On Solid Ground: Sequel to in Too Deep

by Michelle Kemper Brownlow

  “Oh, so he’s hot?” Jake was between joking and annoyed at that comment.

  “Jake whatever-the-fuck-your-middle-name-is Rockwell! Gracie just professed her undying love and fidelity to you, but the girl isn’t fucking dead! Have you looked at Calon Ridge? Ever? I think he could turn straight men gay; that’s how hot he is.”

  “You’re always horny, Becki. You should go for Calon.”

  “Oh, trust me, I am. I so am.”

  “Jake,” I turned his face to mine. “You’re right. Calon and I share an artistic connection that you and I don’t. But what you and I do share, Calon can’t touch. I love you, not rock star boy.”

  “You two are making me sick. Can we please get out of here before you start melting the light fixtures with your gushing? Yuck!”

  “Jake, what are you doing here, anyway?” It dawned on me that Jake had come to the dining hall to find us.

  “Can’t I come visit my two favorite girls without a reason?” We left our mess on the table and headed out. He linked arms with both of us and we walked toward town.

  I saw three familiar faces and recognizable cocky strides coming our way long before they saw me—three Sigma Chi’s. I tried to push Jake and Becki off the path and into the grass so we could avoid them, but that plan failed miserably.

  “Gracie Jordan! Knock it off! I just bought these shoes and you almost made me step in a puddle.” Becki’s loud voice and perfect pronunciation of each syllable of my name announced my arrival. They all looked me up and down and smirked. I knew Becki and Jake had no clue who they were. I, on the other hand, had had to physically fight off Travis, Jeremy, and Falco simultaneously when they’d made lewd and inappropriate advances toward me at a Sig Chi function last year. I was so scared, and Noah just watched and howled with laughter. He had to give me something to calm my nerves so I could sleep that night.

  As they passed us, I kept my eyes lowered so as to not provoke anything. I thought I’d succeeded until Falco purposely spoke loud enough for us to hear.

  “Wow, Gracie...can we get a video of you and your new friends?”

  Jake stopped dead in his tracks. I tried to pull him along. I didn’t want a scene. I just wanted to get far away from them as quickly as possible. My hands lost their grip on his arm, and I stumbled backwards.

  “Are you serious? Are you three dickheads serious? Stop walking!”

  I couldn’t let him start something with three guys at once. “Jake, it’s okay. Let’s just go. Please.” I grabbed his arm with both hands and pulled harder. I was shocked they actually stopped to entertain Jake, even though it was probably just to get off on their stupid fraternity brother power trip. Either way, stopping wasn’t a good thing.

  “Gracie, are you kidding me? This is not okay. This is never okay. No one treats you like this. Ever. Especially not these shitheads.”

  “Whoa, man. You don’t want to start something here, do you? Because it’s three on one, you realize that.” Travis was always ready for a fight. He was a fireplug, and the circumference of his biceps was close to that of my thighs.

  “Well, there’s three of us, too, fucktard!” Becki chimed in, obviously on an adrenaline high.

  “Becki, shut up! You’re only going to make this worse.” I grabbed her by the hand, and we both stood behind Jake, whose fists were clenched at his sides.

  Jeremy elbowed Falco who chuckled at Becki and gave her the once over.

  “I’ll walk away when you apologize to Gracie.” Jake took my hand, and I kept half my body behind him in an attempt to keep my distance.

  “Apologize for what? What did we do?” Travis was the leader of the pack, and he was the one I worried about most.

  “Noah didn’t have Gracie’s permission to take that video. You know, the one you were referring to in your smartass comment? Apologize.”

  All three brothers had an odd moment of shock that hung on their faces for a couple seconds, but they went overboard trying to cover it up. “Hey, sorry man, we were just messin’ around. Sorry, Gracie.” Travis spoke then Falco and Jeremy echoed his two-word apology.

  “If any of you assholes so much as come near her on campus, I’ll kill you with my bare hands. Got it?”

  Jeremy was nodding before Jake even finished the question.

