“So sing.” He reached out and touched my knee. “Think of it as a private concert for your biggest fan.” He leaned forward and placed a soft peck on the tip of my nose.
One more deep breath and I started, two measures in, I was singing the words of a girl wondering if her love story would have a beautiful ending. Within two more measures, I was lost. I played and sang. I didn’t know how loud I was. I didn’t know if I missed a lyric or mis-fingered a chord, but the tears finding their way out behind my closed eyes were evidence that I was in the moment. The song was like a drug. The more I let it fill me, the lighter my heart felt. At some point, Jake’s hand slid from my knee. I didn’t feel it happen, but when I plucked the last string, I opened my eyes, which were pointed down at Josephine, and my knee was bare.
Still high from the moment, I rubbed my eyes and looked up at Jake. The look on his face spoke of what he was feeling better than anything he could have said. Our eyes held each other’s gaze for what seemed like an hour, speaking our own language, communicating a love that was too big for words. A love I couldn’t wait to get back to.
“Gracie Ann...I have no words for how incredibly gorgeous that was.”
“Thanks, Jake. I really love playing. The singing just kind of happened. I felt like Josephine needed a partner.”
“Wow. Just...wow.”
I wasn’t even sure he’d heard what I said, because I knew that comment had nothing to do with being Josephine’s sidekick.
“I’m so thankful that Yaz offered to let me use this guitar, but you know what?”
“What’s that, baby girl?”
“I’m growing so attached to it, like she’s becoming a part of me. Our stories are melding into music. Whosever hands she’s been in had a story, and now she’s adding mine to the mix. It’s going to be hard to part with her.”
“I have something for you.”
“You do?”
“Look in your bag.”
I looked at him quizzically. Why would something he was giving me be in my bag? He knew I didn’t go anywhere without it, so he must have slid something into it when I was in the shower.
There was a brown paper bag taped closed. I pulled it out, and, like a little girl at Christmas; I ripped the bag to shreds to reveal something that was for both me and Josephine. An embroidered leather guitar strap. I held one end in each hand and stretched it to its full length in front of me. There were gorgeous green, blue, and purple threads winding into paisley shapes along the length of it. That’s when I noticed the words in the design. They were big enough for me to read, but small enough the strap wasn’t blasting a message to anyone; it was just for me, a quote.
“Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent.” Victor Hugo
“It’s beautiful, Jake. Thank you so much! Maybe putting it on another guitar will make it easier to part with Josephine.”
“Let’s see how it fits you...and Jo.”
I lifted Josephine’s old dingy strap over my head and lay her between us. Jake unhooked one end and I unhooked the other. Then I attached one end of the new strap and he attached the other. I tried it on. It couldn’t have fit any better. Like a hug.
“I love it, Jake. Ugh.”
“What’s the ugh for?”
“Look how beautiful it looks on Josephine. This just makes it harder to think about giving her back.”
“What if I told you, you didn’t have to?”
“Pretty sure Yaz would be pissed if I ran off with his guitar.”
“It’s not his anymore. I went to see him Saturday when you went to lunch with Becki. He sold it to me. I wish I could have bought you that new Martin you played in the store, but I’d have to do a hell of a lot of flirting behind the bar at Mitchell’s to get three thousand dollars in tips.”
“Jake! My own guitar?” I threw my arms around his neck but not for long because I was anxious to admire my beautiful gift.
“I was hoping you’d like her weathered look.”
“I do. I wouldn’t want a new guitar. I want this one. She has a story. A new guitar is just too pristine and devoid of any character. I have a feeling Josephine has her share of secrets, and I love that I get to play mine on her. It’s perfect. You’re perfect. I love the strap and can’t believe you thought of doing that.”
“I have a confession.”
I looked up at him and nausea hit my stomach. The last time someone confessed anything to me, it turned my world upside down, and I met Hell face to face.
