Praise for
ON SOLID GROUND
“Michelle Kemper Brownlow delivers an emotional and empowering sequel to IN TOO DEEP that will take you on a journey of letting go, holding on and moving forward. Gracie Jordan is a character that will stick with me for years to come.” ~ Sarah Rostar, Books She Reads
“It only takes Michelle a few sentences to put us right back into Gracie and Jake’s world. Filled with such raw emotion, my chest was physically aching for the love Gracie and Jake have found...and are fighting to keep. On Solid Ground is a journey of self-discovery and emotional healing written with such feeling that it’s a story I won’t soon forget. Poignant, relatable, humbling, tender and beautiful....truly remarkable.” ~ Jillian Stein, Read-Love-Blog
“Follow Gracie’s journey as she searches for inner peace and holds tight to Jake’s love that’s supported her along the way. On Solid Ground is a riveting book that will captivate your heart and touch your soul.” ~ Heather Davenport, Naughty and Nice Book Blog
“Captivating, emotional, beautiful, sexy, funny - Michelle Kemper Brownlow has surpassed my expectations with the conclusion of Jake and Gracie’s story. On Solid Ground is a book that will stay with you long after you turn the last page and has instantly become one of my favourite reads of 2013.” ~ Holly Baker, Holly’s Hot Reads
“On Solid Ground is an extraordinary sequel that will have you reeling with tons of emotions. It’s such an awe-inspiring story about a once broken girl and how she finds her true self again while fighting to keep a love that is worthy of forever. Heartbreaking, soul-wrenching, and absolutely one of the best love stories I’ve read. On Solid Ground will leave you breathlessly content.” ~ Brooke, True Story Book Blog
Copyright © 2013 Michelle Kemper Brownlow
All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without prior permission of the publisher.
The characters and events in this book are fictitious. Names, characters, places, and plots are a product of the author’s imagination. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
ISBN-13: 978-1-78301-262-6
Cover Design: Michelle Kemper Brownlow
Book Jacket: Carrie Butler, Forward Authority
Cover Image: Sean van Tonder
Editing: Nancy S. Thompson
Formatting: eBookPartnership.com
http://michellekemperbrownlow.blogspot.com
Dedication
To the friends and lovers of those who carry baggage and struggle with the triggers Post-traumatic Stress Disorder carries with it. Love them hard and remember their junk isn’t part of your relationship but it will always be a part of their story.
Respect that.
And help them make new memories.
Gracie’s Summer Playlist
“Michelle did a stellar job with her playlist...If you aren’t familiar with [the music] I suggest while reading [On Solid Ground] you pull them up on whatever music app you use and listen to them right then & there at that particular part of the story. Not only did this enhance my reading experience it gave me further insight to the depth of Gracie’s pain and strength and truly made the book that much more!” ~ Kim Person, Stick Girl Book Reviews
Behind Blue Eyes by The Who
Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd
Enter Sandman by Metallica
Breaking the Girl by Red Hot Chili Peppers
Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison
Give a Little Bit by Goo Goo Dolls
Golden State by EddieVedder & Natalie Maines
I Want You to Want Me by Cheap Trick
Indifference by Pearl Jam
Hunger Strike by Temple of the Dog
Short Skirt, Long Jacket by Cake
Sex on Fire by Kings of Leon
Breathe by Anna Nalick
Hurt Makes it Beautiful by Hugo
Demons by Imagine Dragons
F*ckin’ Perfect by P!nk
Gone Away by The Offspring
Rearview Mirror by Pearl Jam
Courage and Control by Brandon Boyd
Beautiful Ending by BarlowGirl
Mountain Song by Jane’s Addiction
Come As You Are by Nirvana
Complicated by Avril Lavigne
Kiss Me Slowly by Parachute
Lucky by Jason Mraz feat. Colbie Caillat
One Love by Bob Marley
