by K. L. Jessop
I flash the assistant my card, pay and head out the store. London’s had its heaviest snowfall in as long as I can remember. Two days of constant showers fell dusting the busy city in white. Which only means one thing. Panic buyers! Everyone hits the supermarkets when snow falls, stressing over how they’d feed their families and how they’d pay their bills as they found it difficult to drive to work. What often amuses me though is if they’d just calmed their shit for two minutes and looked at the roads they’d see that there was still movement. Therefore, if you couldn’t get your car out the drive, take a bus. Simple.
I place the large gift box on the back seat of my car and get into the driver’s seat, starting it up and turning on the heaters full. Like most days off, Tamzin and I are spending it together. Being partly in charge of my dad’s company has given me the advantage to flip around my days to suit Tamzin’s work schedule. I never back out on a promise and I wanted her to have as much enjoyment out of this month as I did, and by spending time with her only increased the feelings that were igniting.
I pull up on the side of the road and see her waiting at her gateway, huddled up in her coat with her hair poking out the bottom of her hat. She pushes off the wall and is in the car before I have a chance to get out.
“It’s freezing out there.” She shudders, closing the door as she sits, her flower aroma filling the space between us. I take hold of her seat belt and fasten it in place, leaning into her.
“You smell divine.”
“Thank you. Is it crazy that I’m a little excited?” she questions with a sparkle in her eyes.
“About?”
“Going to your place.”
“It’s not that exciting, babe. It’s just a house.”
“But it’s your house. I was starting to think you were homeless the number of times you’ve stayed at mine.” She laughs. “I’m intrigued to know what makes Noel Thompson tick other than sex and coffee.”
“Well let’s go and find out.”
My place isn’t that far from Tamzin’s, just under an hour’s drive and with the roads being quieter than normal due to the weather, it doesn’t take us long to head across town. In the car, I can’t help but smile as Tamzin hums along to Christmas songs on the radio. I refuse to bring attention to it, as it is nice that she is finally feeling at ease with her troubles of December. The sparkle that had dimmed in her eyes has finally awoken and her reactions to Christmas are more enthusiastic than they were a few weeks ago.
“Holy shit, when you said you live in St John’s I thought you were talking out your ass.” She gasps looking up from her phone as the large iron gates open for me to drive through. “So you really are a rich boy? How the hell can you afford a place like this?”
“It’s called hard work and the perks of having a rich father with even wealthier ancestors.”
“It’s amazing.” She angles her head to view the exterior of my house through the windscreen. The borders of the driveway are covered in snow as the bare trees look just as cold. My house is a semi-detached, five-bed Victorian style with a contemporary twist. It belonged to my great-grandfather, who like my own father, was originally born and bred in the West End.
I help Tamzin inside, watching that she doesn’t slip on the steps leading into the house and head to the kitchen to make us some coffee and lunch, leaving her to explore my environment. She’s only been through the door a short time but the way she strides around with confidence and comfort is like this house is just a part of hers as it is mine. I like the feel she creates. The warmth that spreads across my chest. The way I feel complete with her being here, and I wonder if this is what life could be like if we should stay together once December draws to a close.
“So now that I’ve seen the real world of Noel Thompson I have one question.” she says, placing her hands behind her back to hold onto the kitchen counter and pushing her hips out a little as I rest against the island opposite her.
“Go on.”
A slight grin forms on her lips. “What’s a high established business man like yourself doing with a middle-rate misery from Hackney?” Tamzin doesn’t often put herself down, however, the times she does it irritates me. Just because I may earn a colossal amount in wage to her doesn’t mean I prefer higher-class women wearing more expensive fuck-me heels.
I walk to her, hooking my thumbs in the loop of her jeans and jolting her toward me. The smile on her face tells me she is playing me but loves the response she gets back. I get hold of her chin, even though she’s already looking at me. “I happen to really like middle-rate miseries from Hackney.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes,” I state.
“Then what does the business man like about her?” Her eyes change, the element of playfulness being replaced with something more. As though she is questioning if this is more.
“I like her eyes. When they reflect in the light it makes them look like pure silver. They embrace so many emotions, some I’m yet to see but I know she’ll be just as beautiful when they're unveiled.” She’s still focused on my words. I don’t think I’ve ever seen this girl speechless. “I like the feel of her on me. The way she moulds against me is like she was created just for me. The softness of her skin. Her smile. Her heart.” I kiss her lips; her eyes drift close. “But most of all, I like the little snorts she makes in her sleep.”
She slaps my arm. “Asshole timing in killing the moment there. I do not snort.”
I chuckle, pulling her closer for her arm to swim around my neck. “So my house is a little bigger and I have electronic gates to the driveway. Doesn’t mean I should only date rich women with expensive suits. What matters is what people make of what they have.”
“I like this romantic side you're showing me today. Do you use it often?”
“Only on the right woman.” The flash in her eyes doesn’t go unnoticed.
“You have an incredible house, Noel. As well as an even bigger heart,” she murmurs. “Always full of surprises.”
“Speaking of which, I got you something today.” I kiss her on her forehead. “Stay here, it’s in the car.”
