A Reluctant Bride

by Jody Hedlund

  Joseph attempted a smile. “Will you allow me to refuse?”

  “Your father was a good man.”

  Immediately Joseph stiffened.

  “I asked you to be my ship’s surgeon because I was convinced you were like him.”

  The need to escape the captain’s discourse about his father pressed against him like a westerly. He especially had no wish to have his own shortcomings held up against his father’s stellar character.

  Joseph slipped his hands into his coat pockets and started to bow, needing to make his escape. His fingers brushed against Sarah’s silver band and halted him.

  He’d wanted Mercy to allow herself to weep over Sarah’s death, knowing the open expression of grief would be healthy for her. Why then couldn’t he do the same? When would he stop fleeing from every mention of his family and start facing his loss?

  “I was correct,” the captain said. “You are like him in many ways.”

  The unexpected statement eased the tightness in Joseph’s chest just a little.

  Captain Hellyer peered toward the horizon and spoke quietly. “My older brother fell in love with a woman who was a commoner, a poor domestic who laundered our family’s clothing.”

  Joseph shifted to study the captain’s face. As usual, the man’s expression was stoic.

  “There were many among his circle who encouraged him to marry a woman of his station and to keep his laundress as his lover, if he must keep her at all.” The captain paused, then added, “Your father was one of only a few who looked beyond the barriers of class to see Mary as the lovely and dignified woman she truly was.”

  His father had looked beyond the barriers of class? The revelation shouldn’t have surprised Joseph, but it did nonetheless.

  “Against all adversity and criticism, including my own, my brother married her. On the day of their wedding, my father disowned him.”

  Joseph could hardly breathe.

  “Of course, after the scandal, I married the woman expected of me,” the captain continued. “I so proudly believed I was doing what was right where my brother had sinned. I believed I would succeed where he had failed. And I would be happy while he was miserable.”

  “And were you?” Joseph asked.

  “My brother learned early on what I would not understand until much later. When God gives us someone or something, we must not spurn the gift. We must cherish it until our dying breath.”

  Joseph sensed the captain’s story went much deeper than he was sharing, but already he’d bared his soul and Joseph decided not to press him for more.

  “I’m ashamed to admit I loathed your father for a long time for the stance he took with my brother.”

  “But you said you respected him—”

  “I do now, but it’s too late to tell him so, is it not?” The captain looked overhead to the sails and then to every part of the ship, his experienced eyes not missing a single detail. “He aided my brother. Gave him shelter and employment. Eventually he loaned him money so he could immigrate to Canada and start over there.”

  Joseph’s throat closed up with a swell of unexpected emotion.

  “As I said, your father was a good man. I was saddened to hear of his passing.”

  Joseph tried to swallow but couldn’t get past the tightness.

  Captain Hellyer fell silent then as if to allow the steady rhythm of the waves to soothe all regrets.

  “My piece of advice, Lord Colville?” he finally said.

  Their conversation had come full circle, only this time Joseph was ready to receive the advice. “You have convinced me not to refuse it, Captain.”

  “Good.” The captain’s mustache turned up with the hint of a smile. “As a physician, you do not let the barriers of class stand in your way. You have cared equally for every soul aboard this ship regardless of who they are and where they come from. . . .”

  Captain Hellyer’s words of affirmation reached deep into Joseph’s heart. He knew his father would have said something similar. His father, who had championed the cause of the downtrodden, labored hard at changing the views of his peers in the House of Lords, who supported many causes he’d hoped would bring about positive change in London’s poorer communities. Yes, his father would have approved of Joseph’s willingness to serve rich and poor alike. A stinging pricked the back of Joseph’s eyes.

  “My advice,” said the captain, his voice turning gentle, “do not let the barriers of class interfere with anything. Not work. Not life. And certainly not love.”

  With a nod, Captain Hellyer patted him on the shoulder, then strode away, leaving Joseph to stare after him, his thoughts tossing and turning in the captain’s wake.