“Whoa, Gracie. Last night, I was actually thankful for Calon, thankful for what he can pull from you. You took my breath away. I know you well enough to assume part of your comfort with Josephine is that she has a past. She’s got scratches and scars. I get it.”
I had no words. I put Josephine to the side and climbed into Jake’s lap. I wrapped my legs around his waist and sat on his crossed legs. I laced my arms around his neck and ran my fingers through his hair then breathed him in. Sometimes, I felt like if I didn’t hold on tight enough, he would disappear. No one could be this faultless. Sometimes, I thought he was too good to be true.
Thirty-two
Jake
It was early Friday morning and I was sure Gracie was sleeping in, especially since I had her up so early for our breakfast the day before. I decided to get a run in just in case she wanted to spend the day together. I laced up my running shoes, threw last year’s Summer Fest t-shirt over my head, and locked the door behind me. I distracted myself as I ran down the stairwell so I wouldn’t be tempted to stop at the third floor.
The sun was shining, and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. I loved running when the air was crisp. I thought back to the days when I played soccer. The morning practices throughout the summer to get our team ready for fall were my favorite. They usually consisted of a long early morning run, then a couple hours of conditioning and drills. I was blessed with an athlete’s body and stamina to go with it, and it was addictive. Sam and I had run together a lot over the last year, and I hoped this new girl he was dating wouldn’t keep us from continuing that tradition. We held each other accountable.
I tried to let Gracie call the shots as far as what we would do or how much time we would spend together, which was difficult because I missed her, but I could see her growing and reaching a confidence level I wasn’t sure she even knew she was capable of. I no longer worried she asked me to do things because she felt guilty if she didn’t. She was learning to make decisions based on what was in her own best interest, not everyone else’s. I was whipped, completely whipped by the most amazing girl on the planet.
I didn’t like not knowing where she was or how she was feeling. I hated to think that there may be times she cried or got anxious without me. I knew there had been; the pile of tissues by her bed was proof. I was especially uncomfortable with Noah being back in town and her not knowing. I wrestled with whether I should tell her or not. On one hand, if I told her, it would prepare her for the possibility of running into him. But on the other hand, I didn’t want to squelch the fervor she had for rebuilding her confidence. If she was worried about seeing him around town, it could take up space in her mind that should be focused on her music and poetry.
My feet hit the pavement at a comfortable pace, and I was sure to take it easy considering my knee wasn’t quite back to normal. I remembered to look both ways before running across any parking lot entrances. I could feel the sweat bead along my forehead and trail down my back. It felt good.
Over the last couple days, I’d been pre-occupied by the idea that there was a DVD in the Sigma Chi house that had Gracie and Noah’s most intimate moments on it. It made me nauseous every time I thought about it. But not thinking about it made me feel guilty, because there had to be something I could do to get it out of that house.
I thought about my connections with the people from my classes, the guys training with me at Mitchell’s, people in our apartment building. Who was I close enough to t
hat I could persuade into a search and seizure mission? Nothing. I came up with nothing.
I considered going to the police, but then if charges needed to be filed, Gracie would have to be the one to do it. I wasn’t sure she was ready for that kind of pressure. I would have to look into it further so I knew what to expect if we blew the whistle on Noah. It made me wonder if that was the only sex video that had made its way through the rooms of that house.
A pain shot through my knee and slowed me to a brisk limp. I overdid it. I walked it off for a couple blocks then cut across campus to head back toward the apartment for some more personal time with the frozen vegetables in our freezer. Sam was going to be pissed; those peas and carrots had melted in the bags about twenty times since I wrecked my knee. I was sure the fresh flavor advertised on the package would soon turn to the rancid flavor of freezer-burn after being re-frozen all those times.
My knee loosened up a little as I walked, so I decided to take an extra loop around the block. When I got to the corner store to grab a bottle of water for my walk home, I had to pass by a couple guys taping posters up onto the double doors.
“Hey.”