She’s done nothing but stare at the large box since I returned, and my own anticipation is driving me crazy, knowing what is inside. “Are you going to open it?”
“It’s not Christmas for another two weeks.”
“Doesn’t mean I can’t treat you now.” She looks at me, lips between her teeth. I could be mistaken but she almost looks nervous. “Open it, Tamzin.”
With an exhale, she takes to the silver satin ribbon that’s tied around the black box. Lifting the lid and pulling back the tissue to expose a pillar-box red on the inside. Her breath catches the moment she realises what she is looking at.
“Oh my god, Noel,” she whispers, studying the red winter coat with great length as she holds it up from the box. A coat that stopped me in my track when I saw it in the store window.
“I saw it and thought of you. I can remember you saying how special you felt in your red dress coat as a little girl. I wanted you to have that feeling again.” She remains silent. “If you don’t like it, we—”
“No.” She clears her throat, and I’m certain that there is emotion behind her words. “It’s beautiful. I love it.” She turns to me; traces of tears are in her eyes as she whispers, “Thank you.”
Tamzin.
I kiss him hard, my heart fit to burst with the gift he gave and the words he spoke just moments before. He’s reeling me in and I’m not showing any signs of protest. He’s a man of many qualities and my heart is starting to fall for him the more time we share together.
My new red winter coat fits like a glove as I twirl around his kitchen, showing it off with a smile that never leaves my lips, and I feel just as special as I did as a little girl.
“It suits you.” He smiles, leaning against the island watching me. With only having Evie to buy for now, I’ve often questioned whether or not I should purchase something for Noel. Only now he’s answere
d my question. Christmas or not I want to treat and show him how much he means to me. A slight feeling of despair flops in my belly at the thought of Christmas day. Would he spend that with me? I shouldn’t expect anything from him as he has his family. But the thought of being alone scares me.
“I feel like that little girl that danced on the street at Christmas,” I beam, doing one final twirl before I place it back in the box to keep it neat. “When my grandparents went to my school carol service, we’d always return home late because I was too busy singing my heart out and dancing to Christmas music that filled the streets on every corner.” Closing the box, I take it to the large kitchen table. Noel's house is a beautiful sculptor of light walls and open spaces, classic furniture and family photos. “Grandpa used to encourage me all the time to get up and have fun. He used to say life was too short to walk around with a downturn smile. Gran agreed but when I was still dancing around the living room at 9pm on a school night she had other views. She used to say her famous ‘now come on sweet girl put the jumping beans to bed for another day’. Naturally, I’d push the limits and often got the death stare.”
“Ah, the parental look of being told. I had that often.” Noel's arms come from behind and around my waist, his chin resting on my shoulder as we look out the patio doors. He listens and I love the fact he just lets me talk about them.
“I underestimated her death stare until the day I was playing in the back garden and decided to bury her jewellery and pretend I was looking for treasure.” I laugh as did Noel. “God knows how I made it out of that one alive. She was unhappy with me for weeks and told me I should be ashamed of my behaviour because that’s not the little girl they wanted to raise.” My gut twists at her words that I can still hear in my thoughts, and I wonder what they’d make of my behaviour now. My voice, now just above a whisper, as I ask the question that twists my insides. “Do you think they’ll be unhappy with me knowing that I’ve cancelled Christmas these past few years?”
“No, I think they’d be proud that you’re trying hard to believe in it again. I know I am.”
I turn my head to look at him. “You’re always telling me that.”
“It’s because it’s true.” My heart fills with butterflies, my smile growing wider as I turn back to look out to the garden. I scan my eyes over the snow. Every inch of Noel's back garden is covered, and every inch is left untouched. No one has stepped foot onto the carpet of white and excitement hits my belly at a fast pace when a childhood idea springs to mind.
I take Noel’s hand. “Come on. Let’s go.”
“Where?”
“Outside.”
“Why?”
I lean in close, pointing my finger towards the window. “You see that untouched white stuff? Well, it’s screaming for snow angels.” His grin is a mile wide as I pull him towards the hall to collect our coats.
The cold hits my warm cheeks as I run out to fall into the snowy cushion. Spreading our arms and legs like stars, we begin to make human snow angels, while laughter leaves our bellies. It feels so good, marking the ground with the evidence we’d been here.
“Have you ever noticed that even though the sky is blue in the winter it’s not as bright as it is in the summer?” I say as we lie on our backs looking up, the cold slowly creeping its way through my clothes as patches of snow dust over our bodies.
“My god, I knew there was something different about winter other than the temperature,” he says sarcastically. “Thanks, babe, I can now sleep better at night.”
“Don’t be smart.” I giggle. “I don’t often walk around with my head looking directly to the sky in winter, you know.”
“But you do in summer?”
“No, but I sunbathe, you notice the sky more.”
“God you’re ridiculously adorable.” He chuckles. “Next, you’ll be saying that you’ve just realised Santa only comes once a year.”
“He does only come once a year... Poor bastard.” Both our laughter fills the air as a hot haze battles the cold cloud around us. Even though it’s freezing out here, I don’t want to move. I don’t want what we have to end.
