Minutes of silence passed before Joss finally asked the question I'd been dreading. "Why did you never tell us?"
I turned back to him, and dropped down beside him on the floor. I watched as he tossed his dirty pants as far away from us as he could, and then looked back to me. I searched his eyes for any sign of anger, but only saw questions glimmering in the green depths. He only wanted an explanation, and I didn't have a good one to give.
"I've met people since I changed." I started, searching for my words carefully. "There were a few that didn't like me or trust me once they found out I'd been infected. I've been driven out of more than a few settlements because of that, but they never minded my trade goods.
"When I met you guys, I didn't think I'd travel with you for so long. By the time I knew I wanted to stay, it seemed like it was too late to tell you. I never could find the words."
The floor was covered in cheap linoleum tile, and Joss was picking at the edge where it warped along a crack. I waited for a reaction, but his demeanor never changed. When he finally looked up at me, he simply asked, "They really kicked you out?"
I nodded in answer. "They didn't understand me. I don't even understand what we are."
He turned his attention back to the tile. "Are there others?"
"Yes." I replied without pause, thinking about Walter and the soldier he had buried. "At least a few, but I've only actually met one. He didn't know much more than I did."
"I see." He turned his sad green eyes up to me and he tried to smile again. "Maybe we can find more."
I returned what I could of the smile. The sadness between us was almost suffocating, overshadowing the joy of our reunion. I wasn't sure if this immunity we had was a blessing or a curse, but there was still a weight lifted off my shoulders now that I was back with Joss.
The growl of hunger from Joss's stomach ended our conversation.
"You must be starving." I said, remembering Walter's gift.
Joss was already starting to rise, saying, "I think there's some noodles..."
"Stay." I scolded, interrupting him. He dropped back down and pouted up at me.
"I'm not completely helpless." He muttered, and I chuckled lightly in response.
Feeling myself relax, my smile seemed less forced. Sadness still lingered in Joss's eyes, and I knew I could never protect him from all the horrors of this new world, but some of the tension had left him. I asked, "Have you ever had squirrel soup?"
There was a pause before he replied, and he seemed almost bashful. "A few times, if Jeremy could get one. Mary would cook it up in a stew. Never tasted much different than the chicken to me."
"I'll be right back." I said, as I ran to the truck to fetch the stew. I also pulled one of my candles and some matches out of the glove box before I headed back in, as well as my pack filled with blankets.
I didn't even have the candle lit before Joss dove in. I knew his body needed to recharge after the fever, and he must have been starving. I didn't feel much like eating, so I let him have the whole bowl. It wasn't enough to satiate his hunger.
I ended up soaking three packs of ramen noodles in some water for him before he finally slowed down some. I wasn't sure how long it would be before his need to eat lessoned due to the infection.
I could also tell he was exhausted. The sun hadn't even faded completely when he turned the old roller chair on its back so he could use it as a pillow. The only other cushiony thing in the store was a bundle of neck supports for traveling. We stuffed those in the duffle bag for another pillow, and I spread out one of the blankets. It did little to cushion the hard tile. Sleeping in my truck would have almost been more preferable. Almost.
The night passed slowly for me, and I was grateful when Joss woke at the first light of dawn. Having spent so much time alone, it shocked me how starved I was for company. I fixed another round of noodles for his breakfast, which he eagerly ate. There were only a few packages left, so I skipped another meal. Joss didn't notice.
Eventually, I helped Joss to his feet and watched over him closely as he moved around, testing his strength. He already seemed to be surefooted, no longer wobbling like he was last night. I gave him a nod of encouragement as he met my gaze after a test walk around the store. As he approached, his face fell into a frown again, and my own stomach lurched as I knew he was thinking about Becky.
I hadn't been dwelling on the task I had committed myself to, although there had been a heavy knot in my stomach all night. Now that there was nothing left to delay the inevitable, I floundered.
"What if there's a cure?" Joss asked while I was using the facade of packing up our things, trying to hide the fact I was stalling.
I glanced at him, already having been down that road before. It wasn't the first time I'd thought about it, but I truly didn't think there could be a cure. Too much of the world had deteriorated, and there were no signs of humanity making a comeback. If there had even been a hint of a cure, I hadn't even come across a hint of a rumor.
I had to force myself to speak. "No, I don't think there is one."
We stood in silence for a moment as Joss accepted my answer. Finally, he asked, "How do we do this?"
I met his eyes, completely at a loss. I had killed countless freaks over the course of five years, but this was different. This was still Becky, even though her mind was gone. I cringed.
The knife was too messy, and the gun seemed far too brutal. I didn't want to take her body back to her family with a gaping wound. I wanted to preserve what I could of her young beauty. I looked down at my hands, wondering if I could do it.
Looking up to Joss, I stated with a shudder, "Suffocation?"
He shook his head immediately, already knowing what I intended by my gesture. "Not like that."
He slipped behind the counter and pulled out a stash of plastic bags. He tossed them on the counter top. I studied them as my mind walked through what the process would be like. It could work. I grimly nodded my agreement.
