by Heidi Swain
‘As tempting as a Christmas romance would be,’ I said, trying not to sound like a complete killjoy, ‘I’m afraid I don’t mix business with pleasure.’
‘You mean you aren’t interested?’ asked Lottie, sounding shocked.
‘Now come on, Lottie,’ laughed Amber. ‘I didn’t hear her say that.’
Chapter 17
The afternoon was every bit as busy as the morning and by the time the last crumb had been sold, and Angus had left looking a little green around the gills, my feet and back were aching in equal measure. It was only the thought of a deep, hot bubble bath that helped me power through the last hour, and I hoped that the surprise Jamie had planned involved an early night snuggled under the duvet – but not together, of course.
‘Thank you so much for your help today,’ said Jemma, when we had finally finished sweeping and stacking the chairs.
‘It’s been a pleasure,’ I told her and I really meant it.
This whole Christmas malarkey wasn’t turning out to be anywhere near as tough as I’d thought it would, but then, I reminded myself, I’d never tried it on for size while working somewhere as special and supportive as Wynthorpe Hall.
‘You will come back to town before you move on, won’t you?’ she asked. ‘We have lots of Christmas events still to come.’
‘If she moves on, you mean,’ chipped in Lizzie.
‘Of course,’ said Jemma. ‘I do hope you decide to stay. We all do. Wynbridge has so much to offer.’
‘As does Wynthorpe,’ grinned Lizzie as Jamie appeared in the doorway, windswept, ruddy-cheeked and looking every inch the romantic hero.
‘You all set?’ he asked, after congratulating everyone on another successful sale.
‘Yes,’ I said, ‘I’ll just grab my jacket.’
‘And you might want to brush your hair,’ he suggested, biting his lip and trying not to laugh.
I ducked off to the loos and rolled my eyes at my reflection. At least half a bag of flour had found its way into my hair and the blob of red frosting on the end of my nose really completed the Rudolph look.
‘Better?’ I asked when I came back out, feeling considerably less dishevelled but still shattered.
‘You’ll do,’ he shrugged.
‘What a charmer,’ teased Lizzie.
‘Isn’t he just?’ I tutted. ‘Still,’ I said, ‘I’m only heading for a bubble bath and bed so I don’t suppose a little flour will hurt.’
‘You’re not going to bed yet,’ said Jamie, holding the door open and letting in a blast of biting Wynbridge wind. ‘I have plans for you.’
‘Woo!’ came the collective response of every woman left in the hall.
‘He doesn’t mean like that,’ I called back.
‘Do I not?’ questioned Jamie, his mouth close to my ear.
I didn’t answer, but I did make a point of reminding myself that he flirted with practically every woman he came across and that I was probably no more special to him than anyone else.
Fortunately we didn’t have to walk too far before I discovered what his real plans were. Just through the bar of the packed Mermaid pub and into the quietest corner of the restaurant.
‘I hope this is all right?’ he asked, pulling out my chair and helping me out of the jacket it had hardly been worth putting on.
‘It’s perfect,’ I said, sinking into my seat and feeling the warmth from the log fire reaching my toes. ‘Although I can’t promise I’ll be the most charismatic company this evening. I’m absolutely whacked.’
‘I know you just wanted to get home,’ he said, ‘but we’d get drawn into eating with the others back at the hall and I wanted to talk to you on your own.’
‘Oh?’ I said, picking up the menu and idly wondering if it was time to start seriously thinking about reining in the calories again.
Our early-morning exercise seemed to be having little impact when it came to staving off the ounces, which were rapidly turning into pounds. Jamie didn’t say anything else and I looked over the top of my menu to find him running a finger around the inside of his collar and looking unusually flushed.
‘So, what did you want to talk about?’ I ventured. ‘I hope you aren’t going to tell me I’m not keeping my part of our deal because I have plenty more things lined up for you to think about during the next few weeks.’
