If I Only Had A...Husband (The Bridal Circle #1)

by Andrea Edwards

  Maybe she should go talk to Brad, she thought as she cleared some brush away from the gate. His leaving like this felt so wrong. Like things were unfinished.

  But what did she have to say to him? That she forgave him?

  Sure, like wrecking her dreams could be so easily—

  She stopped, the gate half cleared. She had forgiven him!

  The hurt was still there that she’d been uninvited, but that was more ego than anything else. And she was conscious of a deep sense of disappointment that she still hadn’t made him proud of her, but she was also profoundly aware of the fact that he had been right. She had been trying for something beyond her reach. Something that would always be beyond her reach, but did that mean she had no value? That she wasn’t smart?

  She looked out over the gate at the rolling acres and acres of trees and bushes and evergreens. She had bought this prop erty two years ago from a Valparaiso nursery that was going but of business. She had had the capital and the credit to snap up at a bargain price. A price that was a steal when you considered the value of the plants already here. That had been ;omething. And though she hated to compare herself to her father, it hadn’t been something he would have been able to accomplish.

  Brad was right. She did have a lot to be proud of. And she tad to be smart to have done all that she’d done.

  She finished clearing the gate and pulled it open, then drove he truck along the dirt road that roamed the acreage. It really didn’t matter if she wasn’t given some academic honor, she old herself. And it didn’t matter that Brad had never been roud of her.

  Except that it did. And that didn’t make sense. She hadn’t reen him for eighteen years and might never see him again. ;o, why did his lack of faith in her hurt? It wasn’t as if she loved him.

  Oh, criminy. She screeched to a halt and laid her forehead on the steering wheel. Of all the gosh darn idiotic things to do, she had to go and fall in love with Brad Corrigan again!

  No, it wasn’t again. This was a real love, a forever love. An adult love.

  Except that he was all wrong for her. They had nothing in common. He didn’t speak ten languages. And although she night give up her dream of academic honor, she was not giving up her ten-language criterion. She needed some sensible way judge if a man was right for her. If she left it up to her silly heart, it would pick Brad who was leaving and had never meant to stay,

  That decided, Penny spent the rest of the afternoon hacking and cutting and working up a sweat that washed away all thoughts of Brad Corrigan. When it was getting too dark to see. she packed things up, but vowed her love for Brad would tay here in the deserted tree lot

  Gran came out onto the back porch when Penny drove into he yard. “Brad was by this afternoon,” she said.

  “Oh?” Penny just went into the kitchen bathroom to wash up, almost not wanting to know why Brad had been here. I he’d suddenly discovered he loved her and knew ten languages he would have come out to the field. Gran had known when she was.

  Gran followed her to the bathroom door. “He wanted to say, goodbye.”

  “Oh.” Penny’d thought they’d said everything that had needed to be said. He sure didn’t need to know of her recen discoveries. She soaped up her hands and face, and then rinsed with cool water but didn’t feel any more refreshed. Maybe i was because she couldn’t wash off what was really bothering her.

  Maybe he did have a right to know she was no longer angry at him. But she could drop him a note to that effect. Dorothy’ real estate firm had to have an address to forward the money from the house sale. While she was at it, she would drop : note to that Oz conference committee and apologize for the whole mess. Formally withdraw her abstract and wish them all well.

  “I told him you were counting on him coming to the poetry reading tomorrow,” Gran added. “He might not be able to stay for the whole thing, but he promised he’d be there.”

  The poetry reading! Lordy, she’d forgotten all about that. I seemed such a total waste of time now, but since it was all se up, she supposed there wasn’t much she could do but partic pate as planned. Not that she wanted Brad there.

  “You should have told him not to bother,” Penny drawl

  The old woman just shrugged and turned away. “It’ll give you a chance to say goodbye,” she said.“And it’ll mean some one’ll be there for you. I might be a little late.”

  Penny came out of the bathroom with a frown. “How come?”

