Red Havoc Bad Bear (Red Havoc Panthers Book 5)

by T. S. Joyce

  She jerked out of his grasp, gripped her hair and screamed in agony as she tried to keep her body. Monster wanted to go back for Willa. With a sob, she turned away from Jathan and made her way across a deer trail. Brush and thorns scraped her bare legs, but she didn’t care. She shook so bad, every muscle in her body was twitching, but it wasn’t from the cold. She was in a war to keep her body. She was in a war for Jathan, and he didn’t even know it.

  He grabbed her from behind and wrapped his arms around her. In her ear, between her agonized screams, he said, “Bond to me. Let it happen. I’m not Brody. I’m telling you right now…listen to my voice…listen for lies, and you’ll find none. I’m yours. I’m not going anywhere. Do what you have to do, Lynn. Fucking break. I’ll watch after you, watch you fall apart, and I’ll be right here to put you back together again.”

  “Sin number three,” she sobbed, sagging in his arms.

  “Tell me.”

  “I took Barret into a war with the lions because I was scared to die alone. I couldn’t think straight at the end of my time with Red Havoc. I couldn’t keep my panther from Changing. My body hurt so bad, and he was broken, too. In some fucked-up corner of my mind, I thought it would be easier on both of us if we just went to war and disappeared.” Lynn turned and hugged Jathan as hard as she could. “I almost got one of my friends killed because I wasn’t strong enough to think straight. Do you still think I’m redeemable?”

  Jathan let off a long sigh and stroked her hair back from her face. He cupped her cheeks, lifted her gaze to his, and searched her eyes. “Yes.”

  That one word shattered what she thought of the world. It shattered her bitterness like mirror glass under a sledge hammer. Yes. One person thought she was redeemable when she didn’t see it in herself, and it made all the difference.

  “Love is fire,” she whispered.

  “Yes,” Jathan murmured.

  “Love can burn you to the ground.”

  “Yes. And now it’s time to get up out of the ashes. I’ll tell you something. Something vulnerable like you’re doing with me. I’ve always loved watching fragile things break. I thought anything fragile deserved to be broken. Glass shattering was my favorite sound in the world. Now I’ll hate it. There is nothing worse than watching something break. You’ve ruined everything, Lynn. Maybe I was the weak one all along, because look at me now. Big Bad Bear begging something fragile not to shatter, or I’ll shatter right along with you.”

  “I don’t want that. I want to protect you.”

  He winced like it hurt him to admit. “Same. You scared me tonight. I watched you give my mom your neck, watched you fight it, then give it again, over and over, and I didn’t want to let you go. Tell me how you got here, Lynn. To this moment, here in the woods, with me.”

  She waited for her vision to cloud and for her panther to scratch at her skin, but neither happened. She’d been hiding the dark parts of herself from the world for so long, it was terrifying to trust someone with it all. But…Jathan saw her—really saw her—and he hadn’t run.

  Fucking break. I’ll watch after you, watch you fall apart, and I’ll be right here to put you back together again.

  He’d dared her to show him her worst, and then he promised to lock his legs against Hurricane Lynn. She’d thought no one on Earth would’ve been strong enough, but Jathan was.

  And so she trusted him. “With every decision I made, whether it was a bad one or a good one that went wrong, this hole inside of me grew and grew until I was just…emptiness. And one day I woke up and I wasn’t standing anymore. Maybe I hadn’t been for a long time. Maybe I had always been on my knees and hadn’t realized it.” Lynn swallowed hard and gripped the fabric of his T-shirt, right over his hips. And then she admitted the most terrifying combination of words that had ever come from her lips because she could really fail badly at this and let him down. “I want to learn how to stand again.”

  Slowly, the corners of Jathan’s lips curved up with pride. “I think you just did.”

  Her throat hurt from screaming, her head hurt from fighting Monster, and every muscle in her body ached. She was shaking and cold, like her body still couldn’t regulate its temperature well. She had damp cheeks, and her hair flew wildly around her face. She probably looked like hell, but Jathan was moving in closer and brushing his fingertips down her arm softly, lifting gooseflesh from her skin where he touched her. And when he pulled her waist against his, she could feel it. His erection pressed against her belly.