  Love.

  Did he love Mercy? He was attracted to her. Of that he had no doubt.

  Joseph pictured her when she’d knelt in front of him and cupped his cheek. “I would bear your pain if I could.” He pictured the earnestness in her eyes, her beautiful face. The sincerity, the selflessness, the depth of her kindness . . .

  Not only was he drawn to her sweet spirit, but he’d been shaken to the core by the strength of his physical reaction to her. One touch was enough to upend his world and everything he’d believed about himself.

  But love?

  He wasn’t so sure he could claim such life-enduring affection. Nor could he claim he was prepared to make that step into declaring his love, even if he did sense it. He was still restless, not ready to marry and settle down. Eventually when he was ready, he’d have to return to England and live there.

  As for Mercy, she was aboard a bride ship on her way to finding a husband in a new land with new opportunities. After the difficult life she’d experienced, she was determined to leave behind London and the world she’d come from.

  Joseph blew out a breath. The kindest thing he could do now was to proceed with his apology and then let her go.

  twenty-three

  With Sarah’s death dampening everyone’s spirits, the last days of the voyage seemed to drag on forever, especially as Mr. Scott and Mrs. Robb once again denied the women the opportunity to go ashore in San Francisco. At the news, the girls in Mercy’s cabin became despondent, even more so than when they’d been left behind on the ship while in the Falklands.

  Thankfully, they hadn’t anchored in the American port for long, experiencing only a few days of misery while the others took in the town and all the pleasures it afforded. Hardest of all for Mercy was watching Joseph row away with Mr. Scott’s daughters on either side of him, knowing they were the kind of women Joseph deserved and needed.

  As the ship finally trudged up the Washington coast and they got their first glimpse of Vancouver Island, the excitement of being so near their destination began to push away the gloom. When they entered the Strait of Juan de Fuca on the evening of the seventeenth of September, a flaming sunset on the Pacific horizon seemed to give a final salute and guide them into the sheltered waterway.

  Although the fast-falling night made sightseeing difficult, the beams of a lighthouse ushered the ship through a narrow passage into Esquimalt Lagoon, where they glimpsed the outline of the rugged rocky shore with its thick vegetation, as well as the naval base headquartered along the harbor.

  At the first light of day, Mercy gathered with the other women unable to get enough of the Vancouver Island coastline spreading out before them, an endless array of thick evergreens blanketing the land. In the distance, cloud-capped mountains covered in snow towered to the heavens.

  They’d had an early-morning visit from natives in their canoes paddling alongside the ship and attempting to barter fish. Most of the women had been frightened at the sight of brown-skinned people, but Mercy had been fascinated. The natives hadn’t stayed long, especially with the angry shouts of marines on a patrol boat demanding that they leave.

  Around the Esquimalt Lagoon flocks of birds perched on boulders or high in the trees, floated in the calm water, and graced the sky overhead. One of the other women had informed them that Vancouv
er Island was known for its migrating birds, that in the autumn they’d see ducks, geese, swans, loons, herons, and many others. The only one Mercy could name with certainty was the sea gull, which seemed to be the same in this new world as it was back in England.

  At midmorning, Mercy still couldn’t tear herself away from the rail. She let the gentle breeze wash over her with the scents of pine and soil. And she relished the music of the bird calls that had serenaded them since their arrival.

  If only she could spend a few moments with Joseph, he’d share everything he knew about the area. He’d likely read all about the birds and would pull out his spyglass just as he’d done in the Falkland Islands and help her learn how to identify them. He’d tell her about the trees and the names of the mountain ranges. And he’d explain the history of the area, including why the naval base was necessary here in Esquimalt, so close to Victoria.

  She glanced across the deck to where he stood with some of the welcoming committee members who had boarded the Tynemouth a short while ago. He was attired in a suit she’d never seen him wear before and looked more dashing than usual. She had to admit, she was relieved he hadn’t left the ship yet.