  Gran was standing at the open refrigerator and glanced over at Penny. “Uh, Marilyn wants to have an extra physical therap session tomorrow after dinner. I figured I could do it and they get her to drop me off at Sam’s.”

  Penny stopped. “I could have sworn Marilyn has a senior’s lexercise class in Valparaiso on Monday evenings.”

  Gran began pulling containers out of the refrigerator. “Oh, yeah. She used to. But it got canceled for this Monday. Want some chicken chow mein or tuna salad?”

  A bad feeling was growing in Penny’s stomach and it wasn’t |from hunger. “Gran. what’s going on?”

  Gran looked over with a bright smile. “Going on? I’m fixing you some dinner.”

  “Forget dinner and come clean.”

  Gran looked confused, then annoyed, then she sat down at the kitchen table with an exasperated sigh. “I don’t see what the fuss is if I want to go into town for a little bit. Maybe I have a gentleman friend I want to visit.”

  “I’d be delighted if that was the case,” Penny said. “Now, let’s have it. The truth, this time.”

  Gran glared, and frowned and tried a pitiful look, but then just leaned back with a grunt of resignation. “I kind of left something at Brad’s and need to go get it back.”

  Penny sat down across from her. “That’s it?” she asked. “Why didn’t you just tell Brad? He would have brought it back out, or he’d give it to someone in town to hold for us.”

  Gran just fidgeted with the place mat she’d left out for Penny. “Well, it’s not that simple....”

  “What do you mean?” The bad feeling had crept into Penny’s throat, making her voice all squeaky. “Just what did you leave there?”

  Gran just looked at her, then smiled. “Some bugs.”

  “Some bugs? What in the world were you—” Penny took a deep breath and laid her head on her arms on the table. If it wasn’t one thing, it was another. She lifted her head and looked it Gran. “Brad didn’t tell you about his plans, did he? You bugged his house and overheard them.”

  “Well, somebody had to find out what was going on,” Gran mapped. “You’ve turned into a stubborn lump who’s feeling sorry for herself and Toto just moans about how Dorothy has o follow her dreams. But I really want my bugs back. Not to mention the fact that Toto bought the house and I’d rather if he didn’t find them.”

  “Since they’re illegal?”

  Gran looked offended. “Since I paid good money for them.” She shrugged. “And since they have my name on them.”

  Penny sat up at that. “Your name on them! What in the world did you put your name on them for?”

  “So they’d get returned if I lost them,” Gran explained, then grimaced. “I can see that that wasn’t a very smart idea, though. Now when Toto finds them, he’ll know they’re mine.”

  “I doubt that he’ll arrest you.”

  “I’m not afraid of the big house.” But a bit of doubt had crept into Gran’s voice.

  “Okay, I’ll get them.” Penny closed her eyes. She was living a never-ending nightmare. “But I really am not up to seeing Brad just now.”

  “Who said you have to see him?” Gran said and got to her feet. “He’s staying at some motel by the tollway. Let me get you my lock picks.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Brad had given up on the idea of sleep as long as he was in Chesterton. Uncle Hal’s house was haunted. The crickets were too noisy. The night was too dark. Penny was too close.

  He rolled over, punched his pillow a few times and stared at the shadows
dancing on his far wall. Had his uncle lain awake in this bed, staring at that wall and dreaming of what would never be?

  The shadows of leaves swayed in the breeze. The drapes moved back and forth. He closed his eyes and he saw Penny, soft and loving and so very gentle. The air left the room, and the temperature rose. His heart began to race.

  He rolled onto his back, opening his eyes. He should have just stayed in the motel, instead of spending the past few nights here. It’s not as if this place meant anything to him.

  A soft rustle of leaves came in through the open window, and the sound of occasional distant traffic. The neighbor’s dog started to bark, then quieted after a moment.

  Maybe he should just get up and go through some more of those boxes. He’d never realized what a pack rat Uncle Hal had been and going through some more boxes tonight would mean fewer unsorted boxes to ship to his place in L.A. Not that he was finding much—

  He stopped and listened. There it was again. A creak. Like the noise the boards on the porch made when you stepped on them. Was someone out there?