  He turned her slightly and winced at the long claw marks that curved from her ribs to her hip. She didn’t like when he worried over nothing.

  “If I don’t look, I can make it not hurt.”

  His gaze twitched to hers, and his soft brown eyes stirred with concern. “How?”

  Uncomfortable, she shrugged up one shoulder. “Somewhere along the way, I wanted to stop feeling the hurt. I’ve fought so much I can just put the pain away where it doesn’t touch me. I can flip a switch and not feel anymore.” Or maybe was already partly dead. Where that thought would’ve made her feel relief before, now it only made her feel sick. She didn’t want to be dead anymore.

  He ran his fingertip softly down the side of one of her healing claw marks. “I hope you know how beautiful you are.”

  “Me?” she asked.

  Jathan gave her a wicked grin and pulled her hand to his jeans, pressed it against his bulging erection.

  Equal parts elated and baffled, she asked, “You want me like this? Like a mess?”

  He leaned down and kissed her fast, sucked her lip hard, and then released her. He nodded. “I don’t mind your mess. It was sexy as fuck watching you stand up just now, little monster. What a hellion you’ll be when you get through this. You realize no one has fight experience like you do…right? You just went after a mother-fucking grizzly shifter, Second in the Gray Back Crew, and you held your own. And you fought to live. No more counting down days, Lynn. You’re stuck here with me. I saw that fight in your eyes tonight so yeah, I want to give you another anchor.”

  “What anchor?” she whispered.

  Jathan slid his hand between her legs and pushed his finger inside of her until she gasped at how good it felt.

  He rubbed his cheek against hers, rough beard against her soft skin, until his lips brushed her earlobe. “Me.”

  “You’re bribing me to stay here with sex?”

  Jathan chuckled. “Not just sex, Lynn. Not a one night stand. I’m gonna get you addicted to me. You won’t ever want to go.”

  “Can I tell you a secret?” She needed to do it quick because he was pushing his finger into her in a slow rhythm that had her rocking against his hand and clutching onto his shirt.

  “You can tell me anything.” The conviction in his voice made her smile. She really could, and he wouldn’t run. There was triumph in that.

  “I already don’t want to go,” she admitted softly.

  A rumble sounded from his chest. He pulled his shirt over his head and pressed it to the claw marks on her ribs, and then he backed her toward a clearing between the pines. When his right foot moved forward, her left moved back at the same time, gracefully, smoothly, keeping the same distance between them as he guided her backward. She didn’t get nervous about tripping on something, because she trusted him. He would catch her before she fell. That’s just how Jathan was with her. When she was the faller, he was the catcher. Their movement through the woods was like a dance. Her body reacted and countered his as if they’d moved like this a hundred times before.

  The intensity of his eyes burned right through her as he murmured, “Every time I imagined what it would be like to be with you, I wanted to take you rough. I wanted to fuck you. I wanted to own you. I wanted to take you fast and hard, until you screamed my name.”

  “And now?”

  “Now I want to ruin you for any other man. I want tonight to be all you crave. When you touch yourself from here on, I want you to only think about me. I want you addicted to
my touch. Addicted to me.”

  She reached for his jeans and hooked her fingers in the waist. And then she slid them inward, brushing the top of his swollen shaft. Jathan stopped stalking her and softly dragged his fingers down her neck, then cupped it and kissed her. It was slow sips that melted her, calmed her twitching, aching muscles. It was a strange feeling, having someone else have such an impact on her body. This is what Jathan was talking about at that party all those years ago. This is what had scared him—having someone else affect him so deeply. It was the loss of control to someone who could crush her heart with a squeeze of his hand. How terrifying and exhilarating to trust him with her heart after all she’d been through.

  She unfastened his jeans as he angled her head back to suck on her neck. When his teeth scraped her skin, she swayed forward against him with a tiny, needy sound. He felt so good touching her. Intimidating man. Brave man. People called him Bad Bear but he was a good man. He was good for her. Good to her. He’d held her baby. He’d visited her parents to try to understand her better. He’d watched her all these weeks and made sure no one put her down. He’d been protecting her, and she was only just realizing how much.