I hadn’t even noticed who was working the register until she spoke. “Hey, Chelsea. What’s up?” I was glad I remembered her name this time.
“Hey, Jake. I was hoping I’d get another dance with you before summer is over.”
I smiled and grabbed cash out of my pocket.
“Can’t believe it’s almost July. Summer’s going by fast.” I sounded like a complete dork, but I was trying to get her off the subject of us meeting up again without looking like an asshole.
“Yeah, so that’s why you need to come out to Sig Chi on the tenth. I’m a little sister there. Maybe we could have that dance.” She winked, and her pretty eyes sparkled. Then she looked me up and down. She was flirting so hard it was almost embarrassing. Almost.
“What’s at Sig Chi on the tenth?” I hated even asking, but it suddenly dawned on me that Chelsea could be my “in.” If I agreed to meet her there, it wouldn’t appear as though I just showed up without an invite. Security at Sigma Chi parties was tight. They were strict with who got in and who was turned away at the door. But I assumed being a guest of a little sister would get a guy right in, no questions asked.
“It’s their annual OML party.” She handed me my change, and her hand lingered in mine a little longer than it should have. “The guys are hanging posters all around town today. You should check them out.” She nodded in the direction of the glass doors.
“OML?”
“One month left.”
“Yeah, sounds fun. Why don’t I give you my number, and you can give me a heads up the day before.”
We exchanged numbers. She didn’t even ask what happened to the girlfriend I told her I had the night we danced. Guess she didn’t care.
When the door swung closed behind me, I stood for a second to check out the OML posters while I opened my water. The posters advertised the “Heaven and Hell OML.” Neon yellow words and graphics were printed on a flat black background. There was an image of an angel stripping for a demon; I shuddered at how symbolic that was. I called Maverick.
“Hey, Mav. Don’t make any plans for July tenth, okay.” I knew Maverick would be up for whatever needed to go down to get that DVD out of that house.
“Are you asking me out, dude? You know I don’t swing that way.”
“Shut up.” I laughed out loud and choked a little on my water. “You and I are going on a secret mission at Sigma Chi.”
“We gonna kill him?”
“Yeah, can you bring a big carpet we can roll him in? No, we aren’t going to kill him. Hey, where are you?”
“Café Best.”
“I’ll be right there.” I hung up and jogged the rest of the way to the Café. Maverick was sitting in the window alone, shoving a huge panini in his face.
“Jgu wannnnnshum?” He pointed his sandwich toward me as he swallowed. I shook my head and leaned in close to fill him in on my plan.
“I didn’t mean do you want some of me. Back up, man. Give a guy some space.”
“God, Mav. Are you ever serious?”
He shoved the last of his sandwich in his mouth, licked his fingers, and a shit-eating grin spread across his face.
“So, here’s the deal.” I spoke quietly but tried not to lean into his personal space so I could hold his attention for more than thirty-seven seconds. “There is a DVD at Sigma Chi of Gracie and Noah having sex. I need to find it, and get it out of that house, but I don’t want her to know. Gracie didn’t give him consent to record her. She had no idea.”
The vein in Maverick’s forehead started to pulse. That’s exactly the reaction I hoped for; I needed him to be pissed.
“Remember that girl I danced with at Mitchell’s that night; the hot blonde? She’s a little sister there and she just invited me, but I need a wingman.”
“Oh, I’m fucking in. I’d be happy to take that asshole down for the last time. We could blow this whole thing wide open and get them shut down.”
“That hadn’t even crossed my mind. I just wanted to be able to give Gracie the peace of mind that no one else would be jacking off to a video of her.”
“That makes me sick. God, who could do something like that to any girl? Especially Gracie. I’d like to take a video of me beating the shit out of him then blast it across the web. Now, that’d be some good entertainment.”
“Mav, I don’t need for this to make the eleven o’clock news. I just want that video destroyed.”
“You really love her, man.”
“Love her so much it hurts.”
“I’m all in.”