Just Breathe by Pearl Jam
Stupid Boy by Keith Urban
No Diggity by Blackstreet & Dr. Dre
*Search Michelle Kemper Brownlow on Spotify.com for this and other novel playlists
Contents
Praise for
Dedication
Gracie’s Summer Playlist
ON SOLID GROUND
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Eleven
Twelve
Thirteen
Fourtee
Fourteen
Sixteen
Seventeen
Eighteen
Nineteen
Twenty
Twenty-one
Twenty-two
Twenty-three
Twenty-four
Twenty-five
Twenty-six
Twenty-seven
Twenty-eight
Twenty-nine
Thirty
Thirty-one
Thirty-two
Thirty-three
Thirty-four
Thirty-five
Thirty-six
Thirty-seven
Thirty-eight
Thirty-nine
Forty
Forty-one
Forty-two
Forty-three
Forty-four
Forty-five
Forty-six
Forty-seven
Forty-eight
Forty-nine
Fifty
Fifty-one
Fifty-two
Fifty-three
Fifty-four
Fifty-five
Fifty-six
Fifty-seven
Epilogue
Acknowledgements
Emotional Abuse Resources
ON SOLID GROUND
One
Gracie
“Gracie, please.” Noah Foster stood unwelcome in the doorway of my apartment. I tried to slam it shut, but his hand stopped it. With that one, sharp movement, panic seized my heart. The adrenaline kicked in, and I forced the door closed and turned the lock.
My lips parted, but only a small whimper trembled from my throat. I didn’t know which was faster, my beating heart or my spinning brain. I couldn’t let him in. I wouldn’t.
Jake. Help.
“Gracie...” I heard a soft bump and imagined his forehead hitting the door on the other side. Before the door slammed closed, we made eye contact, and his big brown eyes were sad. The kind of sad that had always grabbed my heart and squeezed. But feeling sorry for Noah was not going to happen anymore. All I felt was disgust. A flashback took over my mind. A paralyzing fear enveloped me. I could clearly see the seething anger in his eyes the night he physically dragged me from Mitchell’s and down the sidewalk against my will. That memory sent another shockwave of fear through my body. I wasn’t worried I’d cave to him; I was worried he’d hurt me.
I couldn’t move. My feet and hands tingle
d. I needed to call Jake. I rolled my body so my back pressed against the cool steel door. Instantly, my mind went further back to the night at Murphy’s, when Noah held the back door closed and kissed me deeply and forcibly for the first time, the night my heart was paralyzed by a love that threatened to unravel me.
“Gracie!” He knocked lightly, and my body jolted with the reverberation straight through to my spine. I looked down at my phone and, with shaky fingers, speed dialed Jake. But before it connected, I hung up. The last time I stood up to Noah, Jake was right there with me. This time I needed to do it on my own.
I threw my phone into the laundry basket by the door, swirled around, turned the latch, and opened the only thing keeping Noah at a safe distance.
“What the hell are you doing here? You’ve got a lot of nerve...”
“Gracie, wait. Please. Just. Wait.” His big, brown eyes were filled with hope.
With one hand on the edge of the open door and the other on my hip, I did my best to look fearless, but my insides shook, and I could barely stand still. My bones vibrated beneath my muscles. It was unsettling that he still had this effect on me. It pissed me off. I motioned with my hand for him to speak but kept my focus on his movements. One step closer and I was slamming the door again.
“Gracie. I...I just can’t...I’m lost, Gracie baby. I am so lost without you.”
“Noah, I am no longer yours. There is nothing here anymore.” I threw my hand into the space between us.
I shouldn’t have let any part of my body cross the threshold, but I didn’t think fast enough. He grabbed my arm and stepped toward me, knocking my other hand from the door and stepping back in. He was back in my life, even if only for a moment. By the time the door shut behind him, my heart soared back to the dark night I stumbled down the sidewalk, afraid the bones in my wrist would crush within his violent grasp. A wave of nausea hit me, but I wasn’t going to let him do this to me again.