The time was ticking by and I wouldn’t be able to say ‘a few weeks’ soon. My allotted contract at the hall was going to dwindle to ‘a couple of weeks’ and then just ‘days’ before I knew it.
‘No,’ he said, ‘it’s nothing like that.’
I tried not to look too deeply into his seductive green gaze. I was still smarting over his kiss with Hayley in the woods, although I was sure, given what she had said afterwards, that that had been her intention. I had tried to hide it, of course, but my reaction to witnessing their brief bout of tonsil hockey was a timely and very real reminder that my feelings for this lovely man had been nudged a long way into the wrong side of appropriate. Whatever I decided to do when my contract was up, I didn’t need any more emotional baggage while I was trying to make up my mind.
‘You really had a good time today,’ he said eventually, ‘didn’t you?’
‘Yes,’ I said, ‘I did. When I first got there I thought it was going to be tough watching all those families enjoying themselves together, but it wasn’t. In fact, if anything, I felt lucky to be a part of it.’
Obviously Jamie didn’t know all of the reasons why it had been so hard, but he knew enough, for now. It was astonishing to think that, in spite of the fact that so many years had slipped by, coupled with what I had managed to face up to in the last few days, there was still a massive slab of heartache that I couldn’t bring myself to share with anyone. I hoped that if I ever did feel capable of telling the whole sorry tale to Jamie then he would be able to forgive me for holding some things back. Given that he had managed to lay all his cards on the table so soon after we had met I hoped he wouldn’t feel cheated because I hadn’t been able to reciprocate.
‘That’s great,’ he said, but his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes and I wondered if he in fact had an idea that there was still more to add to my horrible history.
‘Hey,’ said a voice behind my chair. ‘Mind if I interrupt?’
It was Ruby.
‘Not at all,’ said Jamie.
He sounded almost relieved.
‘How did the sale in the hall go?’ she asked me.
It was only then that I remembered that Ruby was the one responsible for originally setting up the bake sale and cooking sessions and getting them going.
‘It was wonderful,’ I told her. ‘Every last crumb was sold and the cake-baking activities went down a storm.’
‘Excellent,’ she said. ‘I only managed to pop in for five minutes. I couldn’t get anyone else to man the stall so I’ve been out in the cold all day.’
‘Poor you,’ I sympathised.
I really had had the better deal as far as location was concerned.
‘Well, I’ll leave you to it,’ she said. ‘Thanks for taking part, Anna. Jemma said you were a great help and fitted in a treat.’
I couldn’t help but grin. The thought of ‘fitting in’ was as welcome as the warm fire, but the look on Jamie’s face when she went back through to the bar soon extinguished my smile.
‘Are you all right?’ I asked. ‘Have I done something wrong?’
‘No,’ he said, picking up his menu. ‘Of course not. It’s nothing. Forget it.’
‘But you said you wanted to talk,’ I reminded him.
‘It doesn’t matter. Shall we just order? Otherwise we’ll be here all night.’
We ate most of the meal in silence and it wasn’t until the chocolate pudding with cream and two spoons was at the table that we struck up a conversation again.
‘Mum’s instructed our solicitor to draw up the paperwork for me to take over responsibility for the hall,’ he said, sounding less than enthusiastic. �
�So everything could be signed and sealed, potentially, even before Christmas.’
‘So soon,’ I said. I had thought things would be officially settled in the New Year and that just the announcement to the rest of the family would be made over Christmas. ‘And is that all right with you?’
I was relieved to know the reason behind his change in mood, but incredibly sorry that he hadn’t had enough time to really fall in love with the hall and feel completely convinced that he was doing the right thing.
‘I guess,’ he shrugged.
‘You sound resigned to it,’ I said.
‘I suppose I am,’ he shrugged.
‘So you still aren’t completely sure it’s the right thing to do?’
‘Oh, it’s the right thing to do,’ he said. ‘I’m just not sure that it’s the right thing for me.’