  “Yeah, man. No trouble. We don’t want any trouble. Sorry again, Gracie.” Falco was the biggest of all bullshitters. Something was up; they never turned down an altercation that easily.

  “Thank you.” Jake grabbed my hand, and we turned to leave. I looked back over my shoulder and Becki was still standing there like a bodyguard. Her shoulders were squared off and her hands were on her hips. The guys were clueless to her physical warning. They walked the other way, deep in conversation. Her body language seemed to change just before she turned and jogged toward us.

  “Guys! They’re shitting bricks, worried you’ll press charges for the video, because Gracie didn’t know Noah was recording her.”

  Well, if I wasn’t sold on finding that DVD before, I was now. There was no way I would let Noah continue to hurt her through his Neanderthal shitheads prowling around campus looking for trouble.

  “Girls, I gotta run. I just remembered something I have to do.” It was such a lame excuse, but I needed to make a plan. I knew they’d be able to find something to do together and they’d never miss me.

  Thirty-four

  Jake

  Well, that little run-in added to the complexity of my plan. Now, I had to show up at Sigma Chi with Chelsea and hope Travis, Jeremy, and Falco weren’t working the door or standing guard where I needed to search. Maverick and I really needed to map it out so we didn’t waste any time once we were inside. I tried to play it down in my own mind, hoping it really wouldn’t be that big of a deal, but it started to look like it would have to be a well-choreographed plan.

  I opened my laptop on the kitchen table and searched “UTK Sigma Chi floor plan.” I felt a little like the guys from Oceans 11, planning out their next heist.

  A couple floor plans came up. The dates on the blueprints were different which led me to believe the house had been completely remodeled within the last ten years. I searched each room, squinting to see the blurred print.

  Kitchen, women’s bathroom, pool room, foyer, basement, ritual room... I looked at that label for a little while. Ritual room? I wondered what the hell kind of hazing rituals they performed in that room. I never really understood the nature of fraternity hazing. I had no inherent need to allow people to humiliate and violate me so they were convinced of how much I wanted to be their friend. No. Sam and Maverick are the closest thing I had to brothers, and neither one of them needed me to prove to them I was worthy. It just came naturally. I felt blessed to not have to go through what the pledges of a fraternity did, and it made me wonder what was missing in their lives that they needed acceptance so badly.

  My phone chimed with a text.

  Gracie: Hey

  Me: Hey beautiful.

  Gracie: :) Whatcha doin?

  Me: Looking something up online.

  Gracie: Want some company?

  Me: Thought you were headed out with Becki.

  Gracie: She’s sick and I’m bored.

  Me: Door’s open.

  Gracie: See you in 5

  Me: Bring popcorn

  Gracie: :)

  I shut down my laptop so Gracie wouldn’t see anything. It was so difficult to plan something this big behind her back. I felt guilty. Our relationship was as strong as it was because we never had secrets. I had a tough time when I’d found out about her and Calon’s past. I had a feeling my secret was close to the same thing. This was big. It was something I shouldn’t keep from her. But there was no way she would entertain the idea of me going in and getting that video. So, I just needed to do it then let her know she was no longer part of the entertainment section of the Sigma Chi library.

  I heard a soft knock as I was putting the frozen vegetables back in the freezer.


  “Jake?”

  I rounded the corner and smiled. She had changed her clothes since our little walk on campus just a couple hours earlier. She had on a big pair of gray sweats and a black tank top. Her hair was pulled up under a black Guiness baseball cap. She didn’t have a stitch of makeup on, and the loose strands of hair that hung down by her ears were wet. She walked right over to me, wrapped her arms around my waist, and laid her head on my chest. She squeezed so tight, I felt her heart beat close to mine.

  “What’s this for, baby girl?”

  “For standing up for me on campus today.”

  “Those jackasses better never say a word to you again.”

  “They won’t, Jake. They graduated last semester. I’m sure they’re just here for the weekend. But as much as I was freaked out it was going to come to blows, it was so awesome to have someone teach those stupid asses what respect looks like.”

  “Well, I’m thrilled I was with you when that happened. Please tell me that was the first time anyone has said or done anything like that.”

