Her Dual Surrender

by Ines Johnson

  Yehfe held his breath. He felt that if he even blinked she would know the truth; that he ached to touch her. That it was more than for the health of his brother. It was for his very livelihood.

  The silence stretched between them. Beulah’s smile wavered even more. Her eyes sank down to the floor. And still, he couldn’t move. If he did, he knew he would sweep her into his arms and lay his hands on the exposed bit of skin just above the collar of her blouse.

  Beulah turned her attention back to Pakua. Her motions jerky as she pointed to his prone form. “How is he?” she asked.

  Yehfe swallowed. He closed his eyes. His brother’s pain was the only thing that could dampen his desire for Beulah.

  The reprieve from the first dose of Beulah’s energy had given his brother the strength to gain a foothold on the abrasive substance trying to take his soul. Yehfe felt his brother fighting, but he needed another shot.

  Yehfe opened his eyes. Beulah’s fingers hovered over Pakua’s head, but she did not contact his skin.

  “He’s feverish,” she said. “And he’s shivering. He must be in so much pain.”

  Her gaze was full of concern and compassion for a man who had never spoke a word to her. How could Yehfe not yearn to become lost in her essence?

  “When I touched him before you came in, he seemed to settle.” She reached her hand out to Pakua.

  Without thinking, Yehfe grabbed her hand before it landed on his brother’s forehead. She gasped at his touch and her eyes locked on his. Was it his imagination or were her brown eyes full of want and desire when her gaze trained on him?

  “No.” The single syllable came out of Yehfe as an agonizing plea. “I have told you that touch is powerful to Eloheem. When another soul touches one of us, it forms a bond.”

  Her palm turned over in his hand. Their fingers arranged themselves so that they were entwined. Instead of letting go, Yehfe firmed his hold on her.

  “Pakua does not want any such bond,” he said.

  Beulah’s hand jerked inside his. Her gaze connected with his. Her fingers stilled and relaxed inside his hold. “Do you want such a bond?”

  “It is the deepest desire of my hearts; to have a female to worship.”

  “Back home, we would call that blasphemy. You are not to worship anyone but the Lord, God.”

  “A god is one that gives life. Womb rocks and women are givers of life. For Eloheem, their female bondmate is their god.”

  He looked down at their entwined hands. Her palm pressed to his. He was going to let her go, he had to. In just one more second, he would let go. First, he needed to imprint the feel of her in his mind so that it would sustain him for the rest of his days.

  “Women hold life in the palm of their hands,” he said. “Their energy is what sustains life.”

  “Shanti said Pakua needed more… of my energy.”

  Yehfe closed his eyes at the temptation before him. There was no escaping her. The energy of her surrounded him. He felt her energy entwining with his.

  He would be bound to her for his life. It was done. But he would not be sad. There were creatures the universe over who never experienced the pure bliss that was a soul-deep connection with another living being.

  She unwound her fingers from his and he felt his hearts breaking. He clenched his empty hands hard. He thought he might have broken the skin of his palms trying to hold his hands back from the want of her.

  Beulah stepped away from him. Yehfe felt the edges of his eyes prick with moisture. His breath trembled as she increased the distance. Then he frowned as she lowered herself to the pallet that still lay unrolled on the floor.

  Beulah took a deep breath as she tilted her head back and looked up at him. “I offer myself to you freely, Yehfe. Take what you need.”

  He was hallucinating now. He had well and truly gone mad. He allowed his delusions to pull him down to the floor alongside his temptation.

  Chapter Seventeen

  He descended down upon Beulah like an angel of light. Yehfe took her hand in his. His long fingers curled around her left hand, obfuscating the faded marks on her ill-used ring finger. Beulah’s heart raced as the heat from the palm of his hand met with the backs of her fingers, and then her knuckles.

  Yehfe turned her hand over. He brought the center of her palm to his lips. His lips were soft, warm. He whispered into her palm. The words were in his own language. But the meaning translated. This was an invocation.