I knew I could count on Mav, but I still didn’t have any idea where to look for the DVD or how I would get to the other parts of the house to search. I had time to hash that out, though. Well, I had ten days.
Dammit.
Thirty-three
Gracie
“Can you repeat that whole story again?” Becki was leaning across her lunch tray and all but drooling after I told her about my Wednesday night practice with Calon.
“Becki! Pay attention. That was not for your enjoyment. I am so stressed about how something that is helping me can be so hard on Jake. And it hurts my feelings a little when it seems like he doesn’t trust me with Calon.”
“Come on, Gracie, Jake knows you better than that. Do you really think he’s afraid you’ll have sex with Calon? Oh, God, Gracie, if you do, can you please record it so I can see him in action? I could die happy. That guy oozes sex. I would love to—”
“Becki! Focus!”
“Sorry. Okay, listen, Jake’s been so patient with you and helping you heal. I suggest you being that patient and helping him through something that he’s struggling with.”
What she said made a lot of sense. I just needed to keep reassuring Jake that nothing was going to happen between Calon and me.
“You’re right, Becki.”
“Now, while you’re practicing your patience, could you please be patient with me and help me relive that ‘strum these chords like we’re one person’ part again?”
Becki was sexually insatiable. I was sure she could put the sex Calon oozed to good use. He really was incredibly sexy, but I got the feeling not many people knew the shit he carried around. When we talked in the park that day, I sensed there was something painful from his past that he couldn’t shake.
“So, he’s got to be a good kisser, right? Tell me he knows what to do with his tongue.”
“Good grief, Becki. Do you have your vibrator in your purse? It’s dangerous to walk around with that much pent up sexual tension.”
“Help a girl out, Gracie. Just tell me.”
She wasn’t going to let it go. I knew I had to give her details I wouldn’t normally share. “Yes, Becki. He’s an incredibly good kisser. Soft lips and very good with his tongue. Holds your head in his hands to guide you. Everything about him is intense. If I wasn
’t mistaken, the night we kissed, he was a little more than turned on, if you know what I mean.”
“I’m sure she can figure it out.” I jumped at the deep voice that wasn’t Becki’s. Jake stood next to our table. Becki must have been so into my description she hadn’t see him walk up behind me.
“Jake, I—”
Becki put her hands on mine in the middle of the table. “Jake, sit down.”
Jake scooted in next to me. I looked over at him and his eyes were sad. Calon and everything related to him had uncovered a side of Jake I’d never seen. On one hand, it was good to see that Jake had issues he needed to work on, so I wasn’t the only one with junk to iron out, but at the same time, I was getting pretty comfortable with Jake being perfect. He was perfect in the way he’d handled everything last semester.
“So, what’s your problem, Jake?” Becki was curt and to the point.
“What the fuck do you think my problem is? Walking up and hearing Gracie describing what it’s like to have a rock star’s tongue down her throat and a hard-on in his pocket shouldn’t piss me off?” I laid my hand on his thigh, but he didn’t move.
“For your information, Jake. She didn’t offer that info. I was begging her to give me gory details. I want to get in Calon’s pants, not Gracie. This girl is wrapped so tightly around the mere thought of you, it’s disgusting. I swear she could orgasm just thinking about you naked.”
“She’s right. Wanna see?” I squeezed my eyes, pretending to think really hard.
We all cracked up. Becki and I together had ways to help Jake relax. There were more than a couple times when we’d thought one of Jake and Sam’s parties were getting busted and Jake was losing his mind with worry. Becki and I could play off one another, and we would have him in hysterics in no time. And the cops had never showed any of those times.
I turned to Jake and took his hands in mine. “Jake, there is no one on this planet I want to be with more than you. There is no guy who could take my heart away from you. No hot rock star could make me sacrifice what you and I have built. You’re stuck with me, Jake. I’m not going anywhere.”
On Solid Ground: Sequel to in Too Deep Page 20