  She peeked up from under the brim of her hat and rolled her eyes. It killed me that she had to deal with more abuse from guys she barely knew. And, if they were messing with her, that means they’d seen the video. That made my skin crawl; I couldn’t imagine how it made her feel.

  “Gracie, Noah’s back. Mav saw him moving back into the Sigma Chi house.”

  “I saw him on the sidewalk the other day when I was grabbing a coffee inside Café Best. He didn’t see me. Thank God.”

  “You okay?”

  “Well, I guess I have to be. I mean, I knew he’d be back eventually. I had just hoped it wouldn’t be in the middle of the summer.”

  “If you run into him or he shows up somewhere and you feel threatened, promise me you’ll call me right away.”

  “Promise, Jake.” She laid her head back down on my chest and took a deep breath. “Let’s make the popcorn. Do you have candy we can put in?” She let go of me, smiled, and practically skipped over to the microwave.

  The resilience I’d seen in her over the last couple weeks was sincere. I used to be able to tell when she stuffed something deeper so she didn’t have to deal with it. She used to do it a lot, and I never knew how to help her. But she was learning to own her past so she could make peace with it, and I was so proud of her. I couldn’t wait for her to reunite with the Gracie I knew was hiding inside her soul.

  “What movie are we watching?” she called from the kitchen. She didn’t even wait for me to answer her about the candy; she knew where Sam’s stash was. He was a sugar fiend and kept large quantities of junk in various places around the apartment.

  “Up to you baby girl.” I flopped down on the couch and started flipping through the pay-per-view channels. “What do you feel like? Comedy? Blood and guts? Horror?”

  Gracie popped out of the kitchen, hurried over to the couch and snuggled up next to me with her big bowl of popcorn and...candy corn? When she looked up at me to see my reaction, the brim of her hat wacked me in the nose. She pulled the hat off and her damp hair fell to her shoulders which in turn brushed across my bare arm that was rested across the back of the couch. She smelled like shampoo and body wash and Gracie. My heart skipped a beat.

  Gracie grabbed the remote out of my hand and turned the TV off. She smiled and turned on the couch to face me. She sat the bowl of popcorn on the floor and took my hands in hers. I didn’t know whether to be nervous for what she was about to say or thrilled that she took the initiative to start a conversation that was apparently a big one.

  “Jake Rockwell, I don’t know if you realize it or not, but you saved my life.”

  “Gracie—”

  “Shut up, Jake. Just listen.” She giggled at the shock on my face. She wasn’t usually so brazen. “Last year was hell. I know you know that, but I need you to understand I was much lower than you probably thought I was. I was falling into a deep, dark place I had no way out of. You know the song, ‘Deep’ by Pearl Jam? Well, in the chorus, Eddie sings ‘in too deep, can’t touch the bottom,’ and that was me. Jake, I have never been so scared in all my life. It was like I was drowning, and the harder I tried to break the surface so I could breathe, the further down I would go.

  “If it weren’t for you, I would still be flailing. I used to think I could leave Noah on my own, but I know now, deep down, I wasn’t strong enough. He beat me down so I couldn’t stand up to him. You took me under your wing and lifted me so I could stand. You taught me more in the last year about integrity, loyalty, and true love than most people learn in a lifetime. When, God made you, he broke the mold.”

  “Gracie, I’m just me.” It was hard for me to take in all her compliments. I wasn’t trying to be the superhuman she described.

  “But, Jake, look around, there’s no one else out there like you. Sam is as close as it gets, so he’s my back up plan in case you die.” She giggled.

  “I’m not going anywhere. No way, honey. You are so stuck with me. What I’ve seen you do so far this summer has far surpassed what most people in your position would be able to accomplish in such a short time. You are so strong, Gracie, and you’re doing all of it on your own.”

  “Jake, walking away from you...from us...was unbearably painful, but I knew if I didn’t do this on my own, you would be cleaning up the mess Noah created, and I don’t want that for you. You deserve all of me, and you were right, there was a part of me that was still identifying with the lost, broken girl Noah left behind. So, in a sense, I was still holding onto my past with part of my heart. But now, being on my own and proving to myself that I can do this, that I’m strong enough to do this, is like I’m being introduced to a Gracie I didn’t even know was inside of me. And I really like her!”