  His large eyes opened and his gaze trained on her. Beulah felt trapped, pinned in his gaze. He lowered her hand but did not let it go. He brought the palm of her hand to his chest, moving aside the robes to press her flesh to his skin.

  Beulah’s fingers trembled as they met with a drumbeat of activity.

  “You hold my life in the palm of your hands,” he said. “And there it will remain for all of my days.”

  Tears pricked Beulah’s eyes. “Yehfe…” She had to stop and take a breath. Her voice couldn’t get past the lump in her throat.

  “Shhh,” he hushed. “Words are not necessary. I only wish to please you this one last time.”

  Beulah opened her mouth to tell him that once wouldn’t be enough. But again, she choked. And then she became greedy for air when Yehfe’s hands landed on her body.

  He still had one hand holding hers. The other he placed on her heart. His palm rested atop two layers of fabric, but it felt as though he’d reached through her body and cradled the organ.

  “It amazes me that you only have one heart,” he said. “You are more generous than any being I’ve ever known.”

  Beulah gave Yehfe’s hand, the one that still held hers, a squeeze. He brought her fingers to his lips and kissed them. Then he placed both of her hands beside her body.

  Her fingertips curled into the pallet as Yehfe pressed his palms into her chest. His fingers extended up to her neck. There, he caressed her throat. She felt a pulse of energy gathering in her vocal cords. Even if she wanted to speak, she couldn’t.

  “Chen showed me a sutra,” he said. “If I go through all of your chakras, your energy points, then I can gather enough energy to overtake any marra left within my brother.”

  He left one hand on her heart and placed the other at the crown of her head.

  “The sensations will increase, but you must try to delay your climax.”

  Beulah felt her cheeks heating at the frank discussion of her most intimate experience. Then she remembered, she’d only ever had this experience with Yehfe. She only ever hoped to have it with Yehfe.

  Yehfe moved the hand that was on her head down to the space between her eyes. The hand that was on her heart, he moved just below her belly button.

  Beulah felt herself squirming. She pressed her thighs together seeking relief. None came. She knew instinctively that the only relief would come from his hands on her most intimate flesh.

  She knew something of energy centers. She’d seen pictures a few times when she passed the yoga class that rented out the church’s basement. She remembered the seven colorful circles that started at the top of the head and moved progressively southward. Yehfe had visited the first five. There were only two left.

  Beulah took a deep breath. When she let it out, her whole body shuddered.

  “I am going to touch your intimate flesh directly,” said Yehfe.

  Beulah’s eyes slammed open. She knew it was coming. But for him to say it so clinically, so passionless, she was unprepared. But looking at him, Yehfe appeared anything but passionless. He appeared as though he was in pain.

  “Yehfe? Am I doing something wrong?”

  “No,” he shook his head, a sad smile on his face. “You are perfect as ever.”

  His hands moved beneath her skirt. Beulah gasped and clutched at the pallet.

  “I am going to stimulate you slowly. Remember, you must try to delay your climax.”

  Beulah wasn’t sure if she could. He hadn’t even touched her intimate flesh yet and she felt herself preparing to explode.
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  Yehfe reached his fingers between her thighs. He reached over and inside her undergarments. He burrowed through her mass of damp curls until his fingers found a tight bundle of nerves. Beulah trembled as he made slow circles around a timeless clock.

  Her body began to shake, to quiver. She reached out. Yehfe caught her hand. She opened her eyes to find his gaze trained on her face. His wide eyes were full of wonder and adoration.

  “I don’t think I can hold it,” she said.

  “Breathe,” he said.

  With each inhale she felt that she was slowly being torn in two. Yehfe’s inhalations and exhalations synched with hers. The motion of his fingers on that tight bundle of nerves caught up with their slow breathing.

  When she was a girl, her parents had once driven by an energy station. Beulah had felt the electricity filling the air. The buzzing had felt like a living breathing thing. The hairs on her arms had stood. That’s how she felt now as she tried to hold the sensations that wanted to burst from the center of her.