I could understand why he felt that way. I had been banking on having the time to give him so many ideas and potential projects to mull over that when the day dawned to sign on the dotted line he would have been all fired up and raring to go – much like he had miraculously managed to start making me feel about Christmas – but apparently it was all going to be over and done with before I had a chance to hit my stride.
So far all I’d come up with was an insurance policy that opened the hall back up to the public and a gardening scheme that reduced some of the responsibility for maintaining the grounds. There was nothing to keep Jamie hooked, nothing that he could get his teeth into. I would just have to work faster if I was going to make those green eyes really sparkle again.
‘You said when we spoke about it before,’ I ventured, ‘that you wanted travel to be part of your future, didn’t you?’
‘Yes,’ he said. ‘Yes, I did.’
I sat back and waited, hoping he was going to open up and add something else.
‘But I didn’t explain why,’ he finally said.
Perhaps I wasn’t the only one holding back after all.
‘I thought the reason was obvious,’ I commented. ‘I assumed you wanted to see more of our wonderful world.’
I always treated myself to two long-haul holidays a year, so I could appreciate his desire to explore far-flung places.
‘Well, that’s always a great reason for boarding a plane,’ he said, ‘but there was far more to my expeditions than sightseeing.’
It was rather sad that he was already using the past tense when talking about something that had so recently been such a big part of his future.
‘What do you mean?’
‘My travels were more about working to make a difference than bronzing myself in the sun,’ he said slowly.
I could tell he was choosing his words with care, just as I did when I was trying to explain something that was close to my heart and that I didn’t want to leave open to misinterpretation.
‘What sort of work?’ I asked. ‘Make a difference to what?’
‘The lives of the kids I’ve been working with for the last nine years for a start,’ he said.
‘Working with?’ I frowned. ‘I don’t understand.’
I had thought his recent trip abroad was all about getting his head straight while he tried to fathom whether or not he was going to take over ownership of the hall, but clearly he had been coming and going for far longer than that.
‘It all started when I was on holiday the summer after I graduated from university.’
‘Go on,’ I encouraged, eager to hear more.
‘A group of us flew out to Africa – Kenya, to be precise. It was supposed to be a bit of a “beach and bar” break while we made up our minds what we were going to do with our lives, but we were booked to stay for well over a month and I soon got bored with the set-up of propping up the bar all night and sleeping all day.’
I was relieved to hear it. I didn’t have him pegged as the type who would enjoy a brash lads’ holiday in the sun. I hadn’t even realised people flew out to Kenya to do that sort of thing. It seemed like one hell of a wasted opportunity to me.
‘So, what did you do?’ I asked.
‘I took myself off exploring some of the spots that weren’t on the tourist trail.’
‘That could have been dangerous.’
‘It could,’ he agreed, ‘but what it actually turned out to be, was brilliant. I discovered a charity that was working with orphaned children and I started to help out. I cooked meals, scrubbed floors, even taught for a while, and by the time we were due to come home, I was hooked.’
‘I see.’
‘I couldn’t wait to go back and I’ve been dividing my time between there and a couple of other places, as a volunteer, ever since.’
‘It all sounds rather more productive than some extended gap year,’ I said.
Jamie laughed, but he didn’t sound amused.
‘Anna,’ he said seriously, ‘I’m thirty years old – why would I still be on a bloody gap year?’
I shrugged and took a long sip of wine.
‘Oh don’t tell me,’ he said, sitting back. ‘You assumed I was the rich kid who hadn’t anything better to do than spend Mummy and Daddy’s money while I waited for my inheritance.’
I looked at him and raised my eyebrows. We hadn’t known each other long, but I had hoped he thought better of me than that.
‘Sorry,’ he said, leaning forward again. ‘I didn’t mean to snap. It’s just, that’s the kind of assumption everyone makes.’
‘Since when have I been everyone?’ I asked.