  Good Bear. My Bear.

  He was sucking on her neck harder now and she pushed his pants down by inches, unsheathing him. Jathan was a big man everywhere. His size was intimidating, but she knew he would be gentle until her body got used to him. That’s the kind of man he was. Patient, caring, and put her needs first. Maybe he hadn’t attached to other people, but he was really good at attaching to her. She didn’t know why they worked, only that they did.

  Inhaling deeply, he picked her up suddenly and held her tightly against him as she wrapped her legs around his waist. She closed her eyes. This was like flying. Being with him wasn’t a cage like with Brody. Being with Jathan was freedom. Freedom from the ache in her heart, freedom from her demons, freedom from having time lost.

  He didn’t realize it yet…be he was already her anchor.

  Lynn’s stomach dipped, and then her back rested gently on the grass. Jathan’s pants were still hanging halfway down his hips, but he shoved them down farther in one graceful motion.

  When the head of his swollen cock slid into her by an inch, she tossed her head back and moaned. His body was silk and steel under her hands. Powerful chest, covered in tattoos, but smooth. When she ran her hands along his top two abs, he twitched and huffed a breath as though her touch was ecstasy. His arms were locked on either side of her face, triceps bulging, the epitome of power and dominance, but he was keeping his weight off her, keeping her comfortable. His hips rolled against her slowly as he pushed into her deeper. God, he was big, but perfect. No pain, just pleasure. Deeper, then deeper again, and finally he slid into her fully, filling and stretching her.

  He lowered himself to his elbows, one hand gripping the back of her head as he pulled her close and kissed her, hips never pausing against hers. So slow. Beautiful agony since he’d created such a fire in her middle. Every thrust built this tingling sensation inside of her that she was desperate for more of. It had been so long since she felt like this. So long since she felt anything. So long. Fuuuuck, he was good. Faster now, so graceful, hitting her clit just right every time he buried himself inside of her. His muscles tensed. His kisses grew more urgent, tongue thrusting against hers in a rhythm with his hips. He bit her bottom lip, harder and harder, until she begged with little mewling sounds. Fucking do it. Bite me.

  So close. The pressure was so intense her entire body was trembling with how good he felt inside her. He slowed again, three strokes, and then sped up, toying with her, building the heat between them. Jathan knew exactly how to touch her.

  He let more of his weight rest on her but it wasn’t uncomfortable. She felt safe. Safe? God, this was everything. Sooo close. Sooo deep. Lynn gripped the back of his hair once, then lost her mind and clawed him…just raked her nails down his back. He arched so beautifully and snarled, but he didn’t flinch away. He slammed into her hard. More weight on her.

  Scratch.

  “Fuck,” Jathan whispered in a shaky breath. “Again.”

  Scratch.

  She nuzzled his bicep, testing him. Fast as she could, she turned her face and bit him lightly, right over a tapestry of geometric tattoos that covered most of his arm. He didn’t run. He snarled up his lips in a devilish smile and dared her with his blazing green eyes.

  “One,” he counted, bucking into her deep.

  He pulled out slowly and rested his lips where her neck and shoulder met. “Two,” he murmured against her skin, slamming into her again.

  “I’m there,” she whispered desperately.

  Another deep rumble sounded from him as he growled out, “Three.”

  And as he thrust into her hard, he bit down on her skin. She gasped at the pain of it, because this one did hurt. It wasn’t like battle wounds. She’d given her mind to this—to him. One second of pain, but then she was distracted by the orgasm that blasted through her. He didn’t release her like she thought he would. He sustained the pain and the pleasure as he slammed into her faster and faster. And as his cock pulsed deep within her, she repaid him. She gripped the back of his arm and bit his bicep as hard as she could. She was lost in waves of ecstasy, barely able to think as she claimed him back. He was throbbing so deep within her, filling her up until warmth trickled out of her. His hand was tight on the back of her hair, and with his other, he yanked her knee up with a fierce grip and rolled his hips against her, slammed into her even deeper. She released her bite just so she could gasp his name as her release intensified. The pleasure consumed her, and she arched her back against the ground just to be closer to him. Just to feel his skin on hers.