  Tears threatened. Her body shook. Her teeth chattered, filling the air with a buzzing sound. With one hand, Yehfe took her hand in his. With the other hand, he made one last circle around her sensitive flesh.

  “You can let go now.”

  Beulah wasn’t sure if he said that out loud or in her head. He was all around her. He was everywhere, everything. When the floodgates opened, he was beside her as she was pulled apart. It hit her in wave after wave. The power of the energy they’d collected bowed her back off the pallet and then she collapsed.

  It was only his arms that held her together.

  Chapter Eighteen

  The power of her energy knocked Yehfe off kilter. His fingers were locked around Beulah’s as she lay writhing on the berth. He felt the tendrils of the bond aching for her, reaching for her. His petals pulled away from his body in an effort to get closer to her. His hardened member strained. It took every ounce of strength in him to hold himself back from her.

  Beulah trembled and shook and moaned for long moments. It seemed like an eternity. And all he could do was hold her and watch.

  So, that’s what he did. He held her until the trembling subsided. And when she finally stilled, Yehfe realized that she was asleep.

  His gaze stayed trained on her lovely face. His fingers took liberties, tracing the lines and contours of her eyes, her cheeks, her lips. He cradled the thing he wanted most in his arms and tortured himself with what would never be.

  Beulah moaned in her sleep and he could not help himself. He broke that barrier too. What he saw inside her mind rocked him harder than her orgasm had.

  In her sleep, Beulah dreamed of him. In her mind, Yehfe saw their hands entwined. They walked along a cleared path in the middle of arbors. A golden mist surrounded them. Eva and a set of twin Eloh boys skipped about the path, smiling and laughing. Beulah’s eyes sparkled with joy as she watched the children. Then she tilted her head back and her lips parted. It was the holiest offering Yehfe had ever beheld.

  The dream version of him took her lips and drank. The reality of him knew hunger for the first time. The Mothership provided for his every need after his parents were taken from him. But the ship could never fill this need. And now he knew that no other woman ever would.

  In the dream, Beulah broke the kiss. In reality, she opened her eyes and her gaze locked on his.

  He hung his head in shame. “Oh, Beulah.”

  Beulah sat up, reaching for him. He came to her. How could he not come to her?

  “I did not mean for any of this to happen,” he said. “Please forgive me.”

  She pulled him into her heart, just like he’d seen her do with Eva when she was scared. “I would forgive you anything.”

  She ran her hands over the nods of his head. Yehfe shuddered at the intimacy. He should tell her to stop. The touch of an Eloh’s head was far too intimate. But he was too lost.

  “None of this is your fault,” she said. “It was all an accident. Pakua’s going to be all right.”

  “It is not my brother’s wounds that are my concern just now. It is the wounds that I have created. I have disrespected your bond.”

  “No, you haven’t.”

  Yehfe pulled away from her. “I have entwined my soul to yours. I could not help it. I should not have been able to bond with you, because you are mated. But somehow, I have. It is forever.”

  “Forever?”

  He nodded. “I can not undo it. I will love you for an eternity and on to the next. It is done.”

  Yehfe held up his hand. Between them were tendrils of pure, golden light reaching for her. Beulah raised her hand to meet his. Yehfe pulled his hand away. But he wasn’t fast enough. She caught his fingers and entwined them with her own.

  He watched as her face lit up at the golden display. Her lips parted in an O as the spirals wrapped their strands around their wrists. Her eyes found his and the unadulterated joy in them knocked the air out of him.

  “Yehfe, I’m divorced.”

  “I do not understand that word.” He wouldn’t have understood much at the moment. His mind was entirely focused on the heat of her palm against his.

  “I’m no longer bound to my husband.”

  Yehfe blinked. He gave his head a shake. He was hearing things now.

  “My husband broke our bond many cycles ago. He coveted other women. He left the boundaries of our union because he didn’t want me anymore. I tried to stay true to him, to mend the problems. But I couldn’t. And so we had our bond dissolved.”

  Yehfe turned her words over in his head again. He searched her heart. He searched her mind.

