“Open your eyes, Gracie.”
“Jake!” My eyes flew open, and it was no longer dark. The amount of stars in our mock sky lit up the room, and I could see their reflection in his eyes.
My gaze locked on his, and we came together, mouths agape but silent. It was a moment, a feeling, an experience that took all coherent thought away. As we came down from our simultaneous high, he stayed inside me, but our bodies went lax against each other.
“Gracie.” His voice was hoarse and he still gasped for air. “It’s not possible to get this from anyone else. We do this together.”
I smiled and nodded; no words could follow that and do it justice.
Fifty-one
Jake
Sam decided to come back into town for Summer Fest Weekend. He brought Ashley with him. I knew Gracie would be stoked because she and Ashley had hit it off really well the last time she was here.
The four of us headed out to Café Best for lunch as soon as Sam lugged all of Ashley’s stuff in from his car. It appeared as though they were both back for good. I was glad to have Sam back and even more thrilled that Stacy wouldn’t be back for two more weeks, which gave Gracie and me plenty of time to make new memories in her apartment as per Sylvia’s suggestion.
“So, what’s on the schedule today?” Sam was all about having a packed schedule, especially when there was no studying to be done.
“Calon and the guys are playing on the Allen Street stage at seven, so as long as we are there by then, we can do whatever your heart desires.” Gracie voice couldn’t hide her excitement to see the guys play without her as their opening act. She could chill and just have fun instead of being a ball of nerves.
“Gracie, you’re not singing with them?” Ashley snagged some fries off Sam’s plate and shielded her eyes from the sun.
“Nah, it’s a battle-of-the-bands kind-of-thing. Bands sign up for a time slot and how they use their time is part of the contest. You can win on talent alone or creativity in the performance. I didn’t want them winning or losing depending on me, so I talked them out of having an opening act.”
“I was really excited to hear you sing.” Ashley’s smile was sincere. I wondered if she felt a connection with Gracie because of their shared past with Sigma Chi. “When are you playing at Mitchell’s again?”
“Every Friday night, apparently.” A look of pride spread across Gracie’s face, followed by a big smile.
“So in essence, Gracie, you’ve been hiding this talent from me all this time? I feel duped.” Sam put on a fake frown, hoping for some sympathy.
“Dude, I’ve only heard her play a handful of times. She’s kept this superpower hidden from all of us.” I squeezed her leg under the table.
“Shit. I wanted to be the only one with the superpowers. Dammit, Gracie, can’t I just have one thing that’s all mine?”
“I’m pretty sure you’re the only one here that has a squirmy worm.” Gracie squeezed her eyes shut when she said it, like it was actually painful to say.
“What the hell is this squirmy worm thing? Sounds nasty.” Ashley just about fell off her chair laughing. Sam looked pained by her reaction.
“Jake, did you tell them about the DVDs?” Gracie wasn’t even hesitant in asking.
“No, I wasn’t sure how you wanted to handle that.” I reached for her hand and pulled it into my lap. I rubbed it with my thumb as though it would help her relax enough to be open and honest about something I knew was painful for her.
“So, we found out that Noah had secretly shot footage of us having...well, of us.” She looked at me as though she needed to apologize for almost saying what she was about to say.
I smiled and squeezed her hand. God, I loved her.
“Jake and Maverick got into Noah’s room a couple weeks ago and found ten copies of that DVD in one of his desk drawers. They stole them.”
“Gracie, that house, it’s bad news.” Ashley grabbed Gracie’s other hand across the table and squeezed.
“That fucker! How the fuck did we not know he was doing this shit? Fuck! Gracie, I am so sorry we couldn’t protect you.” Sam’s eyes glistened. He got up and walked over to Gracie’s chair, then knelt down so he was eye-to-eye with her. “Gracie, if we had any idea, I promise, we would have helped you. We would never have just stood by and let him do what he did to you. I am so sorry.”
