“The apartment looks amazing! I’m so excited for my roommate, Stacy, to see it.” Gracie was glowing as she told Sylvia about all the great things we’d done to create a new space for some new memories.
“So, what are some of the things you did to create a new space?”
“We moved the furniture, so now the TV and the couches are against a different wall, kind of in the corner, which opened up the room. We bought a bunch of abstract art from a second-hand shop and hung those. Now there’s actually a color scheme. I had to teach Jake some stuff about decorating, but he caught on quickly.” She smiled and moved closer to me on the couch.
“Yeah, now I know how to make a room pop!” I made an exaggerated movement with my hands which had Gracie doubled over. The sound of her laughter was beautiful. She was laughing, true, belly-busting laughter.
“And tell me how things are going with your music and poetry, Gracie.” Sylvia pulled out some pages from her manila folder. I could see it was Gracie’s handwriting, so I knew she’d been sharing her poems with Sylvia.
“I’m jotting down ideas for songs and I’m practicing all the time. Josephine has become an extension of me. I had no idea how attached you could get to an inanimate object. I’m working on a new song.” Gracie looked over at me with a sly smile. “It’s a surprise, so don’t even ask.”
I nodded.
“Jake, tell me about Calon.” It was odd that she would ask me about Calon. It was Gracie who had the connection with him.
“Calon has been great for Gracie. He’s taught her how to open up and be transparent when she performs which I think has affected her song writing, too. It’s like it’s given her a purpose, a way to share her story and inspire others. It’s incredible to watch.”
“How does it make you feel to see her connect with Calon?” I thought back to that first day at Café Best when I saw him holding onto her arm. I was threatened. But now, everything had changed.
“I was really uncomfortable with their connection at first. I didn’t understand it. Gracie explained it was a creative, artistic thing, but I felt like there was more on Calon’s end. He and Gracie had a long talk last week, and he opened up to her about where his connection to her comes from. He’s been through a lot in the last four or five years, and Gracie reminded him he could move past it all and start living again.
“I think, at first, I picked up on that. I could tell it was more than a creative connection for him. I could see it in his eyes when he looked at her. I’m just glad he made peace with his past and is working on moving ahead. He’s a great guy. He deserves someone really special.”
“Did you struggle with trusting Gracie?”
“I guess my kneejerk reaction was to worry they would hook up, but I think I was more concerned he would pressure her, and she was in such a weak place when they first ran into each other. I hate to say that I didn’t trust her; I think it was more I didn’t trust him at first. Now, I don’t worry about anything. He’s done a lot for her, for us.”
“And Gracie, how are your nightmares?”
“I haven’t had any and I didn’t realize it until just now. But I did have a dream about Noah’s reflection being stuck in my rearview mirror.”
“Well, that’s symbolic.” Sylvia smiled.
“Yeah, I thought so, too.”
“So, your music and writing has really been helping you deal with your emotions. That’s great. You are blessed to have found your solace. Not many people have that, and when life gets rough, they turn to unhealthy means to kill the pain. You’ve got Josephine.” Sylvia smiled. She was amazing. Gracie would never have gotten this far without her honest but kind guidance.
“Sylvia?” Gracie said her name, but then looked into her lap where she intertwined her fingers and twisted them around each other nervously.
“What is it, Gracie?”
“When will I stop remembering everything Noah did to me?” Tears welled up in her eyes, and that’s when I knew the abuse she had suffered would always be a part of her; it wasn’t a choice she made like I’d thought it was just a couple months ago. She was scarred, and no amount of therapy or music was going to take those scars away.
“Gracie, you will always remember. It’s woven into who you are today. Yes, it sucked and it was hell to live through. But the strength you have now comes from having experienced all those things. You wouldn’t be where you are now if it weren’t for Noah.”
“Noah did nothing but tear her down and pull her apart at the seams. He’s not the reason she’s finally strong.” The words fell out of my mouth in a kneejerk reaction to protect Gracie from anything that made Noah look like he did something good for her.