  Their vessel was too large to sail directly into the shallow waters surrounding Victoria. So earlier in the morning, the ship’s passengers had been ferried to Victoria, including those from steerage. While watching groups leaving in smaller steamboats, the women had grumbled and talked about jumping ship. After all, they’d been on the Tynemouth for over a hundred days and hadn’t been allowed off once.

  But Mrs. Robb had quieted the complaints with news that a welcoming party would be arriving on board today, and that the Victoria Female Immigration Committee was making arrangements for their group to come ashore tomorrow.

  The women had cheered. Although Mercy was excited about the prospect of soon being on land, a quiet misery had settled over her at the realization she would never see Joseph again.

  She had no reason to wallow in their parting. She hadn’t spoken to him and had hardly seen him since she’d left his cabin over two weeks ago after Sarah’s death. And he hadn’t sought her out. Not that she’d expected him to. Most certainly not. Such a notion was just as outlandish as the idea that he might want to be with her.

  “You have my highest regard and affection.”

  His declaration whispered through her mind as it often did. And every time the words brought back the sensations of their intimacy, the burning of his lips against hers, the passionate pleasure of his kisses . . .

  “Come now, Mercy.” Ann tugged her sleeve and drew her out of the forbidden memory. “Let’s take a walk along the deck like them other women. They’re gettin’ all the attention wearing such pretty togs.”

  “Let them have it.” Mercy squeezed Ann’s arm and patted first Minnie’s, then Flo’s, then Kip’s cheeks. The morning light showed the grime that rimmed their faces and hair and clothing, the result of three months without proper bathing.

  The wealthier women had opened their trunks for clean garments. Later, Mercy noticed several of them dumping their soiled shipboard clothing into the sea. Mercy was half tempted to jump in and save the items. The dirty garments were better than anything she or the other poor girls wore. But she hadn’t wanted to make a fuss and have one of the wealthy women accuse her of stealing the garments the same way Miss Spencer had accused Ann of taking her necklace.

  Now in their pretty dresses, the middle-class women were drawing the introductions of the gentlemen of the welcoming committee. Even Miss Lawrence was talking with several important-looking men, who were attired in naval uniforms of white trousers and blue coats decorated with gold trim. Though the gentlewoman’s expression remained pleasant and mild, Mercy could see cold fear in her eyes and couldn’t keep from wondering again what had happened to Miss Lawrence.

  The gentlewoman had been kind enough to offer to help with Sarah’s care during the quarantine, but Joseph had been there when she visited for the second time and had insisted that Miss Lawrence stay well away until he could determine the cause of Sarah’s illness. Mercy hadn’t had the opportunity to interact with Miss Lawrence again, except for brief greetings in passing.

  The pretty lady was having no shortage of admirers today even though she’d assumed she was too much of a spinster to draw attention.

  After such a strict policy against interacting with men, Mercy was surprised Mrs. Robb and Mr. Scott were allowing the mingling. She supposed now that they’d arrived, the two chaperones would have no choice but to give them more freedom. At least Mercy prayed it was so. Then she could find a job without having to worry about finding a husband.

  “You’ll have plenty of notice right soon enough,” Mercy reminded the girls. “What with all the gentlemen have told us, the fellas on shore are getting ready—shining their shoes and buying new collars.”

  “Oho,” Ann said. “I bet a crown you’ll be the first one fetched right up.”

  “You know I’m not planning on letting any man fetch me,” Mercy said quietly but firmly.

  “That’s a’cause you already got a rich fella uncommon sweet on you.” Ann made kissing motions in the air, which drew the giggles of the other girls.

  “I’ve got no such thing.” Mercy refused to follow their glances in Joseph’s direction. While she hadn’t admitted to anyone how much she liked him, she supposed her attraction hadn’t been hard to figure out.

