My parents were paying for my apartment over the summer, but my spending money was all on me. I needed a job so I wouldn’t go hungry, and so I could spoil Gracie every now and then.
I walked slowly down College Avenue, glancing up at storefront windows for Help Wanted signs. I really wasn’t picky about the kind of jobs I’d apply for, but I was surprised when I didn’t see any signs at all. My phone chimed, and I pulled it from my pocket, expecting to see Gracie’s face on my screen. Nope.
“Sam! How are you, man?” I sat down on the nearest bench and turned my cap backwards. I didn’t realize how much I’d missed my wingman.
“Dude. I’m good. You?”
“I’m good. I’m walking the streets, looking for a part time job.”
“Cool. How’s Gracie?”
“She’s trying to work things out in her head. It’s tough, man. Knowing the things he did to her, I can only imagine what that does to a girl. Fuck, Sam! Why didn’t we save her from him?”
“Jake, I’ve run that same question through my head a million times. I could kill him with my bare hands, and I’m sure I don’t even know the half of it. But the guy had us all fooled. He’s sick, man.”
“Agreed. I guess I should just be thankful she got out when she did.”
“Focus on that and keep her strong.”
“Will do.” I rubbed the thought lines from my forehead. “So, what’s up with you? You good?”
“I am. Do you remember Ashley from our Business Management class?”
“Is she the brunette with the cute giggle that you’ve been crushing on forever?”
“That’s the one. She just moved to Sparta. I ran into her when I was out with some friends from high school last weekend.”
“All the places in Tennessee to pick from and she ends up in your town?”
“She didn’t end up here; she was drawn here by my sexual magnetism.” He chuckled.
I shook my head. “You keep thinking that, man.”
“Alright, dude. I need to get out of bed...”
“Bed? Shit, Sam, it’s three-thirty!”
“I know, I know. Hey, I’m going to try to get to campus sometime soon.”
“That’d be great! Would love to have you.”
“I’ll let you know when I can. Take care of that beautiful girl of ours.”
“I plan to. And Sam, she’s the beautiful girl of mine, I’m not sharing.”
“Damn you! See ya, brother.”
“Later.”
No sooner had I put my phone in my pocket when it buzzed with a text.
Gracie: Are you home?
Jake: No
Gracie: Meet me at home in 20 mins
Jake: for...
Gracie: Just get there, ok?
Jake: ok
In the short time we’d been together, I learned that Gracie gets bossy when she’s horny. I’d never admit to it, but it made me horny when she got all bossy. I headed for home.
****
There was music coming from the bedroom when I walked in. I pulled my shirt over my head before I even got all the way back down the hallway. Gracie was covered loosely with the sheet. My gaze landed on the familiar, unrestrained shape of her beautiful breasts and I knew she was naked. I was ready. I climbed on top, but she stopped me. Her hands on my chest held me at bay.
“Jake, I’m on a self-confidence high right now, so I’m going to take advantage of that euphoria, if you don’t mind.”
“I don’t mind at all.” My voice was breathy. I liked this ‘take charge Gracie.’ Shit, I was throbbing. Baseball. Baseball. Baseball. “Whatever you want, baby girl.”
“I want to be on top.”
My head dropped to her forehead and growled. “Gracie, that is the hottest thing I’ve ever heard you say.”
“It wasn’t too forward?”
“Oh, it was forward, but holy hell, that’s hot!”
“Listen, I...I...” she grunted and covered her face.
“Listening...” And almost exploding in my shorts.
“I want to know why girls make such a big deal about being on top. I never...when I was...I couldn’t...”
“Shhh. Stop talking.”
I pulled off my shorts and slid under the covers with her. She turned to face me, and I pulled her as close as I could. Her skin was soft and warm. The shy look on her face and the ornery smile on her lips was pushing me closer to the edge, and she hadn’t even touched me yet. I wasn’t sure if baseball was enough of a distraction this time. I think if she reached for me right at that moment, I’d lose it.