Gracie lunged toward Sam and wrapped her arms around his neck. They hugged and Ashley looked up at me, both of us trying to rein in the emotion so we weren’t all a mess.
“Gracie, have you thought of pressing charges? Are you going to destroy the videos?” Ashley leaned in toward Gracie after Sam sat back down.
“Well, I did a little research online, and, unfortunately, because what was recorded was consensual, there’s really nothing I can do. But a girl we just met, Chelsea, told us she knows three girls who have similar stories to yours. They just never reported it. I’m wondering if the DVDs could be used as evidence if those girls were called to testify in your case.”
Ashley’s eyes were wide as she took in what Gracie was saying. She shook her head a little and blew out a big breath. “Hey, let’s dial back the serious here. There’s a festival today, right? This conversation can be saved for a day we don’t have packed full of fun.”
Gracie reached across the table and squeezed Ashley’s hand. It was clear to me they would bond even more over the next year we were still at UTK. It was fate that had brought them together.
Sam and I spent most of the afternoon handing over way too much money, trying to win the girls huge stuffed animals. Each time we won a bigger one, the girls would gift the previous prize to an unsuspecting little person. Talk about superpowers, I think they were famous by the time it started to get dark. Every time we passed those same children, they would squeal and wave. There are no words for the sheer joy on Gracie’s face. She was so relaxed, so happy, and she was glowing.
When it got closer to the time the guys were to be on stage, we gradually migrated toward Allen Street. Gracie scored a space big enough for the four of us right at the front. She was giddy with excitement.
Alternate Tragedy was the first act in the battle, so her excitement turned to nervousness when it was thirty minutes to show time and they were nowhere in sight.
“Jake, something’s wrong. They’re usually warming up by now and they’ll be disqualified if they’re not here when they call for them. Calon will freak.” She wrung her hands and looked around like a mom who’d lost her kid.
“Gracie, it’s fine. It’s not like they forgot. Stop worrying. They’ll be here.” I rubbed her back, but she paid no attention to my attempt.
“Ladies and gentlemen, Alternate Tragedy is up first. Guys, wherever you are, you have ten minutes to report to the stage. Ten minutes.”
Gracie jumped up out of her seat, walked to the rail, and called the emcee over. They spoke for a quick second then she came back, a little less stressed, but not much.
“Farley said their instruments are on stage, so they’ve been here, but he hasn’t seen them in a while. Shit, Jake!”
There was nothing I could say to make her feel better. For all I knew, they bailed and just never let anyone know. It seemed odd for them to leave their instruments, though. But it wasn’t the end of the world as far as I was concerned. It was just a little contest. No big deal. But my shaking-with-unsettled-nerves girlfriend felt otherwise.
“Sam, let’s go get the girls something to drink. The Mitchell’s tent is back there on the corner. Girls, we’ll be right back.” Sam and I got in line as soon as we got to the tent. I could see Gracie still panicking. Ashley stood with her and seemingly helped her look around.
“Five minutes, Cal! Five minutes!” The emcee was obviously almost as freaked out as Gracie. Sam and I grabbed the beers and turned to fight the crowd for our front row spot. That’s when I saw him.
Noah faced Gracie and stood so close, I could only see a thin glow of the lights from the stage between
them.
Fifty-two
Gracie
“Gracie.” His voice instantly made my legs feel like noodles. I knew who I would see when I turned around. My lungs felt like they were filled with cement, and my chest was tight. This was a trigger. Dammit. I needed to take hold of this situation and lead it in the direction I needed it to go, but I was momentarily paralyzed.
“Two minutes, guys. Alternate Tragedy, you have two minutes to report to the stage.” I glanced up at the emcee and wished I was on the stage instead of standing here facing the person I hated the most. I tried to catch my breath so I could tell him to walk away, but my breathing was so shallow, I couldn’t speak.
