by Heidi Swain
‘But what sort of thing could I offer?’
‘I don’t know,’ I laughed, ‘I’m making it up as I go along. What about converting the stable block?’
‘Into what? And anyway, I thought you’d earmarked that for teas and coffees for the garden visitors.’
‘No,’ I said, thinking about the space and realising it could be so much more than a glorified teashop. ‘Turn it into accommodation. There’s enough space there to make a residential centre. You could offer bushcraft courses in the woods, fishing in the river, flora and fauna walks in the garden. Give those lonely, abandoned and overworked kids a break from their hard lives and the opportunity to get out into the great outdoors. You could even provide a counselling service.’
Jamie looked at me and blinked, then called the waitress over and asked if she could find him some scrap paper and a pen. We spent the rest of the evening with our heads together writing down ideas, some completely impractical, some perfectly manageable, and eventually coming up with the very real beginnings of a plan which would transform running Wynthorpe Hall from an unwanted obligation in Jamie’s eyes into a gorgeous gem.
By the time the landlord called time the sparkle was definitely back in his beautiful emerald eyes and I was feeling exhilarated rather than exhausted.
‘Come on,’ he said, gathering together our collection of notes. ‘Let’s carry this on outside.’
When we had parked up on the concrete pad from which we had been stargazing just a few nights before, my head was full of even more ideas and we jotted them down, Jamie adding his own, until the scraps of paper were completely full.
‘I have to ask,’ he said, flicking through the sheets and then turning to face me.
‘About what?’ I smiled.
My heart felt fit to burst and I knew I was every bit as excited about the potential venture as he was.
‘What you said back in the pub about children being lonely, abandoned and overworked.’
‘What about it?’
‘Well,’ he said, ‘it seemed to me that you were including yourself in that category.’
I had hoped that in all the excitement he hadn’t picked up on that. Suddenly my heart felt as if he’d taken a pin and popped all the air right out of it.
‘I know you lost your mum,’ he said gently, ‘but what about your dad? You do have a dad, don’t you, Anna?’
‘Yes,’ I said, blinking away the image of the man who had put me through more highs and lows than I cared to recall, ‘I do, but if it’s all right with you, I’d really rather not talk about him. Let’s just say my childhood wasn’t a happy one and leave it at that, shall we?’
‘All right,’ said Jamie, ‘but what about a home?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Do you have a home, Anna? A home of your own, to live in when you aren’t working?’
‘I’m always working,’ I shrugged dismissively, ‘or on holiday. I like to treat myself . . .’
‘So no permanent address,’ he probed again.
‘No,’ I said primly. ‘I have a PO Box and storage. It’s all I need.’
Jamie nodded, but didn’t push further, and I turned my attention to the darkness beyond the window.
‘You do realise you’ve probably beaten me hands down with this idea, don’t you?’ he said a few moments later. ‘There’s absolutely no way I can trump this and make you fall in love with Christmas any harder than I’ve fallen in love this evening.’
It wasn’t until I was topping up the hot water in my bath a little later that I realised he hadn’t specified what it was exactly that he had fallen in love with.
Chapter 18
Thanks to our brainstorming session in the pub, the following week was set to be even busier than any of us could have predicted. It was kicked off with the usual – but this time extended – Sunday meeting over lunch in the Wynthorpe kitchen.
The rest of the family was due to arrive the following weekend and it was decided that putting up the decorations would happen the week after that when everyone was all together, rather than ‘this instant’, as suggested by a still very excited Angus. I have to admit to being rather relieved by this decision as I still wasn’t sure how I was going to cope when faced with a hall full of twinkling lights and baubles.
Once the rest of the plans for the week had been discussed, everyone’s attention turned to Jamie, who was looking every bit as bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as his father and was clearly eager to literally bring something else to the already laden table.