“Gracie. I just need you to hear me out. I just want to talk, to explain.”
“Explain? There is nothing you could say that could erase all the scars on my heart, Noah. Scars you put there. Scars that will never go away.” I yanked my wrist from his grip.
“You have every right to hate me...”
“Damn straight I do!”
When I clenched my jaw, a tear fell from my eye and rolled down my cheek. Noah reached to wipe it away, and when I flinched, he stumbled back a little and leaned against the door. Our hands fell to our sides.
“Are you afraid of me?”
“Terrified.” As the word tumbled from my mouth, I wished I hadn’t said it. Admitting he scared me gave him the upper hand. And, like an idiot, I freely handed that card to him. Again.
I felt trapped.
Jake.
I sat straight up in bed. Nauseous and sweating profusely. What had I done? Why was I here, in this bed?
I’m naked.
“Baby what’s wrong?” His hands touched my shoulders and sent me over the edge.
“Don’t! Touch! Me!” I spun around, armed with an open hand, and launched my palm into the side of his face with a loud crack.
And that’s when I realized who I’d slapped.
“Jake.”
“God, Gracie, what the...” Jake’s hand flew up to his face, and he held my gaze, but there was a fire in his eyes. He had to know the slap was not directed at him, and I was sure he deduced he’d just taken the brunt of my residual anger for Noah.
“It was a dream. Another nightmare. Jake, I am so sorry!” I reached for his face then kissed the spot I’d nailed. My hand stung, but not as much as my heart. I had never hit anyone before, not even Noah. I hated that I just took out my aggression against the person who deserved it most on the person who deserved it least.
I waited for him to say something. Even anger would be better than his complete and utter silence and the look of total shock.
“It was Noah.” Saying Noah’s name made me cringe.
Jake’s biceps flexed. “I kind of figured...”
“He was at my door and forced his way in...” My teeth started to chatter.
“Shhh, baby girl. He’s not here, and he’s never going to hurt you again. You ended it. And with such conviction, he had nothing to throw back at you. Nothing. All he could do was walk away.”
“I wish I felt as strong as you think I am.” It was as if Noah haunted me and still had the power to make me feel small and weak. I felt so far from strong.
“You will, Gracie. We just have to work through all the damage to get you there, but you will get there. I promise.” He brushed the hair from my forehead to clear a space for his lips.
“I hate that I dream about him when I’m in your bed. It’s a horrible feeling.” Guilt washed over me.
“Dreams come from your subconscious. It’s not your fault you still dream about him. Please don’t feel guilty for something you have no control of.”
I nodded. “So maybe my dream was symbolic of me keeping him out of my life.”
“Could be, baby girl.”
“I just wish there was a switch that could wipe him completely from my memory.” The realization that Noah Foster would most likely always be a part of my memories brought back the weight of the dream. I hated that.
“I think you have a switch right here.” He held my face and leaned in and kissed my lips so gently, it gave me goosebumps. His short pecks grew into longer kisses. His tongue gently parted my lips and made its way to mine. I gasped for a quick breath, because the passion in his kiss increased my heart rate. I laced my arms around his neck and pulled him as close as we could get in the position we were sitting. He was right; this was my switch. Jake was my switch.
As our kisses slowed, we rested our foreheads together and I smiled.
“Better?”
“Yeah. Thank you.”
“Anytime, beautiful.”
Jake did make things better, but I was smart enough to know that even the love we had couldn’t erased the year of heartache behind me.
When I turned my head to lay it on Jake’s shoulder, I noticed the clock. We had, once again, slept away most of the morning. Just then, someone’s stomach growled.
“Was that mine?” Jake laid his hand across his bare middle. My mind rewound itself to all the attention I’d paid to his abs the night before.
“Actually, I thought it was mine.” I threw on my cami from the night before and the closest t-shirt I could find and stood to search for my shorts.