‘Sorry,’ he said again. ‘I guess because I don’t talk about it much, people just think I’m off on holiday all the time and as a result I get defensive.’
‘Well there you are then,’ I said. Now it was my turn to sound defensive. ‘How was I supposed to know you’d been coming and going because of work? As far as I knew the only reason you had for travelling, this time around at least, was to try to make a decision about the future of the hall. I thought you were fretting over your lost freedom, not your lost job, and if what people assume about you rankles so much, then why don’t you set them straight?’
He shrugged.
‘I find it hard to talk about,’ he said quietly. ‘And to be honest I’ve had more than enough ribbing about it from my brothers, especially Archie.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘He’s always the first these days to say I should get a proper job. That because I donate back the tiny allowance the charity I volunteer for gives me, I’m sponging off Mum and Dad.’
‘But that’s ridiculous.’
Jamie looked at me.
‘I know that deep down,’ he said, ‘and I’m sure Archie does really. He never used to have this kind of attitude but it has made me think about what a very privileged position I’ve been in to have been able to do this for so long.’
‘Just because you have a bit of money behind you doesn’t invalidate the work you do,’ I said seriously. ‘I’m sure your contribution to the charity is just as effective as everyone else’s. Besides, if you’d wanted to, you really could still be drifting about on an extended gap year but you chose to make a difference to the world instead!’
Jamie burst out laughing and so did I when I realised how angry I was on his behalf.
‘Perhaps you could say all that to Archie when he turns up for Christmas.’
‘Oh believe me,’ I said, polishing off my wine, ‘there is plenty I would like to say to him. Most of which would probably get me the sack.’
‘I doubt that very much,’ Jamie smiled, reaching across the table for my hand and making my heart stop for a moment. ‘I don’t think any of us are in a rush to let you go, Anna.’
I swallowed hard, squeezed his hand and then let go. The butterfly feelings simply had to be ignored. We may have been enjoying a wonderful evening together but I was still at work, I reminded myself, with the boss’s son. A certain element of professional behaviour was still required.
‘So,’ I said, ‘what are you going to do then?’
‘
I have no idea,’
‘Can you not split your time between volunteering abroad and running the hall?’
‘I don’t think so,’ he said sadly. ‘Not realistically. Neither place would be getting my full attention and both deserve it.’
‘I’m sorry,’ I said.
‘So am I,’ he sighed, ‘but as far as I can see, there’s no way around it.’
‘I suppose not,’ I said, the tiniest seed of an idea just beginning to take root in my brain, ‘and I can appreciate how hard it must have been for you to walk away from those kids.’
‘I’m going to keep in touch as much as I can,’ he said sadly. ‘But leaving that last time was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.’
The fact that he cared so much made me care for him all the more.
‘Of course,’ I nodded, ‘but—’ I stopped myself for fear of sounding insensitive.
‘But what?’
‘Well,’ I said hesitantly, ‘you know, there are plenty of kids here in the UK who are also in need of help.’
It hadn’t felt like all that long ago that I had been one of them.
‘I do know that,’ he said, thankfully not taking my words the wrong way.
It wasn’t my intention to suggest that one set of kids could be swapped for another, but I hated the thought of the love and attention he had to offer going to waste now life had turned a corner he hadn’t seen coming.
‘But more volunteering would mean more time away from the hall,’ he said. ‘Whether I’ve had to take a plane or a train to help out somewhere, it would still take my focus away from home.’
‘But not if the work was on your doorstep,’ I said, the idea slowly growing and taking shape.
‘What are you talking about?’ he said, pouring me some more wine.
‘Look,’ I said, ‘why not set up your own charity at the hall?’
Jamie looked understandably confused, but I pushed on nonetheless.
‘Set something up that will benefit kids in the UK. There are plenty of under-eighteens who are in real need of a break from their lives, whether because they’re stuck in the care system, going off the rails or even carers themselves who don’t often get the chance to be just kids.’