‘So,’ he began, looking around and shuffling together the papers I recognised from the night before into a slightly more organised heap, ‘as you all know, I’ve come back in time for Christmas to sign on the dotted line and take over responsibility for running the hall.’
Everyone nodded.
‘And we couldn’t be happier about it,’ said Catherine, her expression a cocktail of pride and relief. ‘And,’ she added, ‘we really do appreciate the sacrifices you have had to make in order to do it.’
Jamie got up from his seat and went round the table to give her a hug.
‘I know you do, Mum,’ he said quietly, ‘and I’m sorry it took me so long to make up my mind and I’m also sorry for what you’ve had to worry about in case I decided not to take the place on.’
It didn’t take a genius to work out that he was referring to the underhand and horrid scheme Archie had been cooking up, should he have managed to get his grubby paws on the place. I was rather looking forward to seeing how he would react when he realised that because of his greed and lack of family allegiance, ownership of the place had been lost to him for ever.
‘However, the decision has been made and my pen is poised,’ Jamie continued, pulling the beautiful fountain pen Angus had given him out of his shirt pocket. ‘But I feel it’s only fair to tell you that there are fresh plans afoot for the place now I’m taking up the reins, and I hope that after Anna and I have explained them, you’ll all be as excited about this new venture for the hall as we are.’
I couldn’t believe he had included me in making the announcement and was now looking at me intently, expecting me to kick things off.
‘Right,’ I said, clearing my throat and wishing I’d had enough time to prepare something or at least swap my trainers for my Manolos. ‘Well . . .’
‘Oh and don’t be put off by Anna’s delivery,’ Jamie cut in with a wide grin. ‘I gave her absolutely no warning that she was going to have to do this.’
‘Yeah,’ I said, feeling a smidgen more relaxed, ‘thanks for that, Jamie.’
‘Does this mean that you’ve decided to stay?’ asked Dorothy eagerly. ‘Will you be moving here on a permanent basis now?’
Her question came way out of left field and I had no idea how to answer, so I simply said, quite truthfully, ‘That isn’t something that’s been discussed yet.’
Catherine instantly opened her mouth, no doubt to reaffirm her conviction that she wasn’t expecting me to move on, so I launched into the gist of what Jamie and I had cooked up between us before I was sidetracked into making a decision there and then.
‘When I heard that Jamie was coming home in time for Christmas,’ I began, ‘I had no idea that he had been working abroad or that he was going to have to give that work up in order to take over here. I had assumed that he was merely a tourist, broadening his horizons, but when he explained that he was actually leaving behind almost a decade of volunteering and how hard he had found it to walk away from the projects he was involved with, I suggested—’
‘After a glass or two of red wine,’ Jamie embellished with a wink.
I had no idea how he thought that was relevant. Unless of course he was now thinking the idea was so bonkers that only someone under the influence could have come up with it.
‘I suggested,’ I said again, ‘that he should consider setting up some sort of charity here at the hall, with a view to helping children in this country.’
�
��But what have we got here that we could possibly give?’ said Dorothy, looking about her as if the answer was spelled out in the chaotic jumble that was the kitchen.
‘Well, there are the grounds, for a start,’ said Jamie, thankfully taking over where I had broken off. ‘Anna reckons we could use pretty much all of the outside space. Run courses in the woods.’
‘Den-building and things,’ I put in.
‘Fishing in the river,’ Jamie continued. ‘And,’ he said, taking a deep breath, ‘if you think it’s a good idea, we could even apply for funding to convert the stable block into a proper residential centre so people could stay for a few days, rather than just the one.’
‘From what I’ve seen of the stables, you have more than enough space to accommodate possibly half a dozen children at a time,’ I said. ‘And they could visit during the school holidays to enjoy the hall and the grounds all year round.’
I could feel a lump forming in my throat as I thought how wonderful it would be for them to be able to talk to other kids who had been through similar things, kids their own age who really knew what it felt like to be them. I wished I’d had that sort of opportunity available to me.