  I looked into the eyes of the Gracie I knew lived inside the broken shell of a girl Noah had left behind. She was beautiful. Her eyes sparkled, and there was a curl to her lip when she spoke about herself that came from the pride she had for all the hard work she’d done thus far.

  “Jake, I don’t want you to find someone else. I’m not quite where I need to be to handle everything that comes with a serious relationship, but I’m close. Oh, I’m so close I can taste it. There is no doubt in my mind that you were specifically crafted to fit my heart, and I love you more than words can express. You are my rock, you are my soul mate, and you are my best, best, best friend. I want you to wait for me, but I won’t ask you to. That has to be your choice, your decision.

  “So, I guess what I’m trying to say is, thank you. Thank you for all the nights you held me when I cried. Thank you for always being honest. Thank you for helping me see how messed up my relationship with Noah really was. Thank you for loving my body as gently and beautifully as you have. And thank you for loving me no matter what. You are my forever, Jake Rockwell.” Tears rolled down her cheeks. She smiled and blinked them away.

  I was speechless. But I couldn’t let this moment go by without saying my part.

  “Gracie Ann Jordan, you are the strongest, most amazing person I have ever known. You thanked me a million times for standing by you, but I want you to know, I owe you just as many. Thank you for trusting me, and thank you for blessing me. The love you have to give is bigger and more vibrant than anything I have ever felt. You can melt me with just one look, because you’ve opened your heart so wide to me, I can hear a whole conversation in just one glance.

  “The day you walked away from us was the most confusing day of my life. On one hand, I was lost without you, but on the other, I knew you needed to find yourself without me. I was selfishly sad for me, but so proud of you. I think my heart grew that day.”

  She reached up and brushed my cheek with the back of her hand. I leaned into her touch and closed my eyes.

  “Gracie, I will wait for you. No one fits me like you do. No one can get my heart racing from a simple touch like you can. No one can wreck me with an ornery smile like you do. And no one can take me to my knees like you can.
You are it, Gracie, you are my forever. And I can’t wait to make love to you...all of you...for the first time. I love you, baby girl, with everything I am and everything I have. Thank you for loving me enough to do this for you.”

  “Oh, Jake.”

  Her arms flew around my neck, and she hung on for dear life. There was so much emotion and intimacy exchanged in those few minutes of conversation. It was pure joy, from uncovering a love no one thinks they’ll ever find. But we did.

  “So, what are we watching?” Gracie over exaggerated wiping her tears away and sniffled loudly just for effect. She was so damn adorable, and the playful side that had come out through all of this melted me. I smiled like a love sick idiot and handed her the remote.

  “Chick flick it is.” She flipped to a movie about bridesmaids and grabbed her bowl of popped and candy corn. She snuggled into me, and I kissed her on the top of her head. She offered me her assorted corn which I turned down. I still couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. I hadn’t known happy until Gracie Jordan walked into my life.

  Thirty-five

  Gracie

  The following Wednesday, Yaz had me meet him, Calon, and the band at Mitchell’s again. I asked Becki to go along. I hoped I could hook them up.

  Becki was like a twelve-year-old going to her first dance. She checked her lipstick thirty-seven times on the way to Mitchell’s, and that was after she changed her outfit no less than ten times before we’d even left her dorm.

  “OhmywordGracie! I feel like Calon Ridge is giving me a private concert. I’m so excited, I may have an orgasm right here on the sidewalk.”

  “Keep your panties on, Becki.”

  She leaned into me and giggled then whispered, “I’m not wearing any.”

  “Tell me you’re kidding.”

  She wasn’t kidding. I rolled my eyes.

  When we got downstairs, I walked right over to the bar. Jake smiled, leaned over the counter, and gave me a high five. “Go get ‘em, Gracie!” His sexy grin and wink filled my belly with butterflies.