhand strike, and followed with a cheer and a celebratory dance as if she’d scored the winning point.

  “Wait, did we say winner decides on the salsa classes? Don’t count on getting out of that,” Kate said.

  Mo came around to Kate’s side of the table, still dancing and cheering for herself in the way that kids do when they think no one’s looking after they’ve netted a basketball. She stopped a few feet away from Kate and then met her eyes, still grinning. “Who says I want to get out of salsa classes?” She reached for the second paddle that Kate had set on the table and bumped Kate’s hip playfully with the side of her thigh. “I plan on impressing you. You oughta see these hips move.”

  The Ping-Pong ball rolled away once Mo had moved the paddle and Kate caught it before it fell off the table. She held it up when Mo tried to snatch it from her hand. “I’ve seen your hips move. It’s your feet I’m worried about.”

  “Ouch!” Mo feigned a wounded look for a moment and then snatched the ball out of Kate’s hand as soon as she let down her guard. “For your information, I’ve gotten a lot better since college. You haven’t been to a dance club with me. I got some moves.”

  The sensation of Mo’s hand brushing her wrist left Kate breathless and unsteady. She played off her reaction by spinning on her heel. “Whatever. We’ll see who has the moves.”

  Mo caught up to her before she’d gone far. She swung her arm around Kate’s shoulders and said, “That was fun. Thanks.”

  A warmth filled Kate’s chest. She wanted to blame the floating sensation on the sangria but she knew better. Daring herself to go for it, she turned to smile at Mo. Mo gave her a quick wink in return, then pulled her arm off Kate’s shoulders, and shot several paces forward. She turned around, facing Kate, and said, “I’m going to beat you to the bungalow. I want the shower first.”

  Kate chose the longest path back to the bungalow, skirting by the pools and then the ocean, now a blue so deep it was almost black with a sliver of moonlight glinting on the surface. She pictured Mo doing her celebration dance and couldn’t hold back a smile. It wasn’t fair that she liked everything about Mo.

  Mo was slipping out of the shower when she got back. She had a T-shirt and a pair of shorts on and a toothbrush in her mouth. “All yours,” she said, indicating the shower.

  “You brought pajamas?”

  “Not exactly. But it’s no problemo,” Mo said, in an accent made worse by a mouthful of toothpaste.

  By the time Kate had showered and changed into the long tank top she’d bought that afternoon, Mo was in bed with the lights off. Kate flipped off the bathroom light and then brushed her teeth in the dark, happy to not have to stare at her reflection. She tiptoed over to the bed and eyed the outline Mo made under the sheet. Mo had given her the side closest to the bathroom.

  Kate carefully slipped under the sheet. There was a good space between Mo’s side and hers, but she couldn’t relax. When Mo shifted, Kate froze. She waited for Mo to say something, wondering if she’d brush against her, and then realized Mo had only turned on her side away from her. She let out a slow breath, trying to relax.

  “Tonight was nice,” Mo said softly. “Sleep tight.”

  Mo’s words seemed to come from far away. Kate murmured a response and her own voice sounded thin and uneven. Their evening had been nice and she needed to leave it at that. She closed her eyes, hoping sleep would come soon.

  Chapter Seven

  If she let herself think about it, Kate knew she’d fallen for Mo the moment she’d met her. And every day after that Mo had given her an excuse to fall harder. Yesterday was no exception. Kate let her mind wander to their fight after dinner. It was always the same scenario. She’d make some mistake, think she’d ruined everything, and then Mo would swoop in and fix it.

  Kate rolled onto her side. She stared at Mo, wondering at the ache in her chest. If it wasn’t love, she didn’t know what it was. But maybe it wasn’t wrong to feel that sort of love for a friend? Her body answered with a sudden urge to reach out and caress Mo’s cheek. What she felt went deeper than friendship, and there was no point arguing that it wasn’t a problem. It was a big one.

  She didn’t turn away from Mo even though she knew she should. Mo’s brown skin was gorgeous in the soft morning light. Kate let her gaze travel over every bit of her that the covers didn’t conceal. The sleeve of her T-shirt was pushed up to her shoulder, exposing well-developed arm muscles. Past this, Kate followed the line of Mo’s neck up to her jawbone. From
her smooth cheeks to the curl of her eyelashes, there was nothing about Mo’s face that wasn’t perfect.