‘What sort of children do you have in mind?’ asked Angus. ‘How on earth will you be able to choose who to help?’
Here I looked to Jamie to carry on. This was going to be ‘his party’, so to speak, and his answer was a complete surprise.
‘Well,’ he said softly, ‘having talked to Anna a little about her own experiences and having spent half the night trawling the Internet, I think we should set up a charity to specifically look after the needs of children who have suffered the death of a parent.’
I could hardly believe what I was hearing. It was as if he’d accessed my thoughts and was offering exactly what I had wished for, for my younger self.
‘What do you think?’ he asked, turning to Angus and Catherine. ‘Does that sound like a good idea to you? It felt like a logical step to me; having worked with so many orphaned children in Africa, it kind of ties in with some of my experience and knowledge. Of course I’m not an expert and the Fens are a far cry from the shanties, but it just feels right. Does that make sense?’
‘It makes perfect sense,’ Catherine and I said together.
‘Were you very young when your mother passed, my dear?’ asked Dorothy.
‘Yes,’ I said, ‘I had just turned eight.’
I didn’t explain just how close to my eighth birthday the tragic day had been.
Angus looked at me as Dorothy sympathetically shook her head and Mick muttered ‘poor little bugger’, or something that sounded very much like it. I knew Angus was thinking about the tears I had shed in the loft and the photographs that had instigated them. He had just slid one of my puzzle pieces up against the other and discovered it was a perfect fit.
He nodded his head and turned back to Jamie.
‘I think it sounds like an absolutely wonderful idea,’ he said kindly. ‘I would imagine there’s many a child, and teenager come to that, who would benefit from such a charity. They could come here and forget their troubles, for a while at least.’
‘And we’ve always been known to lend a helping hand to those in need,’ smiled Catherine, adding her support to the idea.
‘That you have,’ said Dorothy as she began to gather plates. ‘That you have.’
The general consensus was that this idea was the perfect opportunity for Jamie to combine taking over the running of the hall with carrying on the kind of work he was so passionate about, and I was thrilled for him.
‘Of course, this isn’t the sort of project you can just rush headlong into,’ he said, his face flushed with excitement. ‘There are all manner of rules and regulations to contend with, staff to find, hoops to jump through and red tape to decipher, but it will all be worth it. I’m sure of that. I can already see it in my mind’s eye.’
‘So can I,’ agreed Mick. ‘That stable block will make a perfect residential centre. The bedrooms could be up in the haylofts and the offices and communal areas could be underneath, in the actual stables themselves.’
‘Along with a dining room,’ added Dorothy. ‘Although we’ll have to think carefully about how I can cater for so many extra mouths. It’ll be batch-baking, and plenty of it.’
‘We won’t be expecting you to cook for everyone, Dorothy!’ laughed Jamie.
She looked most put out, and my heart skipped a little as I pondered who exactly the ‘we’ was that Jamie was referring to.
‘Unless you’d like to, of course,’ Catherine quickly stepped in. ‘What we really need,’ she added, ‘is someone to help you project-manage everything, Jamie. Someone who has the vision to imagine how the place could run on a day-to-day basis as well as what the children will really need.’
‘And who do we know who could possibly fill those boots?’ mused Jamie as all eyes turned to me.
Chapter 19
‘Have you thought any more about Mum’s suggestion that you should stay on?’ Jamie asked me a couple of days later while we were checking out the stable block on the pretence of planning out the conversion. In reality we were searching for Angus’s hiding place for the mysterious packages that were still turning up, and getting alarmingly bigger.
‘She didn’t specifically identify me,’ I reminded him as we looked behind and under things in vain. ‘Where on earth is he putting them all?’
‘No,’ he agreed, ignoring my attempt to change the subject. ‘But it was obvious that she meant you, Anna. She can’t possibly have meant anyone else.’