“You’re absolutely right, Jake. He’s not the reason she’s strong. She is the reason she is strong. The point I was trying to get across was that, I’m not sure Gracie would realize how strong she really was had she not gone through what she did. Sometimes, the memories of being at our lowest point help to lift us up when we see how far we’ve come.”
I nodded and dropped my arm from the back of the couch and laid it across Gracie’s shoulders. I squeezed her arm and kissed her on her cheek.
“Gracie, I want you to understand something. You will always have triggers. There will always be things that cause you to have an anxious moment, or you may have a flashback to something Noah did that hurt you. That’s normal. You will live with these scars, but just like a scar on the outside, those scars will get less sensitive and noticeable over time. They’ll stay, but you’ll be able to go days, even weeks, maybe months, without something scraping at that scar.
“Gracie, what you have been through and the things he did to you are now a part of your story. Your music is your window of opportunity to touch other people with your pains and give them hope. You are so far ahead of the game. It usually takes people years to make the progress you have made in a few short months. I am very, very proud of you.”
“Thank you.” She took a deep breath. “I think I’m strong enough emotionally for us to pick up where we left off.”
“Well, only you can know that, Gracie. Be honest with yourself and honest with Jake. Tell him if you are struggling with something and work it out together. You two have something special; I know you’ll be okay.”
“Do we have to start over, go slow, blah, blah, blah? Or can we literally just pick up where we left off? I miss him too much to start all over again.” She blushed a little and looked up at me with a shy grin.
Sylvia laughed, and I squeezed Gracie into me. She was so cute. I tried not to let on how much I missed making love to her, and I was trying to exist on memories of her soft skin, the sound of her breath in my ear when I hovered above her. For some people, slow would be the best plan. For Gracie and I, picking up where we’d left off would be unbelievably perfect. I waited patiently for Sylvia’s answer.
“Again, only you two can know the answer to that question. If jumping back in where you left off brings you anxiety, Gracie, then you need to dial it back. That’s why the honesty is so very, very important. And, Jake, I don’t think I need to say this, but...allowing Gracie the freedom to stop something that’s moving too quickly for her is a must. She needs to be in the driver’s seat here.”
Without warning, Gracie turned toward me, took my face in her hands, and looked into my heart. Her eyes closed slowly and her lips met mine. She melted me with gentle, soft kisses then her mouth pressed against mine with more force. She was kissing me with a passion that had me hard right there in Sylvia’s office. Her tongue swept across my lips, and I parted my mouth to meet her tongue with mine. She tasted so good. I fisted my hands in her hair and kissed her like we’d been waiting years to reunite.
Sylvia cleared her throat while she rifled through the papers in her manila folder. “I think you two are good. I’ve got someone coming in a couple minutes. Our hour is up already. Do you have any other questions for me?”
“No, I think we’re good.” Gracie stood, visibly embarrassed by our rath
er forward make out session. “You ready, Jake?”
“Ready, baby girl.” Because I am so ready, Gracie.
Fifty
Gracie
Sylvia hugged both Jake and I as we left her office and made some comment about it not being that often that she saw a love as big as ours. I was so excited for what was to come. It was Jake and I against the world. I felt like I’d just won the lottery. I knew I didn’t need Sylvia’s permission to declare an end to the break Jake and I were on, but it was comforting to know that she was behind that decision and was confident we were going to be okay.
Jake stopped and turned to me when we reached the sidewalk outside of the Student Health building. He stood so close, I could feel his breath on my face. He placed a hand on my cheek and rubbed it with his thumb. He looked so deeply into my eyes, it stole my breath for a couple seconds. My lips parted, not only because I was hoping he would kiss me, but also to help me breathe through the intensity of the moment. He took my hands in his.
“Forever starts now, Gracie. You ready?”
“I’m ready, Jake.”