Turning on my side I face him, pulling down my scarf that’s bundled too far up my neck. His chocolate eyes glitter as they focus on the sky, eyes that keep me complete even when they aren’t on me. As I glance down his body, devilment hits me full force, as I focus on the gap of his clothes that shows the small exposed area of his waist. I don’t hesitate. Grabbing a handful of snow, I push it up under his jumper, he twists with a yell, frantically trying to remove it. Laughing hard, I quickly get to my feet, grabbing another handful of snow to mould it into a ball. It hits his chest as he stands.
“Picking a fight with me was a big mistake. You’re guaranteed to lose,” he says, scooping up a snowball that’s twice the size of mine. I know there and then I am defeated.
“Bring it on big guy, show me what you’re made of.”
As soon as I say it, I start to run as snowballs fly everywhere. I quickly scoop up more snow turning to throw another when I’m caught off guard. The hit of the large snowball on my waist causes me to miss place my footing, shrieking out with a giggle as my back hits the snow with a thud. Noel is over me in seconds, a little look of concern in his eyes but laughing with it. “You alright?”
“I think I’m dead.” I chuckle. Laying down beside me and I move to straddle him, pinning his arms to the ground so I have control over them.
“Ever had sex in the snow?” he questions, a hint of desire in his eyes, fighting against the coldness that hits his cheeks with a rosy glow.
“Do you ever think of anything other than sex?”
“Not when you’re around.” He smirks.
“Well, I haven’t and don’t get any ideas either.”
“Why not? No one’s going to catch us, the side gate is locked.”
“I couldn’t give a shit if you had an electric fence, we’re not exposing any sexual parts in freezing conditions.”
“Worried I’ll get hyperthermia while you ride me?” He chuckles.
“I’m more worried for myself. If your cock withers and falls off where will that leave me?”
“I dread to think.”
I lean down close, flick my eyes on his mouth before I place mine on his. Our tongues meet. Warmth versus the coldness of our lips. After being out for over two hours laying in the snow, the cold has now soaked into my bones and begins to make my body shudder. I release Noel’s hands and they cup my jaw, sweeping his thumb over my mouth. “Your lips are turning blue, Angel?”
“I’m a little cold.” My teeth chatter.
“Then we best go get you warm.”
Tamzin.
For dinner, Noel’s prepared us homemade soup and hot rolls. It was delicious, just like the man that slaved over the stove with the help of a girl that loved being beside him. Only now, I am once again fighting to try and protect my heart with the feelings that are growing rapidly for him.
“Don’t go,” he breathes, pressing me into the wall as kisses plant my shoulder. I’ve been trying to escape his hold for the last hour. I’ve hardly been out his arms since we came in from outside, and after showering and placing one of his sweaters over me before relaxing by the fire, I found it harder to leave.
“I have to. It’s late, I’ve got work tomorrow.”
“But it’s cold out. I’ll drop you back early before work.” He resumes his kisses as my need for him grows.
“I can’t, Noel.”
“But I want you to stay,” he murmurs. “I like having you here, the place feels more like a home with you in it.”
“After tomorrow you’ll have me all weekend, I’ll come back then.” My demands to leave are failing me as I fall further into his warmth. He removes his hand from my thigh and reaches into his back pocket of his jeans. A quick glance at the phone screen and his lips are back, the phone to his ear. “Noel, who are you calling?”
I’m about to ask again when I hear a voice on the othe
r end of the receiver. “Dad, it’s me. Tamzin King just called to say she needs to take a sick day tomorrow. She’ll be back on Monday.” Ending the call, he throws his phone on the sofa, pulling us down so I straddle him. A grin wider than I’ve ever seen plasters his handsome face. I push him back slightly with wide eyes.
“What the hell was that?”
“Let’s see. A boring eight-hour day in front of the computer thinking of sex with me or a day out the office where can use those eight hours and have sex time with me?”
The asshole has me. Using my weakness to his advantage. “Well, I do have a lot of paperwork I’m not looking forward to.”
He bites my earlobe; my hands brace his neck. “That will give you a headache.”
“And I’ve got a ton of emails to type out.”
He sucks my collarbone. “That’ll make you tired.”
“And it is very cold outside.”
He pulls the sweater over my head, kissing his way down my body as I’m turned to fall on my back. “I can keep you warm.”
“And then there’s this constant ache between my thighs I think needs checking over.”
He places his lips on my white lace panties and inhales. “I’ll help fix that.”
It’s dark. Bitter cold and the ground is wet. The wind howls through the silent winter streets. The warm glow of the street lights flicker as the droplet from rain trickles loudly down the drainpipes. I’m small amongst the high buildings, I clasp my favourite teddy bear in my hand. I don’t know how I got here.
I hear something.
Whispers. Lots of haunted like whispers. “Hello? Is… is anyone there?”
More whispers. I can hear my name.
“Hello?”
“You can do it, Tamzin.”
Gran? My breath catches and I run in the direction of her soft elegant echoed voice. “Gran?!”