I studied Joss for a moment before taking a deep breath and going outside. He followed close behind me as we walked to the sports bar. We entered from the back, and he guided me towards the swinging door on the far wall. I led as we exited the kitchen into the main area of the restaurant, the anxiety inside me rising with the bile in my throat.
There she was.
I gasped despite my vain attempts to steel myself. It was horrible seeing her, and I felt a momentary weakness in my knees before I was able to recover. Her hair was a little matted and her clothes were filthy, but she still looked like the sweet, quiet girl I had met at the farm.
Becky had taken notice of us and was facing our way. There was no recognition in her red eyes. She stared at us, not comprehending who or what we were. Her vacant stare was no different than any other freak I'd ever seen. I blinked, and tears spilled over to run down my cheeks.
After a few moments, Becky went back to setting the table.
I looked at Joss, looking for reassurance in what I was about to do. He nodded grimly, his face a mix of sadness and anger. I turned back to Becky, and minutes passed as I watched her set and reset the tables. I wondered how long she would continue to do that. Probably forever, if no one ended it for her.
I approached slowly, cautiously. I didn't want to startle her. Gingerly, I reached out to her, not sure how she would react.
My heart skipped a beat as she turned to me, but, other than that, she remained still. My fingers clumsily fumbled to open the plastic bag I had brought, and I cringed at the sound of the material when I finally pulled it apart.
I took a deep breath and held it, quickly placing the bag over her head, all the while thinking she would struggle. Instead, she was docile. She remained still and obedient as I secured the ties around her neck. Done with stage one of the horrific task, I retreated back to where Joss was standing, all my strength drained.
I don't know who moved first, Joss or I, but we grasped each other's hand as we watched Becky. For several moments, she r
emained still. The only movement was the slight rise and fall of the bag as she breathed. Then she turned back to the table and began to reach for the dishes. The bag completely obscured her vision, so she was working on memory and touch alone. The first dish clattered to the floor as she knocked it off the table.
The sound echoed through the stillness, and Becky paused. I was surprised her breathing remained steady and even. Tearing my eyes away, I glanced at Joss momentarily, seeing a stoic expression plastered on his face.
Frowning, I turned back to the spectacle of Becky's slow death. She was moving again, reaching for dishes until another one clattered to the floor. Again she paused, waiting and listening for one agonizing minute after another. I was beginning to think she may have some regenerative power helping her breathe. Then she reached out to the table again and that's when she faltered.
Becky collapsed to her knees, and Joss's stoic facade broke. He sobbed as he turned into me, burying his head against my shoulder as he cried. I held him, also not able to watch the scene any longer. I closed my eyes and let time slip by.
There was a thud as her body collapsed completely, landing on the hard wood floor, and still neither of us moved. I had no desire to open my eyes and see Becky's lifeless body lying there, but there was little else I could do. If I didn't take care of this, then the task would fall upon Joss, and there was no way I would allow that to happen.
I finally pushed him away, holding him out at arm's length as I made sure he was stable and steady enough for me to leave him. He wiped the tears away, keeping his face averted.
Forcing myself to finish it, I slowly turned from him, and went to Becky's fallen body. She had fallen on her side, and as I knelt beside her, I could see the faintest rise and fall of the bag. It didn't persist though, and I reached out to check her pulse, feeling like I might faint.
Nothing. The task was done.
I gently removed the bag and closed her lifeless red eyes. If I remembered right, they had been a lovely shade of sky blue before. That was the way I wanted to remember them.
I lifted her body easily. She had been a little wisp of a girl, and it was nothing to carry her to one of the long tables on the other side of the restaurant. Joss joined me.
"Let's get her cleaned up some." I said solemnly. "Let me grab a few things from the truck."
There was a guttural sound that I took as agreement from Joss, and I could feel that Joss wanted a few moments to himself to say goodbye. I quietly slipped out the front doors and headed to the gas station. I might as well clean up camp.
I took my time packing up the truck, making sure to leave enough room to accommodate Becky's trip back to her family. I gathered the few things we would need to clean her up and I even considered grabbing a clean set of clothes for her, but then decided against it. That was too personal. Best to leave that to her family.
Finished, I slumped against the truck, taking the time to let my mind process what was happening. I felt numb. I thought I would cry, but there were no tears. I didn't know Becky that well, so my mourning was for the loss of a life that could have been. I also mourned for Joss, and another piece of his innocence lost.
Nothing could stop the inevitable. I gazed back at the old bar and decided it was time to head inside.
I found Joss sitting in a chair next to Becky, holding her hand. He looked up at me with red-rimmed eyes, but I noticed he no longer had any tears either. He had gathered a few tablecloths, and had them sitting to the side. We would be able to use those as a shroud for her body.
I went to him, gently patting him on the back and hoped he felt some comfort in the gesture.
"Are you going to be okay?" I asked, knowing it was a stupid question. None of us were okay, but I felt the need to say something and no other words were forming in my mind.
Joss shrugged as he stood up. That was all the answer I received.
With no more attempts at conversation, we went to work cleaning up Becky's body. I unwrapped the dressing Joss had put on Becky's bite, and was surprised to see it was almost healed. Joss went to work on her hair, a pained expression on his face as he tried to ignore what I was doing.