Without breaking the connection our eyes held, he tipped his head forward, and our foreheads met gently. The soft hands that felt like home touched my face so lightly, I shivered. He slid one hand to the side of my neck and one snaked down to my lower back. His tongue moistened his lips just before pressing them to mine. He drew in a deep breath as though he was stealing mine to resuscitate his heart. And then, without pulling away, he spoke, “I will fight for us, Gracie. This is it. You are it.”
I moved my hands off his arms and laced my arms around his neck. I tangled my fingers in the longer curls at the back of his neck. I was speechless. All I had dragged this man through and he still wanted me. Jake taught me what true love really was and that I was worth it.
I tightened my grip on the back of his neck, and he crashed his mouth into mine. There was a fire within both of us at that moment. We had crossed a hurdle in our relationship and it was a feeling that was deeper than any I’d ever experienced. My body hummed, my knees were weak, and my heart was full. This was what all the fuss was about. This was love. No, this was bigger than love.
I don’t know how long we stood in front of the building. I had no idea how many people walked past or made comments about our very public display of affection, but I didn’t care. I could have been standing on hot coals and I wouldn’t have left that spot or spoiled that moment for anything. I had never been so connected to another human being. My chest squeezed with fascination for the love Jake gave me. When our kiss slowed, he ended it with a few small pecks, and without removing his lips from mine, he whispered, “I need to make love to you right now.”
I giggled and laid my head on his chest then squeezed him as tight as I could. “Well, right now could get us in a little bit of trouble. How about we go somewhere a little more private than the sidewalk?”
“Wow. You’re no fun.” He squeezed me back and we turned to walk home. Our hands swung between us, firmly grasped. Jake kept looking over at me and taking deep breaths. Once his eyes rolled back a little.
“Thank you, Jake. For loving me with way you do.”
“Thank you, Gracie, for not giving up on us.”
I smiled. We both knew I really hadn’t even gotten close to giving up on us. I just needed to be whole before I could be “us” with Jake. I didn’t want him to only have part of me. He deserved it all.
“Gracie, do you trust me?”
“Of course I do.”
He winked a blue eye at me and the corner of his sexy mouth curled. He squeezed my hand, looked both ways, and ran, pulling me behind him across the road and onto a grassy knoll by the Earth Sciences building. He looked back at me and grinned from ear to ear but kept jogging. We went up and over the small hill, down behind the old stone building, and up to a strange circular structure. I had never been behind the Science buildings since the only Science class I had to take for my major I’d taken my freshman year in Memphis.
He stopped and faced me. We were both out of breath, though Jake only slightly. I, on the other hand, was all but gasping for air, not being much of a runner. He took my face in his hands once again and pressed my back against the structure that was our apparent destination, which was odd. Jake didn’t take science classes either. His mouth slammed into mine and he claimed it with his tongue. I had to pull away a couple times because it was so hard for me to breathe after our jog from across the street.
“You need more exercise, Miss Jordan.”
I nodded, using that moment his lips were apart from mine as a chance to catch my breath.
He reached for the grimy knob on the oddly small door and turned it, then jiggled it. “Shit.”
I watched him try to open the little door, but his features distracted me. His hair was so soft and shiny and a bit longer than usual. And the small curls in the back were adorable. His profile was strong and rugged. The stubble growing across his face was also longer than usual, which was just fine with me. I liked his stubble. No, I loved it. His blue eyes were so unbelievably, breathtakingly beautiful that the rugged stubble just made him incredibly sexy. And the fact that he’d come to counseling with me told me he would always fight for us. That fact put me over the edge.
His muscles tensed and released as he fought with the door. He was wearing the pale blue thermal shirt I bought him last semester because it was the exact color of his eyes. His tan cargo shorts hung from his hips in a way that had him naked in my mind in seconds. Those arms, the abs I knew were under that shirt, and the hips that moved so perfectly when we were intimate were the perfect package. I didn’t know what we were doing at this stupid little building, but if we didn’t get to our building soon, I may just take him up on his public sex offer.