  Kate stopped at Mo’s lips. She felt a tingling sensation on her own lips as she imagined kissing her. Despite all the energy she’d spent resisting, her attraction to Mo was like a hunger pang. Ignoring it didn’t make it go away. Which was exactly why she should have said no to this trip. Emphatically no.

  The first wisps of daylight widened between the cracks in the blinds and Kate reluctantly climbed out of bed. As quietly as she could, she slipped to the bathroom to pee, then sat on the toilet worrying about sunscreen and which bathing suit to wear snorkeling. Then her brain kicked into gear—her luggage was still missing.

  Sighing, she reached for the still damp bikini hanging on a hook by the shower. After she’d slipped into the suit, she caught her reflection in the mirror. Her usually flat belly pooched outward betraying the fact that she’d drunk too much last night. She stuck out her tongue and then turned to critique her profile.

  On one hand, she knew she was pretty. People had given her compliments her entire life on the shade of her blue eyes…on her long blond hair…even on her little nose and perfect skin. But the compliments that haunted her were about her slim figure.

  It was easy to explain that she stayed in shape with spin classes and daily runs. She didn’t talk about the eating issues. When she was a teen, it was anorexia and later bulimia. Then she fell to the regimen of counting every gram of fat and too many hours working out. Years of counseling later, she still couldn’t look a donut in the face without feeling nauseous. A light knock made her jump.

  “You gonna be in there long? I have to pee.”

  Kate wrapped a towel around herself and then hurried to wash her hands. “All yours,” she said, stepping carefully around Mo.

  “Thanks.” Mo shuffled past. “You sleep okay?”

  “Actually, yeah. What about you?”

  “Took me forever to fall asleep.” Mo closed the bathroom door. “I think it was jet lag.”

  Or was Mo uncomfortable sharing her bed? Kate thought of how she’d memorized Mo’s body that morning and felt a wave of guilt. “I’ll ask at the front desk to see if any rooms open up today. I’m sure you’d sleep better alone.”

  “It’s not you,” Mo said, her voice muffled through the bathroom door. “My brain just wouldn’t turn off.”

  “I know that feeling.” But was there more to the picture? She traded the towel for the dress she’d bought yesterday as she considered pushing Mo for more of an explanation.

  Mo opened the bathroom door. “That looks nice.”

  “Thanks.” Kate looked down at the dress. At least her belly was covered. “If my luggage doesn’t get here soon, I’ll be wearing a new outfit every day.”

  “There are worse problems to have.” Mo rubbed her eyes. “This is going to sound weird but… Do you think it’s a problem that I’m happy Chantal’s not here?”

  Hearing Chantal’s name threw her. Stalling, Kate opened her toiletries bag and found her hairbrush. “I guess that depends.” She turned back to the mirror as she started to work out the tangles. “Are you happy because you needed some alone time?”

  Mo folded her arms and let out a long breath. “Lately it doesn’t seem like we ever have any fun. I was lying in bed last night thinking about playing Ping-Pong. I forgot it’s supposed to be easy having fun.”

  “You forgot? Says the woman who goes to the grocery store and convinces the manager to blast Beyoncé over the loudspeakers so everyone can dance while they pick out apples. You’re pretty much the definition of fun.”

  “That was a one-time thing.”

  Kate held her hairbrush in the air and sang, “’Cause if you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it.”

  Mo laughed. “That store manager totally got into it.”

  “He had some moves.” Kate recalled how the manager had shimmied through the produce section with his hands in the air and how the other customers had wiggled their hips. But when Mo had started to dance Kate forgot about everyone else.

  Mo picked up her toothpaste and started singing the first few lines of the Beyoncé song. When Kate joined in, Mo turned to her and smiled. They made it through the chorus without missing too many of the words and when they stopped singing, Mo’s gaze was still on her. “We sound pretty good.”

  “You sound surprised. We used to kill it on karaoke nights back in the dorms.”

  “Now that was fun.”

  “Face it—you are fun. Maybe you need to take Chantal out for karaoke.”

  Mo’s smile faded. “She’s not into that sort of thing.”

  “What about Ping-Pong?”

  “She doesn’t do games. She gives me a hard time for playing on my Xbox.”

  “Ping-Pong’s not a computer game.” Kate hesitated. Talking about Chantal felt off-limits, but Mo had opened the door. Clearly she wanted to talk. And best friends talked about the people they were dating. It shouldn’t be weird. “What does she like?”