I knew he was right, of course, but I was trying not to think about it all just now, not when I had the rigours of my first Christmas back in the real world to contend with first.
‘Anna!’ said Jamie, much louder this time.
‘What?’ I gasped, spinning round to face him. ‘Have you found something?’
‘No,’ he said, shoving aside a straw bale. ‘I thought I had, but suddenly I’m not so sure.’
‘What are you talking about?’
‘You,’ he said accusingly. ‘What’s with you at the moment?’
He sounded almost cross, certainly impatient, and I wasn’t really sure that I had done anything to justify his obvious annoyance.
‘Nothing,’ I shrugged, pulling my ponytail over my shoulder. ‘I thought you’d be happy that I’d helped you find a solution to your doubts about taking this place on.’
‘I am.’
‘Then why are you snapping my head off? I’m just trying to do my job. Your mum’s really worried Angus is up to something, and in case you – and everyone else for that matter – have forgotten, the whole point of me actually being here is to help her, in whatever way I can.’
‘But what about you?’
‘What about me?’
I still couldn’t get my head around the fact that he hadn’t worked out that my life was all about worrying more about other people than myself. Helping and supporting other people was the thing that paid my wages, so I couldn’t just nudge myself to the top of my priorities list whenever I felt like it.
‘You’re being offered a future here,’ Jamie said, his tone softer. ‘Some real security and the chance to be a part of a family. A family who thinks a hell of a lot of you.’
I fiddled with my hair again and looked out of the high window at the bare branches of the trees beyond. I couldn’t shake off the feeling of déjà vu. After Mum had gone I had had this ‘family’ carrot dangled under my nose on a previous occasion and couldn’t deny that what had happened then was having an impact on my ability to make a decision this time around.
‘And not just for Christmas,’ he continued. ‘This could be for ever, Anna. I thought that was something you were beginning to accept you might actually want, as opposed to this nomadic life you are currently living.’
‘It is,’ I said quietly, my shoulders sagging and ridiculous, unwanted tears springing to my eyes. I realised if I couldn’t pluck up
the courage to try and trust again, I was in danger of losing far more than just my Christmas bonus. ‘I am.’
How could I explain to him that I was absolutely terrified of getting it wrong? Terrified that if I turned them down and left, as I had originally planned to, that by the end of January I would regret what I had done, but not know how to make my way back? And also terrified that if I said yes, I would perhaps find the Connelly family too claustrophobic or, more honestly, my feelings towards Jamie would get in the way and stop me doing my job properly. The kids he was planning to help didn’t deserve that. They were entitled to the very best support they could get, and if I messed up I certainly wouldn’t be the person capable of giving them that.
I couldn’t believe that what was supposed to be the usual Christmas contract had turned into something so potentially life-changing – or, more in line with what I was feeling in that very moment, life-destroying. When had it all started to fall apart? Was it the moment Hayley showed me to my room and my head was filled with thoughts of Mum, the second I turned the handle on the music box or the instant my eyes met those of the man standing in front of me?
‘Look,’ said Jamie, taking a deep breath and a step closer. ‘Let’s get this sorted right now, shall we?’
‘But I still haven’t made up my mind,’ I faltered. ‘I still don’t know what to say.’
‘I know you don’t,’ he said, reaching out, his hands finding my waist as he quickly pulled me towards him. ‘But I’m kind of hoping this might help you decide.’
I could feel the heat from his hands through my shirt and before I had a chance to protest he had lifted my chin and lowered his lips to mine. The kiss began tenderly enough but the second our tongues touched Jamie let out a low moan and the fireworks started. As one we fell back onto the straw bales. His body felt hard on top of mine and our hands were as urgent as our mouths. Blazing kisses made a trail from my jaw to my breasts and I wrapped my legs around him, pulling him even closer as I arched my back to meet him.
‘I knew,’ he gasped, struggling to pull my shirt out of my jeans, ‘that first moment I saw you in the kitchen.’