“Gracie, don’t say anything. Just hear me out. I need you to know I still love you. I need you to know I regret everything that happened over the last two years. I was an asshole, and you put up with it, over and over. I don’t know if there’s any chance for us but...” He looked down at his hands, and for the five seconds his eyes weren’t on me, I saw flashes of our past in my mind. Everything he’d done to me, said to me, or about me in front of his brothers. Bile rose in my throat, and I knew what I needed to do. But it was only going to happen if I could will my feet to move from that spot. I said nothing but turned and willed my legs to walk me straight to the stage.
When I got to Farley, a guy I knew from one of my classes, I could barely breathe, both from my panic in being in such close proximity to Noah, but also because I was about to step so far out of my comfort zone, I felt I was nearing an out-of-body experience.
“Farley, I’m their opening act. Last minute change. My guitar is up there.” I lied. It was Calon’s guitar that he rarely played but took to every gig, “Just in case,” he’d say. Farley grabbed my hand and we headed through security up to the stage.
My heart beat so hard, all I could hear was my blood pumping through my ears, and I had no idea what Farley said into the mic. When I got Calon’s strap situated, I turned, determined to live through the next ten minutes. If my heart stopped after that, at least I’d have spoken the words I needed to. Two songs. Maybe they’d be here in two songs.
There had to be at least three thousand people standing before me. That’s six thousand eyes boring holes through my courage.
Dammit, Calon. You owe me.
Farley stuck the mic back in the stand, and the crowd cheered and hollered. He must have introduced me, but I heard nothing but my pulse. I glanced down to where I’d just stood and Noah was still there. I glanced back toward the beer tent and saw Jake and Sam making their way through the crowd. Jake looked up at me, and I shook my head a little. He could kick the shit out of Noah, but only after I had my moment.
“Thank you for the warm welcome.” My voice cracked and I turned from the mic and cleared my throat. I caught a glimpse of a familiar head of curly hair. Right off stage stood Calon, Spider, Manny, and Bones. For a second, I thought about announcing them and getting off stage as quickly as possible. But, Calon nodded and waved a little with his hand; he wanted me to have this moment. He winked and mouthed the words, Go get’em rock star!
“I’ve never played this song for anyone. I was waiting for the timing to be perfect.” I strummed the guitar gently and took a couple cleansing breaths. I looked up at Jake and Sam and over at Calon, all my guys, smiling with pride.
“Something about this moment tells me there would be no time more perfect.” I looked down at the front row. My eyes locked onto Noah’s. “This song is a cover of my favorite Keith Urban song, “Stupid Boy.”
The song wasn’t a difficult one to play, three easy chords, but the lyrics threatened to break me. They were everything I needed to say to Noah. I strummed the guitar, breathed in and out slowly, and made peace with being transparent. It was the only way to sing this song for me. Putting up a wall and singing from the surface would serve no purpose. This was my closure, and I needed to dig down deep and let go.
I started the intro. I closed my eyes and played through it one more time. I allowed my body to melt into the guitar and move with the rhythm of my hand.
I opened myself up, and, as tears ran down my cheeks, I sang straight from my heart. I sang of a girl who was innocent, but restrained by someone who supposedly loved her. The boy stole everything from her; everything he did to her told her “You can’t.” He used his cowardly behaviors to crush her.
I turned my head after the first verse and wiped the tears on my shoulder. Then I looked right at Noah and let the lyrics ask him what made him think he could lift himself up by breaking me down. I sang about the trust I gave him by giving him my whole heart and everything that went along with it.
He was stone-faced but his eyes didn’t leave mine.
In the last repeat of the second verse, I closed my eyes and allowed myself to feel some of the pain leave my heart. I breathed in a cleansing breath that promised to be the start of something new. I was making new memories, and this one was an attempt to say goodbye to the old ones.
I played through the ending with a passion I’d never felt. Goosebumps lifted across the entire surface of my skin. I allowed myself to relive the moments Jake and I shared in the planetarium. My heart filled with his love and all he was to me.
Noah stood before me, in the same spot, stone-faced. Oh, you wanna play that game? Bring it on.