She lifted her body slowly and straddled me. The sheet fell away from us. Oh my God. The inside of her thighs rested on my hips. She remained still, and I saw the sudden doubt wash over her.
“Jake, maybe, we should...”
“Gracie, let me show you.” I grasped her hips and lifted. She adjusted herself so the end of me was touching the warmest, wettest spot on her. She sucked in a sharp breath.
“Have a seat, beautiful.” I let her body down slowly and filled her so completely, I gasped and she moaned.
I kept my hands on her hips and held them still while I circled my own hips below her.
“Feel that?”
Her eyes started to roll back, and a raspy sound fell from her lips. She nodded.
“Now, I’m going to stop. I want you to do it. Just do what feels good.” I knew taking charge was out of her comfort zone, and I worried I wouldn’t last long enough for her to come.
Baseball. Baseball. Badminton. Soccer.
Her hands rested on my chest as she lifted her body slowly up, and then lowered herself onto me. She repeated this a couple times, and I instantly knew why she had never been able to come like this before. She was only thinking about me. Her up and down movements were sure to make me come, but it wouldn’t do a whole lot for her. This is all she knew.
“Baby, move your body so my body is rubbing you here...” I pressed my thumb onto the tiny spot I wanted her to focus on. She gasped
“But, how will that do anything for you?”
“Gracie, if you make yourself come from grinding into me, it will be so hot, I’ll explode. And if you don’t...well, it’s still going to happen for me. You putting yourself first like this is so beautiful. Trust me.”
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She started off slowly. I could tell she was afraid that every move she made might be the wrong one.
“That’s it. God, you feel so good.”
“Oh, Jake.”
I could feel her clench inside each time she hit the right spot. She pressed into me and rolled her hips back over and over. She fell forward, and her hands hit the pillow on either side of my head. She pressed into me harder and rocked herself against me. Just when I thought all her inhibitions were gone, she slowed.
“Jake...are you...”
“Gracie, don’t stop!” My words came out like a gasp, and I dug my fingers into her hips, pressed my hips up and rocked against her. There was nothing that could keep my mind off what it felt like being inside Gracie.
“Oh, God, Jake. Oh, God.”
“That’s it, baby. That’s it. Let yourself come, Gracie. You’re right there. I can feel you squeezing me. Don’t stop.”
She was no longer self-conscious about whether she was doing everything right. The feeling was taking over, and she was only focused on that. My orgasm was not only going to come from the sensation her body was creating. I was just as turned on by her ability to let go and, for once, put herself first. She was using my body to bring pleasure to her own, and there was nothing hotter.
She threw her head back as she rocked into me. Our breathing was ragged, and sweat drenched the sheets below me. I wasn’t sure my body was ready for what was about to hit. I knew I was on the verge of something explosive. She dropped her head forward just as my eyes opened.
“Jake.”
And, with that one word, I was catapulted to a place Gracie and I hadn’t been b
efore. She came hard on top of me. It sent me spiraling out of control. Our breathing was labored, and we called out together as we reached our climax. Her body shuddered and flinched as our movements slowed.
She collapsed onto me and buried her face in my neck. I tried to catch my breath.“Gracie Jordan, that was so incredibly hot.”
She lay still on my chest. I wasn’t sure she was able to speak. My throat was so dry, and my body was so exhausted from the intensity of that moment, I couldn’t muster another word.
She stuttered out a few that came only as whispers between small bursts of air,
“We. Are. So. Doing that again.”
Five
Gracie
“You awake?” I carefully climbed into bed after a middle-of-the-night trip to the bathroom. I crawled up next to Jake and snuggled in as close as I could get to his warm body.
“I’m awake now, Miss Cold Feet!” His voice was soft and raspy. Hot. He rolled over and draped his arm across me and kissed me on my forehead. I breathed in my favorite scent in the world. It was a sweet combination of clean sheets, freshly showered man, and sexy. I couldn’t believe the turn my life had taken in just a couple months. Somehow, I went from the pits of Hell right into the arms of the most amazing guy on the planet. And not just so he could save me, but so he could love me. And not because he felt obligated, but because he wanted to.