  In her mind’s eye, Beulah showed herself and a pale, thin man with a pinched face. They stood before a figure cloaked in black that sat on a high platform. The cloaked figure banged a hammer. At the loud crack, Beulah’s face fell in shame. The thin man un-pinched his face in triumph as he walked away from Beulah.

  Yehfe’s eyes refocused on the treasure before him. He still was hesitant to believe the vision true. Divorce?

  “Is such a thing possible?”

  Beulah nodded. “It is. And I had it done. I’m not bound to him. I’m free.” She reached for his hand and placed it on her heart. “You said yourself, you shouldn’t have been able to bond with me if I were already bound. Well, I’m not.”

  She held up her hand. The same golden tendrils emanated from her palm and reached for his. Yehfe’s breath trembled. Moisture pricked the edges of his eyes.

  Beulah reached up and brushed the moisture away. Yehfe closed his eyes and turned his face into her hand. She brought him into her embrace.

  “I can be yours. I want to be yours,” she said. “I want to stay with you.”

  Yehfe’s hands came around her in a vice-like grip. She was his. It was a reality. They were bound and he was never letting her go.

  From the bed, he heard stirring. Yehfe looked up and into eyes like his own. Pakua leaned on his side and glared down at his brother.

  Chapter Nineteen

  The darkness receded and pain seeped into Pakua’s consciousness.

  It began in his gut. A Yin’s being resided in his gut, the third chakra, the house of confidence, of power. The throbbing at that core of his being was excruciating.

  He felt weak, unsure of himself. He had the urge to call out, but his throat was restricted. He wanted to reach out, but his fingers were locked in a clenching fist.

  A golden mist spread through his mind. It swept along the meridians of his energy channels, pooling at each chakra. He felt the underside of his skin flush. The beam of gold relaxed his fingers and they unfurled. The incessant ache in his side dulled. The pain bowed down to this force.

  Pakua’s mind was still fogged, but he knew he must harness this energy. He’d never encountered anything like it. He’d master it and use it as fuel to achieve higher levels of Zen.

  Before he could wrap his mind around the force, it began to recede. His eyelids, heavy and impacted, began to
lighten. His upper lashes extricated themselves from his lower lashes.

  With his irises free, a pale face came into his view. A pale face with brown hair the color of rich soil and eyes like an arbor’s bark. The face smiled at him. As the smile spread across the expanse of that face, his pain receded. Something else, something warm, took its place.

  Unbidden, Pakua’s hands reached up to the face, to try and capture it. The face was familiar. He’d seen it before. Just flashes of it. He knew that if he could just capture the face, just capture a strand of that brown hair, have those dark eyes focus on him, have that smile spread across the entire expanse of the face if he captured, then all of those things, all of the pain would recede. He’d master the highest state of his being, and his world would be set aright.

  “I can be yours,” those lips said. “I want to be yours.”

  That voice was soft and breathy. The pitch high, like a female’s. Those soul-brown eyes weren’t focused on Pakua, they were focused on his brother. The words weren’t aimed at him, neither was the offer.

  Recognition dawned. He recalled seeing that same expression on her face. It was the same way his mother had looked at his fathers. He also placed the words that sailed past her lush lips. His fathers had pledged the same words to his mother every dawn of each new cycle.

  Pakua retracted his outstretched hand. The pain flooded back into his body. His howl of pain opened his eyes wider.

  His body was wracked with agony, but he wouldn’t let that stop him. He needed to put a stop to the madness of his brother bonding with the human woman.

  Chapter Twenty

  “She saved your life, Pakua. We are in her debt.”

  Pakua shifted onto his side, trying to turn away from his brother, but the wound that gaped open at his hip was still tender. “I did not ask anything of that female.”

  Pakua had kept his distance from all three of the new females the moment they came aboard the ship. He’d been doing just that when the younglings had ventured down into the belly of the ship. When Ngai, Niao and Nse’s marred father, had reached for the girl Pakua’s instincts kicked in. He’d dashed in to save the human youngling, yanking her out of harm’s way.