“Jake, can we just go home? You can show me whatever it is you are trying to show me another time.”
Just then, the latch gave way and the knob turned. Jake pushed the door open. He turned with a gleam in his eye that clenched a spot low in my belly. He grabbed my hand and pulled me in. I hadn’t noticed while we were outside that there were no windows, so when he closed the door behind him, it was like I went blind. I reached for him in sheer panic, and he chuckled a little, knowing my irrational fear of the dark.
“Hold on, baby girl, I got you.” He held me against him with one hand, and I assumed was feeling around the wall for a light switch. I heard the click of the switch, but nothing happened.
“Jake!” My voice was panicked. I had no idea where we were, and I hated the dark. Hated it.
He leaned down and whispered, “Trust me.”
He led me toward the center of the space, which apparently was empty, because I hadn’t tripped once on the way there. He turned to me, and in one swift movement, he grasped my waist and lifted me, but just as quickly set me down on a surface that made us the same height. We were face to face.
“Jake, I hate this. Please find a light that works.”
“I did. Now, kiss me.”
I had no idea why he thought the switch he’d flipped was working, because, unless I’d gone completely blind since leaving Sylvia’s office, there was no light coming from anywhere. I felt his body move between my legs, and he took my head in his hands. I figured closing my eyes to kiss him would make me forget that it was just as dark with my eyes open. So, I lost myself in the moment. His kiss was deep, and the way his hands traveled down my back and underneath my shirt clued me in to the reason behind his devilish smirk prior to us getting in the building.
“Jake, I can’t—Oh, Jake.” My breath escaped me when I opened my eyes to tell him we couldn’t make love in this broken down building. The dome that covered the circular structure was illuminated with a galaxy of stars. Twinkling, beautiful stars. We were in the planetarium. He was going to make love to me in broad daylight. Daylight for everyone else, but under the stars for us.
My hands flew to the back of his head, and I forgot all about my fear of the dark.
The soft light from the stars shone down on us, and I could see and feel the smile on his face as I invaded his mouth with my tongue. He followed suit.
He slid my jean skirt up around my hips and pulled me into him. I grabbed his shirt from the bottom and ripped it over his head. I kicked off my boots and wrapped my legs around his hips. The heat coming from his body made me want him even more. Our breaths were ragged, our hands desperate to touch every inch of each other. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I reached for the button on his shorts and he gasped when I released it. I moaned quietly when I reached down and felt how ready he was for me. I took him in my hands and squeezed gently, mimicking the pulsing inside me.
“Oh, God, Gracie. I need to feel you. Now. I need to be inside you.” He stepped back and I heard his zipper. I could see his silhouette as his shorts dropped and left him gloriously naked. He stepped closer, reached up under my skirt, and pulled down the only thing keeping us separated. He grasped my hips and pulled me to the edge of the counter. The force of me hitting his bare stomach while completely open to him made me cry out. He leaned into me and nuzzled his face into my neck and shoulder while saying my name over and over again, “Gracie. Oh God, Gracie.”
When he pulled his head away, he slid his hands under my bottom. He lifted me slightly and then let my center drag down his happy trail to where he was hard and throbbing and waiting for me. Our chests met with each deep breath. I felt his hips tip up and he began filling me slowly, then pulled his hands from under me. I couldn’t stand it any longer, I needed all of him. With a quick thrust of my own, he stretched me full and I had all of him. I called out his name and grabbed his hard biceps as our rhythm increased and the building tension fast forwarded to a level I wasn’t sure I was ready for. Jake and I had a history of explosive orgasms, but I already knew this one would far surpass any we’d had thus far.
He thrust in and out as though he couldn’t get enough of me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and tilted my hips into his over and over. We rode out to waves of passion and called out to each other. We held on as the sensation that made its way through each of our cores met in the one place we were physically connected. As the climax was upon us, Jake pulled his face back so we were nose-to-nose.
On Solid Ground: Sequel to in Too Deep Page 30