  Jathan eased back and just stared at her as their aftershocks pulsed on together, as their chests heaved and their claiming marks bled. She was completely and happily trapped in his gaze because the green had faded. He didn’t look wild anymore. His soft brown eyes were filled with awe as he searched her face.

  He gently stroked her hair back. “Stay,” he demanded in a hoarse whisper. “Now you have to stay.”

  She was too full of emotion to answer without conjuring tears, so she stroked her knuckles against his short, dark beard and smiled. And then she made the first promise that she had in a long time. A promise she was determined to keep because Jathan had made life a little more beautiful.

  Lynn nodded. She was going to stay.

  For Jathan, because he deserved the effort.

  For Amberlynn, because she deserved a strong mother.

  For Red Havoc and the Gray Backs.

  But most of all…

  Lynn was going to stay for herself.

  Chapter Ten

  Lynn frowned at the letter taped to the door of Willa and Matt’s singlewide. It was constructed of cut-out magazine letters that had been glued to a piece of computer paper. If she was confused about it being a ransom note before, the title If you want your tacos, do what I say across the top cleared that right up.

  Scavenger hunt, my little woodland diddlers. I have stolen four beers from Creed and a flask of whiskey from Clinton at great risk to myself. Help me drink them. First stop, Beaston’s Treehouse. Or as we were calling it lately, Crazy Lynn’s treehouse. I don’t think you’re so crazy anymore, ya lil scrapper. Use the four-wheeler. It probably has gas in it. Put some pants on.

  Green M&Ms, Orange M&Ms.

  Jathan, don’t fuck this up. Your girl needs some fun in her life.

  Willawonka

  Lynn finished reading first so she was able to see the curve of Jathan’s smile.

  He murmured, “Hell yes to this. You do need some fun.” And then he folded up the paper, shoved it in his back pocket, and pulled her by the hand toward a four-wheeler that sat in the yard, right on the edge of the porch light.

  “I haven’t ridden one of these in a long time,” she said, tugging at the hem of Jathan’s oversize T-shirt she was wearing.

  Jathan hopp
ed on and started the ATV. Standing with his legs locked, he revved the engine and waggled his eyebrows. “Get on, and you get to play with my abs.”

  Lynn snorted. “Cocky boy.”

  “Cocky man.” He sat down and said, “Now get on this thing before I drag you, caveman style.”

  Well okay, that was actually sexy. Lynn climbed on behind him and slid her arms around his waist, and then they were off. Like with his Harley, Jathan wasn’t a slow driver on ATVs either. Lynn left her stomach somewhere back in the Grayland Mobile Park as he blasted up the mountain toward her treehouse. She hadn’t even adjusted to the speed before they were there. Two canned beers sat on the bottom stair of the treehouse with a folded piece of paper fluttering in the breeze between them.

  Excited, Lynn hopped off and bounded over to the next clue. She read it out loud. “Lynn, take this opportunity to put some pants on. Your hoo-hah is showing. The Barns men like granny panties best—

  “We actually don’t,” Jathan argued. “I like lacy see-through thongs or nothing at all.”

  With a giggle, Lynn finished reading it. “Shotgun these and find your next drinks at the top of Bear Trap Falls.” Lynn frowned up at Jathan. His smile was stunning as he watched her. “What’s shotgunning?”

  “You’ve never shotgunned a beer before?”

  “Nope.”

  Jathan leaned over, picked up a beer, tossed it in the air, and caught it on the third spin, then pulled a knife from God knew where and stabbed the can. “Make a seal with your lips and suck like you’ve never sucked before.” He looked so naughty right now as he made the hole bigger with his knife and pushed in the sharp edges of the blue Bud Light can.

  “I have to suck it all at once?”

  “Fuck yes. It’s practice for when you suck my d—”

  “Okay, I get it!”

  Jathan handed it to her carefully on its side so it wouldn’t spill, stabbed his own, then showed her how to tilt her head back and pop the top to relieve the pressure. Lynn was belly laughing so hard, she couldn’t do it. She had to take a few breaths before she brought the can to her lips.