“Not too long ago, I was in a situation where I let someone else tell me how to live. And thanks to a lot of amazing people in my life, I’ve come out of that situation stronger, and I’m finally whole again. I wrote this next song as a reminder to myself that liars whisper. They whisper with their actions, because they don’t have the balls to voice their intentions. Because if they did, everyone would see the truth they’re trying so hard to hide. The liars in your life will beat you down to lift themselves up. They will hurt you just so they can come to your rescue. We teach people our worth by the actions we accept from others. Don’t accept the whispers.” I took a deep breath. “This song’s called ‘Whisper.’”
What? I can’t hear you, because it sounded like you said I didn’t matter
Speak up because only cowards whisper
And love is louder
You can’t prove something you can’t speak
What? I can’t hear you, because it sounded like you said I didn’t matter
You’ve stolen my words, my volume’s turned down
Without words, I can’t fight this battle
But love is louder
Your arms, they hold me but your words, they scold me for pulling you in
You can’t prove something you can’t speak
You just whisper
If a lie’s not believed is it still a lie?
I heard you but I didn’t let you lie
Love is louder
Like a ladder with no rungs, this won’t get you anywhere
The applause started slowly, almost like the crowd was afraid to break the intensity with clapping. When I opened my eyes, Noah was gone, but Sam and Jake were right down front. Jake’s cheeks were wet with tears, and Sam and Ashley were hugging. The clapping and yelling was insane.
Calon and the guys were perched and ready in the wings, so I strummed an extra couple chords and turned to them. The crowd went crazy. There were whistles and screams. I couldn’t believe it. That was a lot to take in; it was a lot to deal with all at once. I just poured out my soul only to be filled by the beautiful vibes of...my fans. My fans. How surreal. There was only so much I could take, so I used my hands to wave and quiet them all down.
“I could not be more excited to give you who you’ve really been waiting for. Give it up, guys, for Alternate Tragedy!” The crowd went crazy all over again. Could it be possible that I actually got the same level of excitement out of the audience?
“Thank you so much!” Calon had to all but scream into the mic for anyone to hear him. “All right, we have some news, but I can’t tell you if you’re this loud.” He turned his head toward me and laughed. I started to walk of
f the stage. I needed to sit down, and my legs were still shaking. “Gracie, don’t go. I want you up here for this.” The noise level went down significantly.
“We apologize for being late, but hey, had we been on time, you wouldn’t have heard this amazing artist.” He put his arm around me and squeezed. “Wasn’t she amazing?” There were whoops and more whistles.
I could barely contain my emotions. I leaned into the mic. “Um, Cal. You promised them some news, remember?”
“Right! So, just twenty minutes ago, we took an urgent call from our manager. Someone backed out of a tour and this new up-and-coming band needs an opening act. And we got the gig! We will actually, finally, be on tour.”
My ears rang with all the noise that the thousands of people packed onto Allen Street made.
“Thank you, thank you. And we have to leave soon. August third, one week from tomorrow. So, that means we only have this beautiful girl opening for us one more time. Next Friday night at Mitchell’s will be our farewell show. Hope you’ll all come out to send us off into the wild unknown.”
I couldn’t believe he was leaving. I wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him so tight, he grunted. I was so proud of them, but selfishly, I never wanted to have to say goodbye, or even see you later.
“Two more things before we play for you. So you’re going to have to pipe down or we’ll never get started.” A hush fell over the crowd. “That means our Friday night slot at Mitchell’s will need a new act. Hmm. I wonder who could fill that spot! Maybe an acoustic guitar player named...Gracie Jordan?”
I covered the mic with my hand. “We’ll see, Calon. I still don’t know if I will live through this adrenaline rush.”
“Okay, she said maybe. One last thing. We are now actively looking for someone to help us market ourselves while we are on tour. We need a publicist. So if any—”
On Solid Ground: Sequel to in Too Deep Page 31