  He waited but the only sounds he heard were the normal night ones. Maybe it had been a squirrel or a cat. This was Chesterton, after all. Nobody snuck around and—

  He sat up. There was an odd scratching noise coming from below his window. From the back porch. He slipped out of bed and pulled on a pair of running shorts, then moved silently across the floor to the window. He couldn’t see anything out of place in the yard, but the porch roof blocked his view of the door. Then he clearly heard a soft click.

  Someone was breaking in.

  Damn. This happened in LA., not Chesterton. He lived in a secure building there, with an elaborate security system. He didn’t have a thing here. Including anything worth stealing except for a few personal items up here in the bedroom. But nobody was getting that far. He reached for his cell phone to call the police, but put it down, picking up his flashlight instead. Then he crept out of the room and down the stairs.

  He could hear someone moving around in the kitchen. There was nothing in the kitchen, but a little bit of furniture and the kitchen appliances. The large appliances. This couldn’t be a serious burglar. It had to be a kid.

  He eased down the hall, then stopped. For a split second he thought he’d caught a whiff of a soft flowery scent. Lordy, even now, he couldn’t get Penny out of his mind.

  He quickened his steps, as if he could outrun all thought of her, then stopped in the kitchen doorway. He could see a figure near the table. A tall figure, tall and slight and moving with Penny’s grace.

  This was insane. Even burglars looked like Penny to him. He reached into the room and hit the light switch. The room filled with light and for a split second he couldn’t see. Then he could.

  “Penny?” he asked.

  She looked startled. She looked scared. She looked so damn beautiful, even in some ridiculous burglar outfit of black shorts and T-shirt and a black baseball cap, it was all he could do not to take her in his arms and make mad passionate love to her right here.

  “Brad?” Her voice was a squeak. “I thought you were staying at a motel. Gran said you were.”

  “They turned the power on so I moved in here.”

  “Oh.”

  It had only been a few days since he’d seen her, but she looked thinner. Sadder. And he had done that to her with his stupid meddling. “What are you doing here?”

  She looked around as if she had forgotten where she was for a moment. “Oh, Gran left something here the other day and asked me to get it.”

  “Why didn’t she just tell me?” Then he frowned. “And why did you come in the middle of the night?”

  If catching her in the kitchen had made her ill at ease, his question had doubled it. “Uh...”

  “No, you don’t have to tell me,” he said quickly, reality stabbing him hard. He walked over to the sink, and leaned against the counter as he stared out at the night. But all he saw was his own reflection in the window over the sink. “I know. You didn’t want to see me.”

  “No, it wasn’t—”

  He turned, torn even more by her attempt to protect his feelings. “You don’t have to pretend,” he assured her. “But in another day, I’ll be gone and you won’t be troubled by me anymore.

  “Gran said you were leaving tomorrow,” she stated. “That you and Dorothy are leaving together.”

  He nodded. “I promised to attend a conference in Paris and since she was going to Paris, too...” He shrugged. “I suppose everybody read their own interpretation into that.”

  “You know how the town is.”

  “Well, I just wanted you to know that there wasn’t anything to it.”

  She tried to smile but gave up and just nodded. “Thanks.”

  Had he killed her smile? Lordy, he hoped not. “I expect there’ll be a lot of talk when we leave the poetry reading together but you can set them straight.”

  “You don’t have to come, you know. I’m not even sure why we’re having it anymore.”

  The wistful note in her voice tore his heart apart. “No, I want to come. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

  She made a face. “Suit yourself,” she said. “Well, I’d better get going.”

  But he didn’t want her to leave. He wanted just one more moment of the two of them. One more moment to remember. “Did you find what you were looking for? I can help you look.”

  “Thanks. I got it.” She held up something flat and metallic, but she stopped, turning back to him after only a step. “Uh, I’m actually glad you were here. I wanted to tell you it’s okay about the seminar stuff.”