“Sorry. I can go if you...”
He couldn’t see me smiling in the dark room, but he knew I was kidding. His hand sneaked down under the covers and found the rib he knew tickled the most and pinched. Before I could yelp from the pinch of pleasured pain in my side, he was hovering over me with one hand on each side of my head.
“But I don’t want you to go,” he whispered as he gently lowered his body onto mine and nuzzled his face into the space between my neck and shoulder. I squirmed under his warm nakedness and goose bumps raised from every pore on my body. I could feel them stacking one on top of the other as his kisses continued from my jaw down to my collarbone. His light stubble added to the sensation.
It felt like Jake and I had been together for years. His self-confidence and strength and the fact that he was completely comfortable in his own skin was a total turn on. As often as he was shirtless, he had to be comfortable with himself. Good Lord, the bare abs and low slung jeans thing would be the death of me. The things that flashed through my mind when his happy trail peeked out above the button on his jeans would make just about anyone blush.
Sometimes, it felt like everything that happened with Noah was just one really long, bad dream I’d had years ago. But then there were times when a wave of emotions bowled me over without warning. Those emotions didn’t feel like memories; they always felt like they were happening in real-time. I was still dealing with the residual effects of what I’d endured during my relationship with Noah.
The memories of walking away from Noah for the last time empowered me. But that confrontation had taken me out for a couple days, and I still struggled with the despair that sometimes flowed right under the surface. I wanted to be done with Noah. I wanted, so badly, to not even think about him, and I surely didn’t want those memories and the pain to always be something that Jake had to deal with. That wasn’t fair to him. So, I did what I had to do to stay happy and in the moment. I folded up those years of torment and tucked them so deeply into the folds of my brain that they would be sure to shrivel up and die. I hoped. And one day, just maybe, when someone would utter that N-word, my heart would have no response whatsoever.
I lifted my chin toward the ceiling as Jake’s lips brushed up my neck and moved to find my mouth. He moaned softly as he claimed my mouth with his tongue. His kiss was so deep and full, so passionate yet gentle. So slow it was breathtaking. He gently sucked my bottom lip into his mouth and bit down just enough to evoke a tender growl from my throat.
I ran my hands from his firm backside, up across his broad back, appreciating every muscular nuance along the way and I floated to a place only Jake could take me.
Sometime later, we succumbed to exhaustion and collapsed. Sweaty bodies on cool sheets. “Comfortably Numb” was playing softly from our nap playlist we’d created last semester. Our breathing slowed to a gentle, simultaneous rhythm.
“I love you, Gracie Ann Jordan.”
“I love you, Jacob Andrew Rockwell.”
And with that, we fell asleep in each other’s arms, completely bare and with nothing to hide.
****
There’s nothing more peaceful than falling asleep in the arms of the man who just made mad, passionate love to you, except maybe waking up next to him. The same man whose gentleness was both in how he touched me and with the words he spoke as I felt every inch of him.
It was barely morning. Our bodies lay entwined, my naked chest and stomach pressed against his as Jake held me firm.
“Jake?”
“Yeah?” Only his lips moved.
I felt bad trying to talk to him while he was still sleeping.
“What do you think of people who are in counseling?”
“Well...” His hands started to softly rub my bare back. He most likely knew exactly why I was asking. “I guess I see them as being stronger than the people who don’t get help. Coming to terms with the fact you can’t get through something on your own is a very brave step. And, I honestly believe that step is fifty percent of the work toward healing.”
“Becki thinks I should try it, but I want so badly to just leave it all behind me. I don’t want Noah to be a part of our relationship anymore.”