  “She likes to go out and be seen. Her idea of a perfect evening is dinner at an exclusive restaurant and then drinks after with her friends. Or going to see some play or concert that’s impossible to get tickets to… But there’s always a million people we have to meet up with. We can’t just go see a movie. We have to have a plan for the whole night. Seriously, she makes an agenda.

  “She convinced me to go to a ballet last month. I just wanted to stay home. Work’s been so busy. But she heard some famous actress was going to be there—Zoe somebody. Then we had to go to this after-party and everyone was talking about the ballet…”

  “That doesn’t sound awful.”

  Mo groaned. “I fell asleep.”

  “At the party?”

  “No—during the ballet.”

  “You didn’t!”

  “Terrible, right?” Mo’s look wasn’t guilty however. “I couldn’t help it. That music would put anyone to sleep.”

  “Next time she wants to go to the ballet, give her my number. I’ll be a better date.”

  “As much as I love the idea of you stealing my girlfriend, I’m not giving you her number.”

  “You’re the one who’s not having fun with her,” Kate teased.

  Mo’s shoulders dropped. “I don’t think she’s having fun either.”

  “Well, you’re not responsible for making her happy, but maybe she’ll be happier if you’re happy.” Helping Mo with girl troubles was not at the top of the list of things she wanted to do, but she didn’t like seeing her down and all the hours of counseling she’d been through ought to be put to good use for someone at least. “The thing is, you’re not the best at saying what you need. Maybe she has no idea you don’t want to go out. You are the life of the party, you know.”

  “My mom said the same thing. Did you two talk?”

  Kate gave her a sympathetic smile. “No, but you should listen to your mom. Maybe you can go out with her friends one night and then do something chill with just the two of you the next. I can tell her how bad you are at Ping-Pong. She might like winning.”

  “Whatever. I’ll redeem myself in the rematch.” Mo chuckled as Kate raised an eyebrow. She turned back to the sink and rinsed her toothbrush. “We have to be down at the dock in an hour, right?”

  “Yeah and we should probably hurry if we want to grab breakfast.”

  “I think I’ll skip breakfast. I want to make a quick call to Chantal. I was going to call before we went to bed last night, but then I realized I’d be waking her up. London’s six hours ahead.”

  “I know it’s a little after-the-fact, but can you still mention we’re rooming together?”

  “I’m telling you—she won’t have a problem with it.”

  Mo’s answer wasn’t exactly a yes. Again Kate got the feeling that Mo didn’t want to tell Chantal about the sleeping arrangements. She stopped herself from asking Mo why. Probably she was reading too much into it.

  “Want me to grab you
anything at the buffet?”

  Mo rubbed her belly. “Maybe a pastry?”

  “You got it.” Kate stopped at the door and looked back at Mo. “Tell Chantal that you wish she were here—and that you’re thinking of her. Sometimes when things aren’t going well that’s when you really need to hear that your someone misses you.”

  Mo held her gaze. “Thanks for the advice. I’ll see you on the boat.”

  “I’m not convinced chili powder belongs on everything,” Kate said pushing a watermelon slice to the side and snagging the last grape on the plate.

  “But have you tried it?”

  Terri had filled a platter of fruit and asked to Kate to help her with it when she’d sat down next to her. They’d polished off most of the grapes and berries, but Kate had avoided all the fruit coated in chili powder, including the pineapple, watermelon, and mango.

  “It seems wrong.” Kate shook her head.

  “A lot of things seem wrong until you taste them.”

  Kate laughed at the obvious sexual innuendo. She had to admit that Terri was easy company and a nice distraction. Breakfast was nearly over and she’d hardly thought of Mo or the fact that she was busy talking to her girlfriend.

  Terri picked out one of the mango chunks heavily doused in red. She popped the bite in her mouth and moaned her approval. “Oh, that’s good. The lime brings out the sweetness of the mango and then that little burn on your tongue from the chili… Mmm. Perfection.”

  “It can’t be that good.”

  “Oh, but it can.” Terri speared another bite of mango and held it out. “Try it. You might never go back.”

  Kate debated for a moment and then reached for the fork. The sweet tangy flavor hit her tongue. “Okay, I thought the moaning was a bit much, but…that’s delicious.”