  Her voice was low and raw with pain. Her eyes couldn’t seem to meet his. She looked like a fragile flower that had been stepped on. He had never felt so low and worthless.

  “No, it’s not. I should have stayed out of it.”

  She turned as if even the peripheral sight of him was too much. “I know why you did it and it’s okay. You were only trying to help.”

  “But I didn’t.”

  “We all do things that backfire. Like my extra sandwiches.”

  “There was nothing wrong with that,” he said. Another nail in his coffin. Was there no end to the hurt he’d caused her? “I overreacted. I appreciated those sandwiches more than you’ll ever know. You kept me from going hungry.”

  She looked back at him then. Her face so still and dispirited. “And you tried to keep me from being hurt by the truth.”

  “What truth?” Her words made no sense to him, but then all he knew was the need to hold her. To kiss those ruby lips. To taste her tenderness.

  “That I’m just not smart enough to do some of the things I wanted.”

  “What?” He was loosened from his need to hold her, shaken free by confusion. But the urgency to enfold her in his arms swept in again, stronger, more intense. As if touching her could make her feel the truth in his heart. “That wasn’t it at all.”

  But she just shook her head at him, her smile sad and knowing. “It’s okay. Really it is. I knew you thought I was dumb back when we were kids—”

  “I did not,” he cried. “I was so crazy about you I couldn’t talk.”

  She laughed, and it was the sound of raindrops on a forest bed. Soft and silvery. But it was also the sound of goodbye somehow.

  “Things were probably doomed between us from the start this time around,” she said. “We both were so locked into who the other was back years ago, we forgot to take a good look at who we are now. Or at least, I did.”

  “Why won’t you believe me?” he snapped. “I thought about you all the time. I worked those long hours just to be close to you. I chased away any other guys who wanted to come over and see you. I never thought you were dumb.”

  She didn’t believe him. He could see it in her eyes and the quiver of her smile; But she just reached up and took off her hat, shaking her soft blond hair onto her shoulders like a golden curtain. With a quick smile at the hat, she tossed it over to him.
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  He caught it, a reflex action, but just stared at her.

  “Keep it,” she said softly. “One day you’ll have someplace to hang it.”

  He glanced down at it, at the bright yellow road embroidered on the front along with dancing red letters. Follow the Yellow Brick Road. If only it was that simple.

  “I wish I could,” he told her. “But I think I must be a Quadling or a Winkie or even a Hammer-Head. There are no yellow brick roads for me.”

  Penny stopped, her hand on the doorknob as she turned slowly around. “You must be what?” she asked, staring at him as if he’d been speaking a foreign language.

  “You know,” he said. “A Quadling, a Winkie, a Hammer-Head. Different creatures in the land of Oz.”

  “Right, sure.” She seemed to shake herself, though her confused look seemed to stay in place. “Your knowing them just took me by surprise.”

  “Hey, I know all sorts of silly little things,” he replied.

  “I never realized it,” she said, her eyes taking on a strange glint. “I never thought about it that way.”

  Thought about what, what way? But he didn’t ask, just stood there watching her.

  “So, I’ll see you at the poetry reading?” she asked. “This isn’t really goodbye.”

  It would be easier if it was, but he wasn’t going to go the easy route. “No, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Great.” With a fleeting smile, she hurried out the door.

  He went after her into the night, not wanting her to leave, only to see her slipping past the garage and down the alley. At the sound of his steps on the porch, the dog next door started barking, alerting the neighborhood to danger. Where was that dog this past week, Brad thought, when he’d needed warning?

  “Oh, shut up!” Brad snapped at him, then sank onto the porch steps.

  He’d thought he’d hurt Penny this past week with his stupid meddling, but he’d actually been hurting her all along. His great and wonderful caring had done nothing but harm. Watching her leave he realized that he loved her. Had loved her for years, actually. Yet she was better off without him. When he left, she would be well rid of him.