“Sweetheart,” he said as he pushed his body back and tipped my chin up with his gentle hand, “Noah will never leave if you don’t purge yourself of every scene in here.” He pointed to my forehead. “And every hurt in here.” He gently circled his finger over my chest where my heart beat then scooted down to kiss me lightly in that same spot.
“Oh, Jake. I am so sorry I’m such a mess.”
“Gracie, you’re still healing. You’re going to have your up days and your down days.”
“Sometimes I think you’d be better off—”
“Gracie! I’m not going anywhere.” His voice was tense but gentle. “Baby girl, when are you going to get that through your head? I’m here for the long haul. You hold my heart inside yours. Listen, I love you! And that love isn’t something you have to work to keep. It’s not something you can lose. You can’t earn my love; you already have it...all of it. You can’t lose my love because it’s given to you unconditionally. It knows no end. We can go to the depths of Hell and back to piece your heart back together, but nothing can negatively affect my love for you or my passion to see your smile and hear your laugh. I live to love you, Gracie. This is it for me. You are it. I’m not going anywhere.”
I stared into the eyes of this beautiful gift of a man. Jake and I held each other’s hearts in a way I didn’t even know existed. I was so blessed and so thankful. But hearing those words filled me with guilt as I remembered the conversation Becki and I had earlier. How could I ever even think of walking away from the man who’d saved me?
When I let myself think about the last year of my life, healing seemed like an insurmountable task. I knew I couldn’t just walk away from what happened and be okay. I knew I was going to need help working through the shit I was still carrying because of Noah. For God’s sake, I hadn’t even figured out what I was going to do about the sex tape I knew was making its way through the Sigma Chi house. I shuddered at the thought of them watching what was supposed to be private. Navigating my way back to who I used to be would be hard enough, but trying to fake that everything was fine to make my relationship with Jake smooth was starting to wear me down. And the guilt from that alone was strangling me.
“Thank you, Jake. I have no words for how much I love you.”
“Well, the feeling is mutual.”
I lay in his arms and tried to stuff all the insecurities and worries deeper, but they wouldn’t go. I needed to take my
mind off everything Noah. And I had no energy left for another go-round with Mr. Sex, whose body seemed undaunted and ready to go again.
“Can we play Buckshot?” I blurted out, my voice too loud for the early hour of the day.
“Can I go first?” He smiled.
Jake and I had coined the name for our silly game of Buckshot Questions from the idea that buckshot from a gun sprays in all directions. It felt like we had been playing this question game for a decade, I had no idea when it started that we would continue to come up with enough questions to last us the few years we’d actually been playing.
“Whenever you’re ready.” I took another deep breath as his arms encircled me and felt a little more tension leave my body.
“Why did Noah call?”
“He told me he was coming here next weekend. He asked if we could get together to talk.” Yuck. We were naked and his name was spoken.
“My turn. Did you fake it, last night?” I pretended I was serious.
“Really? Gracie, guys can’t fake it!” We both giggled and he hugged me tight. “Hmm, let’s see. What is something you’d like to learn?” Jake rubbed my hair off my face as he spoke.
“Well, I used to take guitar lessons before I transferred here, but with the move and all, I just stopped playing. I’d love to pick up where I left off and be able to really play.”
“Do you have a guitar?”
“Hey. It’s my turn, cheater.” I giggled.
Jake kissed me lightly on my open mouth. “Oh, right, sorry.”
“What talent do you have that I don’t know about?” As soon as it was out of my mouth, I knew where he would go with this.
“You mean...these talents?” He lifted the sheets and nodded toward our tangled legs. I elbowed him and shook my head. “Okay, let’s see. Talents. I helped my uncle make a coffee table once. Had to use a lathe and sort of sculpt the shape of the legs as they spun. It was amazing to be able take something with harsh, sharp edges and change it into something smooth and beautiful.” The symbolism in his description was remarkable. It’s exactly what he was trying to do with me. Tears pricked my eyes, but I held them back and quickly commented on his answer to my question.
On Solid Ground: Sequel to in Too Deep Page 3