“Come on, I’m taking you to lunch.” Jake rummaged around for clothes in his clean but unfolded laundry pile and was dressed in no time. When he was hungry, there was no standing in his way.
I checked my reflection in the mirror, wiped away some smudged mascara, and stole a UT baseball cap off Jake’s desk. It was always the perfect co-ed bedhead cover-up. When we got to the kitchen, I grabbed my new messenger bag from the chair and turned toward the door, but halted when I hit Jake’s firm chest. I peeked up from under the brim.
“You are freaking adorable when you wear my stuff.” Jake pushed me out the door and locked it behind us. “If we don’t get away from this apartment soon, I am going to take you back inside and strip you down to nothing but that hat. The look on his face made the pit of my stomach clench.
“Romeo, as loud as your stomach is growling, you’d never make it through once.”
“You don’t think?”
I rolled my eyes, grabbed his hand, and pulled him toward the elevator. I knew he could far surpass one time. He had been proving his ridiculous stamina to me since we became an official couple.
Two
Jake
It had been almost two months since I watched Gracie tell Noah they were over for the last time. I had never been so proud of her. Of course, I had to lay him flat a couple times to get him to listen to what she had to say, but the bloody knuckles were well worth the satisfaction she got letting him know she deserved better. I had never hit anyone in my life
before that day. I was the last person most people would think of when it came to fighting, but I couldn’t hold back one second longer. When he sneered and said, “All she had to do was spread her legs,” my blood boiled. Then he took it one step further with, “Been there, done that,” and I lost it. No one was going to refer to Gracie with such crude terms and phrases. Asshole.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t thrilled Noah went home for the summer. I knew Gracie needed a break. The fear of running into him around every corner almost did her in during the remainder of the spring semester. But she was getting stronger.
****
The atmosphere of Café Best had the ability to make life go away for a while. I think it was the smell of freshly ground coffee that worked as an elixir even before the caffeine hit your bloodstream. Of course, it could have also been the company that made the rest of the world fall away. Gracie sat across from me at our favorite hi-top in the window, the exhaustion of the last year of her life still evident in her eyes. It broke my heart. She glanced up at me and forced a shy smile.
“You’re so beautiful.”
“Jake.”
She covered her face with her hands and rested her elbows on the table as though she was waiting for me to look away. Her shoulder-length hair was pulled back into a messy knot that stuck out through the hole in the back of my UT cap. She wore my Rolling Rock t-shirt and a pair of her favorite threadbare cut-offs. So simple, but this girl could one day cause me to spontaneously combust. She was so sexy and she didn’t even realize it. That was such a turn-on.
She rolled her eyes, dropped her hands to the table, and twisted a paper straw wrapper around her finger. Her smile grew, and she looked up at me again from under my cap, her eyes begging me to stop showing her the attention I believed she deserved. The attention Noah never gave her. Bastard.
More and more, I noticed she was comfortable, but uncomfortable at the same time. I tried to use compliments to lift her up. I was determined to help her absorb all the beauty she was until she could see it herself. But that proved difficult. It was almost like Noah was still knocking her down.
“You are beautiful, baby girl.” I stood, patted her hand, kissed her on the top of her head, and walked up to order for us. I couldn’t stand not being able to fix her heart. She was going to need to do that herself, but I wasn’t sure she was capable at this point. I wanted to be able to take away all the pain I saw in her eyes. I wanted to steal the nightmares that haunted her almost every night. I wanted to make her whole again, but it was too soon. Everything Noah took from her was still beyond her reach. She was quiet and reserved, not the bubbly girl she was when we first met, although I could see it just below the surface. She remained guarded and second-guessed herself and her actions when it was her spontaneity that used to light her up like nothing I’d ever seen. And I knew she couldn’t look at me when I complimented her, because I was focused on a part of her she no longer saw. It was so hard to watch her struggle.
On Solid Ground: Sequel to in Too Deep Page 1