  “Then why’s he keep looking at you like he’s about to drink you for his morning dram?” Flo asked, her voice much too seductive for one so young.

  “My stars,” Mercy chided. “You sure know how to go on all the livelong day about him.” Another reason why she was ready to get ashore—so the girls would stop talking about Joseph whenever they saw him. “Be on with you now. Take a walk over by them gents. But behave yourselves, d’ye hear me?”

  As they moved along and left her alone, she felt strangely exposed. She hadn’t wanted to come out of the cabin when the welcoming party boarded, not when she’d learned the party was comprised of Victoria’s most prominent citizens and that they were all men. But Mrs. Robb had insisted the women clean up as best they could and then lectured them on appropriate conduct before ushering them out to the main deck.

  Mercy turned her attention to the sky, to a broad-winged bird effortlessly soaring over the calm lagoon waters. Maybe she could make her escape back to the cabin and hide there until the ordeal was over.

  With a final glance at the beauty of her new homeland, she slipped away, promising herself she’d have plenty of time to take in the view in the days and weeks to come. And eventually, in a few months when the Robert Lowe arrived, she’d be able to share the beauty with Patience. Her sister would like Vancouver Island right well and would be healthy with all the fresh air and open space.

  In the meantime, she had to figure out how to avoid becoming a bride.

  Joseph’s attention strayed again to Mercy. His pulse crested and then crashed at the realization she was moving away and seemed to be trying to leave the gathering unnoticed.

  “I have to say I’m highly pleased with the quality of the women,” said Lieutenant Commander Verney. “They overall appear to have been well raised and generally seem a superior lot to the women usually met with on immigrant vessels.”

  “Very true,” said another as he sipped from the fine brandy the committee brought aboard to share among the men.

  Joseph had hoped for an opportunity to speak to Mercy again, but his duties had kept him busy over the past week as the passengers began to reach their limits of endurance, their afflictions increasing with each passing day—scurvy, saltwater boils, rotting teeth, indigestion, and the like.

  Even when he wasn’t tending passengers, Mercy was nowhere to be seen.

  With this being the last day the women would be aboard the ship, he’d decided he must seek her out, even if that meant going to her cabin and pleading with her to give him one last opportunity to see her.

 
; Perhaps now, while the passengers and crew were occupied with other matters, he could finally speak with her and offer his overdue apology.

  “Excuse me a moment, gentlemen,” Joseph said with a slight bow. “I shall be back momentarily.”

  He wound through the clusters of people while maintaining an air of nonchalance. As he started in the direction she’d gone, he guessed she was heading back to her cabin. He veered down a different passageway, hoping he could catch up with her before she reached the cabin.

  His footsteps thudded against the damp wood of the deck. As he neared the corner that would lead him to the starboard side near the bride rooms, he halted and listened. The steps drawing nigh were soft but quick.

  Before she could pass him, he moved from the passageway.

  At the sight of him, she halted abruptly and gasped. “Joseph. You scared me worse than a creeping tomcat.”

  “Forgive me. I didn’t intend to frighten you.” Up close, he feasted upon her lovely features—her high cheekbones, elegant brows, and the long lashes framing her blue eyes.

  She dropped her attention to the deck, breaking the connection so that everything he’d tried to ignore and escape came rushing back. She was leaving the ship. She would soon find a husband. And she would belong to someone else.

  He’d lose her forever.

  He was well aware she wasn’t his and therefore he couldn’t truly lose her. Nevertheless, an ache swelled in his chest that he couldn’t explain, which made him feel suddenly desperate.

  Drawing in a breath, he forced himself to complete the task he’d come here to do. “I’ve longed for the occasion to speak with you again so that I might apologize for my behavior the last time we were together.”

  Her lashes flew up, revealing confusion in her eyes.

  “For when we—when I—” he stammered, embarrassed now to speak of their encounter.

  “You’re sorry for kissing me?” Her question contained a note of hurt.