I cleaned and dressed the wound as if she were still alive, bandaging it tightly in hopes to stave off an infection that would never happen now. I continued to wash her skin and what I could of her clothes as Joss worked out the mats and tangles in her hair.
Once finished doing what we could for her appearance, we began to wrap her in her shroud of tablecloths until only her face remained uncovered. I backed a step away, giving Joss his space as he stared down at her. I watched as he gingerly touched her cheek with the back of his finger, and then leaned down to kiss her forehead.
"We won't have time to say goodbye later." He choked out as he straightened.
We loaded her body in the truck as gently as we could. Then there was nothing left for us to do but take her back home. We drove in silence, the anxiety weighing down on us. It seemed like no time had passed when we were pulling up into the driveway. When Jeremy stepped out onto the porch, Joss finally spoke.
"I'll get her."
"Are you sure? Do you have your strength back?" I asked, truly concerned about his recovery.
The stern look he gave me was answer enough, and I knew this was something he had to do himself.
I stepped out of the truck first, but when Joss made an appearance, Jeremy froze in his tracks. I ignored him, stepping around to the back of the truck to help Joss unload our cargo. He cradled Becky tightly in his arms as he turned to walk towards the house.
I followed him as far as the front of the truck, and then stood there with my arms wrapped around myself, watching helplessly as the macabre scene play out in front of me.
Joss was only a few feet away from me when Mary and Kevin filed out of the house. As soon as Mary laid eyes on Joss, she stumbled off the porch, her face ashen with grief.
"Rebecca?" Her anguished croak made it to my ears. She rushed past where Jeremy remained frozen, her cries becoming louder the closer she drew to him. "Rebecca? Is that my baby? Becky?"
Joss only made it a few more steps before she converged on him, first pulling at the makeshift shroud until she uncovered Becky's face, then she was hysterically trying to pry Becky away from him. Joss was forced to relent, lowering her body to the ground and passing her to her mother's arms.
"Oh God, my baby girl! My poor baby girl!" Mary's wails thundered through my thoughts, and the tears that I had thought run dry came on again in full force. Jeremy took two steps forward and collapsed to his knees. Kevin still stood frozen on the porch, unable to move.
Mary continued to wail, rocking Becky's body back and forth. It was the only sound, the only movement for many terrible agonizing seconds.
Finally, Joss clumsily pulled himself to his feet and stumbled back a few steps. I was surprised to see him move forward, heading toward the house. He disappeared inside for a few moments, returning with something small in his hands. It was too small for me to make out at that distance.
He forced Kevin to face him, trying to hand him the object, but Kevin only shook his head. He pushed it back into Joss's hands, and they embraced in a brief hug. When Joss left him, Kevin sat down on the porch steps with his head in his hands, and I could see his shoulders shake from the sobbing.
Joss walked by Jeremy without a word, his face a mask of stone as he passed him. He briefly paused as he came up beside Mary, as if he wanted to console the hysterical, grieving woman, but he finally tore himself away. He approached me with a determined look plastered on his face that melted into a weary resignation as he reached me.
"We're done here." He whispered. "Let's go."
* * *
The driving was slow and quiet. The grief was weighing heavily on us both, and it kept conversation to a minimum. Joss was toying with the small object he had retrieved from the Powells. To me, it looked like a couple small sticks tied together, and I was curious as to its significance. I would
wager it had something to do with Becky, but I felt Joss wasn't ready to talk about it yet. Instead, I focused on the drive.
With no one around to keep up regular maintenance on the highways, nature was taking its toll. There were a lot of obstacles to deal with – obstruction, damage, freaks – that it slowed our progress to a crawl.
I had pointed the truck northwest shortly after leaving Sweetwater. My goal was to avoid getting anywhere near Carlsbad if I could help it, and so far Joss hadn't mentioned it. I wasn't sure if that was because he didn't want to face what we might find there, or if it hadn't occurred to him that we were heading in that general direction.
We had only traveled maybe sixty miles west when we decided to find a place to camp for the night. I didn't feel like hunting down a nearby settlement, so I found the next best thing. A neighborhood full of freaks. That was the fastest way to find a place safe from strangers. I didn't trust most people nowadays.
The freaks were wandering out in the streets of this little rundown neighborhood. I had seen so many places like this, places that we never tried to take back. It was testament to how few of us were left on this earth. To say we were outnumbered by the diseased was an understatement.
Spotting a two story house that seemed to be in pretty decent shape, I pulled the truck as far into the driveway as I could get. Most of it was blocked by an overgrown hedge and fallen tree limbs. There was a small forest of rose bushes we would have to wade through to get to the front door, but it wasn't unlike most of the other houses, and the upper story made it worth it. Freaks could climb stairs, but they were clumsy and noisy. They always gave ample warning when they were in a building, so being on the top floor gave us an added sense of security.
"Remember," I whispered to Joss before leaving the truck. "Move slowly and make as little noise as possible."
He just cocked an eyebrow at me, and I had to bite my tongue. I reminded myself Joss was no novice to this life, but that would never change my over-cautious nature.
The Phoenix Curse (Book 1): After Page 11
